All comics by blackhole

Profile

 

by blackhole
9-25-03
Alright buddy, where's the ho?
What? I thought you were the ho.
No, sir. I'm a police officer. I'm busting you for soliciting a prostitute.
You mean you're not wearing leather under all that?
uuh,.. no.
OH! my goodness. I just remembered I slit her throat and threw her out the window. I guess you can't arrest me now. TEE HEE!

 

by blackhole
9-25-03
uh,.. hey Timmy. Why'd you want us to meet up in this abandoned warehouse out on the docks at two in the morning?
You silly rabbit! No one will hear the screams as I slowly disembowell you! Goodness, you're dumb sometimes.
I think I'll pass. My arms are still stapled together from last week.
You know you can't resist me you tubby bitch.
*sigh* oh all right. I've got nothing better to do.
Hey! wanna see your grandma's severed head? It's really neat-o.

 

by blackhole
9-25-03
YO HO HO HO! What the fuck is up? SANTA is in da hizouse!!!
Yo, Hey. What the hell is goin' on 'round here.
Please sir, show some respect. That sick sadist, TIMMY, has just slaughtered another family.
What the fu-? I'll show you some respect, bitch! Don't nobody FUCK with Santa you ASSHOLE!
Oh, you can try to take me on, but remember that I rape people as I strangle them. You wanna try, sinner? huh? huh?

 

by blackhole
9-25-03
Hey,... kid! What are you doing? You're supposed to be fellating Satan right about now!!
Nu-uh!! I'm waiting for Jesus to take me away to heaven!
You've missed that bus, kid. It's the fucking apocalypse now. You're too late. Now bend over!
Liar!! You can't hurt me. I got baptised.
Oh please. Like any of that shit means anything. Cut the crap and put your balls in my palm.
The preacher did that too.

 

by blackhole
1-25-04
Excuse me, but could you spare some pickles? I'm starving.
What? You've got plenty of flab!! I'm the one that's starving, you goddamn clown bastard.
You don't get it, fat people need more food than skinny people. It's science.
Stand still while I chop your ass into bite size pieces you fucking fat ass piece o' shit!!
hm...pretty fast for a fat ass.

 

by blackhole
1-25-04
So,... uh...you beamed me up. What do we do now?
You're the one who sent me naked pictures of you asking if we could meet up for some quick back door action! What do ya' THINK we're gonna do?
But you look a little different than you did in your Yahoo profile.
Oh THAT. Just a second. I'll be right back.
WARNING: reading this makes you a sick-o freak bastard. OOPS! too late.
now THAT'S what I'm talkin' about. That's the hottie I remember!
"Oh you hot momma, give it to me now. This underage bitch needs some hot grown up action!"

 

by blackhole
1-25-04
One non offensive day in a non offensive cartoon...
Lil' Tootsie, We lost our horse in that non violent dispute with the "native- Americans" and we still have to travel across country.
Don't worry. I'm a girl. Girls are better than boys in every way possible. I'll get us out of this mess, you inferior male.
......uuhh... so what do we do, my mistress queen?
Look at the pretty clouds... Just be your self and dare to be different without actually being different and you can KICK BUTT! Yae girl power!!
.....Coming Soon to Disney Channel!!...
*cough* *cough*...uuhh...oooookay. What now my Supreme feminine double X chromosome dominator?
You must get a sex change so we can co-exist as equals, you silly male pig!!

 

by blackhole
1-25-04
Super Trooper Joe wants a date.
Hi, I'm Joe. I'm a Machine gunner. Wanna go out for a coffee?
...squeek!....
Hey there,.. I'm Joe. I shoot people legally in foreign countries. Wanna go out and see a movie?
I so sorry infidel, I need to plant this bomb at a day care center. Maybe some other time.
Support our troops... date Calista Flockhart....
Wow! Calista Flockhart? I'm Joe and I love your cancelled show!
I want Pie.

 

by blackhole
1-25-04
Five years from now,.. Wal-Mart and Bill Gates and Disney rule the world..
Welcome to Wal-Mart. We don't sell anything that our Lord God doesn't approve of.
We censor the music,.. and only carry the highest selling albums.
latest Wal-Mart news: Just Banned- unChristian books, unChristian music, all other non-conformist items.... more info later.....
Maxim and Cosmopolitian are too sexy to sell. The frigid hags of America told us not to sell them. Frigid hags are the voice of God.
Our supercenters have Police substations in them along with McDonalds so that our dystopian vision is nearly complete. Tremble before the marching boots of the store detectives staring you down.
This just in... Wal-Mart has sent in reinforcement troops to the few remaining cities in America where non Wal-Mart registered (non-citizens) are attempting to resist the will of God's discount store.
Our policy is to wipe out all other retail chains and independant business. But we are the holy discount store God has appointed to sell you things. Choice is not yours.
Submit to Big Brother, the triune corporation of Microsoft, Wal-Mart, and Disney.

 

by blackhole
1-25-04
What cha' got in your pockets strange bum?
Well, I aint got nuthin now since I owe you and all your future off spring for crimes against your race by people who have been dead for a looonnng time.
This politically correct Disney cartoon is brought to you by Wal-Mart with a special message.
Yo Ho Ho. Santa in da hiz-ouse. I say meet your required Christmas shopping quota or be sent to da' processing center for non-consumers!
Gee,.. thanks for the money. This might help bring the crimes of your possible ancestors to justice.
It's no problem! If someone with my skin color did something wrong in the past, then I'm guilty too, by golly!

 

by blackhole
1-25-04
So, Father Natas, still have time to baptise me in your "Baptiso-matic"? I really wanna do it but I'm worried I might turn into a lunatic like the other "born-agains".
Why, it's perfectly safe, my son. Didn't you notice all the other saved people preaching on the side-walk outside?
Don't you ignore me you sinners!! Hell is comin' to get ya if you don't stop playing GTA: Vice City!! It's da' Devil!! Da' Devil I say!!!
Fresh young boys!! I need fresh young boys...........for the church chior!! yeah that's it! PRIVATE vocal instruction at my house tonight!! Free crucifix shaped candy!!
eh,.. now that I think about it,.. I'll just take a bath at my house while listening to Creed. That's about as religious as I wanna get.
As you wish, you hellbound fool! Die in eternal flame ! Infidel!! Burn burn burn burn burn!!!

 

by blackhole
1-25-04
Ar Har har har!! by downloadin' these Britney Spears songs,.. she'll eventually starve to death and then DIE!! AR har har har!!
..Downloading:-Oops I did it again.. 56%...
Oh yeah, baby! ARR!! Shiver me timbers!! do ya feel it Britney? Are ya' starvin' yet?
Downloading:- I'm a slave 4 U... 24%
Remember kiddies! Kill the corporations and rip the system!!
Arr!! Ye scurvy dogs! This isn't workin' at all! I'll just cut her fuckin' head off!
!WARNING!: The RIAA has detected you illegal downloading. Prepare to be financially raped. The record execs need new private jets:......

 

by blackhole
1-25-04
Hey there. I'm Katie. I'm a in a sorority. This is a nice place, huh?
*BURP* I gawt a hard on. Grab my pecker and pull for a surprise. *hiccup*
a while later,.. that night..
Hey, where ya' goin' ya cunt? I aint got to unload yet.
You're too small. I can't keep a good grip. Besides,.. there's no way I'll even feel it when we fuck. I'm sorry, Ted. It just won't work out.
Remember, girls. There's nothing wrong with masturbation! Despite what the priests of Wal-Mart say.
*sigh* I guess it's just you and me again my extremely large labia-ripping friend.
BZZZZ....BZZZZZZZZZ..BZZZZZZZZ...

 

by blackhole
1-25-04
Ladies: When shopping around for male prostitutes,.. make sure they all meet one requirement...
Hi there. Watch your step, you almost stepped on my cock.
...see, I shove this in your rectum,.. and.... what are you looking at? Oh yes. My baseball bat must've fell out of my pants.
oops.. this one went beyond me.
Me beastial of the pentagram. Surrender your sex organs to me or be forced to drink my piss!!
You're hired!!

 

by blackhole
1-25-04
Lets get FREEE_KAAYY!!
Yeah yeah!! You do that. I'll just get my machete and cut out your fuckin' ribcage and EAT IT!!
Stare at my butt. Can you imagine what my anus must be like? wanna see it?
Yeah yeah. Sure. Let me just get my shot gun so I can blow your intestines out your mouth and then EAT 'EM!!!
..this could go on forever...
Hey,.. can ya' buy me a drink?
Yeah yeah, sure. You drink that while I get some barb wire, wrap it around your scrotum, rip it off,.. then shove a greande down your throat, and then piss in your eyes, then shoot you in the nose....

 

by blackhole
1-25-04
One too many pickles are flipping out in the chiropractors office....
By golly.... I do believe I been abducted. Aint that just crazier than an elephant fuckin a chicken?
Zeebee boo mono hopp torg noo noo fizzle poop.
How does a cow live in the tampon dispencer if no talibans can give fellatio to themselves?
Where am I? why aint there a Wal-Mart sign in the distance? Why are my intestines dragging the ground? I feel poop in my ears..
bonkey moo dibber lonkey pookon boofrotopy.
Get that barf out of my drive shaft! No more boogers for the sperm cassarole!!
Sure as shittin'. I do believe that is the bannana that I've been lookin' for. I need a monkey for the red toyota lubrication. Get a bean out of the vagina for I am Hagar the Horrible!!
heh heh. Hi. I'm steve. want some more heroin?

 

by blackhole
1-25-04
four cows are in the Outlook express. Give the clitorus to That 70's Show.
Come hither my little cork screw. Many doritos melt in your mouth, not in your hands.
If the vibrator is chugging the sour creme in the mail box,.. then Billy Corgan is what the Nickelodian pisses..
Who ya gonna call? POOP SHOOTERS!!!
Under the sea.. under the sea.. everythings better where it is wetter, take it from MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
Fuck tax plans for Beatle Bailey. No more tears bite the heads off of doves as my poop lives on through the lord Jesus McDonalds.
Butt monkeys make donations only to mid-sized dodge durangos. woop woop!!
I see the pie is growing as we planned,.. Dr Quest. Tell that bastard "Mandy Moore", that he can't have any more "Choose your own adventure books".
Bo knows baseball. I'm Barbera Walters, signing off with a butter churner up my ass.

 

by blackhole
1-25-04
Monday
Lets Kill your mom with a power drill.
alright!! Lets go!!
Wednesday
Lets slit your little sisters wrists and drink her blood then puke in her throat.
Okee Dokee!
Friday
Lets sew up you little brother alive in your dead moms corpse and then beat your dad to death with it while I cut off your tits and eat them with a side of bacon and scramled eggs I cooked last week..
Sure thing! I love murder. Afterwards I wanna impale myself on a steel pole through my vagina as I drink your piss...

 

by blackhole
1-26-04
Excuse me kid,... did you see who was shooting everyone in this school?
Yeah, me.
You? Is this a confession?
Kinda'. I'm with the Trench Coat Mafia.
So,.. uh.. what videogames do you play?
I don't play videogames. I watch Lizzie McGuire religiously, though.

 

by blackhole
1-26-04
Boy.... too bad there's no way to show violence in these strips.....
Die you fuckin preppy football player dating whore!! BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM
AAAAAAAKKKK.
You want some too, you fuckin inbred redneck son of a bitch?
A Colt .45? Is that all you got, you freaky goth queer?
Well,.... I've got fully automatic assault rifles,.. But I left them in my other coat.

 

by blackhole
1-26-04
I'm not about to let you goth queers get revenge for us bullying y'all. Ya'll going down!
Say that with a bullet wedged in your skull, you fuckin backwoods creep!!
AAAAAAKKK!!
Alright,.. who else wants some, huh? Which one of you motherfuckers is next for my lethal justice?
Mr. Corey,.. my French teacher.. any last words before I blow your fuckin head off?
La poop chute eh la chocolate fist por vous Doom 2 ?

 

by blackhole
1-26-04
Excuse me sir,.. were you a witness to the horrible massacre at the school? Do you know what happened?
Yeah,.. I pretty much ran around shooting everyone that I hated. And I just happened to hate everyone. Pretty wierd how that worked out, huh?
My GOD!!! Your in the T.C.M.!!! Somebody arrest this boy!! Don't worry, it's not your fault, you must've played way too many violent videogames!!
I HATE videogames you fuckin propaganda spewin' asshole!!
AAAAGH!!

 

by blackhole
1-26-04
Good morning asshole. What's all the hubub?
Oh no. I'm not lettin' you in you freak. You're probebly one of those Trenchcoat Mafia fags. Probebly packin like, a hundred guns or something.
I don't have any guns, see? Just a bunch of lists of names of people who SHOULD die. Preferably by bullet wounds.
Nu uh! That don't matter. You still fit the profile of a danger student. You like heavy metal, you play violent videogames, you wear black alot, you get the shit beat out of you for no reason......
You weren't supposed to die untill later by shotgun, but I feel the need to alter my schedule.
AAAAKKKK!!!

 

by blackhole
1-26-04
uh... halt! Since you've killed all the cops,..the National Guard is here to put a stop to your bloody massacre. uhh....
uuh.... eeh...
Where's your gun, lapdog?
Dumb-ass brainwashed loser....

 

by blackhole
1-26-04
Another spree of school violence today as disgruntled youths known as the "Trenchcoat Mafia" killed hundreds of students, teachers, and police.
The cause is obviously all forms of youth culture. It is unthinkable that these troubled youths could be acting of their own free will. President Bush has ordered all entertainment not suitable......
........for pre-schoolers to be seized, banned, and destroyed to protect the nation from anymore youth brain-washings!!
Shit. I guess it's up to me to save the nation from maniacal censorship. Mr. President, I'M COMING FOR YOOOUUUU!!!!!

 

by blackhole
1-26-04
Excuse me sir,... you can't go beyond this point. Anti-terror precautions are.....
FUCK OFF!
Put your hand over your head and get down on your knees!! This is your final warni---
FUCK OFF DAMMITT!!
If you're trying to kill the president, then you'll have to get by my rich, white ass and my thick wads of cash!!
That's what bullets are for, greedy corporate bastard.

 

by blackhole
1-26-04
Mr. Bush!! Where are ya? huh? huh? I need to discuss some things.
There you are!! I've got something for you...
Oil? Is it oil?? Are you here with the oil? lots of oil, right?
...no.... I'm here to "change your mind" about the crazy censorship you've imposed upon the masses.
.....but... censorship is just another word for anti-terrorism. hey, what's that gun for?

 

by blackhole
1-26-04
..stop being such an asshole!!
The saftey of soccer-moms everywhere depends on...
AAARGH!! FUCK YOU WAR-MONGER!!
FWOOOSHH!!!!
HOLY SHIT!!! You're a fuckin' ROBOT!!
KILL ALL HUMANS!! KILL ALL HUMANS!!! TERMINATE HUMANITY!!!!

 

by blackhole
1-26-04
So a robot is running the country, huh? Well that explains everything.
you will be assimilated, flesh-bag!! Prepare for another sequel to The Terminator!!!
Not another sequel!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
So,.. the psycho bastard member of the Trench Coat Mafia saved the nation from one major threat. But little does he know that he WAS A DUMB ASS ALL ALONG!! HA HA HA HEE HEE HEH HEH HEH!!! THE END.
Well, that was easy. Guess it's time to watch some more Lizzie McGuire. She's HOT!!
*fizzle* *pop* Re-elect me please... *crackle*..

 

by blackhole
1-26-04
That goddamn monkey RAPED me last night. I'll pay top dollar for someone to rip off his balls!!
I know just the guy for the job.
Kill that horney monkey bastard and the cow will pay you a couple hundred.
Sweet! give me some time to think about it.
The cow loved every minute of it and say he'd PAY you to rape him again.
KICK ASS!!!!

 

by blackhole
1-27-04
I'm bored. What do ya' wanna do?
I wanna decapitate that fat farmer over there.
Okay,.. I'll go get the blow up doll and Adam Sandler CD to distract him while you....
..........
Done. Now what?

 

by blackhole
1-27-04
Dammit!! Hurry up Clown Bastard!! I'm ready to go!!
*squawk* *squawk* Homo wears a hockey-mask!!
Alright, I'm ready to-- HEY!! Why'd you kill my fuckin bird!?!?!

 

by blackhole
1-27-04
Clown Bastard and Murdering Mike just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time when....
ooh. A clown. I've never killed a clown before. BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM!!!!
AAAAKAK!! AARRGH!!
cool! A hockey mask wearing psycho! I've never killed one of those before either! BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM!!!!
AAAAACKK!! ARRRGH!! UUUKK!!!
R.I.P. Clown Bastard and Murdering Mike. They were funnier dead than alive.

Showing page 1.