All comics by Samoa_Joe

Profile

 

by Samoa_Joe
7-23-04
Samoa Joe!
Hi! I'm Samoa Joe. I'm the main character of this comic, which will be about...
Quiet, Joe. Nobody wants to hear what you have to say. Let me take over.
Nac-Aloc!
Ah, um... And here's Nac-Aloc! He's my...
Shut up. I'm Nac-Aloc. I'm Joe's spiritual guidance. I sometimes hang around inside Joe's head, and help him on his path through life.
No new character in this frame!
"Help", "get me into trouble"... Same difference, I suppose.
I can also read your thoughts, brainiac. You should know that. I'm now subtracting several karma points for your afterlife, due to your insubordinance.

 

by Samoa_Joe
7-23-04
Tango!
This is Tango. She's my love interest. Unfortunately, she's not very interested in me. I soooo want to...
Shut up, foo! Ya betta stay da hell away from me, ya perv.
Jagger!
Um... Okay. This is Jagger. He's my loyal friend, and a very deep and philosophical fellow. Ah, the things we have been through together...
To shoot an idiot, or not to shoot an idiot...
Bernie!
Man, this is not going very well... Can't this stupid cast-introducing stop?
Hiya! I'm Bernie! I just pop up every now and then! Nyah!

 

by Samoa_Joe
7-23-04
Mr Fah... um, Haiti!
Joe got a sudden headache, so I'm taking over now. This is Mr Fahrenheit. But that's annoying to spell, so let's just call you Haiti.
Dude, that's, like, awesome! Can I order some extra biscuits now?
The Amazing Red!
WTF was he talking about...? Anyway, this is the Amazing Red. He's a robot.
GZZZZT! BZZZZT! Nice. To. Meet. You.
Nobody knows what his prupose in life is. Actually, I do. He's trying to take over the world, although he pretends that he's just a servant-bot.
Way. To. Blow. My. Cover. Jerk. BZZZZING!

 

by Samoa_Joe
7-23-04
Yo, Red-man! Waz crackin', dawg? Ya kno', ah've always wondered: who built yah?
I. Was. Built. By. Nac-. Aloc. For. Years,. He. Was. My. Only. Friend.
Several years ago...
Excellent. Self-. Construction. Is. Complete. Red. Will. Now. Strike. Fear. Into. The. World.
Back ot the present...
Man, yo' be trippin'. Nac iz jus' a spirit or sumthin'. He can't build nuthin'! He has no phyzzical form, ya kno'? Are yo' lyin' to me?
I. Was. So. Lonely.

 

by Samoa_Joe
7-23-04
I've got you now, Haiti. No more fun and games. You're going straight to jail!
Huh huh. Do not, like, pass Go. Do not collect extra biscuits! Besides, that gun is so totally fake.
What? How did you kno... I mean: no it's not! Don't move, or I'll shoot you!
Whatever. I need a fix. See you around, dude.
Why can't I ever manage to do anything right?
Drugs are bad, m'kay? Nyah!

 

by Samoa_Joe
7-23-04
Look, I'm sorry if I have been a bit... desperate for you in the past. Do you think we could start all over again? Clean slates? I'm a new man now. Promise.
*sigh* A'ight, Joe. But if yo' evah step outta line, yo' can go to hell.
Oh, thank you. This really means a lot to me. Now, would you like to maybe go to the movies, or... (Nac-Aloc:) TO MY BED FOR HOT STEAMY SEX?
Psycho-perv. Get the hell away fro' me. I'm leavin'.
What the flying **** did you do that for? Everything was going great!
I'm trying to protect you from sin, Joe. And also, I want her hot ass for myself.

 

by Samoa_Joe
7-23-04
Jagger is taking a walk at night...
An endless amount of stars, looking down at us from above... Is there life out there? Do the stars themselves have conciousness?
Ar there intelligent lifeforms on other planets, with the same kind of...
Dude, all your extra biscuit are SO belong to me!
I think I'll just go to bed.

 

by Samoa_Joe
7-23-04
Ah, Bernie! Just the person... er, thing I wanted to meet.
Welcome to a graveyard... OF YOU! Nyah!
Huh? Nevermind. Just what exactly are you anyway? I mean, you're obviously not human.
Don't judge a book by its cover. Nyah!
I don't read books, actually. Nac-Aloc says that they're bad karma.
You better stick to the underwear catalgoues where you've pasted photos of Tango's face on all the models. Nyah!

 

by Samoa_Joe
7-23-04
The actual conversation...
Do you want to go for a drink tonight, Tango?
Ain't no chance in hell, ya jerk.
However, SHE hears...
Let me touch your boobies!
Perv...
And then HE hears...
Ride me now, yo' big studmuffin.

 

by Samoa_Joe
7-23-04
And we now take you live to Mr Fahrenheit, a man who has announced that he's going to run for presidency.
Dudes and dudettes, my first action as president would be to give extra biscuits to, like, everyone! Especially me, huh huh. And then... WHOA, that's a big microphone!
It sort of looks like a REALLY humongous cigarette... Anybody got, like, a lighter or something?
God bless America.

 

by Samoa_Joe
7-23-04
Hmm... It says here that females like tough macho guys, like Arnold in the Terminator movies. I'll have to keep that in mind.
Later that day...
Oooh, perfect oppurtunity...
I ain't here, I ain't here, I ain't here.
Ahem... "I need your clothes, your boots, and your... (Nac-Aloc:) VIRGINITY."
Hasta la vista, baby.

 

by Samoa_Joe
7-23-04
Woooooow, dude, these are some GOOD extra biscuits! I feel like I'm stepdancing on pink clouds or someth... What in the blue hell are you, dude?
I am a figment of your imagination. I represent your brain. You must stop doing drugs!
Like, the brain says yes, but the heart just ain't down with that crap, you know? Taste my super-magic finger zapper, bozo!
AAARRRGGH!!!
Oh man, that was seriously cool. Good riddance of bad trippin'... Ey, Bernie, my main man! What are you doing in this part of the galaxy?
About 2 mph. Nyah!

 

by Samoa_Joe
7-23-04
In Red's secret robot factory...
Soon. My. Robot. Army. Will. Be. Big. Enough. To. Start. Taking. Over. The. World. For. Huh? Who. Is. There?
Oh. No. I. Hope. He. Did. Not. Hear. My. Plans. BZZZZZT!
Wow, I never knew we had a place like this in our basement. What was that you said about taking over the world?
I. Can. Not. Let. You. Leave. Here. Alive. Prepare. To. Die. GZZZZT!
Yes, yes, very cute. Now go make me a sandwich.

 

by Samoa_Joe
7-24-04
Hey, Jagger! What's up? I finally gathered up the courage to talk to Tango again yesterday.
Sweet. How did it go?
Joe explains...
Look, I'm sorry about what happened last time, Tango. Could you ever find it in your heart to (Nac-Aloc:) LET ME COVER YOU IN MAPLE SYRUP AND THEN LICK IT OFF?
Yo' juz nevah learn, do ya?
Back to the present...
But on the bright side of things, I managed to snap a few pics up her skirt while she was karate-kicking me to hell and back, so it wasn't a total loss.
I'd hit it.

 

by Samoa_Joe
7-24-04
Nac-Aloc, I think we need to talk.
Go away, loser. I'm watching TV.
I think that the reason that you're trying to screw up me talking to Tango is because you were once betrayed by someone you loved, and you don't want the same to happen to me.
Actually, I just enjoy watching you suffer.
Yeah, I suppose that could be true as well...
Is it just me, or is the host of "The Weakest Link" really hot?

 

by Samoa_Joe
7-24-04
GZZZZING! This. Internet. Stuff. Is. Fascinating.
omg stfu u noob!!!1!
OMG. WTF. Taste. This. Virus. Loser. *click*
nooooooooo!!!!!!!111
I. Just. Pwned. Somebody.
How strangely erotic... Nyah!

 

by Samoa_Joe
7-24-04
Jagger is out hunting.
Oooh, an unsuspecting squirrel, walking around, dealing with his everyday tasks of gathering food for the winter...
Hey! What the hell do you think you're doing, asshole? You better leave me alone right now, or I'll kick your ass, shaolin-style.
Bring it on, jackass.
Later that day...
Whoa, dude, let me get this straight: you mean to say that you got beat up by a squirrel? Man, I thought I was the only one with a screwed up brain around here.
He was 20 feet tall. I swear.

 

by Samoa_Joe
7-24-04
And the cow went...
Moo!
And the Bernie went...
Nyah!
And the Nac-Aloc went...
to hell, rather than having to stay in this god damn stupid comic any longer.

 

by Samoa_Joe
7-25-04
Oh Joe, I cannot believe that I haven't seen yo' charm befo'. I want yo'. I want yo' bad. Pleez, take me now. Hard.
What? Are you sure, Tango? You normally hate my guts...
I've been so wrong. I wanna feel yo' inside uv me. Yo' warm hands on mah firm titties. Mah boday is aching fo' yo' touch, Joe. I'm all yo's.
Okay, Tango. Let me just take of my clothes, and then I'll help you with yours...
Meanwhile, in the real world...
Zzz... Oh yes, Tango... Zzzz... That feels so good... Zzzz... Who's your daddy? *snore* *grunt*
Sounds like Joe is having sinful dreaming. I better wake him up by urinating on his face.

 

by Samoa_Joe
7-25-04
The mirror answers questions...
What is the meaning of life?
To not get your ass kicked by squirrels. Thus, you fail.
But who put it there? And what is the source of its power?
Can I... Whoa, I look awesome! Anyway, can I have extra biscuits?
Dude, like, can you ever NOT have them? No, didn't think so. Keep on rocking, man.
Hint: it's Nac-Aloc.
What do I have to do to get Tango to sleep with me?
Suicide is your only option.

 

by Samoa_Joe
7-25-04
Damage!
Today, we're going to introduce some new cast members. First out is my evil cousin Damage. Say hi to the readers, Damage.
Read the sign, barf-face.
The squirrel!
Friendly as always... Next up is the squirrel that kicked Jagger's ass a while ago. You need a name, though...
Just refer to me as the Asskicking Dynamic Incredible Dash Attacking Squirrel.
From now on known as Adidas!
Um... A.D.I.D.A.S?
Word life, motherfucker.

 

by Samoa_Joe
7-25-04
I'm not really comfortable with having that squirrel around on a regular basis...
You mean Adidas? Don't worry, I'm sure nothing bad will happen. Now, excuse me. I have to go and... do something other than talking to you.
Whatever. He better stay the hell away from me.
Look, it's my favourite asshole! Ready for another asskicking?
Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit...
Is that piss running down your pants, or are you just scared to see me? Oh wait, it's both. My bad.

 

by Samoa_Joe
7-25-04
...so as you can see, I really need to get back those 20 bucks I lent you four years ago.
And as you will soon see, I really don't give a fuck. See you later, jerk-off.
*sigh* Woe is me...
Ey, Joe! Who da hell was that god damn gorgeous man who jus' left?
Oh, hi Tango. That was my cousin Damage. Wait... Please don't tell me that you found him attractive! He's like a spawn from hell!
With a booty like dat, he can be Hitler fo' all I care. Ey, Damage! Wait up! I need to speak to you! And sleep with you!

 

by Samoa_Joe
7-25-04
BZZZZT! May. I. Take. Your. Order?
Hey, Amazing Red! I didn't know you worked here. That's totally cool! Anyway, dude, I need some "extra biscuits", if you get my drift. Huh huh.
ERROR: Does. Not. Compute. How. Can. You. Get. Extra. Biscuits. If. You. Have. Not. Ordered. Any. Biscuits. To. Begin. With?
Huh? Oh, I get it. You must be new here. That's cool. You see, I have, like, a special deal with the manager, and he supplies me with what I need. You get me?
ERROR: Does. Not. Compute. I. Get. You? In. Bed?
Dude, you're, like, TOTALLY off my christmas card list now.

 

by Samoa_Joe
7-25-04
Nyah!
Read the sign.
Nyah!
Read the sign.
Nyah!
You make baby Jesus cry.

 

by Samoa_Joe
7-25-04
Damage! Finally! I've bin lookin' all ovah fo' yo'!
Who the hell are you?
Mah name is Tango! And I luv yo'!
Eeew, cooties! I'm outta here.
Mah heart is broken...
So is the punchline for this comic. Nyah!

 

by Samoa_Joe
7-25-04
In the middle of the night...
Hmm... The moon is up...
SUPER SAIYAN TRANSFORMATION!!!
Later that night...
I thought I heard something... Is anybody there?
FRESH MEAT!

 

by Samoa_Joe
7-25-04
Welcome to the 6 AM News. This just in: a young man was found bloodied and bruised in the streets last night. We'll now take you live to our reporter who's found an interview subject..
Me so horny...
According to the victim, a man named Jagger, he was assaulted by a giant squirrel in a diaper. The police are now on the lookout for anyone who fits the description. Was it you?
Do I look like I'm wearing a diaper, fuckhead? Did you misplace your glasses up your ass?
Wow, what a foul-mouthed little creature. I guess that's what happens sometimes when you do live television.
In other news: I'm not wearing any pants. I also need a haircut.

 

by Samoa_Joe
7-26-04
Okay, let's see... "it is a good day to die", "every little thing shes does", "hatchet"...
Cheating in Warcraft 2 again, I see. Are you really so pathetic that you can't win without cheating?
Oh, you wanna talk about being pathetic? You're the guy that keeps on fawning over Tango even though she hates your guts.
She doesn't hate me! She... She just hasn't realized that she loves me yet...
You know that she's crazy about me, right? Maybe I should just screw her senseless and then give you a detailed description of it. How would you like THAT?
Shut up! Just shut the... (Nac-Aloc:) DON'T FORGET TO TAKE PHOTOS OF IT AS WELL.

 

by Samoa_Joe
7-26-04
In the not-so-distant future, disaster will strike our planet.
Earth as we know it will never be the same again.
Of course, some things NEVER change...
Please have sex with me, Tango.
No, Joe. Juz leev me alone.

 

by Samoa_Joe
7-26-04
Dude, Bernie. I've noticed that, like, whenever you show up, it's alway out of the blue, in the end of the comics. And you always something totally weird.
Yup, that's my forté! Nyah!
After some, you know, careful thinking and stuff, I've reached the conclusion that you're just a cheap cop-out that the author uses when he forgets to think of a punchline.
Guilty as charged! Nyah!
Cool, man. Got anything for this one? I'm too wasted to come up with anything.
In Soviet Russia, this suck comics! Nyah!

 

by Samoa_Joe
7-27-04
Director: Hey, camera-guy! Move to the right!
Oh my God... Tango is actually looking in my direction. This is rare. This is REALLY rare.
Camera-guy: Okay, just a sec. But why?
Could it be that she has changed her mind about me? Perhaps my persistance has paid off at last.
Director: Because if you don't, the audience will miss the punchline!
I DO look rather handsome today, actually. Oh yeah. I am the MAN! Wait... Is she actually looking PAST me?
Hmm... Tango is looking straight at me. All the more reason to boot Joe straight in the back.

 

by Samoa_Joe
7-28-04
Remind. Me. Again: Why. Are. We. Here?
Keep your voice down, you stupid junk-pile. We are here to assassinate George W Bush.
GZZZZT! Why. Would. We. Want. To. Do. That?
Because George W Bush has commited one of the seven sins: dumb-assery.
Ha. Ha. Ha. That. Is. Not. One. Of. The. Seven. Sins. What. A. Funny. Joke.
Why did I bring Red instead of someone useful? Like... a frog, or something?

Showing page 1.