All comics by scotchromanian

Profile

 

by scotchromanian
1-17-05
Hey, wanna see me do Shakespeare?
Sure.
Alright, let me get into character...
Ah, fuck it.

 

by scotchromanian
1-17-05
Make sure that anthrax-filled gift gets to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue before Christmas morning.
You got it, boss.
Hey, you can't just stroll in there with an unmarked package...
I couldn't get in... the White House has some policy about unmarked gifts.
White House?

 

by scotchromanian
1-17-05
Dude, I just stole a bunch of shit from the mall, and now the cops are after me -- We gotta switch shirts!
OK.
Dude, thanks!
No problem.
Did you really think you'd get away with it?

 

by scotchromanian
1-17-05
Oh, boy! Somebody threw out their robot... I'm gonna take him home with me.
Actually, I live in here.
Mommy, I found a robot in the trashcan... can I keep him?
Sure, sweetie... I'm just worried about how your brother will react to this... You know how jealous he gets...
This is so unfair! I mean, I want a robot, too!... It's hers just because somebody put it in the trashcan?
I live in here, asshole.

 

by scotchromanian
1-18-05
Did you know there are people that don't even believe in me?
Yeah, there are people who don't believe in me either.
Yeah, but...
But, what?
You're fucking Santa Claus.
Good point.

 

by scotchromanian
1-18-05
Alright, I'm gonna TRY and do Shakespeare for you... but the problem is I'm inherently lazy and fuck up the lines real easily... So I'm gonna try again now...
OK, I'm just waiting for my bus to school.
Alright, let me just get into character first... *Coughs* ...umm... "Who art thou be this knave?"... uhh... hold on, I know this...
FUCK ME!! Goddammit piece of fucking shit! Fuck it! ...Bitch ass.
My bus should be here soon.

 

by scotchromanian
1-18-05
I don't know why everyone calls me Lazy the Clown -- I'm really just a clown that's lazy... My real name is Santino. You know, like from the Godfather?
My bus should be here soon.
FUCKING SHIT!!!!
Bus is here.

 

by scotchromanian
1-18-05
Did you see what happened here, man? Some rich dude did a double backflip out of his limo and started killing all these boyscouts with his elbows... Now he has cancer. It was insane, man...
Woh.
Do you know the story of that house, man? Some ex-Vietnam sniper-turned-pedophil-turned-mad scientist built it out of human ears and now he breeds zombie musicians there... It's totally creepy.
Dude.
Do you know the story of Jesus, dude? Lucifer was opposing God's will, and so God cast him to hell, where all sinners burn for eternity... Then Jesus died for us, and now the Apocalypse is coming.
That's fucked up.

 

by scotchromanian
1-18-05
Yeah, so yesterday I was washing my vagina... or as my four-year-old son calls it, "the place where my penis should be."
Boooooo
Yeah, and then my son walks into my room, saying he'd had a nightmare... so I let him sleep in the spot in bed next to me... or as my vagina calls it, "the place where a man should be."
Boooooo
Yeah, and yesterday I got a call from the Lesbian Comedy Club... or as I like to call it...
-- the place where your act should be.

 

by scotchromanian
1-18-05
Hey, a stereotype machine! Do these things actually work?
I wouldn't know. I'm already a stereotype...
Oy, I can't believe you really went inside!
Do I look any different?
Nope... the bloody thing must be broken.

 

by scotchromanian
1-18-05
Hey, Snowman, I've been thinking about whom I'm should ask to the big Valentine's Day dance coming up in February... I think I might just ask Mrs. Claus.
Wow, that's orginial...
Hey, Comet... have you ever noticed how big of a smartass the Snowman is? I'm thinking maybe I should just leave him outside this summer, as opposed to putting him in the freezer... What do you think?
I'm actually Blitzen... and I'm not going to going to answer any more of your sick questions until you feed me and the other reindeer.
Hey, Elf... I'm thinking of castrating one of my reindeer for being insubordinate. What tool would you recommend?
Santa, shouldn't we be getting ready for Christmas?

 

by scotchromanian
1-18-05
Bevilaqua, you got a visitor.
I do? Who?
You again!

 

by scotchromanian
1-19-05
Hey, aren't you Kateri from high school?
Yea, whatever, are we gonna do this or not?
You've really let yourself go..
Fuck you.. I'm gonna get naked now, alright?
I think I'm just gonna beat it instead...
Whatever.

 

by scotchromanian
1-19-05
Fuck you, pig!
!
He didn't even chase after me... give me something better to say.
I don't know anything else.

 

by scotchromanian
1-19-05
Do you sell bombs here?
Oh no... I better get the manager.
No, we don't sell any of my movies here.
David Spade!

 

by scotchromanian
1-19-05
Hi, I'm the Pussy Inspector.
Oh my God. You are a total freak, you know that? There's a Catholic School down the block, I'm sure the little girls there would be willing, creep...
The thought had never even occurred to him before...
Hmm...

 

by scotchromanian
1-19-05
Tom, I'm tired of being in this wheelchair... Do you know anything about healing?
You must be confusing me with a priest.
Father, I'm handicapped and want to get out of this chair... would you heal me?
You must be confusing me with Jesus Christ.
Lord, I'm paralyzed and wish to walk again... would you touch me?
You must be confusing me with a priest.

 

by scotchromanian
1-19-05
Oh, boy! Somebody left their man here!
That man is dead, little girl -- And please try to keep your head down or you're going to get shot!
Mommy, somebody left a man outside! Can I please keep him?
Sure, sweetie... I'm just worried about how your brother will react to this... you know how jealous he gets...
This is so unfair! Just because someone left their man out here means SHE gets to keep him?!
Keep your head down, asshole!

 

by scotchromanian
1-20-05
Well, here it is -- the Grand Canyon! We've now visited every famous landmark there is in America... Should we get the TP out now?
Hmm... I think we've missed something.
What could we have missed? It feels like we've covered everything.
I know there's something...
Oh, of course! How could I have forgotten?
We haven't shit on the White House yet, silly!

 

by scotchromanian
1-20-05
Bevilaqua, you got a visitor.
Fuck you, pig.
Baby, I told you never to come see me like this again...

 

by scotchromanian
1-20-05
CBS
What's the difference between Stabby and a pile of dog [BEEP]?
Cinemax
Why did you pull out so fast?
I thought you wanted me to.
CBS (regardless of having changed the channel for a few seconds, the viewer is still able to get the joke...)
I don't understand... Aren't you going to say something?
I said nothing because there is no difference.

 

by scotchromanian
1-23-05
Can Christianity really call itself "The Divine Religion"?
Hmm...
Should faith be substituted for logic and reason?
Wow!
What do you think?
For the last two panels I was watching people in the shower. Listening to you is boring.

 

by scotchromanian
1-24-05
OK class, I'm violently on my period today but I'm going to teach anyway!
Uhh... why?
As a woman I have an obligation to my vagina... but as a teacher I also have an obligation to my students.
Umm... what did you just compare us with?
Does that make sense?
I'm never going to Ohio.

 

by scotchromanian
1-27-05
Can I get a rebate on that so and so?
I'm looking at a re...NO!
Will my insurance rates get better blah blah blah?
Hmm... i INSURE you NO!
What's in YOUR wallet?
Where's your career been heading in the last eight years?
I'd say... down the drai-NO!!

 

by scotchromanian
1-29-05
Well, the ship is sinking and there's nothing we can do about it.
I think I know a way out of this...
Well, the ship sunk and now we're probably going to drown.
I think I know a way out of this...
Well, we're underwater now and we're going to die... Do you still know a way out of this?
Yeah, I just need some scissors. This is really tough material...

 

by scotchromanian
2-02-05
That was a really great dinner... so should we go to your place or mine?
Uhh... will you excuse me for a minute?
I think she wants to have sex, and I still haven't told her I'm a Christian.
You did the right thing coming to me. Go on home and I will take care of this...
I hope you don't mind if some of my friends join in...
Check, please!

 

by scotchromanian
2-06-05
What do you make of this, Detective?
Looks like a pretty standard open-and-shut case to me...
No, I mean this notepad I have here... what do you think of it? It's nice, aint it?
Oh, I guess it is a nice notepad...
I think we may have a positive ID on the shooter here, Lieutenant.
You trying to make me look bad?

 

by scotchromanian
2-06-05
Did you know they have a Starbucks in here?
I'm not really in the mood for coffee. I'm being transferred to Death Row tomorrow.
Hey, did you know they have a Starbucks in here?
Stewart, I came to tell you that you've been paroled. You're getting out of here.
Dad, did you know they have a Starbucks in prison?
So you only did two years for rape?

 

by scotchromanian
2-13-05
Billy, you've really been struggling in this class these past few weeks.
I know. I know. I'm sorry.
I think you may have a case of Senioritis.
I don't think so.
Why don't you think so?
Because the girl I got it from was a Softmore.

 

by scotchromanian
3-02-05
What are you doing?
I'm trying to get on that "Jackass" show; there's an audition this afternoon.
Later that afternoon, at Jackass Productions...
Look at my forehead, can I get on the show?
Hahaha, faggot.
What the hell? Can I get on the show or not?
"Faggot" actually means "Yes"...now if you'll just sign across my asshole we'll fuck you in the ear... that means "Welcome Aboard"

 

by scotchromanian
3-02-05
If you don't mind clearing out of here, little missy... I have to take a bullhorn-size dump.
I'm sorry, but this toilet is taken. I'm using it to throw up in.
Move it, little girl. I've got a gorilla finger sticking out.
I'm sorry, but this toilet is taken. I'm using it to throw up in.
Excuse me, have you seen my little brother?
I'm trying to throw him up.

 

by scotchromanian
3-09-05
I'm going to the mall today. Wanna come?
UmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmNOTHANKS!

 

by scotchromanian
3-22-05
I'm going on a comic strike.
What's that?
You don't know what a comic strike is?
No, tell me.
Until this site starts treating Stabby with the respect he deserves, I'm not going to make any more comics.
I don't think anyone cares, Treebeard.

 

by scotchromanian
3-22-05
What can I get you?
Pack of cigarettes, please.
We're all out.
Thanks anyway.
Dad, they were all out.
You fucking kidding me?

 

by scotchromanian
3-22-05
You think working at the K-Mart is tough, try working at the SUPER K-Mart!
Touche.
You think programming a Pentium III is tough, try programming a Pentium FIFTEEN!
Touche.
I challenge you to a sword fight.
Huh?

 

by scotchromanian
8-07-05
teengirlsquad
Klaus Kinski
Gogo
Pali
5InchTaint
Tommy

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