All comics by no2d10

Profile

 

by no2d10
2-18-05
I hear that whenever the president wants to launch me, he has to make a personal call to me, using you.
um.. yeah. so?
Have you ever thought that just maybe... there might be another red phone exactly like you on the other end of the line?
Cosmic

 

by no2d10
2-19-05
I have formulated a new model of economics, in which currencies are represented in multiple dimensions!
Millions of Americans will now work for square dollars per hour. Carpet which once sold for a dollar per sq ft will be sold for a cubic dollar per quartic foot!
My bank statement will be issued in the form of an N-dimensional Tensor!
That's an institutional jumpsuit you're wearing, isn't it?

 

by no2d10
2-19-05
Holy Shit! I need CRACK!
Yo BIATCH, you got the right Motha' Fukka! Watch yo want?
Three K of Columbian Pure.
How the FUCK you gonna' pay for that, cracka?!
FREEZE! I'm Agent Johnson - an undercover snowman with the DEA!
SHIT! My days of drug-dealing are over... I sure hope I don't become someone's bitch in the slammer.

 

by no2d10
2-24-05
Excuse me, son. My horse ran loose and I need a new one. Can you point me toward the nearest ranch?
Watch' you talkin' bout foo? This is the *SPACEFUTURE* How about an opium-enriched violence-infused crackcicle? To you it would be like eating a popcicle mixed with psychotropic drugs at a soccer riot
Excuse me, my good man. My horse ran loose, and I need a new one. Can you point me toward the nearest ranch?
We HyperAmish do not approve of your old-fashioned ways. Begin consuming exorbitant quantities of electricity and buy a gasoline-powered space ship or I'll have to physically assault you.
Excuse me..... Eh, Screw This.
Hang on a sec, boy... You ever seen Deliverance?

 

by no2d10
2-27-05
FUCKING SHITHOLE ASS-SUCKING COCKMONGER BITCH-WHIPPED PUSSY-PISTOL
RECTUM-SUCKING SPERM BAG
YOU COMMUNIST SCUMBAG
Your FREE MARKET is INVALID
Your alloy has an inferior tensile strength
Your Programmable Logic Array is egregiously miscalibrated

 

by no2d10
2-27-05
Good Morning Class. I want you to meet our new student, Jimmy. He's an Artificially Intelligent Tactical Nuclear Missile with a a 1500 Megaton Enriched Plutonium warhead.
Hello.
Later in the hall
Hey Jimmy! You should try out for rugby! Our Team could really use a player with your skills! Come with me to practice tonight.
You think so?? Hmm... I do weigh 80 Metric Tons and can accelerate to Mach 2 in under a minute...
Later at Practice
Oh right... the plutonium.

 

by no2d10
2-27-05
Hey Jimmy. For a relic of a foregon nuclear arms race, you're pretty cool.
Thanks Jane - I appreciate your amenable subjective critique. Additionally, my sensors indicate I'm at a nominal 26 Degrees Celcius.
Um. You wanna' catch a movie later tonight? Like a date?
Yeah. That'd be really swell.
Later That Evening
Sucks that they wouldn't let us into the movie. Sorry for causing a scene.
Eh... I should've expected that they'd give me a hard time for bringing a thermonuclear device to the theater. The Police and Homeland Security guys were pretty cool, though.

 

by no2d10
2-27-05
On the way to class
So jimmy, Why exactly are you at our high school? We know you're artificially intelligent, but what's the deal.
Well Seth, to be honest, although I appear to be a young thermonuclear device such as yourself, I'm actually a fairly vintage model from the late 1950s. Swell, huh?
-I'm not a thermonuclear device
...And my artificial intelligence is highly robust, I feature a state-of-the-art SIMD vector unit capible of handling 128 bit floating point calculations
Yeah, I know. I started cheating off you in calc when I noticed you scored 100% on a test that you finished in under 2 seconds.... so then, why the hell are you here?
My designers tired of my charming 1950's social vernacular, Biiiiatch.

 

by no2d10
2-27-05
Hey Jerkwad, I saw you with Jane the other night. You think you're so special because the pentagon granted 2.5 Billion in funding for your development?
Excuse me?
And what's with the letters "T N T" painted on your side. You're not a thermonuclear milssile... I bet you're just some junk masquerading as a student, trying to avoid the scrap heap.
Question me now, BITCH.

 

by no2d10
2-27-05
Good morning class. I've been informed of a few policy changes implemented in light of our new student Jimmy.
Firstly, we have a new fire-drill evacuation procedure. From now on, we will no longer meet at our safety zone by the gym... but will instead run in the direction of your choice for at least 15 km
Mrs. Wilkins, I have a problem...

 

by no2d10
2-27-05
Yo Yo, Jimmy Boy! I heard you and Jane were gettin' it ON last night!
Yeah, she's pretty hot. She came over and next thing I know, we're MACKIN' IT
I also heard she's in the intensive care ward in a coma
Yeah I tipped over when she went to kiss me... I crushed her rib cage and exposed her to about 1200 Roentgens for half an hour before the hazmat team arrived
Is she gonna' live?
What am I? A doctor?

 

by no2d10
2-27-05
Doesn't it make you nervous to be in the same classroom as that new guy... you know, the ICBM?
Hey Jimmy, what's your range?
My effective target radius is 12,500 Nautical Miles
No.

 

by no2d10
2-27-05
At Debate Team
...And for these reasons, nuclear proliferation is the greatest threat we face today as a nation.
Ouch.
Look, I'm just trying to fit in...
I think the greatest threat YOU face right now is having pissed off a Class 4 Fusion Reactor.

 

by no2d10
2-27-05
Hey jimmy, I know Mitch ridiculed you back in strip 4 about your TNT decal... for which he was subsequently vaporized...
Hey Rick, I'm right here!
?
...So anyway, respectfully, if you really are nuclear, what's with your decal?
I didn't like the race-stripe pattern, and this was the only other option. When you've been designed to obliterate everything within a 5km radius, the paint job doesn't get much attention.

 

by no2d10
2-28-05
You Insensitive Prick! I just heard that you crushed and irradiated my girlfriend.
Mitch, Jane is not your girlfriend. She's my girlfriend... I crushed and irradiated MY girlfriend.
You're a NUCLEAR MISSILE! You can't have a girlfriend! Sure, you might have a fancy computer guidance system but you still lack BASIC HUMAN EMOTION. You don't LOVE her! You can't even feel REGRET!
Touche.

 

by no2d10
2-28-05
Jane, I'm so glad you're back. I'm sorry I exposed you to a borderline-lethal dose of radiation. Thanks for not pressing charges.
Actually, my parents did press charges, but the Pentagon intervened apparently and now my attorney is nowhere to be found.
Yeah, that sounds about right.
So I guess I've learned a pretty valuable lesson...
?
Next time we make out, I'm on top.

 

by no2d10
2-28-05
Now for today's lesson... *sniff* *sniff* JIMMY! Is that ALCOHOL on your breath?!
No Mrs Wilkins, just solvent from when they were repairing my Fail-Safe mechanisms... Lately, they've been, um - well - failing
*Click* Uh oh... my detanator just engaged...
OH FUUUUUUUUUUCK
Ah, the Fail-Safe just kicked in. Nevermind, heh.
Please GOD, just kill me now.

 

by no2d10
2-28-05
So Jimmy, it's nice to see you again. It's been a month since you began your Human Studies at Olberdink High School, tell me - how do you feel about your experience
Well Dr. Borochnikov, I like Mrs. Wilkins. I have a girlfriend, Jane... she's great. I'm getting perfect grades and our rugby team won states... since the other teams were incinerated. I'm content.
GIRLFRIEND?! RUGBY?! CONTENT!?!?!?!?!
?
According to our observed behavioral imprinting, you should be apathetic, tempermental, a little depressed, highly rebellious and dangerously volatile - the perfect weapon. What the hell is going on?!
Yo dude... calm yourself. My Psych teacher would have a field day with you!

 

by no2d10
2-28-05
Class, we have a special visitor today - Mr. Abrams from the Dept of Defense.
Alright, here's the deal - our intelligence data tells us that one of you offered Jimmy an XBox in exchange for his plutonium warhead. First of all, jimmy doesn't need an XBox...
His advanced neural network can emulate video games the likes of which your simple brains could not concive... His memory has a 10 Petabyte/sec Bandwidth. I mean, what the HELL were you thinking?!
Anyway... Your're ALL under arrest.

 

by no2d10
3-09-05
Hey jimmy, I've been thinking...
uh oh
Seeing as how you're a missile and such... I think we should see other people. I've come to realize that I never really loved you, but just loved the power associated with dating a nuclear missile.
Later that day
Hey baby... Mr. Telephone heard you're single these days...
What is it about inanimate objects invading my romance life, lately

 

by no2d10
3-13-05
Good morning class, it seems we yet again have a new student...I'd like you all to welcome... Mr. Telephone.
They can't be serious
Hi everyone.
Call me crazy, but are we slipping further away from a classroom and ever closer toward becoming a missile silo?
Crazy.

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