All comics by niteowl

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by niteowl
11-22-03
So what would you like for Christmas, little boy?
A belt sander!
What would you like for Christmas, little girl?
Matches!
It looks like you're losing your hair you need rogaine opuliopokase
how about some Sample V1AGRA aijhri w

 

by niteowl
11-22-03
"The Paris Hilton sex tape is here! Download now!"
"You are not safe when you go online."
"Tired of those annoying pop-ups? Download Popup Killer today!"
Haha!

 

by niteowl
11-22-03
So what would you like for Christmas, little boy?
A belt sander!
What would you like for Christmas, little girl?
Matches!
What the fuck are you talking about?
I said I want a rotor turbine for christmas!

 

by niteowl
11-24-03
What's going on Gabe?
Oh man, Comedy Central is gonna show the South Park movie uncensored this coming weekend!
Don't you have that on DVD?
Yeah...and?
Haven't you already seen it 147 times?
Yeah, but they're gonna say fuck and donkey raping shit eater! ON BASIC CABLE!

 

by niteowl
11-28-03
Oh no...
What is it?
Santa's been into the Rum again.
Uh-oh, let's just hope he can't get into the stables this time...
Got your nose! Got your nose!
Is that a cherry in between your forefinger and middle finger?

 

by niteowl
11-28-03
While playing Madden 2004 today...
"...we've hit the 2 minute warning. The Chiefs lead 24-20. Ball on th-"
FUCK! That's 3 times today this fucking PS2 has locked up.
Why couldn't this have happened last week when we were watching Legally Blonde 2?!?!?

 

by niteowl
11-28-03
Alright, you're going downtown.
Why? What did I do?
You know why...I can smell it on you.
But officer, I roll my own cigarettes!

 

by niteowl
11-28-03
...and next up ya'll, these two...aww hell. I cain't do this sheeit.
CUT. Come on Steve, you can do it. Just read the cards.
Well heckfire, what in the name of God is that there word? Tingled? Twingled? Ton-ton-tongled?
Tangled. These two tangled-
Well fuck this. Ain't there someone I can just beat up for the show?
Alright guys, take a 4 hour lunch while we find someone who can teach this meathead to read.

 

by niteowl
11-29-03
*sniff sniff*
*sniff sniff*
Oof.
Interesting.
Yeah. Smells like poutine.
With a hint of Tim Horton's donuts.

 

by niteowl
11-29-03
At the front door of our apartment building...
Ooh...another one!
Hi honey, guess what?
What?
I snagged another penny that someone stuck in the door to prop it open!
Hopefully they keep sticking pennies in there. We just might get enough money saved to move out of here.

 

by niteowl
11-29-03
I have a confession.
What is it honey?
Well...
I taste like pork.
I'm outta here.

 

by niteowl
11-29-03
Hi there. Pizza delivery for Owens. That'll be $13.50 plus tip.
al-alright man. Hey, how much should I give for your tip? Is uh...$20 enough?
$50 would be nice.
Alright, cool. Here ya go.
The next day...
Baby, I swear I don't know what I did with the money. I was a little drunk..
I bet you spent it on a hooker! I can't believe you fucked a hooker in OUR bed while I was slaving away at work last night!

 

by niteowl
11-29-03
It overflowed again, didn't it?
Yep. Blame Burger King.

 

by niteowl
11-29-03
I don't get this video.
"this one goes out to the one I love..."
It's artsy. You're not supposed to get it.
Oh.
"...this one goes out to the one I've left behind."

 

by niteowl
11-29-03
The Alan Parsons Project - Eye In The Sky
I can read your mind. And see down your shirt. Boobies! ( o )( o )
Johnny Cash - Ghost Riders In The Sky
Stevie Ray Vaughan - The Sky Is Crying
I'm not crying! I have something in my eye, ok?

 

by niteowl
11-29-03
OH MY GOD! Timmy, why did you kill your father?!?!?
Mom, you told me to carve up the turkey!

 

by niteowl
11-29-03
Represent!
Minnesota Vikings.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
Dallas Cowboys.
Miami Dolphins.
Chicago Bears.
RAARRR! GREEN BAY PACKERS! GET IT? PA-CKERS!

 

by niteowl
12-02-03
420f0LyFe : ‹^›‹(•¿•)›‹^›
zAt : []D [] []V[] []D !
Honey, I've lost my faith in human nature.
You were in AOL chat again, weren't you?

 

by niteowl
12-02-03
Whatcha doing?
Making a comic.
About what?
That "Honey" movie we saw the commercial for earlier. I'm gonna spoof it.
No offense, but I don't think it needs spoofing. Looks like it'll spoof itself.
But wait! Tobor's gonna bust a move and cornhole Jessica Alba!

 

by niteowl
12-02-03
final fanstany!

 

by niteowl
12-04-03
Ad that appeared while reading a comic by Inflatable_Man
Wal-Mart Home - Giant 12.5-foot Inflatable Airblown Snowman
While reading a comic by attitudechicka
Are You a New Dad? - She might be having the baby, but there is a lot for dad to do!
Then, while making this comic...
Marvel characters - Toys & More on eBay. Buy at a Great Price!
Wait...Left character, right character...aaah shit.

 

by niteowl
12-05-03
How come you don't have a blog like everyone else on the internet?
I did have one, but I deleted it.
Why did you do that?
I found that most blogs are whiny, self-absorbed drivel and I sure as hell didn't want to be lumped in with THAT.
So...instead you decided to make comics that exclusively feature the asian girls with deliberately misspelled words in all caps?
Back the fuck up, it's my creative outlet!

 

by niteowl
12-05-03
Can I help you?
Yes, I'm from the RIAA. We have been informed that you have been illegally broadcasting songs from your bathroom.
My bathroom? What the hell are you talking about?
On Thursday at 6:43 a.m., your neighbor heard you singing Welcome to the Jungle by Guns N' Roses while in the shower.
You're kidding, right? It's illegal to sing in the shower now?
It is when that song gets stuck in another person's head for the rest of the day.

 

by niteowl
12-05-03
So explain to me why singing in the shower is cause for the RIAA to threaten legal action against me...
Well, you were singing a song that is protected by copyright. Because you performed this song to an audience-
Wait just one goddamned minute...AUDIENCE?
Yes. Your neighbor heard you, therefore she qualifies as an audience.
So it's my fault that she has dog ears?
Her hearing is not the issue, missy. It's your inability to keep your law-breaking down to a dull roar...that's the problem here.

 

by niteowl
12-05-03
I don't have time for this bullshit. Get lost, dicksmack.
Miss, I don't think you realize the severity of this situation.
What situation? There is NO SITUATION!
Yes there is, since by singing that song, you provided that song for download.
WHAT?!?!? I DIDN'T PROVIDE ANYTHING FOR ANYONE!
I'd also like to remind you that denial is not a river in Egypt.

 

by niteowl
12-05-03
How exactly did I "provide" a song to be downloaded by singing it? I can't wait to hear this one.
You sang the song, she stored that song in her memory bank, therefore she downloaded that song from your voice into her brain.
I just sang it! It's not my fault she listened!
Funny, that's similar to what the punks on Kazaa say-
Kazaa sucks though! It's full of viruses!
Speaking of which, apparently your voice has a virus too, since she said the song was sung horribly off-key.

 

by niteowl
12-05-03
This is a joke, right?
It's no joke. This is a very serious matter, and I haven't even got to the worst part yet...the fact that you changed the lyrics to the song.
What part did I SUPPOSEDLY change?!?!
The lyric "I wanna watch you bleed".
It's "I wanna watch you plead", isn't it? Hell, I don't know..I'm just a kid for fucks sake!
The fact that you were probably born a year before this song was released is no excuse for not doing a Google search.

 

by niteowl
12-05-03
So what exactly am I being accused of?
Violating copyrights on multiple levels. Oh, and one more thing...
Oh christ...what now?
You've been Punk'd.
REALLY?!? Where's Ashton? He's so dreamy!
I was kidding.

 

by niteowl
12-05-03
I can't believe this. I can't fucking believe this.
Sorry kid, that's the rules. I'm just doing my job.
Yeah right, so were the Nazis, you asshole.
Listen, I know you're upset...can I just come in and we can discuss this a little further and-
HELL NO!
Why not? Let me guess, you have illegally downloaded mp3s on your computer too?

 

by niteowl
12-05-03
That's it. I'm going in and get my parents. They can come out here and talk to you.
Fine by me.
Kids these days, thinking they can get away with bloody murder...
What was that about murder?
Oh, I get it. A joke to lighten the mood. Uh...um, heeeere's Johnny?

 

by niteowl
12-05-03
This ain't no joke, mister. You're a dead man.
Wait, can't we talk about this?
Do I look like I want to "talk"?
I guess not.
Besides, I let my axe do the talking.

 

by niteowl
12-05-03
Butch then carried the body to the backyard and buried it. Kinda like that other Guns N' Roses song. They never found the body...
...and the RIAA never bothered Kim or her family again. The End.
Great story! Nice touch with the "Here's Johnny" thing too. I'm so proud of you, honey!
I got an F on it though! The teacher said it was too violent and full of curse words and stuff.
Well, what did she expect from the daughter of Stephen King...a fucking fairy tale?

 

by niteowl
12-07-03
It seems the AMC channel is expanding its movie lineup.
Really?
Yeah. They showed Risky Business and Crocodile Dundee this weekend.
So mediocre equals classic now?
I guess so.
In that case, I can't wait for Bruckheimer's movies to show up on there. After Fox gets done playing the shit out of them, that is.

 

by niteowl
12-07-03
Speaking of Fox, I noticed something weird about that network.
What's that?
Fox and especially Fox news channel has a right-wing tilt to it, and of course right-wingers are all about morals, etc.
Yeah...and?
So why is that they have the absolute trashiest shows on TV airing on their network? Like Skin and The Simple Life?
Dude stop, you're making my head hurt.

 

by niteowl
12-07-03
Dude, Skin got cancelled though because of poor ratings.
See? They offended their die-hard viewers!
Of course. It couldn't be because the show sucked ass. What other reason is there?

 

by niteowl
12-09-03
RAARRRR! LET'S TALK SOME MORE ABOUT METALLICA. THEY WERE AN UNDERGROUND SENSATION THRU MUCH OF THE EARLY 80'S.
THEN THEY CAVED IN AND MADE A VIDEO FOR THE SONG "ONE" IN 1988.
IT'S QUITE IRONIC NOW THAT "BREADFAN" WAS THE B-SIDE TO THE "ONE" SINGLE.

 

by niteowl
12-09-03
mmm..hrmph...hrmph...
Slow down honey, I don't want you to finish yet...think about baseball.
Ok...hrmph...aww shit...!
Damnit honey, I told you to think about baseball!
I did. I hit a home run. Sorry.

 

by niteowl
12-11-03
Gallup Polls. Just who are the people who participate in them? We now turn to Phil McCracken with the story.
Thank you, Angela. I'm with Bill White, who took part in a poll on the California recall election. So Bill, where do you get your opinions on politics?
I learned everything I know about politics from the Billy Joel song, "We Didn't Start The Fire".
Now you see why they are such a success!

 

by niteowl
12-12-03
I AM TROLL-BOT. READ MY COMICS, THEY ARE TEH FUNNEH. LOL!
Did you just say "LOL"?
FUCK YOU! IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY ABOUT MY COMICS THEN SHUT UP!
I never read your comics though.
I SWEAR ALL THESE BASTARDS HERE ARE SO STUCK UP!
*FROWNY FACE*

 

by niteowl
12-13-03
An angel was born.
Dad, I'm no angel! Girls are supposed to be angels!
I know Alex, I only said that for dramatic effect.

 

by niteowl
12-13-03
At the convenience store...
Hi. Can I help you?
Yeah, a pack of Marlboro Mediums please.
You really should quit smoking, it's bad for your health.
Funny, I don't recall asking for an opinion on how to live my life.
Well, Merry Christmas to you too, jerk!
Are you going to sell me the smokes, or do I have to rob you to get them?

 

by niteowl
12-14-03
Mr. President, can you elaborate further on why Canada will not be eligible to bid on government contracts for the reconstruction of Iraq?
Yes, I'd be happy to ebaborate on it...
In 2002, Canada did something that ruined the friendship between us and them.
They had the nerve walk into our country and win the gold medal in ice hockey. And they unleashed that darn Avril Lavigne on us.

 

by niteowl
12-14-03
Ok, Mr. President, why won't Germany and France get to bid on the contracts?
Hamburgers and French Fries. Oops, sorry...Freedom Fries.
What do hamburgers and fries have to do with it, Mr. President?
Well, supposedly the word hamburger originated from the city in Germany, Hamburg. And french fries, well...that's pretty obvious. They're from France.
Hamburgers and french, er freedom fries are obviously American! How dare those bastards take credit for stuff that's ours! Greedy pigs!

 

by niteowl
12-14-03
What about Russia, Mr. President? Why won't they get those government contracts?
They're communists, and I hate communists! Haha, just kidding.
Actually, when I was younger, Russia was a bad influence on me.
How so, Mr. President?
I drank a quart of Smirnoff one night and got busted for a DWI. And those asshole left-wingers won't ever let me live it down!

 

by niteowl
12-14-03
Why do guys always scratch their butts and adjust their junk when they get out of bed in the morning?
Because it's the manly thing to do.
But it's kinda gross, you know.
No its not!
Yes it is! You don't see me going around scratching and rubbing my boobs when I wake up.
If you need help with that, I'd be happy to oblige.

 

by niteowl
12-14-03
Hey...did you hear they got Saddam? Isn't that great?
Yeah. Great. Superb. Wonderful.
What the hell is the matter with you? Aren't you excited?!?
What exactly is the significance of this? Didn't the US already win the war? Remember the whole "Mission Accomplished" thing? Haven't the Iraqi people been "liberated" already?
I hate you, you're such a downer all the time.
I'm not a downer, I'm a realist.

 

by niteowl
12-16-03
Hey Dad, I was thinking about buying a multitap for the PS2 with my birthday money, so all 4 of us can play NFL Gameday when me and Ryan come over.
All 4 of us?
Yeah Dad, me and Ryan can play against you and Kathy!
Sounds good, buddy. That oughta be fun.
Alex suggested we all play some video games when they come over this weekend, specifically football.
Can you control a cheerleader in the game?

 

by niteowl
12-16-03
There's only one thing you need to know about the Durango, Joey. Hemi. Can you say Hemi?
HEMI!
Oh and the big backseat that Daddy will use for his illicit fling with the girl in accounting. But you didn't hear that...right, Joey?
HEMI!
That's my boy.
HEMI!

 

by niteowl
12-16-03
It's about time I start thinking about a New Year's Resolution.
I think my resolution this year is to be more tolerant of things that annoy me...
January 4th.
"...Praise the Lord! Please, find it in hearts...and your checkbooks, to give generously..."
3 days. I can't believe I only lasted 3 fucking days.

 

by niteowl
12-16-03
300 comics.
Yep. Let's go bowling to celebrate...you know, try and bowl a 300 game in honor of this momentous occasion...
Good idea.
Where are we gonna find a midget though?
And will the bowling alley let us use it?

Showing page 6.

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