All comics by chrome_plated

 

by chrome_plated
3-23-04
Jesus, stop that!! Why do you keep doing that to yourself?
hmmm...........
You must have pounded hundreds of nails into your head by now.
Iron deficiency.

 

by chrome_plated
3-23-04
The U.S. continues it's hunt for WMD's.
Where are they?
There are none.
Where are they?
There are none.
Where are they?
There are none.

 

by chrome_plated
3-23-04
The U.S. continues it's hunt for WMD's in Iraq.
Where are they?
There are none.
Where are they?
There are none.
Where are they?
There are none.

 

by chrome_plated
3-23-04
Seen any WMD's around here?
No...you?
Go check behind that sand dune over there.
I did, just 20 minutes ago.
Go check it again.
Hmmmmmmmmm.

 

by chrome_plated
3-23-04
Sir, we have found no WMD's.
Did you look behind that dune over there?
Twice , sir.
Hmmm....
Go look again.

 

by chrome_plated
3-23-04
Dubya's double and triple checking for the WMD's
No WMDs are behind the dune there ,sir..
What about that other sand dune to the left?
There is a man stationed on the dune to the left protecting it from any possible movement of WMD's sir.
hmmmmm......
Now what am I going to tell the public?

 

by chrome_plated
3-23-04
Still searching for WMD's
Where are they?
Not here.
Where are they?
Not here.
Where are they?
Why don't you try in North Korea. I hear they are having a two for one sale.

 

by chrome_plated
3-23-04
dental floss check...... toothbrush check........ bath towel check........... shampoo check........one bar of soap..... check.......
Preparation H ........check..........
Sorry about the body cavity search... Ms. Stewart.

 

by chrome_plated
3-24-04
Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day
Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

 

by chrome_plated
3-24-04
After dying in a car crash, three friends go to Heaven for orientation. They are all asked the same question, "When you're lying in your casket, and friends and family are mourning over you,
The first guy immediately responds, "I would like to hear them say that I was one of the great doctors of my time, and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in the children of tomorrow."
The last guy thinks for a moment, and then replies, "I guess I'd like to hear them say, 'Look, he's moving!'"

 

by chrome_plated
3-24-04
A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with a rardar and was pulled over.
The officer handed the man a citation, and then as he turned to walk back to his cruiser, the man asked,
"Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair. There were plenty of other cars around me going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?"
"Ever go fishing?"
"Um, yeah... so,"
Ever catch ALL the fish?"

 

by chrome_plated
3-25-04
The Senate is investigating deceptive sweepstakes practices.
These companies target the elderly and make them think they will receive a bunch of money, but in reality they never see any of it.
The most popular of these scams is called Social Security.

 

by chrome_plated
3-25-04
"Giving money and power to government is like giving whisky and car keys to teenage boys."pj o'rourke
For art to exist, for any sort of aesthetic activity or perception to exist, a certain physiological precondition is indispensable: intoxication."Friedrich Nietzsche
"Nothing inspires democracy like the ghosts of drunken germans"--The Daily Show regarding the new Afgan Gov't meeting in a donated German beer tent
"When I hear the word 'culture' I reach for my revolver"

 

by chrome_plated
3-25-04
Only the slowest person in your group."
The Canadians are going to help America with the war on terrorism.
They have pledged 2 battle ships, 600 ground troops and 6 fighter jets.
After the American exchange rate we end up with 2 Canoes, 6 Mounties and a bunch of flying squirrels.

 

by chrome_plated
3-25-04
Was the serman good?
yep
What was the serman about?
Sin.
What did the Minister say about sin?
He's against it.

 

by chrome_plated
3-26-04
This is to inform you that you have won the Printinghouse Sweepstakes.
A check for $1,000,000 will be delivered to you tomorrow. P.s. Look suprised for the cameras.
When Ed Mcman gets here I'm kicking him in the beans. I really hate that guy.

 

by chrome_plated
3-26-04
So what kind of salary were you thinking of?
Something in the range of $125,000 a year. Depends on the benefits offered.
Ok how about $125,000 a year an assigned parking space 14 days paid vacation, stock options, a 50% retirement matching program, and full health benefits?
Really are you kidding me?
Yeah, but you started it.
.....

 

by chrome_plated
3-26-04
If I were trapped in a mall surrounded by flesh eating zombies what would I do?
First I'd go to the sporting goods store and put on hockey pads and a helmut or something, so the zombies couldn't bite me.
Yeah, bite protection! Why the hell didn't any of the movie characters think of it?

 

by chrome_plated
3-26-04
Sorry mr zombie sir......
My virus protection suit is bite proof, so I won't be joining your evil hoard today.
Kid, you just ruined the plot line for the whole movie.

 

by chrome_plated
3-26-04
Ok , see this virus broke out and infects people in like 10 secounds... and turn them into flesh eating zombies.
And a group of survivors gather in a Mall. One of them is a nurse and she knows all about diseases and stuff, she figure the that it's a virus causing it and its transmitted through bites.
A samll army of the zombies gather outside the mall but they can't get in cause they are to dumb to open a door.
So how do the characters react to this?
Well one of them gos all Mr. T and welds a bunch of crap onto a van.......

 

by chrome_plated
3-26-04
More complaints about the movie.
So there's these dumbass security guards in the Mall. And they hang out in the electronic section of a store, in the home theater area. They were just wasting time cause they were bored.
The tv ststions go off the air cause its the end of the world and all. They just sat and watched static for a long time.
Hello.......... None of them thought to put a DVD in or break out a Playstation?!?? They were in a freakin' mall in the freakin' electronic section!

 

by chrome_plated
3-26-04
WORKER DEAD AT DESK FOR 5 DAYS
Bosses of a publishing firm are trying to work out why no one Noticed that one of their employees had been sitting dead at his desk for FIVE DAYS before anyone asked if he was feeling okay.
George Turklebaum, 51,who had been employed as a proofreader at a New York firm for 30 years, had a heart attack in the open-plan office he shared with 23 other workers.
WORKER DEAD AT DESK FOR 5 DAYS
He quietly passed away on Monday, but nobody noticed until Saturday morning when an office cleaner asked why he was still working during the weekend.
His boss Elliot Wachiaski said: "George was always the first guy in each morning and the last to leave at night, so no one found it unusual that he was in the same position all that time."
Don't work too hard. Nobody notices anyway
A post mortem examination revealed that he had been dead for five Days after suffering a coronary. Ironically, George was proofreading manuscripts of medical textbooks when he died.
You may want to give your co-workers a nudge occasionally.

 

by chrome_plated
3-27-04
Hey, aren't you that guy that used to be on that show, when you were a kid?
yep.
I loved that show, I used to watch it everyday after I came home from school.
....
So you must have some great stories from being on that show.
nope.

 

by chrome_plated
3-27-04
Yes the search still continues on and on....
I've seen none.
nope don't got any.
and on and on and on.....
ummmm...... no.
wmd what? whats that?
and on and on and on and on and on.....
Reports are negative.
This just in WMD's still have not been found in Iraq....... Now over to Paula to explain what a jobless recovery is.

 

by chrome_plated
3-27-04
What the heck kind of double speak is "Jobless recovery" anyway?
Yes, well allow me to explain. In my factory I hire people like that man there. A lazy no-dogooder. In order to appease the shareholders, I must maximize profits. By using expensive consultants......
....and pie charts and graphs we formulated a plan. The no-dogooder worker is replaced by squirrels. The trained monkeys were cost prohibative.
jobless recovery is still jobless
By replacing the lazy worker with a squirel, we the board of trusties were able to recover from our dot.com loses.

 

by chrome_plated
3-27-04
So where are they?
One of our top objectives is to find and destroy the WMD. There are a number of sites. --Victoria Clark Pentagon Spokeswoman Press Briefing 3/22/2003
We know where they are. They're in the area around Tikrit and Baghdad and east, west, south and north somewhat.--Donald Rumsfeld Secretary of Defense ABC Interview 3/30/2003
Obviously the administration intends to publicize all the weapons of mass destruction U.S. forces find -- and there will be plenty.--Robert Kagan Neocon scholar Washington Post op-ed 4/9/2003
In Iraq, a dictator is building and hiding weapons that could enable him to dominate the Middle East and intimidate the civilized world -- and we will not allow it. --George W. Bush Speech 2/26/2003
Intelligence gathered by this and other governments leaves no doubt that the Iraq regime continues to possess and conceal some of the most lethal weapons ever devised. --George W. Bush Address 3/17/03
I have no doubt we're going to find big stores of weapons of mass destruction. Kenneth Adelman, Defense Policy Board member --Washington Post, p. A27 3/23/2003

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