All comics by JesusVSGod

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by JesusVSGod
3-14-03
Jesus, if I kill my abusive mother, will I go to hell? Love, Robby.
Not only will you go to hell, but when you get there ol' mom will be waiting to eat your flesh.
Have a nice life, kid.
You have 6000 messages.

 

by JesusVSGod
3-14-03
Dear Jesus, how come you don't return my calls? Your buddy, x0rbit
Wow, your real name must suck hard if you have to use a idenity like that...
I don't exist. Seriously, there are plenty of religions, pick one, they are all the same.

 

by JesusVSGod
3-14-03
Der Jesus, hi i like god, i need anser, i it ok if prest toch my danger zone? Love, Mark, age 5
... You're Catholic, right?
Listen buddy, call the cops, I'm not coming back for about 9 years anyway. Oh, and don't worry about God anymore, only Cristians go to heaven.

 

by JesusVSGod
3-14-03
Funny comics ya got there - Boinky33
How could my comics be un-funny? How could they boinky33, or should I say ...HITLER!
This is what happens when your God for 2000 years.
...
ATTN: Your porn collection has been updated.

 

by JesusVSGod
3-14-03
Dear Jesus, Electricity is evil. Your son, Jed.
... Okay, first off who the hell are you to tell me what is and isn't evil? I'm god I deserve respect me dammit!
Oh, and electricity isn't evil jack-off, AOL is.

 

by JesusVSGod
3-14-03
hotjesus78@yahoo.com..... 2 messages?! Damn Satan and his hackers...
dEAR jEsoos, dis pimp cam up 2 me on teh street, right? an he say he god, is he juss playin'? your freind, eminem890
Get hooked on phonics, it's much better than being hooked on crack.
Jesus, get da fudge off dat comprooter and get wit the miracles, ya hurr?
Dad, go back to sleep, your drunk.

 

by JesusVSGod
3-14-03
Dear Satan, stop killing my pets. Billy.
No, stop touching yourself at night Billy.
I'm not mad because you stole my computer, or because you killed Billy's pets, or that you just had a retard rape Billy.. I'm mad because you killed those kids who would one day rid the planet of AOL.
It seemed like the Satan type of thing to do.

 

by JesusVSGod
3-14-03
Son, the pimpin' biz ain't goin' so good... I might need some advertizin' on wizz-eb. Mention Bitches and Hoes.
I'll see what I can do.
Later
Dear Jesus, Can you explain to me in detail what the meaning of life is? Harvard Reseacher, Dan Fathem.
... I don't know about that but I can offer you some Bitches and Hoes.

 

by JesusVSGod
3-14-03
Jesus, Satan > j00. Mark Grayson, Indiana.
Meanwhile...
Time for your daily God enforced raping!
Why did goatse have to die?
Whatever man... say "hello" to goatse in about two years...

 

by JesusVSGod
3-15-03
Jesus, why do you hate me? Yours truly, J. Redford.
I don't hate you. Your parents hate you, your dog hates you, the kids at school hate you, your best friend hates you... I'm just the guy that decides if you go to hell or heaven.
...... Hell, by the way.

 

by JesusVSGod
3-15-03
Why does God let bad things happen?
How could Jesus let us do this?
I got to e-mail Jesus, he won't want to miss this!
Hey Johnny, what do you think mommies medicine tastes like?

 

by JesusVSGod
3-27-03
Christ has e-mails has been cancelled!
Bye friends.
Fuck you.
Stay tune to Everybody melests Jaroon!
...
Hahahahaha! Those negroes so craaazy! And here at ABC there are plenty of nigg- .... african amercan shows! Stay tuned for "My wife and kids- got melested!" in 30!
Melestin' time, bitch.
Fine, lets get crackalatin'.

 

by JesusVSGod
5-19-03
Public television is harder than I thought... I don't even have a computer!
Stupid ABC, they're going to hell.
Why is that man climbing on a coat hanger?
Meanwhile...
I want you to rough him up! Take out his local show too. THE NEW AGE HAS BEGUN!!!
Again, how did you become president of ABC?

 

by JesusVSGod
5-21-03
What is it, my child?
Mommy said you are made-up by desperate people.
... Is she the athiest.
... Yes.
Jesus doesn't make mistakes.
Amy, I have some bad news.

 

by JesusVSGod
7-14-03
Get Ready for another season of Christ has e-mails!
I bet I have a lot of e-mails from my absence... THREE?! WHAT THE HELL? Damn satanist punks and their non-god believing ways...
Later..
Hey, what's the deal? Why arn't I in hell? I'M A SATANIST!!!
Punishment.

 

by JesusVSGod
7-14-03
Earlier...
I'll just have to ask God himself, he alone can decide whether homosexuality is a sin or not.
Maybe I should say something comical before I answer an e-mail, like strongbad..
I am so tired of being called a Fag... Jesus, is this lifestyle fine? Is it not sinful?
Well, I never favored smoking but that's your deal. I might make it a sin when the next bible comes out... (NEW YORK TIMES CALLED IT THE NEW HARRY POTTER) but I'm not sure...
Warning: GDUD7465 HAX0RED UR COMPUTER ALL UR BASE R BELONG 2 ME!!!!11

 

by JesusVSGod
7-14-03
Jesus must take a new form when on earth...
You, know... I thought it was strange when I got a call from "Jesus" But now I know this is bullshit.
I am Jesus.
Then why do you look like Brad Pitt from all those agsty films?
HOLY DANCING MILKTRUCKS!!1
The first rule of Jesus Club is you do not ask questions.
plz maek luv 2 me

 

by JesusVSGod
7-14-03
What was it you wanted to see me about, Gregory?
I have a suggestion.
Yes?
I think anyone with love in their heart should go to heaven. People of all religion as long as they are a good person...
NICE TRY SATAN!!
Argh! First mormons and now this! You always ruin my scams!

 

by JesusVSGod
7-14-03
I love these classic toons. They don't have the violence the newer ones have.
..And after I took the pictures I theatened to post them on the internet if she didn't do a mob job for me.
Your dispicable!
Get back on that comprooter! How would you like it if I quit my job?!
You don't even do your job anymore, I do. Lazy ass father.

 

by JesusVSGod
7-14-03
Welcome to the SC fad reunion comic!
we R lesbos
i got mi peri0d lol
TOBOR MAD!
This has nothing to do with The CHE series. Which makes you wonder why it's called Christ has e-mails (20).. The creator must be retarded or something. Let's be glad a boy of his ..type can make this.
The first rule of SC fad club is you do not talk about SC fad club. It's also the third. But not the second.
My hands hurt.

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