All comics by Hari_Nezumi

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by Hari_Nezumi
2-09-05
Angela, there is no way you could beat me in a fight. I'm a guy, you're a girl. Guys are better at fighting period.
Tell me one advantage you have over me.
I could kick you in the crotch.
OK...tell me TWO advantages you have over me.

 

by Hari_Nezumi
2-09-05
Gawd...
What?
I'm trying to IM Candy, but she must have the TV on or something cuz she won't friggin respond!
Why don't you just go talk to her? She only lives three doors down.
But that's so...old-fashioned.
I'm outta here.

 

by Hari_Nezumi
2-09-05
How long have we been playing now?
Oh, I'd say about...eh...six hours, give or take.
Ah.
Can you unbend your thumbs?
Nope.

 

by Hari_Nezumi
2-09-05
Heeeeey...
Hey Adam. You wanna play a little...
Wait a minute, are you high? Your pupils are awfully dialated.
Of course I'm not high Mr. Chicken!
What did you call me?

 

by Hari_Nezumi
2-10-05
I shall rip out your spinal cord as use it to beat you sensless!
Not before I tear your arms off and use them to anally ravage you!
No, wait, violence is wrong. We should not be fighting.
You are right. Let us go talk about our differences over a cup of hot chocolate.
Dude, this game sucks.

 

by Hari_Nezumi
5-13-05
Adam, what annoys me most about you is that you try and sneak something erotic into every conversation.
Semen.

 

by Hari_Nezumi
5-14-05
Bartender, you shouldn't let all these fucking gays in here. You should put them all in an old dumpster where they belong to drink.
Great idea. Let me just go get MY BOYFRIEND and we'll all go get a dumpster.
Um...
I think we'll need more than three people to lift a dumspter.

 

by Hari_Nezumi
5-15-05
One day, while cleaning, Mrs. Shaw encounters a hideous monster in her bedroom!
It is so terrifying that she was petrified with fear, too scared to try and escape, lest it decide to attack!
Finally, she decides to call her husband.
Jeff!

 

by Hari_Nezumi
5-17-05
Holy ****, you look so ****ing sexy in that new underwear. Wanna ****?
Sure, I'd like to **** with you.
Ah ****, I forgot my ****ing "mood music at home.
Son of a *****! We can't **** without the "mood music"!
How many peole do you think checked to see if the obsenity filter was off while they read this strip?
Shhh! Shhh! They'll hear you!

 

by Hari_Nezumi
5-24-05
Hey Hari, I lost my clothes and my bra and panties are so old...they might rip off at any given moment. Could you help me?
Naw...I'm about to beat the last Gym Leader on my FireRed...
Hari, I was going to go get some nude pictures taken of me, but my photographer's sick. Would you mind taking his place?
Not now...I just started fighting the Elite Four.
That must be the reason why people who play "Pokemon" are called "gay".
Ah.

 

by Hari_Nezumi
5-24-05
Um...Adam...where are you're clothes?
Don't you know? It's National Masturbation Month! So strip down and get down! And National Masturbation Day is this Saturday.
No thanks. I'll keep my clothes on.
Why? Scared you'll get in trouble? The Fuzz can't do anything. That'd be like arresting all those who wear Christmas sweaters in December.
Hey there handsome. You know what Saturday is?
Um... National Keep-Your- Hands-To-Yourself Day?

 

by Hari_Nezumi
5-25-05
Oh man, I want to kill someone sooo badly right now.
I mean seriosuly, I just want to tear out a person's small intestine and then force it down their throat and use it to pull their spleen through their mouth.
But alas, I see no one I can kill...
I've never felt such a mixture of insultance and relief at the same time.

 

by Hari_Nezumi
5-25-05
When you really think about it, your life if just a speck on the timeline of eternity. Just a blip, then you're gone. It's so short, hardly ever does anyone "important" ever notice it.
People always rush around, trying to get the "important" paperwork done or try and go to that "important" dance at school, but in reality, none of it matters. It's all irrelevant.
You know what I mean?
Oh yeah. Sometimes I bend real close to my bellybutton and I can kinda hear the man who lives inside it.

 

by Hari_Nezumi
5-26-05
It is I, Macho Macho Man! Seen any crimes, fair lass?
You do know the Village People were gay, right?
Fag.

 

by Hari_Nezumi
5-26-05
Thanks Dad!
Yeah, this is great!
Your welcome, boys. And, if you're good, I'll make you two a frisbee out of his spleen!

 

by Hari_Nezumi
5-27-05
Hail! It is I, Manchio, the ranger from the south! Whilst thou helpeth me in my quest to destroyeth the Dragon of Andron?
Why dost thou not answer? Do you mock Manchio?
I must warneth you, Manchio destroys all those who mocketh him!
May I go home now?

 

by Hari_Nezumi
5-27-05
You there! I am Manchio, the ranger from the south! Dost thou wisheth to join me on my quest to destroyeth the Dragon of Andron?
I must warneth you, it is a longeth and hardeth jounrey filled with peril! Dost thou haevth the backbone to journey with Manchio?
Um...we have jalepeno poppers?
So be it! Manchio will find a more suitable partner for his journey! Peace to you, oh cowardly one! Manchio...AWAY!

 

by Hari_Nezumi
5-27-05
Hail all thee of this here tavern! It is I, Manchio the ranger from the south!
I cometh to your small tavern today to ask for helpeth in my quest to destroyeth the Dragon of Andron!
What say ye?
I was a dragon once...

 

by Hari_Nezumi
5-28-05
Monday
Welcome to VH1's "I Love 1987"!
This show's pretty cool. I remember a lot of this stuff. Nothing like a trip down memory lane!
Tuesday
Welcome to VH1's "I Love 1999"!
Um, 1999? That's cutting it a little close, isn't it? Ah well, I guess it's still a nice trip down memory lane.
Wednesday
Welcome toVH1's "I Love April 2005"!

 

by Hari_Nezumi
6-01-05
Well my apprentice, those are the basics to Robot Construction. Do you have ny questions?
Yes Sensei, I have one. Why are we wroking in a robot factory? We're goats.

 

by Hari_Nezumi
6-01-05
Aw...come on. You hop outta that window and come give me some. I'll return the favor, promise!
Please? I swear, baby, it won't be a one night stand. And you ARE the perfect shape to give me some "in the backdoor", if you know what I mean...
Why are you talking to the window?
Well, I haven't been having too much luck finding a love partner, so my friend told me to try a "gay bar".

 

by Hari_Nezumi
6-02-05
There's an Egyptian saying that goes "Because we focused on the snake, we missed the scorpian."
What a dumbass.

 

by Hari_Nezumi
6-02-05
Reality
Would you like some more steak, dear?
No thanks grandma I'm stuffed.
Your Mind
Would you like some more steak, dear?
More? MORE? I'm on my FOURTH serving! The only reason I haven't said anything is because your my grandma!
Her Mind
Would you like some more steak, dear?
I have not eaten in eight months.

 

by Hari_Nezumi
6-02-05
Come see Sharkboy and Lavalgirl! It's in 3D!
Plus we'll give you a free ticket to see it again when you purchase two adult tickets!
And...and puppies! We'll give you puppies!

 

by Hari_Nezumi
6-02-05
Someone once said, "Compete- don't envy."
I wish I had said that.

 

by Hari_Nezumi
6-02-05
William Shakspeare said once, "Death pays all debts."
That's not true.
That bastard still owes me ten bucks.

 

by Hari_Nezumi
6-02-05
Someone once said, "Don't let anyone get your goat."
That's why I've hidden mine.

 

by Hari_Nezumi
6-02-05
There's a German Porverb that says, "You are what you eat."
But I know that's it's not supposed to be taken literally.
I mean, come on, do I look like a vagina?

 

by Hari_Nezumi
6-02-05
Someone once said, "You can't have everything."
Well duh.
Where would you put it?

 

by Hari_Nezumi
6-02-05
Someone once said, "Your time is the greatest gift you can give to someone." And I say that that's just stupid.
Hey mister, you got the time?
Uh yeah, it's about a quarter past five.
Thank you *sob* so much. I'll never forger this. I...I love you.
Well I'll be damned.

 

by Hari_Nezumi
6-06-05
Wait! Wait! Don't kill me! Now I know you've killed and eaten everyone in the world, but I have a good reason to not do the same to me!
Really? Let's hear it.
I'd taste funny.
Aw, come on. That's gotta be worth at least a five minute head start.

 

by Hari_Nezumi
6-08-05
Look at that woman wearing a fur coat. Fur coats are pure murder.
I'll remember that when I'm looking for a birthday present for you.
I'd never wear one of those coats of death. I'd rather go stark naked than wear one of those.
Rick, do you know why my entire collection of clothes has been replaced by fur coats?
Nope. I wonder if it has anything to do with Adam outside the front door with a camera.

 

by Hari_Nezumi
6-09-05
Edna, is that you?
Why Mimi, we haven't talked in ages!
We should do something together. To catch up.
That's a good idea. I know! I'll buy us some hookers and you get a motel room. We can have an good old fashioned orgy, just like back in the day!
That's disturbing.

 

by Hari_Nezumi
6-10-05
TOBOR WITH CORNHOLE BABY GOAT!!!
Sorry buddy, you can't. Only I can.
WHY NOT?
Psht, you know that old saying...
Silly robot, pricks are for kids!

 

by Hari_Nezumi
6-14-05
OK Tiny, you stay here and I'll go get us some drinks.
Hisss...
Hey buddy, not the pry or anything, but why'd you name your pet lizard Tiny? He's pretty big.
It's simple, really.
He's mynewt.

 

by Hari_Nezumi
6-23-05
I stand corrected.

 

by Hari_Nezumi
6-24-05
Doc, I wanna start up on Viagra.
What for, Adam?
What the hell do you mean "What for"? Here, take a look at my penis!
If it'll make you feel better...
Wow, that's one Limp Biskit.

 

Penis.
by Hari_Nezumi, 6-28-05

 

by Hari_Nezumi
6-28-05
Congradulations to this year's Talent Show winner, Ling Mai!
Thank you.
Ling, you've won a year's supply of Campbell's Chicken Noodle soup! All you have to do is take a bow to your adoring fans!
I'm sorry, but my English is not good. Can you say that again, only, what is the word, simpler?
Bow, Ling, for soup!

 

by Hari_Nezumi
6-28-05
You blinked.
Nuts.
And you said playing an "Extreme Staring Contest" wouldn't be fun.

 

by Hari_Nezumi
6-30-05
Hari, I've given it a lot of thought and I've decided to become a nudist. I leave for the colony tomorow.
Uh huh. And what spurred this sudden decision?
Well, I've always felt more comfortable when I'm naked. Plus, I find it provides a "one-with-nature" feeling that can--
You do know that the colony here in town is guy only, right?
Now that I think of it, nudism goes against my religion. Darn.
Put some pants on you little perv.

 

by Hari_Nezumi
6-30-05
Damn...how long have I been on this island? I don't even know anymore. It could be a few days, it could be a year.
Why am I talking to myself? Have I finally lost it? I am finally giving in to this acursed plot of land in the middle of this fucking ocean?
Don't talk like that, Jerry.
Thanks Chimp Armstrong. You always know how to cheer me up.

 

by Hari_Nezumi
6-30-05
I use Lime Away when I clean MY bathroom!
Dear LORD! I hate these commercials they play before movies!
AND NOW, OUR FEATURE PRESENTATION
Finally!
Lime Away, the Untold Story
Let me see those tickets you jackass!

 

by Hari_Nezumi
6-30-05
Coming this summer: War of the Worlds
DESTROY ALL HUMANS!
Isn't that an old movie?
Coming this summer: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Come on into my factory, children! I swear I'm not a creepy pedophile!
Holy crap, ANOTHER remake?
Coming in 2006: War of the Worlds
DESTROY ALL HUMANS!
Wait, what the fuck?

 

by Hari_Nezumi
6-30-05
My name's Goku and I need to find the Dragonballs for no apparent reason!
My name's Krillin! I'm bald and short!
Oh no! It's a terrible bad guy!
Grrr...I'm seemingly invincable and will die and come back from the dead about five times!
167 Episodes Later
Ha ha! Now I'm a Super Sayan and I'll destroy you with one attack I could've probably done all along!
Oh no! Now I'm dead! But I'll come back the next season and have an extra head or some crap like that!

 

by Hari_Nezumi
7-02-05
OK...loosen up. Don't be nervous. Just sell the product and leave.
May I help you?
Hello good sir! I'm selling...uh...
Selling what?
Well, I'm selling bacon grills and well, I guess you wouldn't be interested.
Is it that obvious that I'm Jewish?

 

by Hari_Nezumi
7-02-05
Hello good sir! You look like a man who enjoys his cheese, am I right?
Nope.

 

by Hari_Nezumi
7-02-05
What? Make this snappy; I'm in the middle of molesting a couple of kids.
You're in luck, sir! I'm selling some high quality leather straps!
Perfect! I'll take ten!
I'm a terrible person.

 

by Hari_Nezumi
7-02-05
So how's the selling bizz treating ya?
Eh, not good, Joe. Not good at all.
Really? Well, I don't know much about salesmanship, but I heard somehwere that a good salesman is agressive and firm.
Agressive, eh?
YOU'RE GONNA BUY SOME OF THIS CRAP AND YOU'RE GONNA LIKE IT, YOU WALKING PIECE OF SHIT!!! DO YOU HEAR ME???
Y-Yes sir...

 

by Hari_Nezumi
7-02-05
Daddy! There's a man at the door who wants to talk to you!
Perfect. I can flatter the customer by telling them what a beautiful child they have.
May I help you?
Sir, you should be proud. You have a beautiful daughter.
Want her? Ten bucks.
Six.

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