All comics by Kevin_Keegans_Perm

 

Well cursor , with Internet crime at its highest level ever, i think its time i came out of retirement.
Hey , it looks like you think people give a shit. Howabout you get a reality check.
Cursor , what happened to you. You used to scout for me , solve crimes and be really cool.
Hey , it looks like you forgot what happened in Series 2 , episode 7
Look , i said i was sorry for asking you to spy on a NAMBLA meeting.
Hey, it looks like you think Man-boy love is acceptable. Fuck off you Pederast.

 

Cursor , ill park the car. Go check the corner for any Traffic Cops
Hey, it looks like youve forgotten we dont park the fucking car. Hello , disassemble command.
Sorry Cursor. Ok , lets head into that net cafe and find some online crime to solve.
Hey , it looks like youve forgotten about Wi-Fi. Get a laptop, Hippy
Hmmm. Kenneth Lay. Donald Rumsfeld. George W Bush. Michael Jackson. Where do we start?
Hey , it looks like you think youre Michael Moore. Fuck off you liberal commie pinko.

 

George W Bush. You have committed some unspeakable crimes in your lifetime. The internet says youre a criminal.
Who the fuck are you. I dont recall asking for cabaret this evening.
I am AUTOMAN! Defender of the Web. Electronic Avenger. The Guardian of the Information Superhighway.
I remember you. You used to solve crimes with the aid of your trusty little sidekick.
Cursor?
No , Starsky.

 

Samuel L Jackson. The internet says youre a bad motherfucker. Thats an abhorrent crime. Im taking you in.
Are you outta your mind cracker?
Cracker? Im neither a biscuit nor a christmas toy. I am AUTOMAN , Electronic Avenger. Prepare for Justice , criminal.
Prepare for my foot in yo ass shit fo brains.
*uhhhhhhh*
Never fuck with a Jedi master bitch.

 

And with this hat, you'll come alive.
Hotdiggity, I'm alive!
What's the first thing you want to do, Frosty?
Hmmm...
Hey , i asked for Johnnie Cochrane.
The race card wont help you in this one Mr Jackson.

 

And now , live to Stripcreatoria, where a mysterious force has decimated the Population overnight!
Oh .... fuck!
TAHTS RITE YUO FUKKING BICTH OF A WHOAR!

 

So i said "Ive seen the future, and its Garlic Bread"
*APPLAUSE*
*MORE APPLAUSE*
Dear Diary. Tonight, my audience laughed at the Garlic Bread joke for the 2,447th time. I need new material.

 

I feel like theres a part of me missing. Its almost as though theres someone out there i havent met thats my equal yet complete opposite.
Someone whos puns and jokes make no sense. Someone completely unfunny. Someone who doesnt like cats or facial hair.
Wait. My soulmate is Boinky33?

 

Boy, this year is going to be an interesting one.
Why, boss? Production is through the roof, and morale has never been better since we all switched to Geico.
That's just it. The Naughty Index is up to 89% this year! We're overstocked!
Holy Jizz Turrets, Santa! What are we going to do?
Hey , i bet you thought this last panel was going to contain a punchline.
Well dudes , youre shit out of luck. Merry fucking christmas.

 

Yo , Kajun. Congrats on winning the comic cup. I always thought you were a talentless hack that couldnt write comics.
Thanks Perm. So does this mean you now accept me as being one of the most talented stripcreators on the forums?
Nah. But at least i dont think you take the cock anymore.
Its a start.

 

Boinky, this just isnt working out. You cant possibly be my soulmate, or the person who completes me.
Whatever. Can i fuck your cat?
I mean, having sex 26 times is great, but ive done that hundreds of times, and this time didnt feel any different.
You see, ive always wanted a little pussy.
Im pouring out my heart here and youre making shitty puns.
Hey , if youd rather i said "Dongs" and "Wangs" , im all for it.

 

Happy Birthday, Jesus! Santa sends his love...and this present.
That milk-swilling glory hound? Put it with the others.
...and I want a doggy, and another leg for Jimmy, and a seashell, and a Polly Perky Tits dolly, and...
For the last time, I'm not Santa!! Now go play in Saddam's bunker.
So for hogging the limlight in the school play, your dad said you had to die for our sins?
Yeh. Thatll teach me to play god.

 

Happy Birthday, Jesus! Santa sends his love...and this present.
That milk-swilling glory hound? Put it with the others.
...and I want a doggy, and another leg for Jimmy, and a seashell, and a Polly Perky Tits dolly, and...
For the last time, I'm not Santa!! Now go play in Saddam's bunker.
So for beating him over 18 holes of golf, your dad said you had to die for our sins?
Yeh. Thatll teach me to play god.

 

Happy Birthday, Jesus! Santa sends his love...and this present.
That milk-swilling glory hound? Put it with the others.
...and I want a doggy, and another leg for Jimmy, and a seashell, and a Polly Perky Tits dolly, and...
For the last time, I'm not Santa!! Now go play in Saddam's bunker.
So for inventing a board game about him, your dad said you had to die for our sins?
Yeh. Thatll teach me to play god.

 

Random Carved Pumpkin, I am so pissed now that Halloween is over.
I know, Generic Halloween Symbol! They'll forget about us until next year.
Now we have to step out of the limelight and let them have their day.
And people do their Christmas shopping 7 months in advance!They won't even think about US again until October! FUCK Christmas!
And thats when she tried to rape me with the broomstick Geraldo.
Wow. Stay tuned for more Ritual Pagan abuse stories after these words from our sponsors.

 

Erm ......
It wasnt me, it was the one armed man?
So what was it gave me away?
Well , pissing in the corpses mouth probably wasnt the brightest idea youve ever had.

 

Dec 31, 2003
Right. Thats it. 2004, will be the year i stop doing Russell Crowe comics
And the year i stop making socio-political comments on the conservative party.
Jan 1, 2004
"Michael Howard has something of the night about him. I hear hes the lead vampire in the new Russell Crowe movie"

 

Hokuto San Jing Exploding Bone Punch
SCHTOP! .. What are you doing. This city is not ready yet.
There hasnt been a holocaust, gangs of muscled thugs killing everyone , poison rain and a barren eath, or anything.
Youre kind of cute for a Dutchman.
The fact youre only 12 should lead to me saying SCHTOP again, but hey, what the fuck, its christmas.

 

2004 approaching, sir!
Good, corporal. Keep it in your sights. We don't want to lose it.
OH... MY... GOD!!!
What is it, corporal?? What do you see!!
Its Ron Jeremy and some pussy sir. Permission to start filming?

 

 

 

 

 

Yo Dude. Im thinking about heading down to Pablo's for a beer. Wanna join me.
No way man. Pablo's is a GAY BAR, GAY BAR , GAY BAR.
That was funny, right?
Only if funny means making someone want to rip our your tonsils.

 

So anyway, i gotta go get some stuff from the store. Ill see you out front in 10 minutes , k?
Cool.
Ill be waiting outside the FRONT DOOR , FRONT DOOR , FRONT DOOR.
Get Ready. Here comes the pain.

 

'sup dude
Hey man. What are you playing.
F-19 Stealth Fighter. Watch this, i can hit this guy with a missile even though hes 9,000 ft away.
Is that because youre using your RA-DAR , RA-DAR , RA-DAR!
Dude , is there a problem here?
No.

 

Hey Officer, whats up?
Hey kid. We just arrested some guy for drunk driving. Hes sitting over there in his Honda?
A Honda? You mean hes sitting in a GAY CAR, GAY CAR , GAY CAR!
You liked that one, didnt you.
Marv , call the wagon. We got another pickup.

 

Hey man. What brings you here. Wanna go hang out?
Nah man. Im here to invite you to my works party. The alcohol is all paid for, we can get hammered for nothing.
You mean theres a FREE BAR, FREE BAR, FREE BAR.

 

Good evening. We have a developing story out of New York City where a riot is going on right now. Let's go to Phil McCracken live on the scene.
I'm here with Red Thompson, who has been a witness to the carnage since the beginning. Red, can you tell us how this riot started?
Wangs
Dongs

 

Good evening. We have a developing story out of New York City where a riot is going on right now. Let's go to Phil McCracken live on the scene.
I'm here with Red Thompson, who has been a witness to the carnage since the beginning. Red, can you tell us how this riot started?
Phil McCracken? Isnt that what they call an Irish Homosexual.

 

Good evening. We have a developing story out of New York City where a riot is going on right now. Let's go to Phil McCracken live on the scene.
I'm here with Red Thompson, who has been a witness to the carnage since the beginning. Red, can you tell us how this riot started?
Well, after a string of denials, Hilary Clinton finally admitted she was entering the presidential race.
Wow. To think one politician being honest could cause so much devastation.

 

Cmon Baby. Lets get under those covers and do it like they do on the discovery channel.
Sure thing sweetie, just let me slip into something more comfortable.
What the Hell ..... Decepticons?
KER-TRANS-FORM
Oh God No .....
AHA! It is me, Jesus!"

 

So i said to him "The White Wizard has cleared the lands around Isengard so he can generate gravitons"
Ha Ha Ha
What the fuck are you Tolkien about.

 

WANGS! DONGS!
Arr ye scurvy seadog. Stop talking Bollocks. Im going to cut your head off now.
*swish*
WANGS! DONGS! ANAL SEX WITH MIDGETS!
Arr ye Scurvy seadong. Im going to cut yer head off now like i did with yer buck toothed friend over there so we can get this comic going again!
*swish*
Thank fuck for that. Now, what were we doing before this comic went completely to shit?
Arr. I be telling ye that Bill Gates doesnt need rescuing, and he was really the Mastermind behind 9/11 The kidnapping is a sham!

 

RAR! Wellington McNocock will Cornhole you now.
Really?
Erm, No. Sorry bout that.

 

My GOD, that was the best show ever.
Yeah, I can't believe they ended up detroying the whole city afterwards.
Well, it's been a trademark of theirs.
So, now that it's over, what you wanna do?
I hear Satans Rotting Corpse are playing at the mall.
Mallcore Thrash? Dude, do i LOOK like a pussy?

 

My GOD, that was the best show ever.
Yeah, I can't believe they ended up detroying the whole city afterwards.
Well, it's been a trademark of theirs.
So, now that it's over, what you wanna do?
STARING CONTEST!
STARING CONTEST!

 

Hey, do you wanna come over and make snickerdoodles with me?
Sure! I'll be right over!
So did you find out what Snickerdoodles are?
Yep. Theyre the other white meat.

 

Hey, do you wanna come over and make snickerdoodles with me?
Sure! I'll be right over!
So did she struggle much?
A little, but theyll never find the body

 

Hey, do you wanna come over and make snickerdoodles with me?
Sure! I'll be right over!
Well?
Nope. Google doesnt have a fucking clue what shes talking about either.

 

Daniel, I need to see those reports right now.
Ah, the thing is, boss, I haven't actually done them yet.
What? You'd better have a damn good excuse, Daniel.
Well, what happened was...
I shall not bow to any Ranger. There will be no king of Gondor in my time.

 

Daniel, I need to see those reports right now.
Ah, the thing is, boss, I haven't actually done them yet.
What? You'd better have a damn good excuse, Daniel.
Well, what happened was...
Im gonna have that report off you by the end of this night.
Ooh , touch me Justin.

 

Daniel, I need to see those reports right now.
Ah, the thing is, boss, I haven't actually done them yet.
What? You'd better have a damn good excuse, Daniel.
Well, what happened was...
Im afraid i cant let you write that report, Mr Danderson.

 

Daniel, I need to see those reports right now.
Ah, the thing is, boss, I haven't actually done them yet.
What? You'd better have a damn good excuse, Daniel.
Well, what happened was...
Grrr! Womack and Womack will eat your report!
Noooo! Please , take my first born child, dont eat my report!

 

People of Kajunia. Reports have come back to me that you are no longer happy with my rule. You feel that there are more important issues to be addresed.
You are no longer happy with your free guinness, kilts, NHS spectacles and DVD copies of Still Game.
Tough Shit. Now back to work or ill start playing the Sydney Devine records again.

 

Daniel, I need to see those reports right now.
Ah, the thing is, boss, I haven't actually done them yet.
What? You'd better have a damn good excuse, Daniel.
Well, what happened was...
I did some writing and then some typing and some filing and some proof-reading and then yeaaaaaaaaarrrrggghhh!

 

Daniel, I need to see those reports right now.
Ah, the thing is, boss, I haven't actually done them yet.
What? You'd better have a damn good excuse, Daniel.
Well, what happened was...
We are the Knights who say "Ni" and you cannot have your report until you build us ..... A SHRUBBERY!

 

Daniel, I need to see those reports right now.
Ah, the thing is, boss, I haven't actually done them yet.
What? You'd better have a damn good excuse, Daniel.
Well, what happened was...
The Previous Night ....
Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger
MUSHROOM MUSHROOM!

 
Nice Kilt. Wanna Fuck?

 

Dad I need some advice. I've had.................. feelings for this girl. But I think she rejects our families ideals and thus won't accept me as a suitor.
Son the first thing you need is legs. Thats the most important of all. Women love a good knee cap. Secondly, I reccomend going into town with your life savings and making a name for yourself.
Cousin Wilford father has sent me to speak with you about love. Can you give me some of your insights?
My legs have been destroyed by the love of an unclean woman. Go forth and relay this message for your father he will be able to decode its true origins.
Ba Weep Grah Na Weep Ninnybong.
Till All are One.

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