All comics by RizzleMcIzzle

Profile

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
7-17-06
Yeah, so I whipped out the ol' "Chinese Exclusion Act" on that stupid bitch!
Awesome!
Yeah. Then we used all her opium, and I think I got her pregnant.
What?!
Yeah... I'm having a bouncing baby cowboy! Honestly though, I don't really want the kid. I'm screwed.
Not necessarily. Do us cowboys have coat hangers? Or would that be an anachronism?

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
7-18-06
Damnit, Dillard! I can't belive you got us lost in this dry, deserted canyon.
I'm sorry, Carolina. Look, we'll get out of here just fine. Remember that time we escaped the rattler's den?
No.
Oh. Maybe I was with Buckshot Brody that time.
Dude, you and Brody went to the rattler's den without me?! Assholes...
I'm sorry. :-( We're still friends right?... right? [to be continued...]

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
7-18-06
Tuesday, 12:05 PM - Dillard's got a new job...
Howdy! Welcome to "How the West Was Bun"! What do you want, pardner?
I'd like a Texas Tommy with a side of Cow Chips, an order of Golden Nuggets, and the Prospector's Special.
3:08 PM - Dillard argues with a customer...
Mister, you said you wanted a Winchester with cheese and I gave it to you. Now you're saying I got your order wrong. I didn't, you crazy prospector!
Yee hee! Gold! Gold! Hahahaha!
6:58 PM - Dillard's still working...
Carolina! You came to visit me at work?! Thanks man, this place sucks!
Actually, I'm here to rob the place. Open up the register, you minimum wage earning douchebag!

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
7-18-06
Your rock opera sucked balls...
You died for my sins?! And you didn't bother to ask me first?!
You don't even listen to my prayers! I told you my grandmom was sick, but you were too busy playing Halo.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
7-18-06
Goatee Club!
Let's shave every part of our face except one spot!
Yeah!
Wilford Brimley Fanclub!
I still want to fuck him!
Me too!
Daffy Duck Fanclub!
Oh, I'm sorry. I thought this was a meeting for the Goatee Club.
*sigh...this is fucking despicable.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
7-19-06
Hello, everyone. It's Wednesday July 19, 2006. I'm Peter, this is Natalie, and you're watching Teen Kids News.
You know, I can say my own name, Peter.
You can say lots of names, Natalie... but when we're having sex, it's never mine.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
7-19-06
Hey. I'm gellin'. Are you gellin'?
I'm so gellin'.
Is George W. Bush gellin'?
He's so not gellin'! In fact, you could say he's...
VETOING STEM CELLIN'!
VETOING STEM CELLIN'!

 

Moo!
Whoa! What the fuck is that?!
by RizzleMcIzzle, 7-19-06

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
7-20-06
No way. I'm not going anywhere.
Aw, c'mon! It's my job! I gotta move you guys. Let's go.
No. I don't want to get slaughtered. I'm staying here.
Awww, c'moooon! Pleeeeassse! I'll be your best friend.
A best friend who leads me to my death?!
Yeah, pretty much. C'mon, it'll be fun!

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
7-20-06
This just in...Ann Coulter is the first woman in recorded medical history to be continously on the rag! Doctors are baffled!
What the hell, Peter?!
What's wrong?
This paper you gave me only has lines on it! The teleprompter is pointed at you so I can't read it! What is it that I do on this damn news show?!
Well, I wanted to say, "sit there and look pretty", but it looks like sitting is working out just fine for you.
Asshole...

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
7-21-06
I have good news, everyone! The producer of our show is having a baby!
Stacey's pregnant?! Oh my god, she's fifteen years old! Why would you tell all of our viewers that?!
Well I had to say something! This is 'Teen Kids News'. There's nothing for us to talk about on this damn show!
We could've done a segment about summer fun or an investigation on why youtube.com's Brookers is so popular.
Nah, I like the "underage pregnant girl who was recently disowned by her parents" story a lot better.
You're still an asshole...

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
7-21-06
This just in...my best friend Roger just got in trouble with his mom. Apparently, Roger's porn and drug cache was found in the back of his closet!
Way to go, you fucking idiot! Half of that shit was mine!
Now over to sports.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
7-30-06
FROM THE LAFF LOUNGE, IT'S LIVE PROP COMEDY!
Hey everybody! It's me! That appliance that replaces family conversations at dinner time!
So, uh...anybody hear about Israel lately? Well, let me change MY channel so you can! Hahaha! There you go...
Wait, let's watch something else. I got HBO and no, I don't mean "horrible body odor". Heh.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
9-21-06
Did you hear? The Sound of Young America is throwing a contest!
What's The Sound of Young America?
It's a radio show about things that are awesome. The host, Jesse "America's Radio Sweetheart" Thorn interviews interesting people, like comedians and stuff.
That's cool. Where could I learn more about TSOYA and how can I listen to it?
Go to Maximumfun.org!
I might just do that!

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
1-08-07
I'm Dennis Leary! I like smoking! Mah mah mah!
Did I mention I like smoking? I'm Dennis Leary! Mah mah mah! Smoking, smoking, smoking!
I stole some Bill Hicks material and dumbed it down and applied fake emotion!

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
1-08-07
You have dumb hair!
You like women!
You went bankrupt!
No, I didn't. Besides, you had a magazine that went nowhere!
"You're fired!"
You're a cunt!

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
1-08-07
I saw "Riding the Bus with My Sister" the other night. You can't even play a retard! What a sad, sack of shit you are!
The only reason you have a wife is because you have money.
No shit, bitch. Why don't you shut the hell up?
Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?
I don't want to because then I wouldn't be able to tell you that you're an unfunny fucking twat.
KISS ME, DONALD! I LOVE YOU! LET'S GET MARRIED! ... [TO BE CONTINUED]

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
1-08-07
Have you hung out with Steve lately?
Yeah, he's a real hoot!
...
...
Fuck, I'm out already.
Me too. I wish I was a dog or something.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
1-09-07
PLAYING IN THE STREET! PLAYING IN THE STREET! PLAYING IN THE STREET!
What are we playing?
A game.
What game?
"Whoever gets hit last wins!"
Cool!

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
1-10-07
I like your Emo Phillips haircut!
Thanks!
...
...
You're ugly.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
1-10-07
Ryan pitches a show to VH-1...
Okay, so it's footage of people being attacked by rabid dogs and then we cut to the reactions of celebrities...
...and we call the show, "I Love the Rabies!"
I hate it. No.
So how'd it go?
Bad, but at least I didn't suggest that we replace the dogs with pedophiles and call it "I Love the Kiddies."

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
1-10-07
Ryan Pitches Movies to a Hollywood Big Wig Using Only Titles...
"Pockmarked for Greatness: The Joseph Stalin Story?"
No.
"Half My Face Droops: The Abraham Lincoln Story?"
Nope.
"From Swaddling Clothes to Bitches and Hoes: The Jesus Christ Story?"
I'll definitely consider it.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
1-10-07
It's a comedy starring Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson as themselves.
I'm listening...
The story follows Ben and Owen as constantly try to be in the same comedy movies together. However, it doesn't work out and hilarity ensues.
There's quite a few layers to this, huh? Interesting...
So you'll use it?!
No can do. Didn't you hear? Owen Wilson and Adrien Brody's noses are having a baby!

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
1-11-07
Guess who I am?
Tom Hanks in Apollo 13?
Nope! Try again!
Ben Affleck in Armageddon?
Hell no! I'm... Kevin Space-y! Get it?!
Please get out of my office.

 

THE JOKE WINDOW...
What did the dolphin say to cover up the fact it made a mistake?
I did it on "porpoise"!
by RizzleMcIzzle, 1-11-07

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
1-11-07
And now for our special segment: Newz 2 Meeeeee! ... Natalie.
What?
Do the "Newz 2 Meeeeee" segment please.
It's not my segment. It's yours, Peter.
Oh! Here we go again! Everything's always mine! It's my fault our ratings are low. It's my fault Janet quit! It's my fault everybody knows that you have Chlamydia!
...and it's your fault I got it in the first place, you STD slathered dick!

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
1-11-07
FUCKING DICK COCK!!!
What are you doing?!
I'm trying to get fired. GOD DAMN SHITTY JESUS CHRIST!
Oh cool! Say "cunt" a few times.
CUNT! CUNT! CUNT!
And if that doesn't work, I'll tell them what we did in the green room.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
4-27-07
How about cherry?
No, I'm sorry.
How about blueberry?
Nope.
Apple?
Sir, for the last time, this is a "piety contest".

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
8-28-07
I'm gonna step outside for some fresh air.
Okay.
Hey, Terry Gross.

 

by RizzleMcIzzle
10-11-07
You're so cool.
Yeah, I'm all that and a bag of dicks...oops.
Was that a Freudian slip?
It might have been a Freudian dick...oops.
What is your problem?
Dicks.

Showing page 7.

« Previous