All comics by luminous_luciano

Profile

 

You loco! You... You... You !!! You need a wake-up call... yeah!
You have a definite tendency to repeat things you've heard off the cuff, don't you...
Si... si... but...
You have to realize that there is no way that the blind, the deaf and the dumb can give a "wake-up call" - to anyone! The only path for you is out of the frying pan... and into the fire!

 

As I recall, he was a scumbag, whose modus operandi was to skate up from behind opponents and spear them in the nuts.
Hence, Ken Linseman was the type of player EVERY SINGLE COACH IN THE NHL WANTED ON THEIR TEAM!
Esa Tikkanen was the best pest the game has ever seen. The best at blowing kisses too.
The Tikk did not do his pestiferous duty AND lead his team in scoring during ANY memorable playoff run... K.L. did in 1988! Oh, and... begone satan!
For my money - the best pest = the worst pest! And the worst of them all, the one who cost us a GREAT PLAYER, was ULF... the S.O.B. who ended Cam Neely's career...

 

Oink... where is everybody?
Ah - there you are... we tried it all with you - farm mascot, sheepherder, movie star... time for you to join the rest of the farm animals now...
At the Bu... the But... the Butch... At the Butch Barber Shop! Yeah, that's the ticket...

 

"I am the resident high school cheerleader turned fat mom. I don't care that I'm as deep as a puddle, and I hate things that require me to think. But I do have a protective reflex
especially when someone or something I like is being attacked. So luminious is bad in my book because he personally attacks people and the website in general."
Right. I can only hope that you are as motherly when it really matters. Like... in real life? I am not "attacking" though... Oh, and watch it with the vowels!
"luminous's ego personified would be larger than larry bird. I have to agree with another poster in this thread that all he cares about is being right. He's simply seeking validation
that what he is doing is okay and, more importantly, right."
Hmm... wrong. No validation required. For I am not on any crusade as you also erroneously seem to assume there. Larry Bird was the man though - yeah!

 

He's simply seeking validation that what he is doing is okay and, more importantly, right.
Uh... but he's just making stripcreations and that's all?!? Hellooooo?
You are the projectile feces of an irritable goat
That sad case - NooniePuuBunny - is one of a growing number of delusional psychotic self-deprecators... and "self-poopers" too! Sad, really... messy and sickening too!
I'll put it out of its misery eventually... don't be sad!

 

EYE - HI'M SMURPH!
AYE YONDER... AYE WONKERED... AYE WANKER... AYE WANDERED... AYE WONDER!!! YAY - EYE GOTH EET! HI... HI FORGOT WHOT AYE WONDERED THO...
Nothing quite as pathetic as the dyslexic mentally-deficient non-European Schtroumpf! Come - let me test my brain removing apparatus on thee now!

 

who gives a flying ****. if i listened to what people said about me, i'd be a raging alcoholic with no friends.
could have been.
and have a small *****
ah - that is debatable. I see no direct correlation... I think you're wrong on that part of your... reasoning?
who gives a flying ****. if i listened to what people said about me, i'd be a raging alcoholic with no friends.
ok

 

That's the secret to life... replace one worry with another.... - Charles M. Schulz
Let's see now... no more worrying about where to pee... let's worry about what to wipe it off it with now! Tee-Hee!
Right on, Sis - we should always worry about what REALLY MATTERS - not any other shit!
A camel makes an elephant feel like a jet plane. - Jackie Kennedy
Damn Camels! Their damn smoke bothers me too! Let's trample the suckers!
Right! Pachyderm Power - Activate!
Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart. - William Wordsworth
Alas some online users fill their bandwidth with the flatulences that come out from their other ends... ! Tee-Hee!
Ah - nothing will ever be as good as the sweet old days of pen, paper and duels to the death with le mousquet! Tee-Hee!

 

If you mention only half the story - YOUR HALF
Who kept PMing me? boo-trite and thee! Who brought her mother into the discussion, in order to diminish me? You did... Thurisa!
Distort the facts... and misquote outrageously too...
The exact words were: "Under different circumstances, I'd be a better friend to you..." But gee... who'd want to be friends with you, in retrospect... Hindsight is 20/20!
Oh - and improvise yourself literary critic... of FIRST DRAFTS. Speaking of which... maybe this alleged polished piece will be of interest... http://stories.lackofoxygen.net/tree.html
I laughed... I cried... Okay, I mostly laughed at the not-so moving tale of your first meeting with boo-trite... Yup, I should have read more - and not just skimmed through your stuff! Or... not.

 

By the way... many thanks to whoever it was who made the brilliant suggestion...
... that I P.M. Brad directly. I did. In fact, I was P.Ming him as a certain someone improvised herself my messenger...
Still waiting for that reply...

 

I'm a better friend to all of my close friends than you can possibly fathom... boo-trite! They can depend on me - 24/7. Could you boast the same - if you were in constant discomfort AS I AM - hmm?
by luminous_luciano, 2-21-06

 

Hint: "D.S." here does NOT stand for "Deep Space"...
"The one thing that pissed me off about Lucy was his ridiculous assertion that intelligent people don't like/make dirty jokes."
Don't know about Lucy's take on things...
... but Luce's take on this was that intelligent people would make intelligent jokes... the play on words variety... that sort of thing... it is only logical...
Aside from that... evidently, there are different strokes for different folks... but the luminous preference is to make more tasteful jokes... and comments... even if incisive they are.
Indubitably!
Oh - and for the George Carlin fan... http://img.tfd.com/dict/402/337836-disorderly.jpg --- we are more partial towards Steven Wright ourselves around here...

 

What's another word for Thesaurus? - Steven Wright
When I REALLY get myself into a haze here, I should be able to come up with that one...
Make up a totally nonsensical new word, you mean! But it's okay - we're prehistoric anyway... none of our ramblings will remain!
Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them. - Bill Cosby
Rewrites is so Tinseltownish... i.o.w. - so fake!
Go back to the editing of your first drafts then - and leave me alone with my jell-o and coke!
I am two with nature. - Woody Allen
Yup
Ditto

 

Ask a stupid question time: "Did he just try to insult you because you have a Transformers icon as your avatar?"
Answer: wrong assumption, as usual! The Transformers addiction bit refers to a so-called essay on that wretched subject...
"Man, that neck lump along with the ill family member in the living room sure kill the mood."
More wrong assumptions, I see. And it thinks it is clever. Poor memory and bored out of her wits housewife is more like it...
Then you seemed to be nice and suddenly, without provacation, came back at me with a nasty PM about how horrible I am.
Not the case at all - logically, nasty PMs are replies to nastyness that preceded it... no more provocations now - and watch it with the vowels!

 

You are INSANE if you don't believe that your friends will and do at times talk negatively about you behind your back
At some point we all just need to get over ourselves
Don't take it out on me just because I have better friends than you do... that is just too petty - even for the peeps around this place!

 

There is a nuance there...
Yep - this is the address all right...
Douchebag Central - corner of douchebag lane and douchebag avenue... What a lousy neighborhood I came to today!
Anyways... even rhetoric will not convince Al Qaida to come here... You are doomed to live! My condolences - to Wyoming!

 

Way to go practicing what you preach, ace
And for the record, none of us ever said anything like the above statement
Feces! Feces!
EETS TROO! EETS TROO! AHM SMURPH!
Nice try - off the mark once again though! It is the lowest form of humor when it is done WITHOUT PRIOR PROVOCATION!
And all this is, is but evening the score! Besides, I know a priest who used to say "do as I preach and don't do as I do!" *LOL*

 

Now you really aren't going to make friends.
Childish reply to my statement of the obvious: "who'd want to be friends with the likes of you?" Yes - I am paraphrasing myself; so don't nitpick!
I'll write poems about your death (paraphrasing myself too here!)
I'll just have you on my plate with sauce and a salad upon YOUR departure from this cold cruel world...
Let's make a deal...
I repeat: who in their right mind would want to be friends with the likes of YOU?!?

 

Sim... aqui nos somes mesmo todos caras de carralhos màl amanhados
Todos prontos para ir para os infernos!
Não temos juizo nenhum - e não queremos ter!
Somes doidos locos por tudo o que é baixo e sem vergogna! Oi - vamos fodar!
Somes trogloditas sem o minimo de respeito por nada e por ninguém! Nem sabemos o que é que o respeito come da manhão! Nem o meio-dia... nem a seia!
E é isso que nos chamam-se "humor" !! Tem que ser assim mesmo - somes sacanas aqui! Sacanas, pintas da foda e caras de carralhos! *Tee-Hee*

 

Ours! Je suis un ours! J'offre mes services pour extirper qui ou quoi que ce soit - en échange de gîte et nourriture! Awouais donc! S'IL VOUS PLAÎT!!!
Vous êtes un ours?!? Vous ne me semblez pas être un ours du tout! Vous ressemblez plutôt à un rejet de la rue Sésame!
Hé, oh, là... l'autruche de merde! Va te faire voir - t'as compris? Non mais, de quoi j'me mêle...?!?
Ta gueule, ours malapris! Va te faire foutre! Conard!
D'accord - qui me récompensera généreusement pour briser le cou d'une autruche? J'entends 500 Francs? 700? Qui dit mieux?
********

 

Gee, man... as permanently uncomfortable as I am... you look twice as uncomfortable!!!
I was born that way...
by luminous_luciano, 2-23-06

 

Golf is a good walk spoiled. - Mark Twain
You're really barking up the wrong tree here - I hate golf and I even hated Caddyshack and its lousy sequel too!
And no Happy Gilmore for me either! I don't know why I find that motormouth Bill Murray so funny though...
Nature is neutral. - Adlai E. Stevenson
Thank God for that! What would it be like if NATURE... MOTHER NATURE... acted the same way biased petty souls do randomly -- ?!?
We'd have random killer mudslides, tsunamis and earthquakes killing hundreds... randomly?
It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere. - Agnes Repplier
Hmm... deep stuff! As deep as the forest is... maybe!
Deep and scary... like bears, eh?

 

Hmm... quit baiting me into an argument - ho! All I said is that you're a dumb ho - which you are - okay? I surmised this with minimal knowledge and complete bias, but still... !
Baiting you? But I'm the one who feels targeted by an annoying, insulting and demeaning comment here...?!? One that is totally false to boot!
So what? If I annoy you... you don't have to respond! If you do, you're baiting! Baiting! Baiting! I'm a master at baiting too - but that's not to be factored in right now...
You annoyed me first by your disparaging remarks on my person - I've a right to fire back... that's democratic! That's only fair!
What are yo saying then - ho? That I'm the baiter here? No I'm not - you are! YOU - you - you! I'm more mature than you - I don't respond to juvenile attacks... I just make them unprovoked!
That makes no sense whatsoever! You lured me into this by calling me names - and now you want to weasel out by affixing me the label that should go to you?

 

WTF?!?
They're all taking potshots at the one and same guy... and he's the baiter?
And they're all pure, innocent debaters? Rrrrrrright...
Baiting is annoying... luring into argument... persecuting!
Any amoeba would be able to tell who's being persecuted there... hence who is being baited!
Yer a' a bunch of bawbags!

 

Forum moderator (only moderately so though) admits to having had irritating genital sores...
Too bad they don't impede you from performing your... ah... "duties"!
Genital sores source is exposed...
feces! feces!
bawbag!
Coitus interruptus.
This never happened to Samurai Jack...
You had your fun with my sister, noonie puke - now you're gonna pay!

 

A promise!
Okay now - now that the luminous stripcreator has vindicated himself from uncalled for (not to mention unprofessional) comments coming from an alleged mod...
He must have inspired himself from that priest I mentioned - right here too! He who said "do as I preach and don't do as I do"! Sheesh!
A luminous promise!
DON'T aggravate the luminous stripcreator anymore - and he will not immortalize you any more than you DO NOT deserve to be! ~ Tee-Hee!
They all seem to think they can make their puny remarks unpunished... Not! We are accountable for EVERY LITTLE THING WE DO...
They get to be kept - always!
Besides, as we've established here, persecuting is not what the luminous one is doing - and striking back is democratic!
That was illustrated brilliantly but simply enough for even the smallest intellect here to grasp the concept...

 

How's the health?
Writing AND writhing in pain... and you?
I'm contemplating suicide... but a few homicides first, just to get in the mood, y'know...
Uh... I guess...
Have a good day now!
Too late, I can't - I just spoke to you! I'm officially in a funk for the next two weeks now...

 

Better a witty fool than a foolish wit. - William Shakespeare
I think most of us can agree with that... right?
Deeds, not stones, are the true monuments of the great. - John L. Motley
Indeed!
So, quit worrying if you've got the stones to do something... and just do it!
If the Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me - Jimmy Buffett
Bastard!

 

Change alone is eternal, perpetual, immortal. - Arthur Schopenhauer
I dunno... Seems t'me like the grumpy unmoving and unchanging ones are pretty darn close to an eternity... in hibernation!
Is that another potshot at bears there... eh? EH?
We must all obey the great law of change. It is the most powerful law of nature. - Edmund Burke
Is that like... erotism or something? ~~ Tee-Hee!
No, silly - erosion! That and the ever-evolving or de-evolving into chaos planetary climate... !!
I hate music, especially when it's played. - Jimmy Durante
I like it loud... right between the eaaaaars... !?!
Jimmy D was so right... which must mean that Jimmy Page was so wrong?

 

This man is an educated moron. F-
F... F... F... f*ck this man here forgot what else he was about to spew out... heh-heh-heh
Of course you are a moron - now quit talking about yourself in the 3rd person and let's get out of here before the priest sees us - you cunt!

 

I heard you were a strict vegetarian, padre! Wow - and I thought you kept fit and trim only through fasting and prayer!
You ain't got a prayer nor a snowball's chance in hell of getting this fit - sistah!
Oh really? I eat vegetarian too! The Morningstar Farms meatballs! I adore them!
That sounds like an unholy foul mixture - I'd stay away from those if I were you!
Gee... what kind of a priest are you anyways?!?
Déjà-vu - I've been asked this before - by more than one lady! I always say: the sarcastic soon to be defrocked and free to bed thee "kind" - baby!

 

[Moderator Confessional]
Hey, look, I've been lumed
http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/luminous_luciano/339472
INCORRECT! You have been EXPOSED once before - as promised if you kept on attacking! Thanks for coining a new word based on luminous, I guess... It's too late to play that card now though!
Whoa - I a-am t-taken a-aback here... How did I miss that?!? Bibi bibere... uh... bébedo! *burp*

 

Hmmpff! I am not taking any chances with Cheney... I'm shooting him first! He wants new thrills... hunting people... what's next - Soylent Green?
My sister sucks so bad... she looks like a puffer fish giving birth!
My sister sucks so bad, she looks like a marmoset with a painful hernia!
Gee... this mod is to a free-thinking, even-playing-field forum as Saddam Hussein was to democracy!

 

Vous voulez pas me donner vingt piasses de plus? Cinquante piasses de plus? C'est pas-un-pro-blème...! C'est vous qui aller payer!
Hey, Gourgen - you're the worst landlord of all time - but have I got a deal for you! Listen up...
Hmm... c'est quoi cette odeur? Pas d'pro-blème... Pas d'pro-blème... Pas d'pro-blème... Pas de chats - vous avez pas l'droit! C'est vous qui aller partir!
But... but... I don't WANT to leave my apartment!
J'connais la loi! Mais j'veux plus d'argent! Oui, j'travaille! Mais il me faut plus - beaucoup plus! J'dois beaucoup à la banque... *snif* *snif*
Having you in my neighborhood was bad enough... why did you have to bring your buddies along too? Enough kidding around now - shoo! Scram!

 

This will be a good transaction for me... really?
No - but you're a sucker; feel free to think so!
La malédiction de Dieu est sur toi.
I lost everything - I didn't make a penny in this whole damn adventure! It's all your fault!
Yes - that's true. You are your own worst enemy... Shoot already.

 

The preceding two strips should have been titled "THE BALLAD OF GOURGEN PEABRAINHEAD" - Tee-Hee!
Awwwww - what an heartwarming homage to... The Ballad of Peter Pumpkinhead, of course! Not the dweeb named Gourgen... ! Gee - the guy could be a George... !
by luminous_luciano, 3-04-06

 

I don't find it funny when people mock someone that is, ah, physically-challenged...
That's just cause youse got gross deformations yourself, ya misbegotten P.C. mutie / self-righteous hypocrite you !!!
What... you got lost without the other six dwarves around to guide you, old coot? HAR HAR HAR!
Now THESE are cheap!
Hiya handsome... wanna p-p-p-play?
I'm British - no cheap sex, STDs or charity cases for me... please!

 

First they had that disappointing rather than distinguished LXG...
So much for a sequel with War of the Worlds, Jack And The Beanstalk and Heidi thrown in there for good measure...
That project simply COULDN'T be successful! There were too many ghosts haunting it - those of all the authors that they ripped off!
Then they actually dared to release that awful and wretched Catwoman...
The Cat People as well as Eartha, Julie, Lee and Michelle were all extremely displeased...
So much so that rumor has it they did not lick themselves for two days straight!
And now they expect the sad clown turned violent vigilante routine will work with V For Vendetta?!?
HA! They have no idea what the evil clown that cries on the inside stick is TRULY all about... !! I'll tell them aaaaall about it though - for the right price!
What the Verner Brothers need to learn is that it takes much more than putting on a mask to make a killing!

 

Vocalist Jennifer Warnes was born today, back in 1947...
I'm drawing a blank though... what did she sing that was a big hit again...?
Actor David Faustino was born today, in 1974 - and Actress Jessica Biel was also born today, but in 1982...
Aww... cutesy wootsy sarcastic little bro from Married... With Children! He took after his TV dad... or was it really his one-eyed mom that he took after?!? Tee-Hee!
And that Invisible Dark Angel of the Deep... was she born that way or did she develop it all... just like anorexia?
In 2001, a 15-year-old boy opened fire at a Santee, Calif., high school, killing two students and wounding 13 other people.
Odd that we have the names of the birthday boys and gals but not of the dead that departed prematurely... uh... what the...?!?
I'm just here to say that I meant SCHTICK - SCHTICK! Not stick - on the previous stick... uh... strip! Yeah...

 

*Waugh* They either whacked all the others... or I forgot that it's my birthday - and they will all emerge from the barn shouting "surprrrrise"! Yeah - rrrrright!
*Waugh* This is just too eerie! The farm is turning into something like that freaky farm in that book... where evil dictatorial pigs take over!
Things looked brighter when I was an ugly duckling... *waugh*!
Ah - there you are...

 

Hey, teach... I have a ton of questions... and not the slightest answers!
I know - it sure shone through bright and clear on your last half-dozen tests! Six straight "F"s - going for the record aren't you?
Help me out, teach! I am willing to learn - I really am!
You're lucky they pay me for this... Go on... tell me what you need help with... be quick about it!
Uh... I was just kidding ya, teach! I couldn't care less about your course or education overall! Had ya fooled there, eh?
The joke's going to be on you in no time at all, kiddo. Class dismissed!

 

Remember that happiness is a way of travel - not a destination. - Roy M. Goodman
And a journey of I forget how many steps begins with a single step forward...
Easy enough to say... considerably harder to put into practice!
There are sadistic scientists who hurry to hunt down errors instead of establishing the truth. - Marie Curie
Marie! Curie! Chérie! Yippee! Now to clone myself a Louis Pasteur or two...
I think it would be a good idea. - Mahatma Gandhi
Wow... and I think this must be the most allusive, scattered tidbit of feel-good thought like... EVER! Tee-Hee!
Great minds come up with those - they are applicable to virtually all situations since they seem to cover it ALL... !

 

1770 - British troops killed five colonials in the so-called Boston Massacre
Is that, like, the time when the Bruins blew that big playoff lead...?
Nah - you dummy! The Boston Massacre took place way before that day of infamy... !
... one of the events that led to the American Revolution.
Uh... when the Red Sox lost to the Reds?
I'm just about ready to re-enact it for you... I'll play one of the British troops... and you...
And in 1623, Virginians prove to be no fun at all by banning booze...
That would change... like with everything else; give it time! *burp*

 

All phone calls are obscene. - Karen Elizabeth Gordon
You're not kidding me...
This is your top creditor - your payment is due... NOW! Have a nice day!
He not busy being born is busy dying. - Bob Dylan
Tee-Hee!
Gotta keep busy, eh?
Who loves, raves. - Lord Byron
I'm not grounded then?
So, that is why you were out 24 hours straight... cause you rave... cause you love... okaaaay!

 

Heads or Tails? Halos or Horns? Fangs or... er... Claws? Win-Win for me - heh-heh! Place your bet, Ralph! Don't be shy! Heh-heh!
Quit tempting me to gamble, Bub! This isn't like the time we wagered on who had the best hair - this is Good Versus Evil here! And Slice and Dice time!
Sorry, Mr. Fly... we had to severe the fly head from the human body. It is simply not believable nowadays, with all the CGI and FX that are available, y'know...
Taciturn assassin, hmm? I will do the talking... and, hopefully, procrastinate so much that you will grow bored and let me die of old age instead - deal?

 

All in a day's work...
You've won absolutely nothing you know - I'll be back! Reincarnation, Resurrection, Haunting, Cloning... There's A LOT of options nowadays!
So, you're telling me I've got to the same job - over and over and over again?!? This sucks!
There's hope... You're getting Fired soon... right by the Lake!

 

Knowledge is power. - Francis Bacon
Maybe I just don't WANNA know what bacon is... or where it comes from - okay?
The noblest pleasure is the joy of understanding. - Leonardo Da Vinci
Sheesh - then quit making it so overtly obfuscated, you obtuse Vitruvian man! Tee-Hee! Talk about being obstreperous...!
The most obvious things are not so easily observed by the most brilliant minds sometimes... hmm? Odd... It's not coded rubbish, pourtant...!!!
Be a fountain, not a drain. - Rex Hudler (not Hubbard now)
I'm stuck to do the same job, over and over and over again?!?
No - you're done

 

Look at you... you make me shameful! Do you know who you are? You are the son of Redbeard - the legendary Redbeard!
Huh... yeah... so what?
So what? SO WHAT? You have to be a merciless menace that scavenges the seven seas - just like ME! THAT'S WHAT!
I prefer to use other methods now... dad! We gotta be in sync with the times... uh... "har-har" - as you'd say!
You make me shameful.
The blushing goes well with the beard, dad. Are you sure you're not just bashful though... hmm?

 

What's for dinner now? All that slaughtering in the high seas has made me hungry!
Ah - you will delight with this French delicacy - Escargot à l'ail et au citron! The Queen of France adores it...
What? Escargots? SNAILS? As if the smell of blood and the seasickness alone wasn't enough - you want to make me sick to my stomach - HUH?
Oh, non - NON, Monsieur! It is one of my very best recipes, I assure you!
You serve it to Davey Jones then - come along now, you're going for a walk...

 

...and in closing, even though it might be the end for me, don't expect a bumbling buccaneer to honor that pathetic pact I signed in a drunken haze... har-har!
Fine... fine! But you will see... When they come to take away your possessions and legacy, that pact will look mighty good to you then! And you will call me back!
By the black and blue bloatedness of the cancerous Blackbeard - who or what are YOU... and what are you doing onboard my freighter?!?
Har - Har! I'm taking over this ship now - you're finished, grandpa! Take a hike, off the plank - feed the sharks; be a good sport!
Uh... Mepheeeshhh-toeee?!? Come baaaack!!!
I beamed onboard too - your frigate is not in regulation with the Federation... oh, damn! Scotty sank my battleship again! We play, to kill time, y'know...

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