All comics by TheGovernor

Profile

 

by TheGovernor
11-04-02
Ok there she is, just remember what you practiced...."I really like you, I think you're great, would you like to go out with me?"
Boobies!

 

by TheGovernor
11-04-02
Idiot! what the hell did you say that for?..come on think you can salvage this......
Wait, please, I didn't mean that, im sorry, what I meant to say was...
JUGS!

 

by TheGovernor
11-04-02
It didnt work did it? As soon as you got up to Janet your mind went blank and you just said the first thing that popped into your head didnt you?
Yes, how did you know?
You probably made some crude remark about the fact her body is devoloping ahead of schedule? Didnt you?
Uncanny, how could you possibly know that?
She just emailed it to the entire class

 

by TheGovernor
11-04-02
So what can I do about this? Everytime I try to ask her out I just clam up and blurt out obscenities
I wouldnt really call "Jugs" an obscenity, but I guess in the context it was used it could be considered. Look on the bright side...
At least you didnt call them Tits!

 

by TheGovernor
11-04-02
I really need some help
The problems not you, its your hormones, basically as soon as you begin to hit puberty you start to think sexual thoughts at least once every six seconds
So whats the solution?
Try asking her out in five seconds or less.

 

by TheGovernor
11-06-02
Actually I thought "Jugs" was inspired.
With so much smut available to us on the Internet and TV, to fall back on a classic almost "carry on" comedy staple like that shows intellegence
Although personally I would have probably opted for "MELONS"

 

by TheGovernor
11-08-02
Well?
All Right, I admit it, It was me who ate your last mars bar from the fridge, Now will you get me down now please?

 

by TheGovernor
11-10-02
I think I'l give up on the whole asking a girl out thing for the moment
Well your track record isn't exactly brilliant in that department
Its not like my heart wasn't in the right place
Yes but your brain was on holiday in the south visiting its cousins Go and Nads.

 

by TheGovernor
11-10-02
Life was so much easier when I was 12
This past year my life has seen a dramatic rise in the levels of complex, time consuming burdens to my already hectic lifestyle
And thats just the amount of Spam I have to sort through in my Inbox every day.

 

by TheGovernor
11-11-02
What are you up to?
Homework Essay; "Do you agree that we have now reached a point where there are no new ideas left in the world, and that every idea has been said or done before?"
How it coming along?
Not Bad, I just found a copy of one on the internet and am printing it out now

 

by TheGovernor
11-11-02
Ok, maybe if I dont look I can probably get through this problem and ask her out
Hi, sorry about what I said last time, but I really like you and I was wondering if you want to do something together, like see a movie on saturday?
Im flattered but I dont think you are really my type.

 

by TheGovernor
11-30-02
The Roman Perspective
You comfortable Jesus?
yeah, its not too bad once you're up
So let me get this straight, you nail me to a cross, and this in some way allows me to forgive all humanities sins in the eyes of god?
Na not really, just thought it'd be a laugh.

 

by TheGovernor
11-30-02
So did you read the news today?
yes

 

by TheGovernor
11-30-02
So did you like the new James Bond Movie?
yes

 

by TheGovernor
11-30-02
Do you believe in god?
yes

 

by TheGovernor
11-30-02
The "Asian Girls Discuss" artist gets called in to the bosses office to hear about whether the comic works
The Ratings are in for the asian girls sketch, and im afraid its not good news
People dont seem to like the single joke premice or appreciate the lazy strip creation using the default characters, in fact its just plain bad.
you're not listening to me are you?
yes

 

by TheGovernor
11-30-02
Do you think we should tinker with the format?
yes

 

by TheGovernor
11-30-02
Do you think anyone will notice?
yes

 

by TheGovernor
11-30-02
I think this works better, dont you?
yes

 

by TheGovernor
11-30-02
Do you like paintings?
yes

 

by TheGovernor
12-03-02
Do you agree that there were a lot of historical events in the 20th century?
yes

 

by TheGovernor
12-05-02
Take me to your leader
Take me to your leader
Ok Dad I'll invade Iraq for ya.
Bugger It.

 

by TheGovernor
12-10-02
Sir, we've analysed the thousands of pages of duel use technology the Iraqi's gave us
Good, so whats have they got?
Well in a school in Baghdad; the first items on the list include 10 boxes of HB pencils, and 4 boxes of Rubber Bands
And whats your conclusion?
Well Sir it looks like they may be building Miniture catapults to use in Hand-to-hand combat with our troops...
Order an Air Stike immediately!

 

by TheGovernor
12-11-02
Shit, turns out it was just a school, and we just killed all those Iraqi kids. The UN are up in arms
What de you suggest?
Well sir they did have a science department, we could argue that they were training the kids to make chemical weapons.
Sounds like a plan. Do ya think they'll buy it?
Well they still believe your brother Jeb didnt fix the election for us in florida, so I think they probably will.
True

 

by TheGovernor
12-11-02
Well Sir, thats settled, we can get back to the list
ok whats next?
Item 3 on the Duel Use list. 40,000 copies of a previously unreleased New Kids on the Block Album
Oh my God. Take us to Defcon 1
Yeah, dont even think the UN could argue with that one. Hate to think what their other use for that was.

 

by TheGovernor
12-11-02
Meanwhile in Iraq...
Damn those American Infidels
How on earth did they discover that the Scud Mark 2 was a delivery system for cheesy Boy Band Albums?
Surely such a weapon would have tipped the scales in our favour, sadly it is not to be...

 

by TheGovernor
12-11-02
Hi Im from the UN, I take it in the name of Humanity you've destroyed all copies of that Unreleased New Kids on the Block album
You realise such a weapon would have dessimated your allied troops. Making such a grand sacrifice surely shows good faith on our part towards peace
Yes that is a good first step, Im sure it will slow Bush's lust for War for the time being.
Will I be compensated under the UN's "cheesy pop cd's for food" programme?
Im sure we can find some left over pizza boxes and half eaten Big Macs for your efforts.

 

by TheGovernor
12-11-02
In a secret underground Laboritory near Baghdad
We are aborting project 'crap pop'
darn it
We will have to let Donnie Whalberg and the rest of them go.
really?
No, just shoot them, that should show the UN we are committed to peace.
Saddam will probably get a Nobel prize for that.

 

by TheGovernor
12-23-02
Secret Iraqi Bunker
Hey Saddam, We've made preparations to provide you with cover if the Americans attack, unfortunately we couldnt get any people in the palace to make a human shield so we went with plan-B
Whats Plan-B?
We've filled your palaces' with Cats
!
Inside Saddams Palace...

 

by TheGovernor
12-23-02
Research shows Americans will not support any attack conducted against defenceless moggies.
Thats good to hear
Cheap Character Plot Gap answer
By the way my fearless leader, why are you dressed up like that plumber Mario from the videogame?
Im going to a fancy dress party!
So it wasnt just the fact he had a tash then.
Well that explains that

 

by TheGovernor
12-23-02
Meanwhile...
Sir, CIA have been sending reports that a huge build up of Cats is taking place at many of Saddams' Palaces
What proportion of the American populace own or love cats?
Aproxamatly 23% sir, and then you have the Animal rights people to deal with
Shit, wouldnt want to piss them off, they can get pretty nasty, remember what happened to JFK after he stood on that dogs tail?
We should call Tony, see if he has any Ideas
Tony who?

 

by TheGovernor
12-23-02
Surely you remember Tony Blair?
Buh?
You know, Prime Minister Blair, English Guy, Our main ally in the War on Terror.
Wha?
Big-Eared Guy, wife hangs around with Shady Aussie property dealers.
Oh that Tony! yeah what the hell give him a call.

 

by TheGovernor
12-25-02
At Number 10...
SIR Ive got that illiterate bonehead from america on line 3, im putting him through now, he said something about cats, but I couldnt reallly understand what the fuck he was on about
Hello George, what can I do for you?
Saddams pulled the a cat out of the bag, litterally. Hes filled his palaces with cute kittens in an attempt to win the propaganda war. You got any thoughts what we could do? hows cheryl?
It's Cherie actually, Erm shit, oh well that scuppers that plan, personnaly to be honest I wasnt too keen on the war anyway, was only going along with it cos you said it would be a laugh

 

by TheGovernor
12-25-02
We gotta do it tony, we took a hit and now we gotta show the world who runs the show, and that Americans can still kick ass, besides my daddy said it would be ok
sigh!
And I gotta do what my daddy tells me, cos last time I didnt he grounded me for 2 weeks, hate to think what he might have done if I hadnt won the election like he asked.
I miss Bill
Besides we're America, and you brits have to back us up, cos we say so, and besides its either us or those smelly french and I know you really cant stand those frog munching bastards
I wonder what old Bill's doing these days?

 

by TheGovernor
12-25-02
Ex President Clinton's Office
So you're my new intern, great to see, Say you dont know how to roll cigars do you?
Don't worry me and Hilary have an understanding, as long as we dont have sexual relations she's ok with it. So how about a blow job then?
the things I have to do to have a successful career
ooh yes....ooh!! Great work... oh yes.. if I was still president Id name a state after you.. ohh!!!
Is that good for you Mr Ex-President

 

by TheGovernor
12-25-02
Undisclosed Location, outside Milton Keynes
Hello Infidels, and Merry Christmas, It will probably be your last, ho ho ho, only kidding
Ive been a bit of a shit lately, and well I thought Id apologise to you all, you see Ive come to the conclusion that fighting for religious reasons is not really a good way to spend your day
So instead I thought Id bomb you westerners for simply being elitest fat arseholes who place their own interests in front of global issues, ha ha ha

 

by TheGovernor
12-25-02
Ive been trying to move Al-Qaeda into more legitamate areas of terrorism and away from the usual trademark random acts of violence
So ive decided we are to launch a new cigarette called 'holy smokes' since each one will bring you that little bit closer with god, ha ha ha
We've also bought up the distribution rights to all episodes of 'facts of life' and have sold them to networks at a price so cheap they cant help but show it woo ha ha!

 

by TheGovernor
12-25-02
Do you wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year?
yes

 

by TheGovernor
12-25-02
So you get anything good for christmas?
No just a bunch of PIPOET's
Whats a PIPOET?
Presents Im Putting On Ebay Tomorrow

 

by TheGovernor
12-30-02
Popular Aussie Soap "Neighbours" circa 1987
Gee Charlene, as the two most popular characters why dont we milk this temporary fame and run off to Brisbane as an excuse to start cheesy pop careers in the UK
Good idea Scott, but I should be so lucky....hey thats not bad.
And as we all know Kylie and Jason had successful pop careers and went on to carve out their own particular niches in the world of celebrity
Streetfighter the movie?, hmm maybe just the vehicle im looking for to launch my hollywood career.
Maybe if I pretend to be gay for a while people will start to like me again
...but their actions had consequences as they had opened up the floodgates for a host of c-list Aussies....
"Hey Mona! Ooh Mona! Tell you Mona what I wanna do, build a house next door to you!"
Die McLaughlan... Stefan Dennis I'll deal with you later

 

by TheGovernor
1-02-03
Jesus you gotta do something about Easter, I dont think people understand the meaning anymore, and frankly the image of a bunny rabbit giving out chocolate eggs isn't helping.
Hmm maybe it is time for a change, we've been letting this religion go a bit off on one lately haven't we?
Later...
You know how it is, we've had a good run, but Im afraid Im gonna have to let you go as my official death spokesman, sorry mate, its just not working out anymore.
Best make yourself scarce Santa, the big man's just sacked me, and I think he's still looking to make cuts
Shit, I hate corporate restructuring.

 

by TheGovernor
1-05-03
Jesus Inc hold interviews to fill the vacant Easter slot
Im here about your vacancy in the Easter Department
*sigh* sorry Death I dont think your people skills are quite up to the standard the post requires
I sincerly appologise for the shameless use of Brad Pitt to further the plot of this comic
The first rule of Easter is that you do not talk about Easter...The Second rule..
NEXT!
The interviews continue
I Be the Easter Pirate ARRR!
Damn, maybe change isnt the best thing after all

 

by TheGovernor
1-05-03
Hey Priest I dont think this change is working out, none of the applicants have the pinache or social nous that that rabbit had, im seriously tempted to hire him back
maybe in this spiritually devoid world the image of a rabbit with a basket of chocolate eggs is just the thing we need to snap the nations youth towards religious matters, I'l go try and find him
Meanwhile the interviews continue
Well I think I should get the job because my practical skills such as laying eggs seem to fit with the overall profile of the post
Well you're the best candidate so far, but we'll get back to you
Without the steady income of a corporate job, Bunny has fallen on hard times
My god I never thought it would come to this, Im sorry Bunny, clean yourself up and we'll hire you back, its the only christian thing to do
Well It was this or working at McDonalds, and well I do still have standards you know

 

by TheGovernor
1-05-03
Ok bunny, Ive had a word with my old man, and we are prepared to hire you back, maybe with a 10 percent increase in wages dependant on perfomance this year
great.
Well Im glad thats sorted out. But you know whats really been bugging me, why we have a Jolly fat guy in a red suit breaking into homes to give presents to young children to represent my birthday?
Yeah I've always found that rather odd, and maybe the picture of an old man favouring children is an image the church could do with getting away from.
I think the gig is up. You got much put away Brian? Im essentially screwed no-ones hiring old fat guys any more.
Ive heard of a guy in Zimbabwe who has 20 million dollars he needs to get out of the country so Ive given him my bank details and waiting for him to get back to me. I'll let you in on it if you like

 

by TheGovernor
1-06-03
Press Conference with the President
Steve Nickells, British Press: So Mr President you have proof that Al-Qaeda have links with Saddam in Iraq?
Not exactly
But you do have proof that Saddam has a stockpile of weapons of mass destruction?
Well No not really
So what evidence do you have that Saddam and Iraq are a threat to the Western World?
Well he sent me a Christmas card and wrote "Bush Smells" on it.

 

by TheGovernor
1-07-03
Wabbit Season!
Duck Season!
ELMER SEASON
ELMER SEASON
uh oh!

 

by TheGovernor
1-09-03
Very good class... Brian the nail is supposed to go in your victims head, not your own

 

by TheGovernor
1-09-03
Are you Jesus?
Just because im being crucified that automatically makes me jesus does it? I could be some mass murderer being properly dealt with under roman law or something...
...but no, Ive always got to be jesus. Can't just be some guy on a cross, ive always got to be the symbol of christian ethics, grr....
Yes, but are you Jesus?
As it happens I am Jesus, are you happy now? Has it made your day? Can you sleep now knowing that your oft felt stereotype has again been proven right?

 

by TheGovernor
1-14-03
Did you bring it?
Yeah, Did you bring yours?
Yeah, lets get started then
Luke, I am your father. Join me and we'll rule the galaxy as father and son!!!
No, I'll never join you!

 

by TheGovernor
1-15-03
Hey Who pursonn, len me yur kredit caad and I wond fuk ya
Sounds like a fair deal
hmm www.asiankids fuckedupass.com sowndz gud. enta kredit caad detailz...
Fankx Pete, now assum the pozition bitch coz am gonna fuk ya aneeway lik a def, dum and blind kid
you sure play a mean pinball!

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