All comics by theymaybemidgets

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So...am I in heaven?
What do you think
Well, it WAS a rhetorical question because I blacked out after I did that last line...then I saw the clouds and though "hey, this looks like heaven"...but seeing you here is really throwing me off
I have that effect on people
So..... Is this heaven or...
No...Later

 

Hey...could you tell me where I am?
I would think that would be pretty obvious
...well its not
Hmm...Ah...I see, someone has been playing with the image projector...I'll fix that right up
Ok...I dont think thats helping
C'mon...this doesnt just SCREAM afterlife?

 

So...I'm guessing your like, the grim reaper or something
Something like that yeah
And this is a projection of some sort of afterlife that defines how I lived my life in which I recieve punnishment or rewards for my doings on earth
Kinda
And I have yet to know which way I went after I blacked out from excessive drug use
...and now were running in circles

 

OK...I don't care anymore...Heaven Hell Its all the same to me now...
OK, glad thats established
So what are the plans you have for me since you obviously are my guide in this mysterious world
Me?...oh I'm no guide...I simply get off by listening to the new recruits get all lost in their own brain trying to figure all this out
You know, your really an asshole...
HAHAHA!

 

Hey Ted, how are things up on earth?
Hey Nick...pretty good
Still brainwashing the mindless hoards of idiots by way of MTV and BET?
You know thats not the purpose, it just worked out that way...besides they dont all come down here...some are actually pretty cool
They still have no personality their own and are mocked by eveyone in the solar system
I'll do this the loony tunes way...

 

Duct tape.
Thanks, I was just about to ask...
No problem...*gasp*...oh great and powerful leader...how do you wish my biding be done
HeLlO gRiM, hOw ArE yOu ThEsE dAyS?
I cannot complain, oh great one
CoOl CoOl, So HoW gOeS tHiNgS oN eArTh? Do ThE rEpOrT nAkEd AnD yOu GeT a CoOkIe

 

About an Hour Later
I feel so violated...*weep*
AlRiGhT, qUiT cRyInG...gEt DrEsSeD
About an Hour Later
OK...so I guess I'll be going now oh great and powerful leader
Ok, BuT rEmEmBeR...tElL nO oNe
About an Hour Later
I hate to see him go but I love to watch him leave

 

in case you were paying attention to the narration at the top of the last comic, the creator of this brainfart got caried away with the "clone panel" button
squeek!
i on the other hand will appear randomly from time to time to correct the errors and things like that that this jackass of a writer (who cant even draw his own comic) makes
WORRY NOT, IT WILL HAPPEN MANY, MANY MORE TIMES IN THE FUTURE

 

what the fuck...
BEHOLD THE METATRON, HEROLD OF THE ALMIGHTY, AND VOICE OF THE ONE TRUE GOD!
oh...why do you do that...you know we arent listening anymore...go away
BEHOLD THE METATRON, HEROLD OF THE ALMIGHTY, AND VOICE OF THE ONE TRUE GOD!
BEHOLD THE METATRON, HEROLD OF...aww...c'mon...why'd you put me out?
Just shut up and dont to that again

 

THE END IS NEIGH!
the end has come and gone buddy...
well see about that when i have your job
first of all your in a trashcan, secondly, your not even completely drawn, and lastly you strike no fear into the hearts of mortals...
details details
im leaving before i chunk you across the underworld into a demention of confusion even I wouldnt know how to escape from

 

Don't rock the boat
huh?
I said, "Don't...Rock...The...Boat"
what the hell is that supposed to mean?
You'll see soon enough
aren't I supposed to be the one with creepy predictions?

 

I've never been in the inner office before
NiCk, I wAnT tO sEe YoU iN mY iNnEr OfFiCe
INSIDE THE INNER OFFICE...
wow...i like your wallpaper
AlWaYs DiD wAnT tO bE a FaRmEr
so what did you want to see me in the inner circle of hell for?
Oh YeAh, YoUr FiReD...

 

Wait!...I'm fired...what am i supposed to do for the rest of eternity
Bake sale?
so I'm supposed to just start over...with nothing in my robes
you can keep your coffy mug...
later...next to an empty trash can
I hate my life
So it says here you used to collect souls?

 

So, your going to pay me 2,000 dollars to be a guinny pig in your freaky ass experiment as long as i live through it...even though money holds no value now
Well, kinda...thats what I would pay you...however i cannot accept your offer
Why not you creepy old man... ... ... ... ...stop smiling
It turns you you have quite a long rap sheet...and your criminal record is outstanding...so im going to go hide behind my machine back there and wait for you to go away...
I USED TO COLLECT SOULS FOR A LIVING...IT WAS MY JOB!!!
are you gone yet...because this thing is leaking radiation...

 

I really hope this works...I have to find something to do for eternity...otherwise it will be EXTREMELY borring
Under the Water
oh...there you are
*gargle* over here *gargle*
so your sure this will work...i cant handle going through the hireing process again
*gargle* it will work...just dont steal from the company and stick with it and you'll do fine*gargle*

 

alright thank you...and i hope this situation works out for you ok
*gargle* doesnt look to good from here...but what do i know...im at the bottom of the fucking ocean *gargle*
sweet...got me a job...its about time too...i really hope this will work out the best way it possibly could
hello, can i take your...
HANDS UP

 

didnt you try to rob this place like a week ago
yeah, kinda...its something i do about twice a week
how much money did you make off with last time...because we dont have any cash in the register yet...the manager doesnt trust me
nothing really...i mean...it was about to work but i forgot the gun...so i used my finger and it almost worked...but i forgot to take the money when i left
but you still dont have a gun...and i dont have any money to give you...so you have no choice but to leave and try again later
dont get smart with me

 

10 PM
So how'd you like your first day Nick?
it was fine...cept for this one guy who came in trying to rob us with his finger
oh yeah...thats tyler...hes harmless
i figured as much...but anyway...just out of curiosity, how did i do on my first day?
Well, your $20 short. I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go, and by let you go I mean drop you in the ocean with a cinderblock tied to your feet.
how can I be short...i didnt have a sale all day

 

On a bridge that overlooks the city
Sorry about this, but policy is policy. If you survive we'll still give you our employee discount
this has got to be the stupidest thing I have ever heard of
Well, bend over so I can kick you off this bridge here.
dont bother, ill just jump...
*gargle* You screwed up huh? *gargle*
damnit...i hate this stuff

 

OK...gotta get a job...gotta find something to do...cant do nothing for all eternity
with all my acomplishments, i would think that someone is bound to take advantage of the fact that i graduated top of my class
and ive had some pretty respectable jobs...after all, not just anyone can jump between the mortal realm and the underworld in the blink of an eye
THATS IT! ill just go to earth and get a job up there...once the end of existance comes, im sure i can find something to do
REAL WORLD HERE I COME!
*gargle* You couldnt hook me up and save me, could you? *gargle*

 

Back on Earth...
god i always loved that part...so where am i?
eskimo and a half...53...balloon...
ok...just a kid playing some childing games...im going somewhere where real entertainment is
72...uh...something something...88...lawnmower
Somewhere else...
damnit...i guess this search needs to be more specific...DAMN YOU GOOGLE!!!
I WANT YOU TO HIT ME AS HARD AS YOU CAN

 

ok...time to find something to do...for real this time...enough of this google stuff
JOIN THE CIRCUS! EXCITING NEW JOBS IN THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY!
BIG PAY FOR MASCOT! WEARING SUITS NOT SO BAD IF MORAL CODE IS NOT A PROBLEM!
GRAVEDIGGER NEEDED! GOTHICS HIRED ON SITE!
damnit...its more frustrating here than in hell...no wonder these people are always comitting suicide

 

That night, while Grim sleeps...
In other news, there was a mysterious power outage on the east side of town leaving thousands without power
Sounds like a bad situation, Bob
Our local weather today is done by our newest weatherman Grim "Nick" Reaper, Nick?
Thanks, Cindy. Doplar Radar shows that a heavy snow storm is moving in from the north, and should settle in on us at about 11:00 tonight

 

He's still dreaming. Stay with me
Its going to get very cold tonight so I sugest you all bundle up...speaking of cold...i'm freezing
oh...hello...whats your name little fella
Slide.
ALRIGHT...ENOUGH OF THE FUCKING FIGHT CLUB JOKES!

 

Still asleep. Don't get lost on me.
ok...so im in a snow covered wastland...and i dont remember getting clearance for "Bill Clinton Wins" section of hell
I just wish it would warm up a little bit so I could think better
oh...ha ha fucking ha...asshole

 

Sleeping
where is that guy tcemented to the ocean floor?
here I am
oh...whats up...you look different...did you get a haircut or something
new shoes
oh...well they make you look a lot better

 

Don't ask questions, just accept
so...could you tell me how i might be able to get out of here?
out of where?
oh...i dont know...maybe this endless ocean that i cant even remember how i wound up here
your in the matrix neo
what do you mean the...did you just change colors?
change what?

 

(not so) Suddenly...
it doesnt matter...all i wanna know is...
yeah?
uh...hang on...its on the tip of my brain
maybe this will help...
JESUS CHRIST...how the fuck does that help?
you quit trying to remember didnt you?

 

Dreamworld without Kirby
what did you do to my friend you sick son of a bitch
i ate him you skeleton in a cloak
spit him out right now or ill slice you up and take him out
no you wont
and why is that
because you only have one picture...i on the other hand have two...later

 

now what am i supposed to do
NEO
huh?!
FOLLOW THE WHITE RABBIT
i will follow...but i am not touching that...thing
this way...*cough cough*

 

where are we going anyway...
to the matrix
transfering you to matrix now...
ok...so whats the point of this now

 

WHATEVER YOU NEED, YOU SHALL RECIEVE
really...thats all i have to do...just ask for soemthing
YES
well then...i want to have a job
god damnit
HANDS UP

 

wait a minute...how did all of this happen?
huh?
i was a reporter...and...you...you arent real
Of course I'm not real. I'm Tyler Durden. I look like you want to look; I fuck like you want to fuck; I am perfect in all the ways that you are not.
In some sleazy motel room
last time i fall asleep with the TV on

 

Well, its been a while now. That would have to be the fault of the writer once again.
The writer is back now by the way, from his buisness trip. We all have to eat somehow.
So back to the funnies.
SQUEEK!

 

2 freaking weeks of endless searching...if this doesnt work out then im screwed
Well, I'm afraid were going to have to turn you down. It appears we had to hire the one legged black woman due to equal rights movements started years ago
WHAT!?!? Thats crazy. Thats it. Im just going back to hell and begging for my job back.
Yeah, OK dude...
And dont bother trying to be good, because your ass is going to hell when you die
Uh, excessive crack use and beating my wife probably put me there in the first place. But thanks for the conformation.

 

*grumble* stupid...get...job *grumble*
I tried to warn you...
huh? whos there? show yourself
You had redemption at your hands and you turned away
YOU AGAIN!!!
Just hush and follow me. I will answer your questions and possibly give you solutions inside.

 

*grumble* stupid...get...job *grumble*
I tried to warn you...
huh? whos there? show yourself
You had redemption at your hands and you turned away
YOU AGAIN!!!
Just hush and follow me. I will answer your questions and possibly give you solutions inside.

 
What...dont look at me, I dont know what happened either. Ask Strip creator or something.
SORRY ABOUT THAT...DONT REALLY KNOW WHAT HAPPENED...BUT ON WITH THE SHOW
Freak...

 

So whats the point of all this. And why did you fuck up everything I had going in hell.
Shut the door
I really hate you...answer my question
The door is closed; we can begin.
THATS IT...YOUR WAISTING MY TIME
You have been waisting your time. You want answers then go sit down

 

So your telling me, that my whole life has been waisted because somebody forgot that I lived a good life on earth and never should have gone to hell?
Pretty much. Say are you hungry? I'm going to manifest some sandwiches. You want on?
Good Lord! I just realized that nothing I have ever done has ever counted for anything. My existance has been for naught.
Do you want mayonaise or mustard?
I have to do something to make my existance known.
I got you your sandwich...loaded with mustard. Hope you like it. By the way, I'm here to take you to heaven where you will recieve your assignment

 

It really took that long to tell me all that...why couldnt you have just said career adviser?
its our job to make you feel like your job means something.
and what exactly is your job title?
uh...
ill put you through to ted in accounting

 

You look familiar...do I know you?
I am the inner you. We met once before however I was counting. Google sent you to me right off the bat...
what...what are you...oh yeah...the kid who couldnt count
i can too count...but thats besides the point.
and what is the point
for me to know and you to...uh...guess or something.

 

So what do I have to do?
If you look on my monitor you can see that You would be best suited in a job where you frighten people on a daily basis
You wan see your choices here...I personally recomend option 14
(reading) second in comand to the NAZI hoards in WWII...what?! no...fuck that...
cmon...just give it a shot...you might like it...try it with me...

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