All comics by Katiente

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by Katiente
10-18-01
Tim Dorr's genitalia is often a conversation topic.
So I heard that Tim Dorr has a really small penis.
I guess you could say that.
Maybe I should find out for myself...
I mean, it's not tiny, but he knows how to use it.
(And back at GATech)
I really hope I don't have a small penis.
Ha ha ha ha

 

by Katiente
10-18-01
No, it was a really good joke. I swear!! Let me try to remember. ....uhm....
No, it's ok. Dont worry about it.
Blonde jokes are often too much for one person to handle.

 

by Katiente
10-18-01
I'm 5'8'', 115 pounds, blonde hair and blue eyes and I model part-time.
Really? I used to model, now I just surf. I'm tanned and tone, 6'2'', 170.
So I lied a little bit on the weight...
Hahahahahahaha!

 

by Katiente
10-18-01
Hello Jen, my child. Bless your dear soul.
Let the glory of God fill your soul with every passing day.
*sigh*
You're not Mike Dirnt, are you??

 

by Katiente
10-19-01
There comes a point in every man's life...
Dad, stop, this is an embarrassing conversation.
No, son. We need to address this issue now. Imagine my surprise when I walked into the bathroom to see you playing with your "junk"...
...
Son, if you maturbate too often, you'll...uhm...uhm...go blind!
Dad, I'm over here.
Oh. That's right.

 

by Katiente
10-19-01
Hey, what's better than 10 dead babies in a barrel?
Hmmm...
I don't know.
1 dead baby in 10 barrels!
HA HA HA! Let's pretend.

 

by Katiente
10-19-01
Jokes as an opening line never seem to work out for him...
Yeah, so how many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Uhm, I dunno, how many?
2. 1 to screw in the light bulb and the other to SUCK MY DICK. Bwahahaha.

 

by Katiente
10-19-01
Calen talked about his problems with his shrink...
It bothers me that people think I look like a penis...
That could be a good thing.
Not really, you see the other day I walked by 3 nuns and they all freaked out.
Yeah?
The first had a stroke, the second had a stroke, and the third's arms were too short.
Once again, it could be a good thing.

 

by Katiente
10-20-01
I want to welcome you to your new job. Here, we are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?
Uhm, yes sir.
We are also keen on truthfulness. There is no mat.
Damn

 

by Katiente
10-20-01
For a presentation, the kids in Billy's class had to go home and find a family story to tell that teaches a valuable lesson.
My dad owns a farm and on Sundays we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them. One Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road.
And the moral is...don't put all your eggs in one basket.
Next up was Suzie. And then Billy went up.
Well my dad owns a farm too, and on the weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last week only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched. The moral is don't count your chicks before they hatch.
''My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam War. His plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed, with only a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down he drank
the case of beer. Unfortunately, he landed right in the middle of 100 North Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but ran out of bullets so he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more
The blade broke on his machete, so he killed the last 10 with his bare hands. Oh yeah? A moral? Don't fuck with Uncle Ted when he's drunk.

 

by Katiente
10-21-01
Meaning to write to Santa, dyslexic Tommy sent out his wish list.
Hey boss, you got another letter.
Just add it to the pile.
Tommy anxiously awaited opening his gifts from Santa!
Merry Christmas! I hope Santa brought me that furby I wanted!
I hope he did too son.
And instead of a furby, he got a floating head that would sing Mariah Carey's greatest hits, non stop. That must be the closest thing to hell.
Dream lover come rescue me...

 

by Katiente
10-21-01
And yet another valiant try...
I have a new watch that sends me psychic messages.
Oh really, like what?
For example, that you're not wearing any panties right now.
But I am.
Damn! It must be an hour fast.
Pervert!

 

by Katiente
10-21-01
If my dad was a goat and my mom was a goat I'd be a little baby goat.
Shut up.
If my dad was a monkey and my mom was a monkey too, I would be a little monkey!
What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?
...I probably would look a lot like you.

 

by Katiente
10-21-01
Doctor, I have some premature ejaculation problems.
Hmm...whenever you feel the urge to ejaculate, startle yourself. Use your starter pistol or something. Come back tomorrow and tell me how it goes.
So, how did it go when you got home?
Bad-My wife was waiting, naked, we started to 69, I felt it coming so I fired that pistol, she bit off 3 inches of my dick, shit in my face, & my neighbor came from my closet with his hands up, naked.

 

by Katiente
10-21-01
An office manager had a big problem, he had to lay an employee off and he didn't know whether it should be Jack or Jill.
I'll fire whoever came in late this morning...but wait, they both came very early, and at the same time!
How about whoever took a lunch break this morning...
NEITHER OF THEM DID.
So he approached Jill with his problem at the end of the day.
Jill, I have a problem. I don't know whether to lay you or Jack off.
Well you better jack off because I'm late for my bus.

 

by Katiente
10-21-01
Aaaa...aaaa....aaaaa...
NO NO, PLEASE DON'T. I'LL GET YOU A TISSUE!
...AAAACCHHHOOO!
Awh, damn.
Bless you.

 

by Katiente
10-21-01
Amy turned to Eric for advice on her punkafied dillema.
Hm...should I go to Bull Moose?
Hey, look, she has something between her boobs.
Steve was in shock the next day when he saw Amy.
Holy shit Amy, is that you?!
Oi oi oi!
Now we definately should make out.
I wonder if Eric is a good kisser...

 

by Katiente
10-22-01
You never seen a walking penis?

 

by Katiente
10-22-01
You are the weakest link.
Goodbye.
If only I had picked C.

 

by Katiente
10-24-01
Stop looking at me like that.
Really, stop looking at me like that.

 

by Katiente
10-26-01
How we all doing tonight? I'm glad to be here!
Get off the stage.
So I was walking down the street and I saw this old lady and she fell. I laughed but then I got thinking. What if I was an ant and she fell on me? It wouldn't be so funny. Hah?
*crickets chirp*
Is this thing on? *tap, tap* Is this thing on? Ha ha. Can you hear me? I still have the rest of my 10 minute block to go.

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