All comics by Matchbook_Romance

Profile

 

Hey Jeff! Look at my heart! Miss Johnson said it was the best in class!
You cut it out really nice!
Yeah, I followed the lines and I added glitter too! What did Miss Johnson say about yours?
...
Jeff?
She didn't really say anything. She took mine, ripped it up, and told me to start all over again.

 

Wow, you got a lot Valentine cards!
Hehe yeah! You did too Jeff!
Yeah! One of my cards says something funny though, wanna hear it?
Sure!
It says- "My Mom made me write you one." Funny huh?!
Yeah!

 

Look! Look!
What? What?
I got a Valentine's Day card from a girl!
Really?
Here! Take a look!
Jeff, our teacher doesn't count.

 

Hey man, I just sent Connie a dozen roses and box of chocolates to her classroom! I'm psyched!
Connie?
Yeah, you know, the girl I have a thing for.
Dude, she's violently allergic to chocolate.
Oh shit! You're right!
Also, she's more of a carnation kind of girl.

 

Hey, I found a girl you can take out for Valentine's Day.
Oh really? Who?
Her name is Melissa. She's a bit young, but she's certainly your type.
Sounds good.
And of course, I'm no pedophile.
Hey big boy, ever do it in a suitcase?

 

Journal Entry, 2/13- The day before Valentine's Day. Hopefully, I'll get to go out with her... (blah, blah, blah)
Journal Entry, 2/14- Yes! The date was amazing... (blah, blah, blah)
Journal Entry, 2/15- Journal, I lied to you yesterday. I didn't go out with the girl. I was lying, so I can make myself feel better... (blah, blah, blah)

 

Argh!
Whoah, what's wrong with you?
I couldn't ask this girl out because...
Because you're timid, you have an utterly low self-esteem, and even the thought of conversing with the opposite sex makes you want to puke?
Actually, I couldn't ask her out because I forgot her phone number. But now that you mention it, those reasons are good too.

 
FUCK VALENTINE'S DAY!!!
*Fucks Valentine's Day*

 

Doing anything today?
I'm going to play golf with a few of my buddies.
Golf? What's with you and golf? It's boring to watch, and I bet it's boring to play.
GOLF, is a great game. It's not boring, and it's very exciting.
If golf is so "exciting," then why do the fans get held back by a piece of string?
It's not a string, it's a very sturdy piece of rope.

 

What if a bear just came right out and mauled me?
I would gladly fight off the bear and attend to your wounds.
What if we were in an airplane thats about to crash?
I would gladly give you my parachute.
What if I got into a horrible car accident?
I would gladly mourn the loss of your car.

 

And we're rolling...
Why would you make a show about a boring guy like me?
It's the new and hip thing to do. Take some no-name face and put them on television. Maybe spice things up and add a few plot twists.
Oh, is that so?
Yes. Okay, take that ab roller and start using it while listening to Marvin Gaye.
How's this for a plot twist? I take out my twelve guage shotgun and the camera man runs for his life?

 

This sex questionare thing is so stupid.
Oh come on, let's just take it.
Alright fine. Here's a question- Have you ever payed for sex?
...
Well, have you?
Does buying the hand cream before you masturbate count?

 

I'm not addicted to marijuana.
I don't use it all the time, and I rarely crave it.
But it does leave an ugly rash after I cram a bunch of it into my anus.

 

Whoo baby... whip that thing out!
Alright, here goes!
My Lord, your penis is huge! Is that thing natural?
100% all natural.
So I take it that your Father has a huge one too huh?
Actually, my Father always said I took after my Mother.

 

Hey, you look tired.
Just got back from some exercising.
Oh?
Yeah, and after I played this really neat sport with a few of my buddies. I'm a natural at it, my first try and I score fifteen points!
Wow! What sport were you playing?
Te... tennis?

 

Hey man, what are you giving up for Lent?
I have something in mind but I don't know if it's okay.
Well, what is it?
For Lent, I'm going to give up going to church on Sunday. Do you think that's okay with God?
I'm sure he won't mind.

 

I can't believe you're not a girl!
How could you possibly think I'm a girl?
Well, I dunno!
I've used this character Gabe for over 90% of my strips portraying me, a couple of user comments on my profile refer to me as a guy, and the clincher, my name is Jeffrey.
Don't you worry Beaz, you're the only who's made this mistake ;)
I still can't believe you're not a girl!

 

Oh my, it's Gray Davis!
Why hello there.
I've never shaken hands with a governor before.
Well, I'm not governor anymore.
Exactly, I've never shaken hands with a governor before.

 
I could of sworn I saw the same wall...

 

... And Bill, when the cop come, give him the bribe because he knows about the tainted meat.
Welcome to Road Kill Burger, may I take your order?
Hello, I was wondering if you've seen my good friend Mr. Lincoln? Or how about my brother Bill?
Would you like fries with your order?
Okay that's it, everybody that works here is under arrest.
Say Bill, WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU GIVE THE COP THE MONEY?!
The opportunity never came up.

 

So hey, err... do you want to go out some time?
Jeffrey, you're my friend and I don't want to ruin what we have. So, no.
Reasonable enough. This is the second time you rejected me. Remember when I asked you last year?
Oh yeah.
Yep...
Well, if you ask me again in another year, I'm sure we can make it a third.

 

I hope this works.
My, what a lovely night! The stars are so beautiful!
Yes, it's working! All I have to do is slip in the question.
I'd love to stay, but I have to get some homework done, so I guess I'll see you around.
Wa... waiiit! Can... we... possibly... err... Can we... Can... I do your homework for you?
I thought you'd never ask.

 

So did you get lucky last night?
No man, the girl was a total prude.
That blows.
On top of that, she kept going to my bathroom, so I guess she had the runs or something.
No action and she stunk up your bathroom? Man, I'd say she screwed you over.
Nah, I have the last laugh. I just installed my toilet cam the night before she came over.

 
"How do you make a whore moan?"
"hormone"

 

Hello, you have reached The Suicide File Hotline, how are you going to die today?
I can't stand this anymore, I'm under weight and I can't gain any pounds!
Err... why don't you try and eat something?
Eww! I hate food! I can't stand it! Everything makes me want to puke! One grain of rice will give me the runs for weeks!
May I suggest...
Wait, wait... I got the pizza man on the other line.

 

Hello, you have reached The Suicide File Hotline, how are you going to die today?
I just got a damn virus on my computer! My computer won't even turn on! MY COMPUTER IS MY LIFE!
Whoah, whoah... your computer is your life?
YES, YES! I HAVE NO NEED TO LIVE ANYMORE!!!
Don't do it. There is life after the computer.
NO! I'M DOWNLOADING THE TROJAN VIRUS INTO MY BODY AS WE SPEAK!

 

Hello, you have reached The Suicide File Hotline, how are you going to die today?
Hello? HELLO?
Yes, yes I'm here.
I'm calling from my cell phone in my car. I'm at diner, and I'm thinking about driving off a cliff!
Driving off a cliff is so cliche... you should...
Nah nevermind, I'm low on gas and I won't make it too the cliff. I HATE PAYING FOR GAS! GOSH! HAVE YOU SEEN THE LATEST GAS PRICES! I CAN GO ON FOREVER ABOUT THIS... *click*

 

Hello, you have reached The Suicide File Hotline, how are you going to die today?
I just broke up with my boyfriend, and I feel like I have nothing else to live for.
You have everything to live for. There's plenty of men to choose from. Just wait, and another guy will sweep you off your feet.
*Sniff* I hate waiting. *Sniff* I feel so alone. Hey, you sound cute. What are you doing later today?
Anything, as long as it's far away from you. I get scared of overly-dependant suicidal chicks.
*click*

 

Hello, you have reached The Suicide File Hotline, how are you going to die today?
Hey Match, it's me MikeyG and I can't stand all this ridicule!
Sorry man. You make obscene amounts of threads and posts, you harass the new people, you think you're a reg, you make a CC about yourself and you smell like burnt pubic hair.
But... but... I just want to have fun... la la...
Do I hear that "Girls Just Want To Have Fun" song in the background?
Shuu... shuttt up n00b!

 

I thought you were always joking about the porn thing.
I was, sort of.
Ah.
I used to have a lot of porn, but I gave it up. Fuck porn.
Yeah... porn is like a dead end street.
Boner Blvd.

 

How do I know you're not scamming me right now?
Oh, I am. *dcomposed steals your money.*
:O All my 43 cents in my wallet. *Matchy cries*
:D :( *dcomposed gives back the 43 cents*
*Matchy just scammed dcom* :)
Shit.

 
So boinky, was that you or your mom that I fucked last night?

 
HAHAHAHA! GOTCHA! This comic blows more than a monkey smoking a cigarette!
Now off to the corner I go...

 

I've been watching re-runs of Dawson's Creek lately...
*Crying/sobbing/sappy love music*
*Blah blah blah blah*
DUDE... Dawson so could of gotten some ass from Joey.

 

I'm going to have to write you up for this one.
Err... well you can't! Someone is about to steal your car! Better catch him!
Sir, I'm not going to fall for that one. Now will you just cooperate...
LOOK! A giant donut is rolling down the street!
Where?!

 
All those clubs...
and not a single sandwich.

 

"There, now you're rated."
There, now I am rated.
"He gets props. Word. (UE)"
From one Angel fan to another, you fucking rock UE.
"hdb!"
(For those of you who are playing the hdb! game, Match still has no clue what hdb! means)

 

"Telephone_Comics? You suck!"
I believe crabby made this one. Why he decided to vent his feelings about Telephone_Comics on my comments page, the world may never know.
"You're getting a good rating just thanks to CC212."
Just for CC212? Have you not seen my great spooning skills?
"close cover before striking --um"
Took me awhile to figure out this one. I'm like a rapist hiding in the underbrush waiting for my next victim... err... nevermind.

 

"Like the Get Up Kids on St. John's Wort."
One of my favorite comments. I'm also like Glassjaw on ginsing tea.
"underrated! - niteowl"
Oh niteowl, quit trying to butter me up. You had me at hello. ;)
"He can Romance me anytime."
I can also romance myself anytime.

 

"Snickerdoodles! (Chicka)"
Let us bake some tonight my lovely Chicka ;)
"WE ARE TOO COOL! (kitty)"
DAMN STRAIGHT! There's nobody cooler than us, well... maybe except for Iceman. Now he's cool.
"on the 8th day, god created snickerdoodles. [arsg]"
I hope on the 9th day, you come back to SC arsg. Whoah, that rhymed.

 

"A dose o' Match is like sweet candy - MikeyG"
Further dosages may cause kidney failure and lung damage.
"I think he's got thing for broad foreheads."
I've also got a thing for people that think I have a thing for broad foreheads.
"Funny for a straight guy (<3 dcom)"
I'm telling you, that's the title for my new sitcom! Pure gold, pure gold!

 

"Better than shoving 12 cocks up my ass (boinky33)"
Boinky, you never cease to disgust me. I LOVE IT!
"so thats where all my emo went!(<3 Aus)"
I keep it in a small envelope in my jean pocket. You're welcomed to pick it up any time.
"Evokes bitter-sweet laughter -Chi"
The kind of laughter that makes you lose your hard-on?

 

Music 100-
Blah, blah, blah... let me play a snatch of this, blah blah blah, here's another snatch of a piece.
Was that snatch of music appealing to you? Blah, blah, blah... here's another snatch of music from this composer. This piece has many snatches of homophony.
Any questions?
Yeah, are you a lesbian?

 

How come you never call me?
Well...
You know me, I'm too shy to call.
Dammit, that excuse won't work.
Well...?
I'd rather call your hot, older sister instead.

 

Well, I have to talk to Anna alone. Go watch some tv or something and I'll be right out.
Alright.
Is he gone yet?
Yeah, now let's do some talking in between my sheets.
*THUD THUD*
Hey, I'm done watching something. Are you guys okay in there?

 

*Ring ring*
I really, really, want to be with you Jeff.
The feelings are mutual. I too want to take our relationship further.
I don't want to jinx anything but I think I'm falling in love with you.
I know exactly how you feel.
Wait, nevermind. Can we still be friends?

 

She's supposed to be ugly.
Dude, I just got that girl's number. Did you see that? Oh man, that girl is so hot.
Err... are you kidding me? The girl had pimples all over her face, her nose is crooked, her hair looked ugly, and she's fatter than your Mom.
So... so! I'd still do her.
Let's find you a prostitute.

 

Hey man, can you come over? I've got this huge monkey on my back.
Sure, I'll be right over.
I came over as soon as I could. I even brought my tranquilzer gun for that damn monkey. Where is it?!
Err... I didn't mean it like that.
Elsewhere...

 

Father, I have sinned.
Tell me your sins, and I will give you proper penance.
Well, in the past week alone, I've had sex with nine different women.
My child, a Hail Mary for each girl you have had relations with.
Err... one of the girls was your daughter, Father.
Bobby! We got one hell of a sinner! Draw up the holy water bath!

 

How did you date go last night?
It didn't go so great. He's not really my type.
You're so picky, what's wrong with him?
Well, he was... blind.
Err... haha? Where did you guys go on your date?
Well, we went to see a movie.

Showing page 7.

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