All comics by aspaddict

Profile

 

by aspaddict
2-04-05
Nag nag nag...
My system is running REALLY slow...fix it or I will whine about it some more...
Ok, look...we've already upgraded all of our routers at a total cost of $1600.00 - I dont think the problem lies with the network...
Well then Mr. Smarty Pants, what the hell do you think the problem is, then???
Umm, could it be that you only touch your keyboard for 10 minutes every hour on average? At least that's what the logs would indicate...
...pwnd...
...you log that kind of stuff?
Oh, I log EVERYTHING...by the way, I wonder what your husband would think of the little affair you're having with the ISO guy?

 

by aspaddict
2-05-05
Moving day...
Dude, thanks for coming over to help me move...
Hey bro, thats what friends are for!
So how about we get started hauling all the stuff up to the attic?
Umm, actually, I thought I would do something a little more suited to my talents...
...basically you're going to drink beer and surf porn while I do all the work?
Yeah...wait, no...I was...umm...yeah. You got me...

 

by aspaddict
2-11-05
The boss discovers attachments
I just dont get it - every time I open this attachment, I get a virus alert.
That's uh, that's because the attachment is a virus...
OH! I get it now...thanks...I guess I should delete it, huh?
...wait a minute...did you say "every time"? Exactly how many times did you try to open it???
The sad part is, this guy makes 117k per year...
I'm not sure. I stopped counting after 17 tries and 6 reboots...
Where did I put that cattle prod....?

 

by aspaddict
2-11-05
The ex-wife drops the kids off...
So your new house is really nice, but it sure is a mess...how come you guys can't keep it clean?
Lets see - we're in the process of moving in, there's a flu bug going around, and my new wife and I work a total of 110 hours a week..
Well, both me and my new husband work too, you know, but our house is always clean...I just don't see how you can live like this...
Wait a second...you actually think that delivering magazines for 2 hours a day, three times a week counts as work? Are you insane???
Sometimes, you just have to put it in perspective...
Well, what would you call it then?
All I'm saying is that I spend more time on the crapper than you do at your "job" - and I probably get a lot more done too!

 

by aspaddict
2-11-05
When real life imitates the internet...
Im a hot 19 yr old azn gurl living in Florida - click here to see my website!
Oh, you've GOT to be kidding me...
A quick "zap" with the "No BS Allowed" device...
So THAT'S why Jennifer dumped him...
Umm, I can explain everything...
BRAD PITT??? Wow...I didn't see that one coming...

 

by aspaddict
2-11-05
TV is poisoning our nation...
Hey hon - I finally got the dishes done and the kitchen cleaned like you asked.
Great...did you take out the garbage and set up the coffee pot too?
Ummm - no, I forgot...
That's it...YOU'RE FIRED!!!
Uh, babe...I think you need to stop watching so much reality TV...
Heh, yeah, that was a little over the top, wasn't it?

 

by aspaddict
2-23-05
Just another installation...
There's nothing quite as comforting as a virgin installation of Windows XP...
Please wait while setup copies files...
...or is it?
The progress bar is almost...mesmerizing in its simplicity and grace...
Now copying file "fukyrshitup.dll"...copying file "upd2much.dll"..copying file "ipwndu.dll"...
The truth comes out...
Wait...those file names seem to be trying to tell me something...
Copying file "4getusawthis.dll"...

 

by aspaddict
3-16-05
Make it stop...
So how did the meeting go this morning? I spent about two hours last night making sure you had a PC for your presentation...
Oh yeah, that...umm..well, we didnt actually use the PC in the conference room...
What the hell? Why not? You said it HAD to be done! You said it was "mission critical"...
Yeah, well I thought that our corporate office in Chicago would be able to see what was on our screen from their office, but when I asked them if they could see my screen, they said no...
*hint* I used to work for MSN tech support...
Hold on a second...have you ever called a tech support hotline?
Once or twice - but it was MSN, so there's no way you would have known about that...right?

 

by aspaddict
3-16-05
The system's down?
I am so upset with you right now, I cant see straight!!!! When can I log back in to the XYZ program???
Didnt you get the broadcast message, email, and instant messages I sent you earlier?
Yeah the ones that said something about the system, blah blah..you know I dont understand geek talk!
Allow me to elaborate - the email that said "The system is back online - you may login now."
"Hukt on fonix" couldnt help this chick...
Well it's about time - you really need to work on your communication skills you know...
How about I communicate my foot up your ass?

 

by aspaddict
3-28-05
Logically speaking...
Did you ever get that flowchart fixed up for the big presentation I have tomorrow with our new client?
You mean the one that was as big as a queen size bedsheet and scribbled in crayon? Yeah, I cleaned it up and got it to fit on one page. I left a copy on your desk.
Thats what I thought - you completely removed 90% of the decision boxes on my flowchart! How do you explain that???
Simple - you had 47 different decision boxes with the exact same decision and outcomes - logically it made more sense to have one box for all of the processes involved...
To be continued...
Well, I dont like it. It makes the process look too simple! I'll have you know that this is a very complex procedure involving many layers of dynamic abstraction, the parameters of which escape you!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't we just unloading boxes of paper from a truck?

 

by aspaddict
3-28-05
The truth comes out...
The only thing that I'm afraid of is that the customer will realize how simple this operation really is, thereby reducing the perceived value of our operations..
To be perfectly honest, I think they have their suspicions about that...
You dont understand - we are in the logistics business. It's our job to provide quality solutions for an ever-expanding market of diverse customers by offering solutions not currently in use.
In other words, you think it's your job to take a simple process, add about seven layers of bullshit to it, then gouge the customer for your inability to efficiently run the company?
*shiver*
No no no, by doing that, I AM efficiently running the company!
What scares me is that you actually believe your own bullshit...

 

by aspaddict
3-29-05
Just another day at work...
Computer room, this is Michael...
Yeah, hi - we smell smoke back here...can you come check it out?
Umm, I COULD, but why would I? Im the IT guy, not the fire department...I fix computers...I think you need to call 911
Exactly...Im sitting at my desk, working on my computer and I can smell smoke...
To be continued...
Is the smoke coming out of your monitor or computer tower???
No...no it seems to be coming from outside the office...look, are you going to come back and fix the problem or do I have to call your boss???

 

by aspaddict
3-29-05
Arriving at the scene...
I got here as fast as I could...now where exactly do you smell the smoke???
You know, come to think of it, I smell it pretty much throughout the warehouse...weird that a computer could do that...
I'm going to be honest here...I dont think its your computer. Now, is there anything else that might be burning somewhere..chemicals, leaves, wood..?
Oh you know what??? I just remembered! They're burning some leaves and wood out behind the building - I'll bet thats what it is...
The lights are on, but ain't nobody home folks...
You mean, you knew there was a fire right outside the building, and you still think that somehow your computer was the cause of the smell?
Oh yeah, that reminds me - can you check my computer while you're back here? I can smell smoke when I sit down at it...

 

by aspaddict
4-04-05
Network Maintenance
So when are you going to have that network maintenance done? We've been waiting for weeks for you to do it...
As I explained in my email, I need you to coordinate with your employees and make sure they are all logged off of the system...
So when should I do that? It's a pretty big hassle to have to wait for this to be done, you know?
My schedule is pretty flexible - but I absolutely MUST have all of your users logged off - that's the only thing holding us back. As soon as you tell them that, I can get to work...
I REALLY should update my resume...SOON
So I have to actually WORK? And even worse, I have to COMMUNICATE with my employees? I don't remember seeing that in my job description!
I know these are new concepts to you, but just for the hell of it why don't we give it a go...you never know what might happen!

 

by aspaddict
4-05-05
Someone ask for a shortcut?
Hey, I just got your email - you need an icon on your desktop that points to the fax server, right?
Oh, yeah - I forgot all about that. I emailed you a long time ago about that, but you never answered.
You emailed me about two minutes ago - I got a copy of the email sent to my cell phone and since I was at this end of the building, I decided to stop by...
Still, that was too long to wait - I needed the icon two minutes ago, but since you're here let me clean off my desk and empty the drawers so you can sit down...
...to be continued...
Umm, you really don't need to go to all that trouble - I just need to be able to get to your keyboard and mouse...
I know - but they're on my desk, and if you're going to sit at my desk, I need to relocate to another one so I can do my job until you're done...business doesn't stop just for YOU, you know...

 

by aspaddict
4-05-05
...continued...
I'm not suggesting that business stops just for me, but I dont think it's necessary for you to move your entire desk for this minor task...
Oh, I'm not going to move my desk - you are. Since you're the one causing this disruption of work, I think it's only fair that you move all my stuff for me.
Look - it'll take me ten seconds to make the shortcut - why should I spend 20 minutes hauling your files, supplies, and family pictures to the other side of the building?
Because I have work to do, and you're interrupting me! Oh yeah, I'm going to need you to forward all of my calls and make sure I can get to my email while I'm over there.
Dear God, make her stop...
How about I forward my foot up your ass for being so unbelievably stupid???
...well, I don't see how that's making good use of your time, do you?

 

by aspaddict
6-03-05
Here we go again...
Hey, my "Deleted Items" folder is getting pretty huge - I have over 6,000 emails in there - how do I clean some of those up?
You can just empty it out - that will remove everything thats in there all at once.
But I have important customer emails in there that I need to keep - I dont want to get rid of EVERYTHING...
Hold on, you keep IMPORTANT emails in your DELETED ITEMS folder? Why dont you make a folder called "Saved Email" and move the important ones into that instead???
It's just easier to keep them in the deleted folder - I dont have time for all that hi-tech mumbo jumbo...
Mental note: Enable "Empty Deleted Items on exit" and set it NOT to ask him if he's sure...THAT will teach him a lesson...

 

by aspaddict
6-24-05
Happy Friday...
I was just looking over this flowchart you made for me...
Ah yes, the one that documents our new customer approval procedures - what about it?
Well, in this box, you wrote "Account Approved" - can't you change that to "Accounting Approves"?
That depends. Can't you ever just accept the work that we do for you and thank us for a job well done instead of nitpicking it to death in an attempt to make yourself feel useful?
...isn't it 5:00 yet?
Well what kind of CEO would I be if I did that?
Probably one who is in charge of a company that isn't about to go bankrupt from mismanagment...

 

by aspaddict
6-24-05
One quite morning...
Hey, I think you need to check your email server. None of my emails are going through.
No one else has reported a problem, and I just sent a couple emails myself that were delivered just fine. What exactly is going on?
Well, Im trying to email some files to a customer, and I keep getting this box that asks if I want to Print/Fax, Email, or Cancel...
And which one do you click on?
...to be continued...
The Print/Fax button, of course, but it's not going through. Like I said, something is wrong with your email server...
You mean, maybe its located too close to you and its caught the STUPID.USR virus?

 

by aspaddict
6-24-05
..Back in her office..
Ok, show me exactly what you're trying to do so I can figure it out...
Well, when Im in this program, and I bring up a propsal, it gives those three options - Print/Fax, Email, and Cancel...I hit Print/Fax and...see? It wants me to print it instead of emailing it!
So, basically, you WANT to email a proposal to a customer, right?
Oh, no...I need to email them the standard legal agreement documents so they can sign them...
...to be concluded...
Well, then why in the world are you bringing up the proposal screen? That has nothing to do with what you just said! You should probably be in Outlook and attach the CORRECT files to a new email...
Well, duh! Once they sign the documents, Im going to have to start doing proposals for them! Helloooo???

 

by aspaddict
6-24-05
...cue the migraine kicking in...
Ok, let me ask you this...do you even have the customer's information entered in to the system yet??
Umm, HELLO?? Of course not! I can't enter their information until they sign the legal papers first..sheesh...
So, you're going to try to use the sytem to send them an email..but you don't even have them in the sytem yet. How's the system going to know what email address to send it to?
Oh for crying out loud...I have it written on a Post-It note on the side of monitor, that's how!
At this point, I just told her to do it manually and left her office...
You do realize that computers can't read Post-It notes on your monitor...
They can't? Oh...well, that's a problem. Can you download some software that will do that?

 

by aspaddict
7-21-05
Your trouble ticket number is ID10T
What the hell is wrong with you? We spent all this money on a new email server, and it doesnt even work right. I cant email our head office!
Well, no one else has reported a problem. What happens when you send your email?
I click send, and it disappears, but the guy never receives it...you should really fix that server - what are we paying you for???
Well, what is the person's email address? That's going to be the first step in solving this problem...
...to be continued...
Well, I don't see how that's going to make a difference, but let's go look...
Off I go, into the abyss known as "upper management headquarters..."

 

by aspaddict
7-21-05
Inside the Cave of Stupidity
See, right here on my computer - I have his email address right there in my address book - I entered it myself - and it won't go....
So, his email address is www.headhoncho@parentcompany.com ? Thats kind of an odd email address...
What are you, some kind of idiot? His email address is obviously headhoncho@parentcompany.com! Where are you getting the "www." thing from...
...from YOUR address book - you entered a "www." before his actual email address, that's why he's not getting it!
It's a good thing I just updated my "stupidity immunization" shots last week...
Wait a minute, I thought everything on the internet started with "www.", including email addresses....
And I thought you were at least smart enough to read on a 3rd grade level...guess we were BOTH wrong, eh chief?

 

by aspaddict
7-26-05
I am the Architect. I created the Matrix. I’ve been waiting for you. You have many questions, and though the process has altered your consciousness, you remain irrevocably human.
Ergo some of my answers you will understand, and some of them you will not. Concordantly, while your first question may be the most pertinent, you may or may not realize it is also the most irrelevant
A/S/L???
What...?
*whoa*

 

by aspaddict
7-26-05
our life is the sum of a remainder of an unbalanced equation inherent to the programming of the Matrix. You are the eventuality of an anomaly, oh hell, you know the rest of it...
You didn't answer my question.
Quite right. Interesting. That was quicker than the others.
WTF??? OMG!!11! LOL - Ther R uthers?? OMG!!!11
...
*I like Trinity's boobies*

 

by aspaddict
7-27-05
Customer Service reps are funny
How come you didnt answer my email about the software problem you were having?
I've been really busy this morning and haven't had time to get to it.
I noticed you had time to forward 17 chain letter emails that promise to bring you good luck...what's up with that?
Oh, I did that on my break - I don't think I should have to work during my breaks you know...
Yeah, playing Freecell is pretty intense shit - I totally understand how playing it for 3 hours can wear a person down...
...is there anything around here that you DON'T know about??

 

by aspaddict
7-27-05
I hate software vendors
Let me get this straight - in order to prevent the software from crashing, you're suggesting that we delete ALL data from the database?
Yup. That's what the programmers said.
Do you realize how retarded that is? Why the hell can't they fix it WITHOUT deleting our data?
They said something about the database was causing the error and that creating new tables will fix it.
Thank GOD it wasn't my signature on that contract!
You do realize that we're not going to renew our support contract with you, right?
As long as YOU realize that your boss already signed an iron-clad five year contract...I get paid either way!

 

by aspaddict
7-27-05
Somewhere in Layton, Utah
Welcome to 7-11, how can I help you?
Whoa - Shar, is that you??
Yeah, oh hey...I remember you, we used to date...what the hell are you doing here?
ME? What about YOU? What happened to your dreams of being a successful massage thereapist?
Sweet, sweet irony...
Well, after you dumped me, I didn't have anyone to pay for my tuition, so I had to drop out...why DID you dump me, anyway?
Well, mainly because you wouldn't find a job and I got tired of paying your tuition. Ironic, no?

 

by aspaddict
8-02-05
The trouble with CSR's....
Hey I told one of our customers to call you because she said that the inventory levels on her account didnt match her records.
Well, what does that have to do with me? Sounds like a CSR data entry error, not an IT problem...
Well, she was checking her inventory on our website, so it must be a computer problem right?
If by "computer problem" you mean "We should make IQ tests mandatory for all CSR's", then yes - its a computer problem.
...is that they don't listen.
So when do you think you can have that fixed?
Let me get my cattle prod...I mean, toolkit...and I'll be right with you.

 

by aspaddict
8-02-05
Problem solved...
Okay, I double checked the database and the website. Everything is fine - I even ran two reports to verify that the information on the website is correct.
Well, thats the problem - the data is wrong! You didn't fix anything!
Look, according the customer, our inventory numbers are wrong. You're going to have do a physical count of all of their product and make the necessary adjustments in the database.
Sheesh - ok, fine. What part numbers do I need to be looking at?
...well, problem LOCATED, anyway...
I have no idea - why don't you use that little black thing on your desk with all the buttons and call the customer to find out?
You mean I actually have to do CUSTOMER SERVICE WORK??? What kind of an IT guy ARE you???

 

by aspaddict
8-03-05
In the beginning...
So how's your science project coming along?
Oh, it's going great! I've actually created this planet with life forms on it!
Sweet! How hard was that?
It was pretty easy, except one group of life forms kept asking "Why are we here? Where did we come from? Blah blah..."
Moral: Aliens are sick and twisted!
How did you handle that?
Piece of cake - I just made up a bunch of crap about good and evil, complete with two competing characters - God and Satan. They're eating it up!

 

by aspaddict
8-03-05
Hi. I'm Elder Smith from the Mormon Church (LLC Inc). I'm here to tell you about Jesus.
Actually, I'm here to tell you about OUR Jesus - not the commonly accepted Savior of mankind.
See, our Jesus is better. He was way more holy than the normal Jesus.
And the Mormon Jesus was also a lot more humble than the normal Jesus.
Plus our Jesus was half cyborg. He had laser targeting and this really cool flamethrower in his ass.
..ok, I'll be straight with you - join the Mormon church and we'll let you wear our special underwear...it's really cool! (No, really...)

 

by aspaddict
8-03-05
The trouble with management...
I need some help - how do I check to see if I've sent an email?
You might try clicking the icon that says "Sent Items"...
Why do they have make computers so hard to use? They should make it more user friendly for old guys like me.
I think they've done a pretty good job. My stepmom manages to use one just fine.
...is that they either overthink a problem, or dont think at all!
Yeah, but she's not the one running this company, now is she?
No, but now that you mention it she WOULD be a prime candidate for the position - at least she knows how to spell.

 

by aspaddict
8-04-05
Oh shit...here we go again...
Here's a customer survey that I've worked up. I need you to clean it up a bit and make it more presentable for mailing out.
Isn't this the same one that you were supposed to have mailed out three days ago?
Yeah, but I didn't have time to finish it and get it cleaned up. Besides, the stuff that needs to be done on it is all technical anyway.
Ok, first of all, you were assigned this task 9 months ago - you would have plenty of time to do it if you hadn't gone golfing so much. Second, how is formatting text "technical"?
I sense this has been going on for a LONG time.
...so you'll have that on my desk tomorrow afternoon, right?
You know, I'm just glad I didn't go to high school with you - but at the same time, I see how you got to where you are...

 

by aspaddict
8-08-05
I was having such a nice dream too...
Hi, I work in the sales department and I cant get to my email...
...you realize of course that its 7:00 AM on a Saturday? We're closed right now.
Well, yes, but since I took three days off last week, I have to catch up on my email and I cant get to it!
I think you're missing the point - I.T. people don't do 7:00 AM, ESPECIALLY on weekends.
Seven day forecast for hell: Hot
Well, I'm not happy about this - when are you going to have it fixed???
Let me check the forecast for HELL and I'll get back to you....

 

by aspaddict
8-08-05
Hope glimmers...
Hey, I have a question for you about search engines...
Finally, a techinical question! What can I do for you?
Well, I use Google all the time...every day as a matter of fact...but what Im wondering is what does "Google" stand for?
What? It doesnt stand for anything. A google is the largest number that has a name - it's a 1 followed by 100 zeroes. The search engine company just adopted the name...
...and fades just as quickly.
Oh I get it. So does this mean that Yahoo doesn't stand for anything either, huh?
Sonofabitch...

 

by aspaddict
8-09-05
Did that software vendor ever call you back with the correct settings that I should be using?
Oh, don't worry about it - I'll be taking care of it myself. *grumble*
...two weeks later...
Hi, this is the customer - why in the hell don't you have that software set up the way we asked you to?
I don't know. You should call our IT guy - I don't know anything about computers.
...One minute, 13 seconds later...
I just had the MOST interesting phone call from a customer. Luckily I have all the email correspondence proving that you were going to take responsibility for it.
Shit...he's good.

 

by aspaddict
8-28-05
Somewhere in France...
Excusez-moi, but aren't you a member of zee radical terrorist group known as zee al Qaida?
Many curses upon your family, you unholy pig, but yes, yes I am.
Well, what are you doing here? France has tried to stay out of zees mess zat you are in! Please, we don't want any trouble here.
Oh, pale skinned devil, do not worry. I am not here to bomb you. I am merely here to recruit new soliders for our suicide attacks against our enemies.
Once again, France earns the "Thanks for Nothing" award.
Ah, I see. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave zee country at once. We do not allow any riff raff here...
Wow, they didn't even try to arrest me! These guys are bigger pussies than I thought!

 

by aspaddict
8-30-05
Running the numbers...
Ok, I've been running the numbers and I think I've finally found out why the company is losing so much money.
And why is that?
Well, our brokers are making collections calls, the CSR's are doing billing and no one is really taking care of the customer.
Well, how come accounting isn't doing the collections and billing stuff?
Well, it's pretty hard to do any work when you're only here two days a week, you know? It must be nice to be able to take all that time off without losing all of your personal days.
Wow...that would be sweet!

 

by aspaddict
11-08-05
Customer Disservice
Judging by the phone logs, it looks like you receive more calls than anyone!
Well, I am the queen of customer service, you know!
Well, then how come I never see you on the phone? You're always up wandering around, getting a drink, stuffing your face...
Oh, it's just customers that are calling. I figure if I don't answer the phone, they'll figure out the answer to their question by themselves.
You mean really tough questions, like "What other companies are out there that we can do business with that WON'T treat us like shit?"
Exactly. Wait - no...umm..what are you talking about?

 

by aspaddict
11-08-05
It's too small...
I hate these stupid computers.
What seems to be wrong, oh technologically impaired one?
Well, I have this spreadsheet with a lot of columns, but when I print it, it won't fit on one sheet of paper.
Hmm. That is quite a predicament, indeed. Have you tried using legal sized paper? It's larger, you know, therefore it can accomodate more data.
Oh, yeah - I never thought of that. Wow, you're pretty smart.
You are undoubtedly correct, oh great grasper of the obvious.

 

by aspaddict
11-10-05
Word association
I know you explained this to me the other day, but I don't remember what you said - when I print something, it doesn't fit on one page.
Ok, I'm going to try giving you a hint here - if the paper is too SMALL, maybe you should try paper that is....
Umm. Does it have to do with my email address?
No - think of something that is the opposite of SMALL, and that is what kind of paper you should be using...
You know I'm not good at technical stuff. Could you just print it out for me?
I probably should, otherwise we could starve to death waiting for you to figure this one out.

 

by aspaddict
11-14-05
Gone fishin
I need help again, I can't seem to find my Outlook toolbar!
Ok, remember what I told you last time - if it disappears, just go to View, then Toolbars, then..
Why do you go through all this crap? Why don't you just fix the problem instead of treating us like we're idiots by giving us some boring techno-babble?
Well, I believe that if you give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day, but if you teach a man to fish, he'll eat for a lifetime.
But I hate fish...
And I hate you....

 

by aspaddict
11-14-05
Canadian printers?
You screwed up BIG TIME mister...you bought me a printer that is the WRONG SIZE! I think it's some European printer that is completely useless here.
What in the name of all that is good and decent are you talking about???
I tried to print an envelope, but when I went in to put the envelope in the paper tray, it won't fit! The paper tray isn't wide enough! I think it's designed for European or Canadian envelopes...
You nitwit - you have to put the NARROW end of the envelope in first, not the top or bottom - and for the record, they dont' MAKE "European" envelopes...
Oh. So does this mean that when I mail something to Australia, I don't have to print the address upsided down?
Must ... not ... kill ... again... still .... on ... parole....

 

by aspaddict
11-30-05
Goddamn whiny ass CSR's anyway...
This is so stupid! I can't believe she gets away with it!!!
What the hell are you ranting about now?
The sales girl left 20 minutes early today!!! I swear, we could save so much money if we just made people clock in and out...
I agree...and I bet we could save even MORE money if I uninstalled Solitaire from your computer too...let's go mention this to management!!!
Umm...well, perhaps I was a bit hasty...I don't think we need to bother them...
Yeah, that's what I thought...now sit down and shut up.

 

by aspaddict
12-08-05
Fox News gets a new weather..umm..person?
Im Cranky McGruff with your Central Illinois weather.
Fucking cold - I think I was just cryo-neutered out here. Lows tonight are going to be in the "Shit its fucking freezing" range, and tomorrows high will be "Colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra."
Brought to you by Wal-Mart. Your one-stop shop for cheap plastic crap.
There's your weather forecast, now where the hell is my coffee???

 

by aspaddict
12-20-05
If our CSR's were in charge of homeland security...
Hi there - if you are a terrorist and plan on bombing something, please fill out this form so that we won't have to do any work, like background checks and stuff.
Umm...okie dokie.
The following day...
argh....
Allah loves me!
Sadly, management allows this to happen on a daily basis...
Why didn't you do something to stop this from happening?!?
How was I supposed to know? He didn't fill out the "I'm a Terrorist" form! It's not MY fault...you make it sound like I'm supposed to look this stuff up or something..

 

by aspaddict
2-10-06
One year ago...
I think you try to put too much faith in technology - we need to do some things the old fashioned way, like make phone calls instead of email...
Okay, so we'll scrap my idea of configuring the server to send out emails notifying the customers when an order ships.
Today....
You know, I think we need to put more faith in technology and make it work for us instead of the other way around...
So we're going to go ahead and do the order notification thing? How much is the vendor charging you for this one?
Oh, a very reasonable price - only twenty-five thousand.
Compared to the cost of ZERO dollars a year ago, that's VERY reasonable...

 

by aspaddict
3-20-06
Two days after upgrading a printer in a seperate office...
I think we need a new printer...
I just replaced your printer the other day - why do you need a new one?
Well, now its not printing again. I think we need a new one.
You sure you didn't just push button that puts the printer in "Offline" mode so you can try to weasel a new printer out of me?
Spoiled brats, the lot of them.
Oh...you've heard of that trick, huh?
Heard of it hell, I INVENTED it!

 

by aspaddict
7-18-06
Resend that file...
I need you to send me that file again so I can forward it in an email
You mean the one that I sent you last week? Didn't you keep a copy of it?
Well, I saved a copy, but I had to delete it after I sent it to that person because you can't send the same file to more than one person.
That is the dumbest thing I've heard in a long time - who told you that?
No, it's true - this guy I went to community college with told me, and he was really good with computers.
Let me guess, he was SO good with computers that even AFTER he finished the course, he's STILL stocking shelves at Wal-Mart, right?

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