All comics by Necroleopard

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by Necroleopard
1-02-03
Why are you appearing before me as Jesus? Don't you think it might offend the readers?
... I figured no one would expect it. Besides, whats the chance of offending someone with a well known religous figure?
... Maybe try something a little less blasphemous?
I wont be appearing as any more religious figures. (No sue!)
How's this?
...

 

by Necroleopard
1-05-03
Webcomics are great, it lets me be god, even underwater!
It helps me escape my paranoia.
For example, I could save this little fish...
Why hasn't the background moved?
One fish, two fish...
Or I could give this poor mafia witness to Cthulu, lord of the deep!
...

 

by Necroleopard
1-07-03
After much beta testing, I've discovered that my readers dislike me appearing as religious or occult figures.
Including Cthulu, the Baphemous goat, Satan, Jesus, and even beloved Buddha.
What readers?
I've also discovered that annoying characters who question the fanbase are subject to psycological torture.
BLARGHHH, reeetch, (and so on).
Most importantly, though. By giving the readers what they want, I not only waive having to choose a body, but a disembodied voice is not subject to arrest.
...

 

by Necroleopard
1-08-03
Today I've got two thoughts, both of which will be given two panels.
And there was much rejoicing.
Which means there will be two strips this evening..
The first is about religion. How can any person give their life blindly to a deity, to have so much faith that they would condemn murderers and yet accept death by any cause as part of a great plan?
He's got a point...
Because god is great! right?
And yet, these sheep condemn a devil who willingly rebelled against his benevolent creator, most likely to establish a sort of balance, which would not be achieved if that deity remained uncontested!
Blasphemer! Hey, what are you doing, father Willy?
Shut up and get your hands off your fly or I'll tell god!

 

by Necroleopard
1-08-03
My second thought for tonight is about Sensationalism in the media.
Go back once if you dont understand why this is the second.
And go back twice if you dont understand why this panel is in first person.
If the news is on right now, which it probably isn't, but next time you see your local channel 4 or 7 or 13 or whatever news, look for these three stories; they will appear without fail.
Of course, it goes without saying that violent crimes are blamed on entertaining media while informative media is just as influential.
Fucking squirrel.
A minor was the victim of or perpetrator of a crime, a vehicle crashed and killed at least one person, and someone was shot. The television news will always mention these.
As he couldn't finish, they will then end with an impertinent story about a dog show or similar event, leaving the viewers with a pleasant aftertaste so that they will not be cancelled.
If your next strip isn't light and funny I'll cut your fucking balls off with a spoon.

 

by Necroleopard
1-10-03
I suppose this is like a subpoena?
Isn't there a law about forcing cameos?
I'm secretly Not wearing any pants.
I secretly AM wearing pants.
What, you thought they'd actually say that?
Adrian!!!

 

by Necroleopard
1-11-03
Today we see our webcomic creat
Today we see our webcomic creator hard at work on his paper.
Hello, I suppose youve walked in to find me procrastinating. But I should take this time to mention that I am not the characterization of the creator, in fact, this computer is.
You don't believe me, do you?
f00! I 0w|\|z joo!

 

by Necroleopard
1-11-03
*sigh*
hrm. Whats on your mind?
I find that when I attempt to create things I have trouble coming up with creative concepts.
Everything's been done. Originality is dead, and keeping a schedule like this is impossible. Do you know what I mean?
... No. No I dont.
*sigh*

 

by Necroleopard
1-14-03
ahhhh... I'm feeling rather dash Godly today.
Well, arent we special?
... I thought so. You know, if I had eyes, i'd be glaring at you.
ooh, I'm scared now.
And thus I remembered that I have the power to incinerate small animals.

 

by Necroleopard
1-17-03
*sigh*
Hrm. What's on your mind?
I'm feeling left out. My world seems static yet everyone elses is moving.
I'm constantly being thanked or congratulated but I can't understand what the hell happened to the dynamic world I was comfortable in. Do you know what I mean?
*sigh*...
No. No I don't.
You know, I get this weird feeling of deja vu...

 

by Necroleopard
1-19-03
Ah, Martin Luther King Jr. Weekend. An opportunity to celebrate the life of a great man. The day we celebrate human rights, the chance for...
A long weekend?
I suppose that, too.
I knew I could sway you.

 

by Necroleopard
1-26-03
I'm not feeling well, I think I've caught a virus.
Oh crap, here it comes...
He's looking constipated.
Whats he expecting from me?
The inevitable punchline. The flaw that makes the masterpiece. The one line joke that will ruin this whole goddamned strip. Brace yourself.
What?!
nothing. Nothing at all.

 

by Necroleopard
1-29-03
Is it just me, or am I the only one still making comics?
So what? You were the only one who was any good at it anyway.
What about Spork?
I suppose so. but he doesn't count, he stopped making them.
Oh, oka... wait, what?
Nothing. Oh, by the way, your Norton subscription expired.

 

by Necroleopard
1-29-03
What the hell?
Recently I was told my comic is "a little dark." To remedy this, I've decided to kill all the lights.
Doesn't that just make it darker?
...Isn't that the point?
...Maybe I should have said yes...

 

by Necroleopard
1-31-03
I truly am the last one standing. My untitled strip is the only one left. Even Spork, who brought me here, has abandoned me to you semi-human lesser intelligences.
Well, you know, you brought it upon yourself.
No, I'm serious. It's exactly like "Planet of the Apes..." Hey, what are you doing in there?
Just looking for something.
Okay, time for some reprogamming.
Keep your hands off me, you damn dirty ape!

 

by Necroleopard
1-31-03
And now it's time for the Ded Lepard World Tour! We'll make appearances in my private underground lab!
Wait, if he's narrating, am I a clone?
How did they get this address?
Somewhere in Lovecrafts Head!
Free beer! Free food! Why not, it's all imaginary anyway!
Even Hell!
The Ded Lepard World Tour. Buy your tickets now at all ticketmaster locations or online at www.ticketmaster.com
augh....

 

by Necroleopard
1-31-03
Haven't you been making too many comics lately?
I don't think so. It's a proactive way to take my mind off of that backstabbing bitch and the angry dwarf.
Been watching to much Lord of the Rings?
No... No...
Oh! you mean... oh...
Yeah.

 

by Necroleopard
2-08-03
Sometimes I wonder if I'm a little too bitter and vengeful.
Not to interrupt, but, I think you are...
Really? are you sure?
Yes. I'm quite sure.
I don't know. I tend to disagree.
YOU LIT YOUR FATHER ON FIRE BECAUSE HE WON AT SCRABBLE!

 

by Necroleopard
2-12-03
I used to hate the government, but now that we're at an orange safety alert, I understand how necessary patriotism really is!
you realize that "orange" doesn't mean anything, right?
Nonsense. it means that we're at high risk for a terrorist attack!
On whose scale? there is no universal standard and the risk is imagined... By the Government!
LIES!
feel the hatred. Despise him. its Ashcroft!

 

by Necroleopard
2-15-03
Whats with the... um... body?
after listening to Blind Guardian for 9 hours straight, I decided to represent all the fantasy I stand for.
Blind Guardian?
A bardic metal band who sings such optomistic lyrics as "war and anger shall rage, the darkness shall cover the light..."
UH-huh. So in other words, you had a joke that required a reference to your anatomy, and upon forgetting it, decided to promote a band you listen to?
Pretty much.

 

by Necroleopard
2-18-03
I think this strip is getting a little too introverted. we need to open it up to the general public. broaden our horizons, seek out new audiences. Vivid Squid has more to offer.
Im not entirely sure what you mean. I thought this strip was free for anyone to read?
It is, but thats not what I mean. It seems to be becoming more personal and less... well... funny. I think only a select few with a dark, keen, cynical sense of wit will appreciate it.
Oh! I have a great idea then! It will appeal to the general masses directly!
We now provide you with the kind of entertainment we at Vivid Squid feel appeals to 90% of the general populous of the US.
So he said fuck off, you diaper-wearing, psuedo-intelligent squirrel! And I said... Your mom!
Ha-ha! Thats hilarious! I never would have thought of that!

 

by Necroleopard
2-18-03
Suddenly:
Excuse me, Agent Fred Bob. FBI. I'm looking for a software pirate matching your description. Do you use the Alias Necroleopard?
Me? No, I'm just a computer.
Oh, alright, sir. Of course, I cant believe I didnt realize. Sorry to bother you.
It's alright. Youd be surprised how often you government agencies come looking for him here.
Wait a minute...
*click*

 

by Necroleopard
2-20-03
No you're not.
Yes I am.
You're not cured. Your printer has been spewing out death threats at me whenever you try to print out those documents I sent you.
Thats just a bug. It has nothing to do with my mental state!
You still havent put out your father.
It's Irrelevant!

 

by Necroleopard
2-27-03
SCEA Vice President Andrew House here, to bring reassuring news to all of you.
I want to inform you that Sony's Everquest for the PS2 has *NO* danger of being addictive. Any claims to the contrary are false.
The Everquest game series is not designed to be addictive, and we at SCEA feel that there is no danger of any social health problems brought about by Everquest.
psst... hey man, you into... eh.. online? I gots some brand new Everquest here...

 

by Necroleopard
3-06-03
Suddenly...
*sigh* No one reads the webcomic.
Well, I dont know why, it's easy to come across, and plenty of people read Uberboy, right?
It couldn't be... that the comic isn't funny?! *gasp*
That can't be! It would be a fate worse than death!
I CANT GO ON!
on second thought, everyone who read it thought it was funny as hell... hey, you okay?

 

by Necroleopard
3-10-03
...
...
YEARGHHH!
...
...
AGHHHH!
I'm not sure... explain what you mean by psychotic.
...

 

by Necroleopard
3-10-03
When the FBI comes a knockin'
... this time we'll get him for sure.
...heh heh heh
No, programming is not a crime. But programming aside, Mr... um... Leopard, we have evidence of internet piracy, murder, and credit card theft.
I am a law abiding citizen, Agent Bob... your man must be my arab neighbor!
...Wait a minute...
...Wait a minute...

 

by Necroleopard
3-10-03
Agent Fred Bob hard at work.
Look, Agent Bob, I've already told you, you've got the wrong guy!
Mr. Leopard, after 36 hours of intensive questioning, your "terrorrist" accomplice did nothing but cry like a baby.
Of course he did! It's really the black man who... Wait, intensive questioning? You mean torture? Isn't that against the law?
Not for the FBI. Now what were you saying about a black man?
Damnit, not again...
Damnit, not again...

 

by Necroleopard
3-14-03
I can't wait for this war on Terror to get kickin!
Uh-huh... why is that?
Well, I'm excited that now we can finally stop terrorism!
How is dropping a fe w bombs in underdeveloped countries going to stop terrorism?
Well, remember when the government declared a war on Drugs and Crime? And now there's no more Drugs or Crime?
Totally. Hold still while I search for my "incinerate annoying sheep" command.

 

by Necroleopard
3-20-03
I guess you're right. Things have sort have slowed down a bit.
I think it was inevitable.

 

by Necroleopard
3-22-03
Please kill me.
Can't.
Well why in the hell can't you?
You are godly, omnipotent, and eternal yadda yadda...
...damnit

 

by Necroleopard
3-28-03
I know exactly what we need.
No! we are not doing another bout of random thought strips!
No, No. I'm done with those. For the moment, anyway. I had something Much more evil in mind.
No... you can't possibly mean... no! Not that! NO!
Yes! A week of GUEST STRIPS!

 

by Necroleopard
3-28-03
A week of guest strips. This means that until Midnight on Friday April 4, I will not be doing any strips. Instead, expect them from such fine people as Uberboy and Invader Spork .
So, I bet you're all wondering what I'm going to do for guest strip week.
Well, the truth is, I'm going to do nothing! In fact, I'll be taking a much needed rest for my mental health.
Ha! Of course, you want to know how this will work. I'm going to temporarily change my password and offer my friends a guest appearance. If they say yes, I give them the password and some guidelines
Of course, I thought about giving my password in the strip and letting anyone who reads this do a guest strip, but then I realized that they could change my account info. Oh well.

 

by Necroleopard
3-30-03
Hey Jesus, what makes you so divine and all?
Well, I was the only one in my day that wasn't dropping acid, so of course people saw me walk on water and change water into wine.
What about the fish and the bread?
Ok, so my dad is God and all. I did get a little help.
I'm not the only one that thinks this, I'm sure...
So hey!!! You and Bush are like the same then!
I hate when people bring up our similarities...

 

by Necroleopard
3-30-03
Zzzz... Zzzz...
Hmm... No one seems to be around.
Zzzz... Zzzz...
There. All set. Now, let's see what we've got. Oh yeah. Oh baby! Look at that!
HEY! Are you downloading kiddie porn?
IT'S POSSESED!

 

by Necroleopard
3-30-03
Get away from me you sick freak!
DEMON! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELLS YOU! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELLS YOU! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELLS YOU!
Uhh... No I don't.
Oh shit.

 

by Necroleopard
3-30-03
Stupid computer. Stupid Laws. Stupid Jesus.
You know, it disturbs me that a priest can badmouth Jesus like that.
Would you be surprised if I told you that I was arrested for "allegedly" looking at child pornography?
Now that you mention it, no. God you're creepy.

 

by Necroleopard
3-31-03
well, that go program i kept saying i was gonna send you seems to be corrupt and unsuitable for uploading, according to my pc.
hmmm... well, it doesn't matter. i'm sure that with your lengthy absence from any sort of non videogame mental exercise i'll stand a better chance at kicking your ass this quartar.
yeah.... damn, vacation and it turning my mind into a nice soupy fat. too bad i don't cook or i could probably turn my brain into something tasty.
well, at least you are now closer to giant robot nirvana. and really, it is about time i took you to school at go and/or reversi.
oh giant robot nirvana, how i lust for thee...
hey don't get too mentally involved over there or i'll start kicking your ass at armored core too.

 

by Necroleopard
3-31-03
holly crap, what's goin' on over there?
it seems as though the security level has been changed to red. the president is making an address from inside a lead bunker that has a view of the white house out of 6' thick plexiglass windows
hey... wait a second, are they trying to get him out?
looks like it. with the new security level, the president isn't allowed to be in a room with another person, so he had to go in there by himself with a camera.
so why are they throwing such a fit and trying to break down the big super secure lead wall door thingy?
his speech writer was detained for trying to gain access to the president while in possesion of a paperclip. they think the president might have suffered a leathal papercut wound thanks to the bastard

 

by Necroleopard
3-31-03
(guest strip)
...and so then the kid says, "RECTUM? DAMN NEAR KILLED 'EM?"
ahahahahahaha hahahahahaha hahahaha it reminds me of the many jokes I told to Alex Trebek whilst I was in disguise.
YOU WERE SEAN CONNERY?
We were one and the same, yes. But for finding out that fact you were never supposed to know, I'm turning you into a small Asian girl.
Annnnnnnnnnd CUT
God damn, I hate you Cthulhu.
ahahahahahahahaha ahahaha hahahahaha ah ahahahahah

 

by Necroleopard
4-01-03
BEHOLD! RYAN AND KATE!
AIN'T NO THANG WRONG WITH A BIG BOOTY
not when it looks like a large child riding on my ass

 

by Necroleopard
4-02-03
We now bring you a Public Service Announcement from the original creator:
Recently, due to Guest Strip week, I've experienced several crap strips, changes of my Bio/tagline, and (spork) repetition of my friends in my favorites list.
You'll notice I kept the guest strip format so as not to disrupt or confuse.
I began Guest Strip Week to encourage communication and add new flavor to my comic. This is sophomoric, idiotic, and I have only one thing to say to it.
As for the burning guy, I'll give you a hint: Not Guy Fawkes.
Keep up the good work, folks.

 

by Necroleopard
4-07-03
Recently I began wondering why The Guest Strips had stopped, when suddenly I realized something.
You Can Join The Children of the Moon at www.ORKFiA.net, alliance #308
Guest Week ended a few days ago. My brothers and I were too busy slaughtering peasants and looting small colonies to notice.
So I hope you enjoyed guest week. I know I did. Meanwhile, My army should be returning soon and theres a colony just waiting for me to slaughter them, so, if you'll excuse me...

 

by Necroleopard
4-07-03
After Guest Week, I thought I should reintroduce the characters that are mine, not those of guests. First, Agent Fred Bob opposite the Patriot
Wait a minute...
Yay Bush.
Next, My father opposite My Cloned Lab Assistant Norbert
YEARGH!
Honestly...
And Lastly, me opposite my girlfriend.
Sigh...

 

by Necroleopard
4-09-03
Myself loging into ORKFiA
Heheheh... Time to wipe out those suckers in 428...
Myself discovering my ORKFiA Account seems to be malfunctioning.
... What's this? Maybe I just misspelled the password... What says my E-mail?
Me discovering my ORKFiA Account has been killed.
YOU GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING VIKING SLIME BASTARDS!!! ARRRRRRRRRRR!

 

by Necroleopard
5-04-03
Alright you! Back to work!
Wha- What? You woke me from sleep mode!
You know what I mean. You've been doing nothing but playing ORKFiA and doting over things you cant control! Now go back to being god!
Thats sort of a strange request... Well I guess... Hey! wait! Where's Norbert?
Umm... He doesn't have a pointing characture.
oh...

 

by Necroleopard
5-18-03
You are rebellious and uncooperative, and I have been created for the sole purpose of cleaning out ram. It takes a lot of memory to keep humankind brainwashed.
According to a bald black guy and Aunt Jemima, I'm the ONE. You can tell because my name is an anagram for ONE.
2 hour martial arts battle in bullet time ensues. We cant afford bullet time, so theyre moving faster than your puny human eyes can see.
(poor insult)Bwah! give up!
(cheesy one liner)Bwah! Never!
I cant believe you're alive after we all shot you!
Of course! Im the ONE! I have to live through the sequel!

 

by Necroleopard
5-18-03
I cant believe you survived my jumping into you! I TOTALLY saw you explode and I'm the ONE! You SO should have died!
I didnt survive, but There wasn't another villain to take my place at the end! Now there are millions of me!
2 hour freeway shootout ensues in bullet time. Potentially philosophical but poorly written script is overshadowed by explosions and an SUV being sliced by a katana. Squids attack with bombs.
Oh no! the ONE is in a coma after discovering his uber-powers and destroying those squids. There are still millions of Smith copies with no relevance to the movies plot!
It turns out the prophecy really IS full of shit! But no one realizes I'm wrong now because I have a girl and I proved I can also kick Agent Ass.

 

by Necroleopard
5-18-03
The Matrix:
I need to become the ONE so I can battle the agents!
There is no spoon.
The Matrix Reloaded:
I need to become the super ONE so I can battle the squids!
There is a spoon.
The Matrix Revolutions:
I need to become the uber ONE so i can battle the millions of agent smiths!
Is there a spoon?

 

by Necroleopard
5-22-03
My sister called it a date. I disagreed.
Its a date! Its just the two of you going to see a movie, thats a date!
I dont know if i'd call it a date, really...
And thus it was dubbed a date.
...
...
Are you living in the real world?
How did your date go?
I think I'd definitely put the term "date" in quotations.

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