All comics by southlondon

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by southlondon
6-25-06
Hey, Evil Andrew, wazzapp!?
That is so late 20th Century
You know, I've come up with a plan to beat Robyn finally.
Oh right?
Yeah. You see, as a normal man, I can't do anything against an army of death squads. But what if I were to become...a superhero?

 

by southlondon
6-25-06
Right...first of all, I was born on earth, so that's Superman type powers out. And I'm not a billionaire orphan, so Batman's not an option.
I wonder if it's too late to surrender?
But I was thinking along Spiderman lines and if I get bitten by something radioactive I'll take on all it's powers.
(Apparent sarcasm) well, that's an easy one. We have one of the survivors of Robyn's nuclear tests downstairs.
Shortly...
You want me to do WHAT?
Just one bite, Ricky. Come on!

 

by southlondon
6-25-06
I'm sure you're all wondering why I've summoned you all here. Well, your savour has come, people. During the day, I am Neil Brooks, but in the field of combat I am...
CAPTAIN WONDER!
...And stay out!
PEONS! I'll fight this war alone, you'll see!

 

by southlondon
6-25-06
Through the desolate lands of the land that was once a great city I walk day and night.
Fighting a faceless enemy I cannot hope to beat, I wander aimlessley in the hope of inspiration in my quest.
Alright, you can come back inside, just stop muttering to yourself!

 

by southlondon
7-17-06
Some time in the near future...
And a big thank you for coming to Andrew Daalhouse, whose fouth album is released this week.
*-Jeremy Kyle, who stopped counselling chavs and focused on the much more lucrative angle of celebrities. Unfortunately, the stress gave him premature grey hair.
And now for my next guest, Neil Brooks. Otherwise known as southlondon, the creator of the Reality Adventures comic series and film. He will tell us his story of his rise to the big screen.
Thanks Jeremy*. Apart from the rags-to-riches tale it's also a sordid tale of sex, drugs and alcohol.
Uh huh?
Well ok, just alcohol.

 

by southlondon
7-17-06
Okay then Neil, you had a successful comic strip which later became a film. What happened? What turned an easily made comic on stripcreator.com into a critical darling?
Well Jeremy, as I said, it's a long story. A long, interesting, story.
That's OK, we have all the time we need. As you know, we are part of only 2% of non-reality TV programming. Therefore, we've got as long as we want.
Of course. Well, I'll start at the beginning.
One lazy afternoon, I can't remember what year, I saw this site...uh...advertised on a...er...forum."
Hey wait, this doesn't look like strippers.com!
Welcome to Stripcreator!

 

by southlondon
7-17-06
"As my interest in the site peaked, I started to get comments and feedback. It was a golden age.
That's it, the newest Jimbo comic is finished.
I did hundreds of comics, used the forums, whored my way to good votes and had fun.
Then, one fateful day in 2006, I did something that would change my Stripcreator experience forever.
Hey Chris, I got a good site to show you.
Jesus Neil, you really need to get this pornography problem sorted. Find a girlfriend!

 

by southlondon
7-17-06
"All it took was one casual word to my friend Chris and my friends' interest in stripcreator grew.
Chris joined that day. Robyn joined. Peter joined. Sean eventually joined.
But of course, mine were best. And anyone who tells you otherwise is a hippy communist tool."

 

by southlondon
7-17-06
"First of all, we were only doing individual comics. Spewing them out and arguing over whose were best.
I WANT to pretend Chris' comics are funny, but I just can't damnit!
Then yours truloy had the idea of making comics about real life situations and parodying them slightly.
Then I had an even better idea. Why not use the concept of reality adventures but in a surreal, out of place surrounding?"
Ooh yeah! That'll be a good idea. Oh...what? You were expecting a punchline to this strip? There's a slight joke in panel one people, this is epic storytelling here!

 

by southlondon
7-17-06
The Trip opened the floodgates to all the reality advenutes. We had Lock In, Search and Rescue, The Quest and the War.
The Quest and the War were good because they were co-written by Robyn.
Unfortunately, doing this opened up a dormant (well, not so dormant) personality trait in Robyn; it turned out she was an evil megalomaniac after all.
Mental note: NEVER put Robyn in charge of her own planet Earth.
Kill! Torture! etc etc

 

by southlondon
7-17-06
Then, during the summer of 2006, everthing changed. It started while I was lounging about at home.
Huh? Oh God, I've run out of ideas!
I developeded a terrible writer's block. I couldn't think of anything. I stopped logging into stripcreator while wasting hours playing MafiaLife, randomly trolling IMDB and watching Scrubs DVDs.
Come on guys, all I did was kill your Consiglieri, stop living in the past!
Shoot warning! Shoot warning! Shoot warning!
I saw Chris, Sean and Andrew frequently of course. I could have taken the immense emotional stress associated with spending time with my friends and made some dark gothic poetry but I couldnt be arsed

 

by southlondon
7-18-06
Then one day, my ship came in.
Excuse me, are you Neil Brooks, otherwise known as southlondon?
Who wants to know? (Oh wait, I'm not a fugitive. Yet.) Yeah, that's me.
I'm Harvey Weinstien, the top movie producer.
Aw, are you here to tell me to stop sending hundreds and hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of letter to Universal Studios?
Well...yes, but there's also a second motive.
Uh huh?

 

by southlondon
7-18-06
Picture this: Reality Adventures-The Movie. You can pick whichever A List actor gets to play you and you'll get a say on casting, filming and the script.
Whichever A List, Oscar winners you pick to play you, they'll follow you around for a few weeks to get your character.
Plus, you'll have tickets for the Oscars where you can pester all your favourite stars with questions and pointless suggestions you've always wanted to ask them. What do you say?
(Has passed out due to sheer ecstasy)

 

by southlondon
7-18-06
At the William, Sunday night...
So here's the pitch: The Trip, the Movie. We all get to pick, within reason, which Hollywood A Lister gets to play us.
We get a say in everything, plus we get to socialise with the stars first and foremost so they can get our character. Plus, we make shitloads of money either way and get to go to the Oscars!
Neil, we know you use an obsession with films as a method of escapism and you'd rather shag a DVD case than a woman...
No, Bruce, this is serious!
Look, I always thought that if we were slightly nicer to you, you'd give up this obsession. Maybe it's time to do that now!

 

by southlondon
7-18-06
Ah, you guys don't believe me? Meet Harvey Weinstien, he produces loads of films.
Hey, didn't you produce Pulp Fiction?
Yup, that's me.
And as I say to everyone who asks, I have no idea what's in the suitcase.

 

by southlondon
7-18-06
So this is your office, huh?
Yep, welcome to Hollywood, Mr Brooks.
It's like a wonderland. Anyway, thanks for inviting me out here. After they met you my friends are VERY excited about the film. In fact, all they've done is pitch me casting ideas for their characters
I knew it, everyone loves a good movie. Now. Shooting's gonna take place in England mainly so we're gonna need to hire the best of British old-school, tea drinking comedians.
Ok. My dad had his heart set on Nick Nolte but we can get Hugh Lauwrie instead.
Good. Steven Fry too. Who could he play?

 

by southlondon
7-19-06
Hmm, casting ideas. Chris has Sean Astin written all over him. Sean wanted Duncan from Blue but I'm not sure.
For Tony I'm deciding between Ryan Reynolds and the guy that plays Bradley in Eastenders, he's a ginger. Jade can be Elisha Dushku and Robyn...I'll have to think of someone that doesn't earn me a slap
I can't think of anyone for Andrew, I might make him CGI.

 

by southlondon
7-19-06
Neil, we've had some feedback from the actors you wanted to play you.
Oh right?
Christian Bale is busy doing Batman, Orlando Bloom just laughed and Cillian Murphy tried to sell me some pegs. Danny Dyer's making Outlaw. But there was one actor who was very interested.
Who?
Shortly...
Ralf Little will play me when hell freezes over!

 

by southlondon
7-20-06
I know Pete. Ralf fucking Little. Never in a million years. I'ed prefer the one that plays Janet to him.
Never mind you, who's playing me?
Look, I've put a lot of thought into this, and I'm bringin in Frankie Munez.
But don't get me wrong, we're gonna do a make up job to make him more trampy.
Ah.

 

by southlondon
7-22-06
Wow Harvey, thanks for the Hollywood tour. Hey, is that Tom Cruise and John Travolta up ahead!?!?!?
Yep, just keep walking. Don't make eye contact with them.
What? But why?
Well, I was hosting a fundraiser last month and I may have let slip with a non-offensive jibe against Scientology. Now they're ignoring me completely.
Hey John, it's that Harvey Weinstien asshole.
Don't worry Tom, Xenu will deal with the infidel.

 

by southlondon
7-22-06
Ha ha, what a pair of arseholes.
Don't say it too loud. The religious cults control Hollywood. In fact, the Scientologists' shouldn't even be here, they're on the turf of...
Step aside, Weinstien. We got some business wit' some crackas in our hood.
Oh my God! It's Madonna and the Kaballah Krew! Neil, this is about to get ugly. I'd run.
We got a problem, Mr Cruise. You and your Scientisists are on our turf, fool!
That's Scientologist, bitch, an' I don't see your name on this block.

 

by southlondon
7-22-06
Well, that wasn't exactly Catholics and Protestants, but it was one of the more interesting bouts of religious gang violence. Well, religious cult violence.
Yeah. It's good we got out of there, John Travolta was about to call Isaac Hayes for backup.
Anyway. How's my film coming along? Any of the cast confirmed.
Not as yet. But I must warn you, all the cast WILL be following you around most places, and that includes the pub.
Neil! Are you OK?
Sorry, every time I hear that I think I can come to terms with the awesome brilliance of it.

 

by southlondon
7-23-06
"Ere Gaz, where do you think dogs go when they die?" "Err...dog heaven?" (Audience goes crazy with canned laughter.)
*-I'm not illiterate, it really is spelt Ralf rather than Ralph.
Well Ralf* it's not that I don't think you're funny. I love what you've done with Two Pints, really I do.
Thanks! I also did Royle Family.
Err...yes. Anyway, I'm sorry, but I've found someone else. He's a bit like you, only he's American, genuinely funny, and his sitcom doesn't have to resort to cheap cracks about masurbation to be funny
Well, damn, I can't compete with that. Who is this guy?

 

by southlondon
7-23-06
Hey Neil, is this your house?
That's right Zack (Braff), I was just getting rid of Ralf Little.
Well, I know when I'm not wanted.
That's good, Ralf, that means I won't have to tell you to fuck off.
Anyway, I should be getting back to Manchester. Will Mellor might be able to get me a part in that new postman sitcom he's filming.
Alright, good luck with that. I'll be discussing contracts with my new best friend Zack Braff.

 

by southlondon
7-23-06
Ha ha, what a loser
Wait! What if Zack needs a stunt double?
Ralf Little, on the off chance you actually are reading this, I think Two Pints is fucking hilarious, I was just making fun of the horribly written script.
FUCK OFF ALREADY!

 

by southlondon
7-23-06
Ok Zack, are we ready to do business?
Hmm no, not exactly.
Ok, what do you need?
I need a favour. A pretty big one.
Go on?
I want you to kill Ashton Kutcher.

 

by southlondon
7-23-06
What? You want me to....but why? I'm not a murderer.
Well, I was going to hire a hitman but I figured this would be easier. You see, Ashton Kutcher totally fucked up my PR. Thanks to Punk'd, everyone now realises I'm just a nasty, arrogant arsehole.
Uh huh.
Well, before that, everyone just thought I was a happy-go-lucky nice guy just like JD. It's killed my reputation.
And you won't play me until I do this? Right, OK.

 

by southlondon
7-25-06
OK, and next on Punk'd, we're going to play a little joke on Michael J Fox!
As we all know, Michael suffers from Parkinsons Disease. So we're going to lock him in a room and turn the temperature down, activiating his shakes and making him slowly suffocate!
Crowd: Yay!
Hey, Kutcher, yippee ki-yay motherfucker!
(Gulp) Bruce Willis?

 

by southlondon
7-25-06
Right, I've satisfied your kill quota, will you take the part now?
You killed him? Nice!
Yup. I set Bruce Willis on him, everyone can tell he still loves Demi Moore.
Nicely done, but I'm still gonna need you to kill somebody else.
WHAT? Oh go on then, who is it?
Judy Reyes. Two reasons, one, her character is apparently more popular than mine, and two, she called me 'Bambi' off screen by accident.

 

by southlondon
7-25-06
Oh my God, it's actually Judy Reyes!
Hi, how can I help?
Erm...I'm really sorry but Zack Braff sent me to kill you.
Ah, I knew he wouldn't let that 'Bambi' comment slip. Plus I think he's totally gay for Donald Faison, and is jealous that I get to play his wife.
Aww, I don't wanna kill you, Carla's one of my favourite Scrubs characters.
Yeah, and you know that whole Angry Latina thing I do on the show? That's not an act.

 

by southlondon
7-25-06
Meanwhile, in the pub...
Come on, Duncan James, you know you wanna play me. My ego needs stroking!
I don't even know what I'm doing here! Where's my agent?
EMMA-FUCKING-WATSON?
Come on, give me a chance, I am the same age as you!
Wow, I'm so glad they chose you rather than Bradley from Eastenders, Ryan Reynolds!
I'm Ryan Reynolds!

 

by southlondon
7-25-06
Wow, I can't believe Elisha Dushku is going to play me!
Hey, aren't you the guy that played Sherman in American Pie?
I AM THE SHERMANATOR!
Bastards! I'll play myself!

 

by southlondon
7-25-06
Soon the pub was divided between the pairs happy with casting and those still working on it.
Wow, Sean Astin!
Wow, Chris Manlow! Oh wait, you're not famous. Still, you will be when I play you.
I'm glad we could come to an agreement as well.
I'm Ryan Reynolds!
But...but...you're so non-evil! You're like the anti-evil!
No, I can play evil, I just don't. There's an alternative Harry Potter when I'm the evil one and er...yeah, I'm in talks to play that.

 

by southlondon
7-25-06
Soon the pub was divided between the pairs happy with casting and those still working on it.
Wow, Sean Astin!
Wow, Chris Manlow! Oh wait, you're not famous. Still, you will be when I play you.
I'm glad we could come to an agreement as well.
I'm Ryan Reynolds!
But...but...you're so non-evil! You're like the anti-evil!
No, I can play evil, I just don't. There's an alternative Harry Potter when I'm the evil one and er...yeah, I'm in talks to play that.

 

by southlondon
8-07-06
So the cast weren't getting along with their real life counterparts.
Well, some were, some weren't. I eventually gave up on Zack Braff, Ralf Little was more than happy to take the part. When I rung him for it, he picked up after one ring.
Then things took a turn. I was still making comics, Ralf even did some with me. Then, early August, my girlfriend Sophie broke up with me and said we should be 'Just Friends' after only four days.
Aw, how tragic.
You're fucking telling me, mate!

 

by southlondon
8-07-06
Well, after that, I stopped making light hearted comics. Reality Adventures became a dark, morbid graphic novel. I had storylines about drugs, murder, satanism.
I almost felt like Roman Polansky, having personal tragedy influence my art, making it macabre. Except that I didn't have a wife who was murdered.
And I didn't have sex with a thirteen year old girl.

 

by southlondon
8-11-06
Neil Brooks/Ralf Little correspondence project comic 1
I was talking to my boyfriend about condoms.
Good. I always practice safe sex.
You've never practiced safe sex in your life. You've picked up more dirt than a JCB in your time!
[Canned audience laugh]
Ralf!
I know, I know. If it didn't work in the show, it won't work in your comics.

 

by southlondon
8-23-06
Ah, I see Heather Mills and Paul McCartney are feuding again.
The question is, am I on the side of my mum's friend's daughter's ex best friend's sister or a musician I look up to immensely?
Actually, the real question is, will either of them give a flying fuck who's side I'm on?

 

by southlondon
8-23-06
Neil's aunt has come over for a haircut and a chat...
And then it's the blacks, it's their fault, the spades. No, wait, it's the Arabs! Bloody asylum seekers, etc etc etc
How's it going, Mary?
Hi Neil. I was just telling Shelagh what's wrong with England. I should run England. In fact, they should make me a secret agent. I'd make a great secret agent!
Yeah, as long as they don't station you in France, Spain, Africa, the Middle East, Russia, anywhere with foreigners, anywhere with Northerners, anywhere with anyone not English or Irish.......

 

by southlondon
10-03-06
Hey, ladies and gentlemen. More accurately, those ladies and gentlemen who have not completely given up on Reality Adventures.
Much like Only Fools and Horses, Bad Girls and the new Bond films, the Reality Adventures have, sadly, deteriorated in the course of time.
And they will be ten times funnier than this panel. Yes they will. Because I'm funny damnit! And I...oh, forget it.
That is why I've decided to can the last Reality Adventure, that shit with the film, and go back to what made my original Reality Adventures great.

 

by southlondon
10-04-06
Sunday night at the pub
Well guys, it's been a crazy few months, what with all the parralel worlds, fantastic journeys and clones. But here we are, back to normal.
Uh huh.
It may have been quite a ride, but now we're completely back to where we were.
Are you TRYING to tempt fate, or what?

 

by southlondon
10-04-06
In the dorms, at Reading...
...and once we finish off the drinks, we can start on the antifreeze! How crazy and Hayes is that?
Yeah, that sounds pretty crazy. I...
What's wrong?
Oh, it's nothing, Sheldon the 2nd, just that...I had a psychic feeling. You know, when I feel an adventure coming on.
That could be down to all the cheap booze.
Maybe. Just maybe.

 

by southlondon
10-08-06
Chris and Sean are bumming around at Neil's, playing Pro Evo...
Ray Winstone wouldn't miss that shot. Hitler would. You're Hitler youth!
...
Yeah Neil, you're Hitler Youth! What would Ray Winstone do, Neil?
"Out! OUT!"
No sense of humour, that guy.

 

by southlondon
10-08-06
Driving down Marlow Road...
Aww, it sucks that we can't hang around Neil's anymore.
My soul cries out for Pepperami...
So, where to? Bromley?
Yeah, alright.
At Starbucks...
(On the phone) Hey Neil! Whey! Right in your innocent face!
Who needs something constructive to do when we can bug Neil all day?

 

by southlondon
10-18-06
Hmm, I don't need those bastards. I'll watch some TV.
And next on Five, Jade Goody needs a PA to wipe her arse because she's too fat and inbred to do it herself!
"Ok, screw the TV, I'll go out with Rob and Attu instead."
Nah man, Plato's dialogue about Crito's the best, innit?
What? You know it's the Republic!
(On the phone) Yeah Chris, I've decided to forgive you. Can we go somewhere? ANYWHERE?

 

by southlondon
10-18-06
Ah see, he always comes round in the end. It's a good thing, considering the trip we're planning.
Hey guys. Oh, by the way Victoria, sorry about the avatar. Believe me when I say I looked far and wide.
It's good you're here. We were just about to plan our trip.

 

by southlondon
10-18-06
Alright folks, here's our mission. First we have to pick up Peter from Reading, then we're driving up to Manchester.
Why are we going to Manchester?
I believe *I* can answer that!
(Gasp) The plot development fairy!
You're going to Manchester cos I fucking said so. If you don't the plot will stop, the comic will be cancelled and you'll have to sell your body to science to make ends meet.
Fair enough. Could you repeat that to our readers so they don't question any weird and random plotlines that happen?

 

by southlondon
10-18-06
In the car...
Remind me why you're in the front again?
Because I shotgunned it, and because I rock.

 

by southlondon
10-18-06
Reading...
Pete, the call of adventure is here. We must not argue, we must not question, just get in the car.
Somehow I knew this day would come.
Twenty minutes later...
Right, that's everything. By the way, can Sheldon the 2nd come with us?
Erm...I'll have to ask Sean whether he can fit him in.
"NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!"
Well...he wanted to, but there was no space.
I got it, yah.

 

by southlondon
10-18-06
Back in the car (but if you didn't know it already, you should be sterilised for the sake of the gene pool)
Good to have you with us, Pete.
Eh, it was either that or painful asphyxiation by the Plot Fairy.
How's your course?
Er...course?
Yeah, your Uni course?
Oh yeah, that course. Sorry, me and the Hayes/Readingites have been hitting the antifreeze pretty heavy.

Showing page 7.

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