All comics by pendy

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by pendy
2-22-01
godzilla hate phone.
not this time. for the love of christ, not today.
ring
godzilla hate phone solicitors calling at dinner time.
i swear to god, if this is another motherfucking solicitor, it will take untold destruction to sate my hellish wrath.
ring ring
the world pays the ultimate price.
i told mci. i told all of them. but no one listens. and now they're all dead. let this be a lesson to you, the reader. do not tempt godzilla's unholy powers.
burn crackle

 

by pendy
2-22-01
Existence is random. Has no pattern save what we imagine after staring at it for too long. No meaning save what we choose to impose. This rudderless world is not shaped by vague metaphysical forces.
hmm, i see.
It is not God who kills the children. Not Fate that butchers them or Destiny that feeds them to the dogs. It's us. It's only us. Does that answer your questions, doctor?
my bologna has a first name, it's P-E-N-I-S, doo dee dah...
finally, it's kicking in.
i'm sorry, did you say something? i was eating your fear.

 

by pendy
2-22-01
one day...
now it's on, you clinking clanking clattering collection of cacophonous junk.
indeed?
yep. i will singlehandedly put your reign of mechanical terror to a stop.
i seriously doubt it, meatbag. your puny flesh will melt like the lard it is, when i turn my 350,000 volt helium laser on that clammy revolting pigslop you call a body.
this hurts a great deal more than i might have expected.
why must we always hurt the ones we love?

 

by pendy
2-22-01
One morning...
Oh my stars, I seem to have turned into a monstrous vermin, although it may merely be my imagination. This will surely affect my job, as well as my home life.
You're fired, stinkbug.
An unspecified amount of days later...
I am so lonely. Perhaps I can use my new bug-powers to seduce my mildly sympathetic sister into sitting with me and allowing me to secrete on her.
Back way the hell off, freak, before I put a broomhandle through your exoskeleton.
Until finally...
Well, my father has beaten me with apples, I have been disgraced by my entire family and the cleaning woman, and I am slowly losing the capacity to understand human thought. What could go wrong now?
Yeah, hi, I'm the boarder, and I was just wondering if maybe you could scuttle your filthy roach carcass off under a train somewhere so I could bang your sweet-assed sister. Thanks.

 

by pendy
2-22-01
2 hours 18 minutes later.
fuck! squirrel, we're on!
finally
hey, so i was raping your mom up the ass and she said...
ah, cram it, cockwad. you fucked us up again.

 

by pendy
2-22-01
It's a fine day in the park, and you meet two disturbing little girls.
You blink, and...
But it quickly returns to normal. Which is real? Make your decision...QUICKLY!
Glarg.
Something you want to say, laughing boy? I have souls to eat.

 

by pendy
2-22-01
So Fred yells out, "Step on it! We've got a plane to catch!", and I...what's the matter?
I think you should turn around for a sec.
What the hell are you talking about? Is there...
What the fuck do you think you're doing? And why do you smell like cough syrup?
I brought you a bag of my teeth. I can still feel your breasts when I clench my fists. My mother wants to meet you. Please let me kill a movie star to impress you. LOVE ME!

 

by pendy
2-22-01
Wasn't Godot supposed to be here?
I think I lost a boot. Or something.
I read this a long time ago.
And now I'm pretty sure I hung myself.
Search me. I always get this play confused with "Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead".

 

by pendy
2-22-01
so am i a cow-type creature or a horse-type creature?
cow? or horse? shall i ever learn? will my torture ever end?
one possible ending.
is it ass-love time yet? my rectum screams out your name.
you bet it is, my little friend. you bet it is.

 

by pendy
2-23-01
my girlfriend laughs so hard she passes out every time she sees my penis.
beep. beep. buy-many-articulated-sex-toys-for-her-and-practice-your-tounge-dexterity.
i'm being chased by the fbi! they contol me with radios they put in my head...FROM SPACE!
beep. calm-down-and-continue-taking-the-medication-i-have-prescribed. click.
everyone's happy with robo-therapist!
man, sometimes i just feel like my father never loved me. you know? why didn't he teach me to play ball?
whirr. beep. you-will-be-among-the-first-of-the-fleshings-to-die-in-the-coming-holocaust. prepare-yourself-softbody. beep.

 

by pendy
2-23-01
what's the matter, sammy?
people keep saying i look like a rabbit. joe, you see this fleshy rod prominently positioned on the top of my head?
sure i do. the phallic thing. the big, pulsating manstick.
yeah, that's it. does it look like a pair of rabbit ears to you?
well, not really, no...but now that you mention it, what sort of animal are you, sam? because maybe if a rabbit cut off one of his ears and injected the other with silicone...
SHUT YOUR FILTHY MOUTH, YOU LYING SON OF A WHORE!

 

by pendy
2-23-01
Get your paws off me, you damn dirty apes!
You did it! You finally did it! Damn you all to Hell!
If I had flesh, it would be hairy monkey flesh.

 

by pendy
2-23-01
Nietzsche breaks out of the underground.
God is dead.
And now the chicks start rollin' in...
Wish I'd thought of that.

 

by pendy
2-23-01
An ordinary day in The City...or is it?
Twitch frantic shoelaces. Now trim off the eyeplates.
It was a trick of the light. Go about your business.

 

by pendy
2-23-01
Rejects from the Survivor 2 cast...
I am equipped with surface to air missles, and a self-evolving replication program. Also, I am fueled by a continuous fusion reaction.
Yeah. Next!
I slay your young and drink their blood. I transform your world into a waking nightmare. I drown all life in my black worm jism.
We'll give you a call. Thanks for trying out...Coolio, was it?
Rejects from the Survivor 2 cast...
I-AM-SELF-EVOLVING. I-AM-EQUIPPED-WITH-SURFACETO-AIR-MISSLES.. THE-HALFLIFE-OF-MY-FUSION-FUEL-IS-7,348,922.65-EARTH-YEARS
Yeah. Next!

 

by pendy
2-23-01
Rejects from the Survivor 2 cast...
I am equipped with surface to air missles, and a self-evolving replication program. Also, I am fueled by a continuous fusion reaction.
Yeah. Next!
I slay your young and drink their blood. I transform your world into a waking nightmare. I drown all life in my black worm jism.
We'll give you a call. Thanks for trying out...Coolio, was it?
I've trained myself to eat only fungi and drink only sea water or gasoline for up to 6 weeks at a time, and I don't think it's hurt me none.
Please make it stop.

 

by pendy
2-23-01
4-3-2-1....
Liftoff! We have liftoff of the Space Shuttle Discovery, attempting to begin a new era in human history in space.
Okay, I tied up Buzz and the short guy. They won't give us any more backtalk now.
Damn straight. No more experiments for us...we're taking this sucker to Jupiter! Road trip! Whooo!

 

by pendy
2-26-01
One peaceful day in Scotland...
En garde!
Have at you!
YAAAAAH!
FOR MY HONOR!!!
Man, I sure do love this new "Vermin-Based Anthropomorphic Highlander" show.
There can be...only one.

 

by pendy
3-02-01
I see a baby dragon.
I see a man's head smoking a cigarette.
...
I see an 11 inch throbbing manshaft, invading a virgin asshole.
Well, I feel it, if that's what you mean.
Yeah, that's what I meant.

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