All comics by Savage

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by Savage
12-14-06
Hmm... Maybe I better go find some bourbon.
Booo...
Uhmm...Would you like some, pale guy?
Boo!
Yes. Booze. Don't worry. I'll be right back with it.
I hate my job.

 

by Savage
2-14-07
I'm so excited, Ed! At the dance last night, I met the girl of my dreams!
All right, Fred! What's her name?
I don't know. She ran away at midnight. But she lost her shoe. I just have to find the girl it belongs to.
Shoe? Let me see it. Wait--this is a combat boot! Size 16EEE!
Ed, I'm so in love!
You have got to stop going to dances in the meatpacking district.

 

by Savage
2-14-07
What the--?
Hello, beloved one. How do you like your Valentine's Day gift?
Uhm, that is a Christmas tree, and what are you doing here?
But--but-- I love you! And Target had a display model left. 95% off!
Get the hell out, before I call the old geezer with the guns.

 

by Savage
2-14-07
For Valentine's Day, I've got a surprise for you, honeybunch!
Ooh, you're so romantic!
The Love Boat! Nothing's too good for my sweetie!
Oh my god! What was that?
Dang it! It was only supposed to be a three hour tour!
Aww, honey, don't fret. I packed a few cases of emergency vodka, just in case, and your favorite speedo.

 

by Savage
2-14-07
I thought you said it was a floating all you can eat buffet.
I think we got on the wrong boat.
You think?
I said I was sorry. Look at those assholes kissing and hugging.
I hate happy people.
*&#^! Stinking Love Boat!

 

by Savage
3-02-07
Wow, I can't believe I found you! I thought Mom threw you out, years ago.
So, what do you want to do today? Wanna play Scrabble?
I can't believe you're still mad about Ken. It wasn't my fault my brother set fire to him.

 

by Savage
3-03-07
C'mon. Didn't I always give you everything you wanted? What about that Dream House? What about that pink convertible?
Who are you talking to?
Oh dear...
Come on! I'm taking you out for lunch. You've been cooped up alone waaay too long!
It's not sunny out, is it?

 

by Savage
3-03-07
I'm scared. I want to go back to my dungeon.
You'll be all right. Just take deep breaths and keep walking.
I don't like this place. The floor tickles my feet.
It's called 'grass'. You'll get used to it.
Can we get tacos?
Anything you want, sweetie. Say, have you got any cash on you?

 

by Savage
3-05-07
Wait, don't tell me--you want a fish taco, right?
Two, please, and a pepsi for me and an orange drink for my friend.
What is she muttering? Why is she rocking back and forth under the table?
She doesn't get out much. She's a little agoraphobic. Once she smells the salsa, she'll be all right.
This order is to go. Your friend needs to leave.
Well, no--oh, I see. Okay, but could I have one of those Chihuahua bobblehead dolls for her?

 

by Savage
3-21-07
I'm sorry I ruined our luncheon. Thanks for trying to help me.
That's okay. I'd do anything for you. You know, I dream about you every night.
I need to be alone now.
Oh, sure. Do you need anything? I could tuck you into bed. Massage your feet? Read you a bedtime story while rubbing your back?
Go away now and I won't kill you.
Okay, sure! I can do that!

 

by Savage
5-19-07
Hey, Ed. I just heard about this great program called WIC.
WIC?
Yeah. They give you vouchers for neccesities.
Cool! Sign us up, Bro!
I already did. But when I went to the grocery to buy gin, the cashier was really mean to me.
Bitterness is the curse of the working class, Fred.

 

by Savage
6-06-07
Hey, Ed. How's that book you're writing coming along?
Great, Fred. I'm writing it by hand, so I can carry it with me to bars.
That's smart, Ed. Writing in public adds some local color to the story.
It sure does. Last night, this big baldheaded guy threw up on my notebook.
Eeww!
It's okay! I made him a pivotal character in chapter seven.

 

by Savage
7-13-07
Hey, Ed, I may have a job!
Doing what?
Driving this rich girl around. She just got out of jail for drunk driving.
But Fred, you're always drunk. What if the police stop you? You could lose your driver's license.
Oh no. I couldn't do that. I don't have a driver's license.
Well then, you're good to go, bro.

 

by Savage
8-11-07
Hey, Ed. I'm bored with what I'm drinking. Can we switch bags?
Sure, Fred. I've got Tequila.
I like this, Ed.
Hmm... I can't quite figure out what yours is, Fred.
Oh, well last night, when the bartender threw me out, I quickly squeezed out his bar mats and bar rag.What do you think?
Hmm... Fragrant, with a bit of oakiness...undertones of raspberry and urinal cake... And a bit of toothpick >cough< Reminds me of mom and dad's vow renewal reception.

 

by Savage
9-12-07
Oh Ed, I'm so happy!
Why is that, bro?
I'm in love! She's the most wonderful girl in the world!
But what about Myrtle Slagfelt, the girl you said you were in love with last week?
Oh, she left me for that guy who ties balloon animals with his feet. My new girlfriend is really, really special.
Well, that goes without saying.

 

by Savage
9-15-07
Oh Ed, my new girlfriend is the most wonderful woman in the world! She's a goddess!
Woah, slow down bro. What's her name? How did you meet? Tell me something about her besides "wonderful."
Her name is Manson Marilyn Schwartz. We met when I got my pants stuck in the bus door. I was scared, but she freed me. Then she slapped me.
Uh-huh. She sounds like a Girl Scout, going around rescuing the feebleminded.
No, she's a Randian therapist. She says she can help me.
A randy therapist? Bro, those are the best kind!

 

by Savage
9-15-07
Honeybunch, what say you forget about making us dinner. I'm hungry for something, but it ain't exactly food. Heh-heh.
*sigh* Oh Joe, I'm just not in the mood.
But Doreen, I've loaded up the player with Barry White, and I even changed the sheets.
Hmph. I think I'm in the mood for a different Barry tonight. It's been a long week.
Let me tell you something about women, Lester-Mae. Barry White means a hot time. Barry Manilow means Chunky Monkey ice cream and a damn chick flick.
I usually jump first, and talk to her after. Actually, I usually run away afterward. I don't like pain.

 

by Savage
10-28-07
I'm sorry Ed, but I only bought a case of bourbon. I gave the rest of our money to some poor blind guy.
Great. What are Mom and Dad going to drink when they come over tonight?
But I had to! This guy was really pathetic.
YOU'RE pathetic! I bet he wasn't even blind.
Of course he was! But he said, the worst thing about it was that he was allergic to dog hair.
You can drink the Old Spice aftershave tonight. The bourbon's mine.

 

by Savage
1-17-08
Joe, we've been married for a long time, and there's something I've always wanted to tell you.
Aw, hon, I know. The Hell's Angels send me a thank you card every year.
No, it's not that. It's just that...Well, I want to--I want to...
It's okay, Doreen. I'll always love you, no matter what.
Joe, I want to be a nun!
I need a drink.

 

by Savage
6-16-09
Hey Ed, did you hear? Someone's moving into the foreclosed house next door.
That's great. It'll be good to have neighbors again.
Yeah, I always think an abandoned house looks so sad and spooky. I'm going to bake them some bourbon brownies!
Great idea! Boy, I sure hope the new neighbors do their bit to brighten up the neighborhood.
Hi! I just moved in next door. Do you have a shovel I could borrow? I'm uhh, planting a few things.
uh oh...

Showing page 7.

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