All comics by Aziraphale

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by Aziraphale
1-30-02
Day 1...
It's only three days... I can do this...
Well, you seem settled in. I've got to be going now, lots of other people to seduce to the darkside and torture, you know.
Day 2...
This isn't that bad, actually...
Curses! Do the insults, beatings, and other hellish treatments mean nothing to you?!?
Day 3...
OKAY. God, get me out of here, NOW!!!
Schnookums! Let me kiss you!

 

by Aziraphale
1-30-02
Dad... why?
Why what, son?
Why everything? Why free-will, why sin, why Hell, why Lucifer? Why, when you get down to it, LIFE?
Well, that's a complicated question son, and there's no easy answer to it...
I died for a joke?
... But the main reason is, I thought it would be funny. Some joke, huh?

 

by Aziraphale
1-30-02
Dum-de-dum...
APOCALYPSE! FOR YOU!! IN THE HEAD!!!
Gah!
...

 

by Aziraphale
1-30-02
Why, if it isn't Franz Kafka!
...
How are you Franz?
I'M A GIANT COCKROACH!!! HOW DO YOU THINK I AM!?!
I think you're cranky, that's what I think.

 

by Aziraphale
1-30-02
This is so odd...
This is so odd...
Just look at him sit there like that... like nothing's wrong... I wonder what's going through his head right now...
Just look at him sit there like that... like nothing's wrong... I wonder what's going through his head right now...
That's it then... I'll just have to kill him.
That's it then... I'll just have to kill him.

 

by Aziraphale
1-30-02
Dad, what are you doing?
Chech it out, son! I found one of my costumes!
That's great, that really is.
Ah, this brings back memories...
However, would you mind keeping away from me as long as you're like that? Being nailed to a cross is unpleasant and all, but I 'm willing to bet it's still better than being nailed to a flaming one.
Ah, Moses... if you had just asked for directions...

 

by Aziraphale
1-30-02
Say, Dad...
Yeah, son?
I was just wondering... When are you planning on letting me down off of this thing? It wasn't really fun to begin with, and it's been like two thousand years now...
Well, son...
You can come down when humanity no longer needs you to die for it's sins.
Damnit...

 

by Aziraphale
1-30-02
What is it? Why don't people fear me like they used to? Tell me, Cthulhu, you seem in on what scares people shitless.
Blar'g g'loo g'nah'g s'h't'r'c'k!! [Look behind you.]
Hi!
Oh yeah... I keep forgetting about them.
Grble schnue!! [I told you they'd mess up your image.]

 

by Aziraphale
1-30-02
In a smoky underground coffee shop...
Sugar is sweet, Ipicac is nasty...
Something terrible is occuring...
Of all the people I'd do, I'd do you lastly.
Beatnik poetry recital!
Thank you.
snap snap snap snap snap snap snap snap snap snap snap snap

 

by Aziraphale
1-30-02
Franz, I love you as an author an all...
God, I would kill for a rotting, half eaten chicken right now...
But as a giant cockroach roommate, I can't stand you.
...or maybe some curdled milk. That would hit the spot, too...
What I'm saying is... Get out of here before I'm forced to squish you.
I'll be back tonight to eat your face, jerk. You can count on it. You have not heard the last of Franz Kafka!!

 

by Aziraphale
1-31-02
Knock knock
Who's there?
Cool.
Cool who?
Cthulhu's here, so prepare to die!
Why won't you leave me alone?

 

by Aziraphale
1-31-02
Must... use... Psychic... Abilities... To... Summon... Help...
My god, you must be drowning! Hold on, I'll get someone who can help!
Thank... You!
Mmm... dinner...
This... Isn't... Going... To... Be.... Fun...

 

by Aziraphale
1-31-02
How long do you think it'll take for it to realize it's only a mirror?
GRRRAAAAHHH!!!!
grrraaaahhh

 

by Aziraphale
1-31-02
Late at night in Graveview Cemetary...
I don't know if I should... It seems kind of wrong...
What are you thinking about, man? Go for it!
Gah! Satan!
No, just your evil conscience. Smaller, and much more personal.
Well, that's... not much better...

 

by Aziraphale
1-31-02
Graveview Cemetary...
Behind you.
Hey, where's the other one? You guys always come in pairs.
Gront fluug shtrahk f'tar!!
Trust me. You don't want to know.
What did he say?

 

by Aziraphale
1-31-02
Graveview Cemetary...
That's the spirit! Go for the gold!
Well, since no one is arguing otherwise, I suppose I'll get on with it...
huff huff huff...
And here I thought he was just doing some grave-robbing.
Igg.

 

by Aziraphale
2-02-02
Yes! I win!
Damn it...

 

by Aziraphale
2-02-02
Hey, Satan!
Gah! God! What... what are you doing here?
Oh, I just thought I'd check up and see how you're... keeping... the place...
Where's my pitchfork!?!?
I can explain that!
You had damn well better.

 

by Aziraphale
2-06-02
Back in Heaven...
Hey Dad. How was Hell? Satan keeping the place tidy?
... I don't want to talk about it son...
?
You didn't get drunk and try to kiss Cthulhu again, did you?
NO!

 

by Aziraphale
2-06-02
Round 2
I must not lose...
Wait a minute...
YOU DON'T HAVE EYELIDS!
Damn! He's on to me...

 

by Aziraphale
2-06-02
Think about it... Who's less terrifying?
Her, for being so cute?
Or him, for being about as big as a four-year old?

 

by Aziraphale
2-07-02
Sigh... where did I go wrong?
There you are! I've been meaning to talk to you...
?
Seems there was a bit of a mix up when we were drafting your contract. We were supposed to grant you long life, vast wealth, and never having to worry about unwanted pregnancies, all for your soul.
Instead, the contract read 'You'll get hit by a bus and die, in exchange for your soul.' Still, the contract is legally binding, so you'll have to stay here!

 

by Aziraphale
2-07-02
Round Three
He's good... I shall have to use my jedi training to win this one...
...
!!!
Yes!
zzzzzzzzzz

 

by Aziraphale
2-09-02
Even Hell is not safe from all threats...
Master!
What is it?
Something terrible has happened! You must come quickly!
If this is about those damned staring contests again...
Hey, Daddy-O, this is one hot pad you've got here!
You were right to get me.

 

by Aziraphale
2-10-02
Satan confronts the Beatnik...
Son, what are you doing here? You're supposed to on Earth, spreading confusion and misery, and when you can, the seeds of rebellion.
Hey, cool it Pops. I'm just cooling my heels until some cats I know swing round to pick me up. I told them I'd meet them here.
Son, you mean a lot to me. I hate to see you waste your time hanging around here when there's so much more that you could be doing.
Oh, blow it, old man! I've got my poetry! I've got my friends! I don't need nothin' you can give me!
In that case, give me back my goatee.
Hey, hey, let's not be too hasty...

 

by Aziraphale
2-10-02
That's it then... I'm the champion!
There is no one left to challenge me... I have defeated everyone!
... Except for this thing. God damnit!
Booga.

 

by Aziraphale
2-10-02
Late at night...
AAAAAAHHHH!!! MY FACE!!!!
I'm out of here!
That's right, RUN you little bastard! I'll get you for this, Kafka!

 

by Aziraphale
2-21-02
UWEE-HEE-HEE-HEE!!!
Hey! Who are you? And what's up with your laugh?
Me? Why, I am the none other than that most feared of all mad men, Kefka! As for the laugh, that's a medical condition.
What are you talking about?!? I'M Kafka!
No, no. Kefka. With an 'E'. Besides, who would want to be Kafka? You're a giant cockroach, for god's sake.
Thanks for reminding me. You also reminded me that I'm going to have to pay you a littte visit tonight for a 'midnight snack'...

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