All comics by Dunkin912

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by Dunkin912
3-04-05
Where are you going, Edwin?
I'm going to see the wise prophet.
Wise prophet, eh? This I have to see.
AMAZING!
ASTOUNDING!
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by Dunkin912
3-04-05
What can we do to please you, O Wise Prophet?
We'll do anything!
The pig cannot do anything to please me.
:-(
Monkey, on the other hand, must get me...
A SANDWICH!!!

 

by Dunkin912
3-04-05
Are you sure you want to do this, Edwin?
Yes, Porkins. If I please the Wise Prophet, I get to ask him a question.
But what question could be worth going into dangerous outer space for, and finding a sandwich?
Oh, you'll see.
Later:
How do I turn this thing on?

 

by Dunkin912
3-04-05
Ok, now I'm in space.

Hey, look! An alien!
Shfdfridufrtyrtfgfk gdfuighdrtg ytrytr ytryrt tyury yutury tyuyru rhjyrew5.
Oh, you don't speak English, eh?

HEL-LO. TAKE. ME. TO. YOUR. LEA-DER.
Sdfweufher rtyhryu ytrytr fghfg ytuyh gfhgfh! Fdgdgtrh dghdhgf htyht ytuyft!
I hope I didn't offend him...

 

by Dunkin912
3-04-05
Edwin is taken to the alien king.
Qtryiyohythg? Hghfd KILL gfjkldf?
Ungfdg KNIFE gdlfgjdgf THROAT!
Uoiugghf POISON fergh tfghdf reg COFFEE ffdjsf?
Hkjhfg fdtgh OFF A fdjgf CLIFF ghfd!
I say we just shoot him.
I'm screwed.

 

by Dunkin912
3-04-05
Please don't kill me! Take him instead!
Fifdsfg HIM?
Fifdsfg ME?
Yeah, I suppose we could kill him instead.
Later:
Wow, that was easy...
. . .

 

by Dunkin912
3-04-05
Aaah, an alien! How did you get on board my ship?
I snuck onto the ship while you were tying your shoe. But don't boot me off! I'm not like the other aliens! I only eat pork! . . . That's not a problem, is it?
Hmmm. . . .
Nope, I guess not.

 

by Dunkin912
3-04-05
Well, we made it back to Earth! Now we have to give this sandwich to the Wise Prophet, and he'll answer my big question!
Who's the Wise Prophet?
You've never heard of the wise Prophet? You really are an idiot.
. . .
I can't breathe oxygen.

 

by Dunkin912
3-04-05
O, Wise Prophet, I have returned with the sandwich!
That's not a sandwich! That's a banana!
N-- no. . . It's a sandwich.
Ok.

 

by Dunkin912
3-04-05
Wise Prophet, I must say, it is quite the honor.
I would agree. Not every mortal gets to ask a question to the great Wise Prophet.
Yes, well. . . *ahem* It's-- it's a honor meeting you, O Wise One.
Do you have a question, monkey?
Oh, right, the question. Well. . . uh. . . *ahem* Let's see. . . ah, here it is. "Question Four. What is three plus five?"

 

by Dunkin912
3-04-05
3 + 5, eh? That's a pretty difficult question.
But do you know the answer?
It's not two.
Yes, go on.
I'm pretty sure it's not seven either.

 

by Dunkin912
3-05-05
Edwin, you're alive! Did you find a sandwich for the Wise Prophet?
Yes! And I got to ask him my question, too!
That's awesome! What question did you ask?
I asked him what 3+5 is.
. . .
Um. . . I'm just going to back away slowly, now.

 

by Dunkin912
3-05-05
You're telling me you went through all that trouble of going into outer space and finding a sandwich, just so you can ask some so-called Wise Prophet a question, and you ask him what 3+5 is?
Actually, I didn't even give him the sandwich.
You didn't?
Nope. I couldn't find a sandwich, so I gave him a banana instead.
Feel free to say "April Fools" any time now.

 

by Dunkin912
3-05-05
The way things are going, I'm almost afraid to ask what the Wise Prophet said was the answer to your question.
Oh, his answer was really something!

He told me it isn't two.
It isn't two.
It's probably not seven either.
There is no God.

 

by Dunkin912
3-05-05
Oh, Porkins! I almost forgot to introduce you to my friend Xqz! He's from the planet I went to.
Hello.
Uh. . . Pleased to meet you.
Well, I'll just leave you two alone, now.
So. . . uh. . . how's it going?
On the planet I come from, we eat pigs like you for breakfast, lunch, and afternoon tea.

 

by Dunkin912
3-05-05
Hello, Nancy Nun.
Oh, why hello, Porkins.
. . .
. . .
So. . . uh. . . how's that husband of yours?

 

by Dunkin912
3-05-05
Porkins, I'm a nun. Nuns don't get married.
Oh, right. Sorry. Forgot.
So, how are the kids?

 

by Dunkin912
3-05-05
Nancy Nun, will you go out for ice cream with me?
Sure, porkins. I'd love to.
Woah, seriously?
Yes, of course. Why is that surprising?
Well, I'm surprised. I mean, like, ice cream isn't kosher or anything.

 

by Dunkin912
3-05-05
I think I'm gonna try the Super Sundae
The Super Sunday? Are you serious? That's like 15 scoops of ice cream! JESUS CHRIST!
Smart one, Porkins.

 

by Dunkin912
3-05-05
Thanks for taking me out for ice cream, Porkins. It certainly was. . . um. . . an interesting time.
Does that mean you'll go out with me again some time?
Haha. When you put it that way, it sounds almost like a date. Haha!
I love you, Nancy Nun.

 

by Dunkin912
3-05-05
You love me? But you can't love me! I'm a nun!
So?
Well, nuns aren't allowed to love.
So?
Well, for starters, that means we can't have sex.
Oh. Forget it then.

 

by Dunkin912
3-05-05
Edwin, I have a problem.
The mole on your butt came back? I told you the scisors wouldn't work!
No no, it's not that. I'm in love with Nancy Nun, but she doesn't love me back!
Well, duh! She's a nun!
Oh, I get it! She's a nun and I'm a pig! If I were a nun too, she'd love me! Thanks, Edwin! I'm off to the species-change store!
This looks like the beginning of a horrible new mini-series.

 

by Dunkin912
3-05-05
Hello, and welcome to the species-change store! How may I help you?
I need you to make me a religious figure. Like a nun or something.
Well, let me check our stockroom.
In a minute:
We're having a half-off sale on hippies. they're pretty religious.
I'll take it!

 

by Dunkin912
3-05-05
The species change worked, Mr. Porkins! You're successfully a hippie!
Sweeeet.
Um. . . if you feel any light-headedness as a side affect, it's only the drugs, not anything we did.

 

by Dunkin912
3-05-05
Ta-da!
Wow! You're really a hippie!
Make love, not war, man.
Please don't say that again.

 

by Dunkin912
3-05-05
Yo! Nance! It's me, Porkins!
Porkins? What happened to you?
I'm a hippie now. I've even got a cool sign, see?
Oh, Lord.
I've got a peace sign, too, if you don't like that other one.

 

by Dunkin912
3-05-05
Porkins. . . Maybe you'd better come in and sit down.
Woah! Like, seriously?
Yeah. You see, I think you're a really nice person and everything, but I've forbidden myself from loving anybody.
This is so far out! I'm actually inside her house! The species change worked! She loves me!
It's not you, it's me. Blame my religion, if you'd prefer. I'm really sorry, but-- What are you doing?
Getting undressed, why?

 

by Dunkin912
3-05-05
So you're not gonna like me no matter what I do?
No. Sorry, Porkins.
Crap.
Do you have any idea what it's gonna cost me to get this un-done?

 

by Dunkin912
3-05-05
Why, Jesus, why?
What is wrong, brother?
Because of your stupid religion, the girl of my dreams refuses to date me.
There are other fish in the sea, my friend.
But I'm a pig. Pigs don't eat fish.

 

by Dunkin912
3-05-05
Porkins! You're a pig again!
Yeah. I realised that it doesn't matter how you look on the outside, because it's what's inside that counts.
Excuse me. Do either of you know where I can find a nice, hott, hippie in need of a loving wife?
! ! !
! ! !
Life. Sucks.

 

by Dunkin912
3-05-05
Agent Xqzdivf broadcasting. Do you read, my lord?
Ah, Xqz. You made it onto the planet safely, I trust. how goes the mission?
They don't suspect a thing. However, the invasion of the planet might take longer than expected. Let's just say that a technicality has to be applied for before we can send in the troups.
And what would this technicality be?
Well. . . um. . . have you ever tried something called a "Happy Meal"?

 

by Dunkin912
3-05-05
Welcome to McKFWendyTaco King! Can I take your order?
I'll have Wendy's Famous Irish Fried Burger-Taco withh no pickles, and a medium Dr. Pepper.
That'll be $1874.67
! ! !
I need a job.

 

by Dunkin912
3-05-05
We've looked over your resume, Mr. Edwin, and I have to say that I just don't think you're qualified to work for Incredibly Overused Comic Characters Inc.
Mainly because you're not an overused character.
Sorry, but. . .
. . .You're fired.
NEXT!
But what about starring in comics made by other monkeys?

 

by Dunkin912
3-05-05
So you wanna work on this here farm, eh? You ever seen cow slaw before?
No, but it sounds like it'd taste good on a sandwich.
Not unless you like eating POO! *Guffaw! Guffaw! Guffaw!*
. . .
Gets rid of 'em every time.

 

by Dunkin912
3-05-05
So, you want to work for me, huh?
Yes, sir. I hear the job pays well.
That's because it's tough. Long work hours, hard labor, filling in the little bubbles on those application forms...
Sounds pretty vigorous.
Speaking of vigorous, allow me to introduce myself. I'll be your secretary.
On second thought, maybe I'll pass on this job.

 

by Dunkin912
3-05-05
You wanna work for me, you gotta know the girls.
Forget it. I allready met enough of a "girl" to last me a lifetime in my previous comic.

 

by Dunkin912
3-05-05
So, you're interesting in working here?
Well, I'm not exactly sure what you do here.
Isn't it obvious? We fight--
BULL!!! RUN AWAY!!!
belive me, kid. You don't want to work here.
I kinda realised that one allready.

 

by Dunkin912
3-06-05
*Sigh* I guess I must have just not been meant to have a job.
You say you're looking for a job?
What? Who said that?
You know, just once, I'd like somebody to say "Hey look, a talking squirrel!" rather than "Hey, who said that?", but does it ever actually happen? Noooo-oooooo.

 

by Dunkin912
3-06-05
So, Edwin, you're looking for a job? I can find you one no sweat.
You'd do that for me? Wow, thanks!
Yeah, I know this city like I know a bad cliche. Show up at 197 Bacon St. tomorrow, for your job interview. I'd tell you more, but I have a meeting with another client.
But wait! Squirrel! I still have questions!
Later, at the Squirrel's Client Meeting:
Gimme nuts. Gimme nuts. Gimme nuts. Gimme nuts.

 

by Dunkin912
3-06-05
Hooray, I have a job!
Hello, frozen priceless statue of a caveman that cost me 1 million dollars and I'm not insured for! Guess what? I have a job!
Bingo.

 

by Dunkin912
3-06-05
Boss? Are you in?
Come in, Charlie.
He has the statue, boss. He'll be here tomorrow for a "job interview", so we can swipe it then.
Ah, Charlie, what would I do without you?
Well, for starters, you'd probably still be married to Karen.
Shut up, Charlie.

 

by Dunkin912
3-09-05
So you see, sir, I really need this job, and it'd mean everything to me if you'd let me work for your company.
Well, Mr. Edwin, I'm sorry, but I'm afraid we just don't need your help right now.
Yos see, we have a rather large installment coming in very soon, and another salary to dish out would just decrease the overall income of my company. Sorry, but--
*Ring ring* -click- Hello? Boss? It's Charlie.
Of all the times he could have called me...
Listen, I'm at the monkey's house right now, but I can't find the frozen neandrathal. Did you say it was in the linging room, or the family room?

 

by Dunkin912
3-09-05
So this whole job interview was just a way for you to break into my house without me noticing? I should have known! I need to get back home right away!
Oh no you aren't! You're not going anywhere!
Oh yes I am!
Oh no you're not!
Later:
Oh no I'm not.

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