All comics by evil_d

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by evil_d
11-14-02
DINOSAUR!!!
Let us not escape unhastily!
RROOOOOOOAAAARRRR!

 

by evil_d
11-14-02
Potential Lad! Thank goodness! Where are Doctor Negative and that dinosaur? They were right with me in the time warp... we had the most amazing journey! And apparently it's made me see double.
No, that other guy is me, from one year in the past! We've had a great chat, but now we have to figure out how to return him to his own time.
That's no problem, I'll just use this command device I stole from Doctor Negative!
Wrong one, jackass!

 

by evil_d
11-14-02
Well, Potential Lad, this will certainly have been quite a day, and I think we all learned something. But the important thing is that we tied up all the loose ends.
I'm not fucking Potential Lad. Aren't you paying any attention at all? We haven't tied—
"I said, we tied up all the loose ends."
Avast, landlubber! Ye best get those barnacles scrubbed off the mizzenmast, afore I keel-haul ye like the scurvy dog ye are!
Nay, nay, cap'n!
Hello, Retroactive Man? It's the Mayor! There's trouble brewing at the abandoned high school!
Hello, Mr. Themayor. Tell me, do you think you would taste good in an alfredo sauce?

 

by evil_d
11-15-02
Have you tried that yet? It's my own homemade butterscotch drink.
I'm just about to.
*gulp* ...oh, man, this is awful! You call this butterscotch? What's in it?
Butter and scotch.
Which way to the toilet?

 

by evil_d
11-19-02
Hello there, citizen!
Hello, Retroactive Man. I'm the Artist Formerly Known as Prince.
I guess I'll currently know you as Prince, then.
Can't do that. Legal problems with my record label.
You know, for a nominal fee, I could retroactively rough up the label executives for you.
Sounds great! I assume you'll accept a post-dated check?

 

by evil_d
11-19-02
Ah ha! My pawn captures yours using "en passant"! Checkmate!
Damn! You win again.
Oh, my! I think that bolt of lightning that struck me as I made that final move gave me superhuman powers!
What are you talking about? You didn't get struck by lightning. It's not even raining.
Fine, I'll take care of getting struck by lightning later, then.

 

by evil_d
12-14-02
I'm the Lord of the Donuts!
Don't you mean Lord of the Rings?
Donuts are just big, fluffy, tasty rings.

 

by evil_d
1-04-03
stickman, i know this works kldby
save up to 80% on insurance dP-hud-laTSMa
midgets with huge cocks lrlpozul
Whatever horrible neurological condition all these spammers are developing... I hope it's fatal.

 

by evil_d
1-09-03
Good morning, sir. I'd like to talk to you for a few minutes about Jesus Chr--
*WHOOSH!*
--yaaaaaaaaahh!!
Morning, Bill. What's with the giant slingshot in the yard?
It's part of my Jehovah's Witness Relocation Program.

 

by evil_d
1-15-03
"heer lays fuck"
I'm sure that's supposed to say "lies"....
on your nee's bich! im the gost of rapping present!!

 

by evil_d
1-16-03
asain gril i noo youd come
then the roumers are true abuot the gost of the mad rappist!!
yes its me adn now that i have no pyhschial needs i can folow you around everywhere and rapp you all the tiem
you dont reely meen evrywere!
yes id o! evry step you taek, evrey move you mkae, ill be rapping you!
AH! ITS POLEECE!!

 

by evil_d
1-17-03
Emo Pirate Captain, sir, remember that scurvy scoundrel who you let go free because you said you were "too depressed to keel-haul him today"?
Aye.
Well, it seems he's killed the ship's cook, raped the kitchen wench, stolen some of our treasure, and made off in our lifeboat.
Yarr. 'Tis the third time this month.
So, um, what are your orders, sir?
Ye can do what ye like, matey. I'm goin' ta me cabin ta write a song about it.

 

by evil_d
1-17-03
Avast, me hearties! Look sharp! We're here for emo! Full albums or singles!
Get vinyl if ye can find it! The pops and hisses make it sound like the record be cryin'.
Emo Pirate Captain, why is it that you don't have a parrot on your shoulder?
We Emo Pirates doesn't care for anything so loud and flashy as a parrot. We prefers a nice modest mouse.

 

by evil_d
1-17-03
Well, I be off ta the store ta buy me the latest Dashboard Confessional record.
Pull!!!
(*Whoooosh!!!*)
This be makin' me very sad. Yarr.
(*BANG!!!*)

 

by evil_d
1-22-03
How many of each kind of animal did Moses take on the ark?
Two-- no, wait... it wasn't Moses, it was Noa-- no, wait....
...I've heard this joke so many times that I don't remember whose ark it was anymore.

 

by evil_d
1-22-03
Why did Moses take two of each kind of animal on the ark?
Because he was a pervert who was into bisexual bestiality?
You're supposed to say it was Noah who built the ark, not Moses.
I like my answer better.

 

by evil_d
2-28-03
4 8 12 20 X
4 20 s(4,8) s(6,12) sp(6,20)
4 8 10 20 r4 r8 r10 r20
6 6 6 F10 12
f5 f5 8 10 V
16 16 z16 q16 q16

 

by evil_d
3-09-03
Say, Mr. President, did you realize that if we lived in a radical Islamic regime, you wouldn't be able to see any pretty girls walking down the street? They'd have to be all covered up!
I heard that castrification would be mandytory for all women, Mr. Vice-Predisent!
That's true! And adulterers would be punished by being stoned to death!
Why, it's a veritabable threat to the American way of life!
The Bush Administration: We're doing it all for the nookie.

 

by evil_d
3-10-03
A BULLET IN YOUR HEAD! A BULLET IN YOUR HEAD! A BULLET IN YOUR HEAD! A BULLET IN YOUR HEAD! A BULLET IN YOUR HEAD! A BULLET IN YOUR HEAD!
A BULLET IN YOUR HEAD! A BULLET IN YOUR HEAD! A BULLET IN YOUR HEAD! A BULLET IN YOUR HEAD! A BULLET IN YOUR HEAD! A BULLET IN YOUR HEAD!
A BULLET IN YOUR HEAD! A BULLET IN YOUR HEAD! A BULLET IN YOUR HEAD! YOU'VE GOT A BULLET IN YOUR FUCKING HEAD!!!
Wait... what do I have in my head again?

 

by evil_d
3-17-03
Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush
Saddam Hussein must leave Iraq within 48 hours, or face military action!
Not a chance! It's George Bush who should resign the presidency.
The American and Iraqi people
Fine with us.
I know a neutral location where they can go.
The moon
I bet they're totally lost without us.
I think I can see the party from here.

 

by evil_d
3-28-03
I saw this commercial on TV for this mouthwash stuff. They said it reduces plaque by 150%.
But once you reduce something by 100%, it's gone completely.
So how does that work, exactly?
I think it means plaque owes you fifty bucks.

 

by evil_d
3-28-03
At the U.N....
U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan! We came as fast as we could! What's all this killing about?
It's our worst fear come true, Super Jesus! The nations of the world have risen up against us!
I warned you not to adopt resolution 1470, extending the Sierra Leone mission until the end of September!
There'll be time for I-told-you-sos later, Jesus! Now is the time for action! That's why we need you! The U.N. can't act on its own!
Ow can I elp, mon dieu?
Hurry to the Horrible Mismatch-Mobile, Jacques! I need a can of purple paint, sixty feet of rope, and my self-help tapes!

 

by evil_d
3-31-03
I saw a bumper sticker today. It said, "Everyone is born right-handed. Only the greatest overcome it!"
Huh. That's funny.
I know. I mean, not the slogan, just the fact that I saw a bumper sticker that was supposed to be a joke, instead of advertising the driver's shortsighted opinion.
I mean, how long has it been?
I'm just surprised that you saw a sticker, on a car, and it wasn't the American flag.

 

by evil_d
4-10-03
Boy, I'm feeling pretty unfunny today.
What you need is a Stripcreator Candy Bar!
*munch* *munch* ...Wow, these are great! It's like a hundred rotor turbines generating gravitons in my mouth!
Stripcreator Candy Bars! Layers of chewy caramel, fluffy nougat, and crunchy in-jokes, with a delicious milk chocolate coating!
These strawberry ones have kind of a metallic aftertaste.
It's not strawberry.

 

by evil_d
4-16-03
CAUGHT "BORROWING" SOMEONE ELSE'S MATERIAL: If it was funny the first time, why not again, right? Just like this game. Go back to Start.
MY SECRET IDENTITY: You accidentally reveal one of your other accounts. Remove your token from the board. Join with the player closest to Start and play as a team for the rest of the game.
Hello, my name's Bogart.
Nice to meet you; I'm Geniu$.
GAME_NAZI:
*End Game.* Well, for you, anyway.

 

by evil_d
4-16-03
SO *THAT'S* WHAT THEY MEAN BY "STRIPPER": Spend $15 and chalk it up as a learning experience.
CRICKETS: Look on the bright side. If no one's talking about you, that means they can't be flaming you.
**chirp chirp**
THERE IS NO FORUM 11: Whenever anyone who has become a donator lands here, all non-donators lose their next turn.

 

by evil_d
4-17-03
READ THE FAQ: Hold this card. It will save you from embarassment.
Don't be a jerk? Why, that's almost sensible!
THE GREATEST NATION IN THE WORLD: Pay $75. You are now a donator.
We're talking about Canada, right?
GOAT OUT OF JAIL FREE: Due to an unfortunate typo, this card doesn't actually do anything. Discard it. Or feed it to your goat.

 

by evil_d
4-17-03
D00D WTF HOW DO I EDIT OR DELETE MY COMIX: Pay $50, unless you have an FAQ card.
D00D WTF HOW CAN I POST MY COMIX: Pay $75, unless you have an FAQ card.
D00D WTF I AM STARTING COMIX CONTEST 5629 AND THE RULES ARE YOU HAVE TO TELL ME MY COMIX ARE FUNNY: Pay $100 and lose a turn, unless you have an FAQ card.

 

by evil_d
4-17-03
YOU WRITE A FUNNY COMIC: Bless your soul. Collect $500 and roll again.
This panel has been censored due to extreme comedy.
LIKE PHOTOSHOPPING FISH INTO A BARREL: You win a contest in Photoshop Valley... probably due to the lack of competition. Collect $100, but only if there's another player on this space.
Hmmm... needs more domo-kuns.
CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM: Someone reads your damn comics and offers you advice. Take another turn! Unfortuntely, you're too stubborn to listen to it. Lose your next turn.
English is your first language, so maybe you should try writing in it.
That's a good idea, but on the other hand, maybe you should bite me.

 

by evil_d
4-18-03
28K: Hold this card until instructed to discard it, or until you draw a T3 card. While you hold it, subtract 1 from all your movement rolls.
So..... I..... says..... Well..... them..... rotor..... turbines.....
I know how you feel, man.
T3: Hold this card until instructed to discard it, or until you draw a 28K card. While you hold it, add 1 to all your movement rolls.
I'm stripping at a rate of 3.26 comics per second.
Amateur.
LIVING LEGEND: You write a comic that people will be talking about for years to come. As long as you hold this card, double any number you roll on a die for any reason.
(*Whoooosh!!!*)
You've got cancer!

 

by evil_d
4-18-03
SELL YOUR ACCOUNT ON EBAY: Hold an auction for your account. Switch places on the board and cards held with the high bidder.
*** Mint condition! Respected regular! Definitely not banned! ***
Wait a minute, aren't you sub_m7?
SEEING THE LIGHT: After several months, dozens of comics and hundreds of posts, someone finally draws your attention to the "Display comics in forums" option. Lose a turn while staring in wonderment.
Oh my god... it's full of crap.
ENORMOUS GRAPHIC IN YOUR SIG: All other players lose their next turn waiting to download it. Players holding a 28K card lose two turns. Players holding a T3 card are exempt.
How else will people know I'm LordDarkDeath?
They could look at your username...?

 

by evil_d
4-18-03
BANNED: Congratulations, you're an asshole. Lose all of your cards and money and return to Start.
I can count the number of people who have been banned from Stripcreator on one ear.
SERIES: Roll one die. Lose that many turns and draw that many cards.
It's a 23-part series about the hilarious antics that ensue when the Grim Reaper joins Microsoft's tech support department.
My eyes, they are on fire.
RESERVE STATUS: You stop visiting Stripcreator for a while, but continue to hang out with SC users at other sites. You may not move again until you are in last place.
Man, Tag Team Comic Cup Three is taking forever.
There's a Tag Team Comic Cup Three?

 

by evil_d
4-18-03
UNABLE TO LOG IN: On your next turn, move as normal, but ignore the consequences of the space you land on.
D00D WTF I CAN'T LOG IN THIS SITE SUX0RS
Yes, I'll see about fixing that immediately.
FAVORITES LISTS: You're on some people's favorites lists! Isn't that nice. You and the players to your left and right each draw a card.
Captain Obvious... Dr. Pedantic... Tobor... fuck... Non-Sequitur Donkey....
TAG TEAM COMIC CUP: Participation is optional. All players who choose to participate lose a turn and roll the die. All players who roll the highest number draw a card and win $500.
You'll never get us, coppers!
We're starting another TTCC and there's nothing you can do about it!

 

by evil_d
4-18-03
THINK OF IT AS A VACATION TO THE HAGUE: Your comics are so awful that you are accused of crimes against humanity. Pay $400 in legal fees.
Your honor, all females depicted in my client's comics are over the age of 18.
Not guilty!
COGNITIVE DISSONANCE: You sure are an idiot. Move backwards on subsequent turns, until you pass another player who can point out your errors.
NE1 WHO WOULD MAKE MORE THAN TEN POSTS ON THIS SITE IS A DUMB GAY NERD
Does that explain why you won't leave?
FOR MY DEAD HOMIES: Beloved SC art is lost due to antiquated copyright laws. I'm sure he'd want to be buried along with all of your cards. So discard them already.
I'm sorry, it's just not the same. Do you think you could cut off one ear?

 

by evil_d
4-18-03
MISREMEMBERED PLATITUDE TROUT: Hold this card. Discard it when you land on a space of your choosing to avoid all the consequences (negative and positive) of that space.
An apple a day leads to Rome.
BETTING ON THE NEWBIES: You and the other players take bets on how long certain newbies will stay around. You win. Collect $20 from each player.
It's simple really. Time spent at site is inversely proportional to funniness.
DCCVCT: Hold this card. You may discard it whenever you are forced to pay money to a player or the bank. Collect that amount from that player or the bank instead.
Your comic thesis on nuclear physics was brilliant.
I've never been so drunk in my life as when I wrote that.

 

by evil_d
4-18-03
IT'S A FREE INTERNET: You vehemently defend your right to annoy people in the forums. Spend $100 for a crash course in maturity.
Freedom of speech! I can say whatever I want! So there! Manboobs!
Your parents must be so proud.
MAGNIFICENT BASTARD: You are declared an official magnificent bastard! Collect $50 and take another turn.
I dub thee Sir Boorite, M.B.
*sniff* ...this is the happiest day of my life.
BULLETS, NOT CUM: You create a fake account and begin trolling the forums. All players must roll the die to see if they fall for it. Any who roll a 5 or 6 must pay you $30.
God made AIDS to punish the Canadians! Black people prefer pens to pencils!
You're such a bigiot. I feel sorry for you.

 

by evil_d
4-19-03
Sir, please don't walk on the grass there.
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize it was being treated.
*munch* *munch* *gobble*
It's not because it's being treated. It's because that's man-eating grass.
That's the stupidest thing I've ever -- AAAAAAAAAAAGH!! OH MY GOD!!!!!! Help --
Okay, double or nothing.
No one's ever going to believe you. Just give me my $50.

 

by evil_d
4-21-03
FIREWALLED: The network administrators at your office install blocking software. Hold this card. While you have it, skip every third turn.
So you don't think there's anything strange about using software called "NetNanny" in a workplace full of adults?
I don't have time for irony. I'm too busy playing Nethack.
REVISIONIST: Hold this card. You may discard it whenever you get a die roll you don't like. Choose a number from 1 to 6 and play as if you had rolled that number instead.
I didn't think your last comic was all that great.
I used to have you on my favorites list, but in light of this new information, I've discovered that you suck and I hate you.
LURKER: Hold this card. While you have it, ignore any cards or spaces that require you to pay money to or receive money from another player.

 

by evil_d
4-21-03
MAN-EATING ELEPHANT: Go back to Start.
CRUNCH CRUNCH
NEW FEATURES: Brad makes some system upgrades that make your life much easier. Discard any cards you don't want.
Now you can put a sombrero on every character. Including props.
Still no support for deleting other people's comics, huh?
ON THE SHOULDERS OF GIANTS: You adapt or extend a comic someone else wrote. On your next turn, instead of rolling the die, move one space more than the previous player did.
I reckon as I'm gonna "liberate" this here bug!
Happy birthday!

 

by evil_d
4-28-03
Hi there! I'm a particle of matter!
Ack! Get away from me! I'm a particle of antimatter!
Well what's wrong with that? It sounds nice to me!
Don't they teach you matter particles anything in school? I said stay away!

 

by evil_d
4-28-03
I am hypnotizing you with the power of my hand! You are now a soldier in my army of mind-controlled slaves!
Now, I command you to prepare dinner for the rest of your regiment!
I am hypnotizing you with the power of my hand! I command you to slaughter and grill yourself! Wait... find some steak sauce first!

 

by evil_d
4-28-03
John, if you're like me, then when you make a transoceanic voyage, you like to see the local sights!
I sure do, Judy! But who can observe aquatic life from the window of a plane, or even the side of a cruise ship? You deserve better... and now you can have it!
Ooh, honey! Look at that giant blue eel! And that purple starfish! They're beautiful! I'm so glad we got tickets on this giant robot!
Book your next ocean crossing with the Giant Robot Travel Agency! You'll be glad you did!
Giant Robot! It's the only way to travel!

 

by evil_d
4-29-03
Potential Lad! There's trouble brewing down at Davy Jones' Distillery!
Let me guess. You retroactively know that because the mayor is about to call.
No, I can see the distillery from our window. It looks like there was an explosion inside.
But did you like my pun? Trouble *brewing*? Because it's a distillery! Get it?
Shut up and go save the fucking day.

 

by evil_d
4-29-03
Potential Lad, I'd like you to come with me on this mission.
Not a chance.
All you do is sit around the Retro-cave and watch TV all day. That can't be healthy. It would do you some good to get out.
One, this isn't a fucking "Retro-cave", it's a studio fucking apartment. Two, quit nagging me. If I wanted that shit I could get it at home.
No you couldn't. Your future self has been living there for a year. Your mom won't let you in because she thinks you're some kind of con artist.
Don't fucking remind me.

 

by evil_d
4-29-03
I think I will have wished that Potential Lad had come with me tonight. Actually, I wish that already.
Well, here's the distillery. Better go in and have a look.
Hmm... did I just see that caped man break into the distillery? I think I did! Because that's what it looked like to me!

 

by evil_d
4-29-03
*KA-BOOM!*
Whoa! It sounds like someone's wrecking up the place!
Thank you, Captain Obvious.
You're welcome!
Because that's my name, you see. Captain Obvious.
Stop talking.

 

by evil_d
4-29-03
Anyway, I'm going to have to ask you to come with me. Breaking and entering is a crime.
Breaking and...? Buddy, look at this cape, and these tights. I'm Retroactive Man. I'm a superhero. I'm *investigating* whatever's going on here.
I know what I saw.
And nothing else, apparently.
Are you coming peacefully, or do we have to fight?
Friend, you will have regretted this.

 

by evil_d
4-29-03
Ouch! Why does my face hurt all of a sudden?
That's the power of my Retroactive Bitchslap! All I have to do is make a short jump back in time and smack you previously! By the time you see me coming, I'm already gone!
That's impossible.
You tell me if it *feels* impossible after I -- hey, what's happening? I can't use my powers of retroactivity! Your powers of obviousness must be suppressing them!
I told you it was impossible.
Dammit! It still won't stop me from bashing your skull in real time! Roll up your sleeves, punk!

 

by evil_d
4-29-03
Your powers break the laws of physics, evildoer!
Why don't you arrest me, professor?
I'm trying to!
God, I wish you'd shut up!
*CLANG!*
I just heard a clanging noise!
I mean it! Shut up!

 

by evil_d
4-29-03
"Your attention, gentlemen. You may cease your pointless fighting now. As you may have noticed, you are imprisoned."
Temporal ruffian!
Banal twit!
"I SAID STOP FIGHTING!!"
"That's better. Now, as I was saying. I, Dr. Misinformation, would like to thank you for falling into my trap so easily!
Oh no! We've been captured by the nefarious Dr. Misinformation!
I swear to God.

Showing page 7.

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