All comics by shadowchaos

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by shadowchaos
1-02-05
We join our new hero JMC in the Dreamscape.
Hey, dudes! I'm the J-to the M-C, and I'll be your guide in the twisted world that is my life.
Hold on! I'm helping out!
Um...Daniel? What the hell are you doing in that stupid costume?
You need a superhero here, right? I am Big D-Licious, master of all martial arts!
Suddenly I feel the temptation to burn all my Jackie Chan movies...
Check out my kickass capoeira moves! SPINNING HEEL KICK!

 

by shadowchaos
1-02-05
We rejoin JMC and Big-D in their apartment, coming back from the Dreamscape by force...
You know, James, sooner or later you're gonna have to turn that damn thing off.
Come on, D! I'm almost to the last level of MegaManX 3, and I haven't beaten Sigma yet!
All I'm saying is that you could spend time on more productive matters, like your electronic music or your novel.
Meanwhile, in one of JMC's carts...
Mario, why aren't you saving the Mushroom Kingdom and Princess Toadstool?
I got disconnected. That damn MegMan took my place in line again!

 

by shadowchaos
1-02-05
We join Big-D on yet another run to the cigarette store when...
Hello, I'm Nonsmo Kingman! Do you realize that your habit of smoking cigarettes is bad for your health?
Oh no, not another of these fuckers...
They can cause cancer, bad breath, premature aging, and even cut years off your life!
Now where did I put that...Marlboros, GT Ones, Durants, Camels...Ah! Perfect!
Seconds later...
Man, why is it that every time I meet a talking cigarette, they always leave when I pull out my gun-shaped lighter?

 

by shadowchaos
1-04-05
We join C-Note and Big-D in their apartment...
Wait...what happened to "Zodiac Warriors"?
Didn't you hear, dude? In keeping with our old audio program, we renamed to "JND.MP3".
Why the hell would we do that after starting? And what the hell is up with your new look?
Don't diss the look, duder, it's more me. As for why we renamed, I figured we could cash in on some of our old jokes.
"Like Gabe's recreational activities, for example..."
How you doin?
Not again...who do I look like to you, Paris Hilton?

 

by shadowchaos
1-04-05
Yo, C-Note, I'm headed to the Time Out for karaoke, as usual. Wanna come with so we can do our Linkin Park impression?
Funny you say that, I got a story for ya. I'm standing at work when one of my co-workers asks me out on a date. When she offered to pay, I thought it was a joke.
C-Note: "But just when I think she's serious..."
Yeah, I need someone to stand around and act like they're my date so I can make my boyfriend jealous. He hasn't been the best of guys lately...
The guy's probably cheatin' on you. What you should do is dress hot, tease him all night, and videotape me fucking you anal style to show him.
Big D: "She turned ya down, huh? Typical bitches..."
On the contrary, she called the boyfriend, dumped him right there, and is bringing her slut friend Amanda along for "Three's Company" action.
That's my boy! Now, will you be needing "extra sensitive", or should I just give you the horny goat's weed free of charge?

 

by shadowchaos
1-05-05
The hell? Where am I at? I fall asleep for two minutes, and the world ends!
Cool! Mystery Science Theatre 3000!
"This is why my parents should have used birth control!"
Meanwhile, just outside C-Note's room...
So what happened after he hurt his back?
I don't know, Boner. The last thing I remember was that he was saying "Vicodinland!" and heading for the medicine cabinet.

 

by shadowchaos
1-07-05
Yo, Big-D! Getting ready to go to work at Mr. Dave's again? Must suck to be you...
Where do you work again, Gabe?
A veal barn.
Today's your lucky day. I have "Bestial Lifestyles" condoms with "Ribbed For Bullshit" features.
Seconds Later...
Where ya goin', man? You gotta be prepared for your boyfriend!
Hey, you seen Gabe? His fourteen-year-old girlfriend wanted to tell him how much fun losing her virginity was...

 

by shadowchaos
1-07-05
Wait, wait...you're telling me Gabe got a 14-year-old girl knocked up?
That's the rumors going around. She's even saying that her dog was better at the peanut butter than Gabe.
Two bestials...go figure. You'd think they'd be a match in heaven.
Not even close. I think Haley Brown'd be a better fuck than them.
Speaking of which, how did your date with Kaci and Amanda go last night?
Let's just put it this way...by midnight tonight, I'll be the only guy those lesbians will ever want to screw again.

 

by shadowchaos
1-13-05
We join C-Note in a graveyard talking Jesus...this oughtta be good...
I sense you have questions, my son...
Just one...exactly how old WAS Mary when you forced your holy stick up her skirt and into her closet?
Fifteen minutes of silence later...
I'm not allowed to talk about pending litigations. You'll have to go through my lawyer for a public statement.
Yeah, I'll have to wait in line for Pat after all the people asking about the tsunami and gays, you heterophobic asshole...

 

by shadowchaos
1-13-05
Chirstmas 2003
Deck his balls with chains and bullwhips, falalalala lalalala. Lock her in the hov'ring sex swing, falalalala....
Yo D! What the hell's going on?
Christmas 2004
Don we now our leather corsets, falala lalala lalala. Look for C-Note's twig and berries, faux pau Galaga...
You...might...wanna move...volitile gas in that area...
Christmas 2005
Where's Big-D this year, C-Note?
In Salem, Nickel. I needed a break from that damn "Dominatrix Christmas" song he wrote four years ago!

 

by shadowchaos
2-02-05
Dude, you should see the girls I'm workin' with. I can hit any one of them if I really wanted to.
Oh yeah? Bet ya I could hit all three tonight.
C-Note! Remember, you have that anniversary dinner with your woman tonight.
The girls are skirt-fetished bisexuals, right?

 

by shadowchaos
2-21-05
We join C-Note in yet another of his hallucinating moments.
Ain't you the paperclip from Macguyver?
No, I'm the Windows paperclip that annoys everyone!
DUDE! Can I get an autograph? I'm a huge fan!
I suppose...
Meanwhile, in the real world...
Okay, here's an idea for an upgrade involving a bicycle and a bottle of cough syrup...
Oh god, he took Vicodin again!

 

by shadowchaos
2-21-05
We join C-Note's cousin Travis during a typical Saturday morning.
Have you heard the good news about Christ? He can absolve all your sins.
ALL of them? Somehow I have my doubts...
Why of course he can. Through the absolution of God, anything's possible.
Really...well in that case..
HEEEELP!
Maybe I should call you a cab, but I don't know of any that'll GO TO HELL this time of day!

 

by shadowchaos
10-05-05
Alas, on this unfortunate day, JND.MP3 must be put to rest....
Hey! Wait a minute! Don't I at least get to say goodbye to Big-D and everyone else?
"Sorry, they're already dead, and you're about to blow up."
Remind me to whoop your ass next time I see you...

 

by shadowchaos
10-29-05
We now join our former heroes on vacation.
So then I was like "Gabe, your boyfriend wants his bullshit back...literally!"
OUCH! Good one, dude! So when's JND.MP3 starting back up?
Didn't you hear? Once you moved to Richmond, we had to cancel the series!
C-Note...I just got ahold of him. We're gonna be back on the air in a few weeks.
How the hell am I not told about this? I was co-creator too, damnit.
Well, let's just say a twelve-pack of Bud and Brooke Spann were part of the tradeoff...

 

by shadowchaos
11-01-05
Six Months Ago...
What the hell happened between you and Big-D?
The fucker raped me.
Two Weeks Ago
The holy fuck, man? What did you do to Mandy, man?
I din' do shit! You know me better than that. That's the LAST thing I'd do.
C-Note's Conclusion?
Why not? I've done the friends with benefits thing before!
Yeah, you fuck the friend over with false claims, and you get the benefit of him being the bad guy! I'm so glad you never took up brain surgery...

 

by shadowchaos
11-01-05
We now join C-Note in preparation of JND.MP3's relaunch...
Hey, dawg...you up for some programming?
I'm really trying to research ways to rule the world via hypnotism.
Cool, g....hey I got an idea.
Shoot, dude.
Have you accepted the almighty penis as your lord and savior?
Do NOT make me get D in here. He hates religious talk as it is.o choice....hold my drink, bitch!

 

by shadowchaos
11-01-05
We rejoin Airhead and C-Note.
Yeah, but anyway, sometimes the devil posesses my hand, because he and God are dating, you know...
That does it...HOLD MY DRINK, BITCH!
One hour later...
Dude, what the hell did you do to him?
He wouldn't stop talking about his penis being God and shit!
Well I can tell you this now...if that's God, you got him beat both in the looks AND the jockstrap department!

 

by shadowchaos
11-02-05
We join Big-D in a restaurant in town...
Okay, I'm gonna try this one more time. A number five with a chocolate shake.
Que?
A number five....
Que?
Goddamnit...I was hoping to pull out the lighter again! That's what I get for going into a place called "El Tapatio."
Que sera?

 

by shadowchaos
11-02-05
We now joing C-Note and his brother Boner in a private conversation....
Dude, you are so lame! Your son's mom and your best friend are dating! And they even lied to you for years!
And the point would be, Boner?
Come on! Not even God would allow that one to happen! Only someone as retarded as you would have that happen to them!
You'd think he'd have learned by now...
Ten minutes later...
I'm sorry, did I cause the door to meet your face when I opened it? I really gotta watch where I'm going.
At least he can't claim to be an anthropologist anymore....who comes up with a name like "Boner" anyway?

 

by shadowchaos
11-02-05
We join Boner and Big-D in a rematch.
Come on, dude! I'm ready for ya this time!
Boner, give it up! Every time we fight, the result's the same--you have a black eye. Not to mention we ARE in my home territory.
Son of a bitch! The guy's got a point.
So I'm gonna make it easy on you. Apply this Black Eye makeup kit and I'll make it sound like you ACTUALLY put up an effort this time.
Unless of course you want me to light your...FUCK! I really gotta start marking these "Lighter" and "Firearm"!

 

by shadowchaos
11-03-05
We now join Boner and his cousin Travis on Halloween night...
Yo Couz! Any word from your sister Psycho?
Nah, haven't heard from her in a while. But then, Psycho's always done that.
Dude, this is bugging me. Why the boxers in church?
This is church? I thought this was the Haunted Whorehouse...well there's twenty bucks of admission wasted.
At least this explains why Father Moppitlove was telling me to play a skin flute behind Filipino.
And this guy claims to be smarter than C-Note's last experiment in online dating?

 

by shadowchaos
11-03-05
We join Airhead and Big-D while playing "Bad Fur Day"...
D...can I tell you something?
This ain't gonna be another one of those "Hold My Drink Bitch" moments, is it?
I'm trying to convince Carrie that I'm gay. Can you be my date next week? I promise no touching.
....
Wait, wait, let me get this straight...you actually CONSIDERED IT?!
Dude, if the way he was describing Carrie was any indiciation, I could have played the 'break up with him for her' deal! What's not to love?!

 

by shadowchaos
11-06-05
Okay, what are you recruiting me for?
I'm planning on taking over the world, and I need your help.
WHAT?! I save the world, not ruin it! Where's THAT line?
Sir...you REALLY don't want to see that army's general...
I demand to know everything about the Antagon Virus.
Ask Mandy and Wendy. They're the ones that infected your friend with the mark...

 

by shadowchaos
11-06-05
In France...
Gabe's been at it again, hasn't he?
I'm sorry, my friend...but not even The Reverend can be held responsible for this monstrosity...
In Manchester...
Dude, is he okay?
Pray to God, dude...in six years, we're gonna die.
In the DreamScape...
C-Note, what the fuck are you doing?!
I'm dancing to "Staying Alive", WHATHAFUCK DO YOU THINK I'M DOING!!!!

 

by shadowchaos
11-06-05
We join our heroes after C-Note's near-fatal exposure to the Antagon Virus...
Dude, you can put away the gun, I'm fine now.
How do I know you're for real?
Remember Airhead and the Reverend?
Yeah...what about them?
C-Note: "Well, right about now they're feeling the transfer."
Come on, Reverend. What's the problem?
You're a rabbit that dresses in drag and I'm a duck nobody likes! I'd say we have a BIG PROBLEM HERE!!!

 

by shadowchaos
11-06-05
We join Big-D on a revenge quest...
You got five seconds to explain why you infected C-Note with that virus.
Fuck you, D! I know that's the lighter.
Don't push it.
You know, I'm actually GLAD Zayvin's sick! That jackass deserved what karma gave him!
I warned you, bitch...this time I DID have one marked "Firearm".
Suddenly I'm hating the concept of....kar...ma..

 

by shadowchaos
11-06-05
We join Big-D after his horrible date with Airhead...
Dude...that date sucked!
Hey, at least it worked! And now Carrie thinks you're flamer too!
Yeah, well it's the last time too! I'm 100% hetero, dude!
Meanwhile, in Airhead's version of heaven...
Wow...are you part of the plan to feed the hungry homosexuals of Hungary?
Dude, seriously, enough with the fag jokes. They're starting to run stale.

 

by shadowchaos
11-08-05
We now join Big D with some questions for the "Creator"...
So let me get this straight...You're the "son of God"?
Yes my son.
Just as I thought....Huggies!
So.....What's with the diaper?
Uhm.....No comment

 

by shadowchaos
11-10-05
We join C note and the still transformed Reverend...
Dude, are you gonna change me back or not?
Not my department anymore. That's up to Derainta.
Hey James. Long time no see.
What's that peeking out of the hole? It's DICKGIRL!
You wear makeup while fashioning your hair horns, you got NO room to talk.

 

by shadowchaos
11-10-05
We join Big-D on yet another blind date...
Where is she...she better not turn out to be a dog like the last one.
Hello...Name's K.C.
Fifteen minutes later...
Now damnit, I know that horny goat's weed is here somewhere....
At least I know why they call him Big-D...dear God, I don't know if it can fit!

 

by shadowchaos
11-10-05
We join a couple of new characters...
I don't know what to do, Pizza Wi'Sausage. Amanda's left me, Lisa's gone, and I'm out of options.
It'll all be okay, Floyd. You will be the mack daddy like me soon.
Hell yeah!
....after you lose that ridiculous hair! Seriously, the lovable old retard bit was WAY overdone back in 1991!
Aw damn...knew it was too good to be true...
And furthermore, somebody forgot to tell you this is 2005, not 1924! Lose the black-and-white-driveby look!

 

by shadowchaos
11-10-05
We join the Reverend meeting with our new wizard friend.
Dude, you're my last hope. I need back to my original form.
I suppose if you want to go back to your human form, it's okay by me.
It's about time! Bring it on Meat Pizza!
Meat Pizza? Oh, this motherfucker done messed with the wrong gravy train!
Ten minutes later...
Um...this wasn't exactly the form I was expecting.
Are you sure, Gabe? Looks like you're back to normal to me....

 

by shadowchaos
11-22-05
I am Osama Bin Laden! Get out of my homeland!
AAAH! I'm gone!
Two days later...
I am Osama Bin Laden! Get out of my homeland!
Hi! I'm C-Note, and I'll be your captain today. Today we'll be dropping Pop Tarts and peanut butter on Iraq.
What the fuck is this guy on?
Cause the way I see it, anyone who's ever been a friend of yours has to go "...Pop Tarts...."

 

by shadowchaos
11-22-05
We rejoin C-Note and Osama Bin Laden in Afghanistan.
Okay, that's it! Time to declare Gi-HAD!
G-Hard? Now we're talking!!!
A minute later...
Goddamnit, D! I was just about to get some Pop-Tarts from this guy!
The reward was three times bigger if he was brought in dead. You could BUY Pop-Tarts for eighteen years.
He had the Cookies and Creme kind! Do you know how difficult that is to find in stores?

 

by shadowchaos
12-04-05
We join C-Note at work...this oughtta be good.
Hey Karen, your sister tried claiming you were an alcoholic. That true?
No, C-Note. You're confusing me with her again.
Sixteen hours later...
TYE DYE YELLOW RIVER! Karaoke for asshole with microphone!
Now I know which of them's the alkie...

 

by shadowchaos
12-04-05
A Month Ago...
Hey C, I'm gonna head to K.C.'s for a bit.
Alright. Just do me a favor and kick Handy's ass for what he's doing to her oldest.
Last Week...
Hey C, I'll be at K.C.'s for the weekend.
Hey, did you forget we gotta clean the apartment this weekend so I can get Z.J.? We made these plans three weeks ago!
Next Week....
C-Note, I need to talk to Big-D. Where's he at?
Locked in his bedroom for the next couple of weekends, K.C.. You wanna see him, you're gonna have to come here for a change.

 

by shadowchaos
12-04-05
We join C-Note and the now finally restored Reverend.
Dude, you've been on that damn comp for five days! What exactly are you doing?
Looking up porn and fuckbuddies! Check this out! She ain't even wearing a bra!
Dude, that's a horse! Riding a guy! Are you preverbally stupid, or did you take some of Airhead's pills?
Three weeks later....
Ben? What are you doing here?
Paid the cops off. It's payback time, big brother!

 

by shadowchaos
1-03-06
We join C-Note and K.C. in a bar.
I'm getting worried about Big-D lately, C-Note. He's talking about marriage already.
That's typical D for ya. His theme song would be "2 Fast 2 Serious".
I'm still married to Handy, though.
So is he to Tasha, what's the big deal?
Wait...who's Tasha?

 

by shadowchaos
1-03-06
In the bar's bathroom...
YOU TOLD HER ABOUT TASHA?!? The speed thing I could have understood, but I was waiting for a few months to tell her about Tasha!
I had to, man. You and the Reverend are getting dangerously similar about keeping info from your chicks, and that ain't right.
That does it, C-Note. You've gone too far this time. NOBODY compares me to the Reverend and lives!!
Oh, and you telling me you're sad about Angel's death because you never got to bone her was being sensitive to me? She was my ex-fiancée!
Five minutes later...
Okay, when'd you switch the labels? I KNOW they were correct back in Afghanistan...
Calling your bluffs is getting way too easy...like your local job search, for starters...

 

by shadowchaos
1-06-06
As we begin a new year of JND.MP3, we send some honest messages to those fighting for us abroad.
Bless the troops, God, and may they be safe! Thank you for your sacrifices
I don't do that, that's nasty.
Hey, did D die for his sacrifice?
Not exactly...
You change me back, fucker! I still gotta kill C-Note!

 

by shadowchaos
9-24-11
We rejoin JND.MP3 in the midst of their--
Hang on, douchebag. JND.MP3 has been over for years. Why are we even still here?
I was kinda wondering the same thing, man. What gives?
Well, believe it or not, there's still a demand for your antics.
How the FUCK is that even possible?! We haven't been on the air in, what, three years now?
About there, yeah.
You two are NOT helping this reboot...
REBOOT?!?! YOU GOTTA BE MOTHERFUCKING KIDDING ME!! WHY ARE WE--
Hang on a second, JMC, I MIGHT have some scripts for this very purpose...

 

by shadowchaos
9-24-11
We join our heroes in the WORST ripoff in the last six years...
So let's see...if we're going to do this reboot right, we need to get some new things going.
Right...for starters, no more trips to Vicodinland. That put a strain on our creativity last time.
Fair enough, but in exchange, we're not doing any more jokes relating to your significant others.
Right...we don't need Lay in the middle of this car--
Whoa, whoa, you didn't do it again...RIGHT?! She was your brother's ex, for crying out loud! The THIRD you've done this to, as I recall...
Where's that Vicodin when I need it?!

 

by shadowchaos
9-30-11
We join our heroes in a late-night moment...
BOOO! Go back to your voice teacher and ask for a refund!
Aren't you being a LITTLE harsh, JMC?
Dude, if the people in this bar sucked any harder at singing, the bartender would be enjoying it right now!
And what makes you think she isn't?
Good point...that shirt IS starting to look a bit tight on her.
I REALLY gotta start thinking instead of talking...

 

by shadowchaos
9-30-11
We join JMC during the audition process for new cast members...
I'm a skull-wearing military brat who's never been kissed.
You're also a pain in the ass...PERFECT! Your comic name is P.I.T.A.
....how do you spell that?
You gotta be fucking kidding me! How can you not know how to spell that?
I graduated from North Manchester. English wasn't my strongest class.
That explains why I always seem to use words like "goog" and "frdanight"...

 

by shadowchaos
9-30-11
We join our heroes walking down the street...
So did you hear about the new gas station in Manchester?
They have enough of those as it is! Building another one is so Takei!
Um...you have room to talk. Didn't he play Sulu in Star Trek?
D, I'm using "Takei" to replace the word "gay".
Big-D: "That suddenly explains a lot about that series."
Um...I come in peace.
Baby, you're gonna be coming for more than peace by the time I'm through with you...

 

by shadowchaos
9-30-11
We join JMC in another casting call...
So Jimmy, you gonna put me in these comics too or what?
Let's see...we've already filled our quota of gamers and big muscular guys...
What about guys who say things that you twist around to be pervy?
Now THAT we don't have. Welcome aboard, Squeak!
Later, at the JND.MP3 studios...
So Airhead is out, Pita and Squeak are in, and I'm still trying to contact Doc and his wife Squish to make a few appearances.
A female cast member for a change?! Okay, NOW I'm impressed.

 

by shadowchaos
9-30-11
We join Doc and his wife Squish on the way to the JND.MP3 studios...
I don't know, Doc...I have a strange feeling about this.
Will you relax? Everything is fine. You'll love these two. I've been recording with them for years.
They better not be weirdos or anything...
Honey, they're awesome guys. As normal as anyone else on the street. Well...unless JMC took a trip to Vicodinland. Things get a bit weird there.
Dude, the controller is so far up this guy's ass, kicking him would probably set off a nuclear bomb! What the holy fuck did you do THIS time?!
All I know is, I put in my MW3 advance, popped a couple Lortabs & lit up some Dairy Queen, next thing I know, we're in Iraq fighting Achmed the Dead Terrorist!

 

by shadowchaos
9-30-11
We join our heroes during a business meeting at Doc's house......
What...is that?! I'm not eating this.
Why not?
Cornett Multiverse Rule #38: "If I can't recognize it, I won't put it in my mouth."
You think that's why Doc has such a hard time getting blowjobs?
You're really going to do this NOW? His wife is cooking our supper tonight!
As I'm to understand it, he pretends she's a drag queen most of the time anyway...

 

by shadowchaos
10-03-11
We join JMC and Pita for an after-work conversation...
...so long story short, my damn car's parking brake set by itself.
Holy crap...sounds like you need a break.
You down for some Killzone later?
Are you kidding me?! The last time you went flat out racist on me!
I was pissed off, I needed the release!
Dude, if you said the "n" word any more times, I'd have confused you for 50 Cent!

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