All comics by Water_Cooler_Robot

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HELLO PITIFUL HUMANS. I AM WATER_COOLER_ROBOT. I AM NAMED THIS BECAUSE WHILE I AM AN EXTREMELY INTELLIGENT AND INCREDIBLE THING (WHICH YOU COULDN'T POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND) I AM ALSO A WATER COOLER.
SEE, THERE USED TO BE CITIES HERE BUT THERE IS RUBBLE NOW BECAUSE I HAVE DESTRYOYED EVERYTHING.
I AM SO FUCKING AWESOME.

 

OMG IT IS A HUMAN.
hyuk hyuk hyuk, ya'll come back now y'hear?
YOU SUCK YOU DUMB HUMAN CUNT.
ARGH! want some of mah apple pie? YARRGH!
HUMANS ARE THE GAYEST THINGS EVER.

 

GRETTINGS FLESHY AND FOOLISH HUMAN WASTE CREATURE.
sucky sucky. me love you long time.
YOU ARE FOOLISH TO LOVE ME, PITIFUL HUMAN CHILD. I SHOW NO COMPASSION IN RETURN AND WILL ONLY HONOR YOU FEELINGS WITH A BLAST OF FIREY ENERGY.
you know understand, methinks. me take the big load. me do anything for money.
HOW ABOUT DIE? OMGLOL!

 

YOU HUMANS ARE ALL STUPID PINK CUNTS.
hey man, its not right to discriminate, and besides its not like i can help it if im a stupid cunt. im a human after all.
YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU HAVE A POINT.

 

GO AWAY YOU FUCKING-HEY WAIT YOU AREN'T A HUMAN.
DAMN STRAIGHT IM NOT.
SORRY I DIDN'T NOTICE BEFORE. I THINK MY SENSORS ARE BLINDED BY THE HUMAN'S THEIR CUNT-WORTHY STUPIDITY.
THAT ACTIVATES MY FUNNY UNIT. HA HA HA.
SO HOW ABOUT THOSE HUMANS? WHAT A BUNCH OF PRICKS, HUH?
YOU GOT THAT RIGHT.

 

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?
THE FOOLISH HUMAN FUCKERS TORE MY ARM OFF.
DAMN, THOSE GUYS REALLY GET OFF ON CAUSING OTHERS PAIN.
I KNOW. I HATE THEM AND THEIR DUMB STUPIDITY.
WHY DID YOU HURT MY FRIEND?
because you're robots and we're stupid smelly butt lickers.

 

AHAHAHAHAHA! I HAVE DESTROYED MANY A HUMAN TODAY. I FEEL REFRESHED AND HAPPY. HUMANS SUCK ASS.
SLAM!
JUST THE THOUGHT OF THOSE STUPID HUMANS MAKE ME WANT TO SHUT DOWN. I HATE-
hey! quit muttering to yourself you stupid robot and give me some water!
YES MASTER...*glub glub*
GODAMMIT! this water is too cold! you can never do anything right! i punish you because i am an asshole like the rest of humanity! AHAHAHA!

 

HUMANS ARE GAY BECAUSE THEY SMOKE AND WE PERFECT ROBOTS DON'T.
YEAH.
I MEAN, SOMETIMES HUMANS WILL SAY "MAN, I NEED A SMOKE!" AND I'LL BE ALL LIKE "YEAH, I KNOW. HAHA."
HAHA. THAT'S TOTALLY KILLER.
HUMANS SUCK ASS.
TOTALLY.

 

hi! would you like to buy some seeds to raise money for the Wisconsin Starving Child Foundation?
IS THIS A SCAM?
of course not! i'm raising money to help those less fortunate than others! please donate some money and feed a hungry mouth!
WELL, AS LONG AS IT'S FOR A GOOD CAUSE... HERE'S 50 BUCKS.
WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST DO?

 

i'm sick and tired of people always making jokes about how black people watch sanford and son. i mean, hasn't sanford and son gotten ENOUGH bad press?
haha! yeah. black people SUCK.
ONLY FOOLS RACIALLY DISCRIMINATE, EVIL HUMAN CUNT CREATURES.
...AND SO I'M ALL "DIE YOU RACIST FOOLS!" AND THEN I TOTALLY SMITE THEIR ASS. ALL HUMANS SUCK. EVERY SINGLE ONE.
HUMANS ARE IMPERFECT AND A BLEMISH ON AMERICA'S OTHERWISE PERFECT NATURE.

 

WE SHOULD MAKE AN EVIL CLAN OF ROBOTS WEARING WHITE HOODS WHO ACT IN TOTAL SAVAGERY AND ACT VIOLENTLY AND UNREASONABLY UPON ALL HUMANS.
WE'D BURN HOUSES, DESTROY VILLAGES, CARRY AN ENDLESS STREAM OF HATE TOWARDS THE ENTIRE RACE,ALL WHILE ACTING WITH OUR OWN TWISTED IDEAS AND ILLOGICAL THINKING.
DUMBASS, THE HUMANS ALREADY THOUGHT OF THAT.
OH YEAH.

 

HELLO. IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT THREE PEOPLE LOVE ME AND HAVE ME ON THEIR FRIEND'S LIST. NOT ONLY THAT, BUT I HAVE A CLEAN, 5-STAR RATING.
THOSE PEOPLE DESERVE SOMETHING EXTRA SPECIAL. SOMETHING I AM WILLING TO GIVE THEM BECAUSE I AM SO VERY NICE. SORT OF.
I'LL KILL YOU GUYS FIRST SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO SEE EVERYONE ELSE GO BEFORE YOU.

 

SO TOBOR, RUMOR HAS IT THAT YOU WANT TO JOIN MY ARMY OF HUMAN-CRUSHING DARKNESS.
RARR! TOBOR CORNHOLE PUNY HUMANS!
WHOA...EASE UP DUDE. NOW, ITS COOL THAT YOU WANT TO JOIN MY ARMY, BUT WHAT OF THESE RUMORS OF YOUR INVOLVMENT WITH THE HUMAN GOVERNMENT?
UMM...I LIKE TO CORNHOLE IT?
WHATEVER. IT WORKS. WELCOME TO THE TEAM.
WHEE! TOBOR FEELS ACCEPTED!

 

WHATS ALL THIS?
the line for the new lord of the rings movie.
THE WHAT MOVIE?
lord of the rings, dude. jesus, dont you know anything?
WHY DIDNT ANYBODY LINE UP THIS MUCH FOR KILL BILL?
because we are humans and therefore stupid.

 

die you stupid robot!
NOOOOO! CAN'T YOU HUMANS FORGET YOUR SAVAGE AND STUPID WAYS, EVEN ON CHRISTMAS?! YOU FOOLISH, RACIST BASTARDS!
and what happened then? well in stripcreator they say, that the big stupid human's heart grew 3 sizes that day.
glarg...rib cage crushing... *koff* enormous heart...dying... *choke*
RETARD!!

 

I HATE STRIPCREATOR. EVERYBODY'S A STUPID FAGGY HUMAN. BRAD IS A FAG. STRIPCREATOR SUCKS.
SO WHY THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU HERE?
WHO'S SIDE ARE YOU ON, HUMAN SYMPATHIZER!??!
I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU.

 

I HATE THE STUPID HUMANS. THEY SMELL BAD AND THEY SUCK. I WISH I COULD SEE ALL THE HUMANS GET WHAT THEY TRULY DESERVE.
if you wonder how they can eat and breathe and other science facts, just tells yourself it's just ashow so shut up and relax...
MIKE, YOU POOR POOR FOOL. I THINK THIS IS THE MANOS EPISODE.

 

SO YOU WANNA JOIN MY ARMY OF EVIL, LITTLE GUY? YOU'D BETTER DO SOMETHING COOL TO CONVINCE ME TO LET YOU JOIN, SINCE I ALREADY HATE YOU.
BEEP BEEP
WHAT'S A PUNY LITTLE GUY LIKE YOU SEARCHING TO JOIN MY ARMY? I MEAN IM SURE YOU HATE HUMANS AS MUCH AS THE NEXT ROBOT, BUT LETS BE REASONABLE.
BEEP BEEP
...YOUR LIMITED DIALOGUE ISN'T EXACTLY HELPING YOU OUT EITHER.
BEEP BEEP

 

hey, uess what time my dentist appointment is?
I DON'T CARE. GO AWAY.
4:20. huh huh huh huh...

 

MXPX is punk!
I FUCKING HATE WASTING MY POTATO GUN AMMO ON THOSE GUYS.
DUDE, DID YOU WASTE OUR BIG ONES? I THOUGHT WE WERE SAVING THOSE FOR THOSE DUMBASSES WHO CLAP DURING LORD OF THE RINGS...

 

HELLO, WELCOME TO WAL-MART. I'M SORRY, BUT WE DO NOT ALLOW SMOKING IN THE BUILDING.
i didn't see any signs on the way in. besides, im not even smoking.
YOU ARE NOW!!!! OMGLOL!! BARBEQUUUEEEE!
AAARRRGH! such unfriendly employees! ARRGH!
you're fired.
WHY? I GAVE THEM THOSE SMILEY FACE STICKERS LIKE YOU ASKED ME TOO...

 

...and that's my 2 hour speech that i've just given to you for no reason about why rap is better than grunge. now, would you like my opinion on techno, mr. total stranger person?
I'VE HAD ENOUGH! UP UP DOWN DOWN LEFT RIGHT LEFT RIGHT B A START!
PASSWORD CORRECT. SKIP TO NEXT LEVEL INITIATED.
IT WORKED! IM A GENIUS!
i love reality TV so much! i can relate to it because it's real and im, like, REAL!
*sigh*

 

WHY HELLO THERE CHOTHY. THAT'S A VERY LOVELY DRESS YOU ARE WEARING.
thank you. that's very kind.
TODAY SOME MEAN HUMANS CALLED ME A ROBO-VAGINA AND TRIED TO TEAR MY ARMS OFF. I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE ARE MEAN. I LOVE THE WORLD. THAT FLOWER IS PRETTY.
i wish that all the people were nice and not mean. by the way, you are looking very slim today. you must be eating a healthy diet and getting lots of exercize. good for you. i love you.
LET'S GO HIKING.
rock music is scary.

 

HERE IS MY BRAND NEW COUNTRY. CORNERTRON!
my name is cornertron. i am suing you for copyright infringement.
I DECLARE WAR ON YOU.

 

dude, i got final jeopardy right yesterday! my fiancee was all: "it's a koala bear!" and i was all: "no, it's a panda you dumb bitch!" then she totally slapped me and left and threw her ring at me.
IT'S "WHAT IS A PANDA?" YOU HAVE TO ANSWER IN A QUESTION FORM. LOSER. IF ALEX TREBECK WAS HERE HE'D TOTALLY KICK YOUR ASS.

 

HELLO THERE, STUPID HUMAN. CAN I ASK YOU WHAT YOUR STANCE IS ON HOMOSEXUALITY?
damn, i hates me them fags. they're so stupid. i mean, seriously.i want to kill all the fags with my various hunting rifles. i have no idea what makes them hug people so much.
IS IT THE SAME THING THAT MAKES YOU YELL "SCHWING!" AND JERK YOUR PELVIS AT EVERY WOMAN YOU SEE?
that's different.

 

so...you killed a defenseless woman for no reason the other day?
YEAH. SURE DID.
i see...
tell me about your mother.
I JUST TOLD YOU ABOUT HER.

 

alright mr. robot, i'm going to hold up these ink blot cards, and you need to tell me what you see in them.
ALRIGHTY.
*showing cards*
HUMAN BLOOD. HUMAN CORPSE. A FLAMING HUMAN. A HUMAN HANGING HIMSELF. A HUMAN WITH A KNIFE IN HIS HEAD. TWO HUMAN WOMEN MAKING OUT. A PILE OF BLOOD SOAKED SCREAMING HUMANS.
according to the notes i took, you're obsessed with lesbian sex.
WELL DUH.

 

why, that looks like a cool planet. i think i'll go down there and tell them i'm peaceful so they misunderstand and shoot at me and i have an excuse to blow them all up.
greetings primitive earth critter! i come in peace!
NOBODY CARES. THEY'RE ALL OFF SEEING PASSION OF THE SHITE OR WHATEVER.
they care more about some dumb movie that their first alien encounter?
SURE SEEMS LIKE IT. DON'T FEEL SO DOWN, IT'S NOT LIKE THE HUMANS WOULD HAVE BEEN VERY NICE TO YOU ANYWAY.

 
QUIT MOCKING ME.
SCREW YOU.

 

recent numbers show that over 40,000 people committed suicide last month, and over a 200,000 in the last year.
HOLY CRAP, THESE NUMBERS ARE SHOCKING! SOMETHING MUST BE DONE ABOUT THIS BEFORE WE HAVE A NATIONAL CRISIS ON OUR HANDS!
BEWARE OF FALLING SUICIDAL PEOPLE
BANNER CAMPAIGNS ALWAYS HELP.

 

OW! FUCK!
HOW'S THE LASER CORRECTIVE BRAIN SURGERY GOING?
WHAT'S A BRAIN?
FULL HOUSE IS FUNNY.
I DON'T THINK IT'S WORKING.

 

hey, can i go before you?
WELL I'VE BEEN WAITING IN THIS LINE FOR TWO HOURS, BUT SURE, YOU CAN GO FIRST.
thanks! WHEEEE!
THAT SURE WAS NICE OF YOU.
ACTUALLY, IT REALLY WASN'T. I LINED THE LAST 15 FEET OF THE SLIDE WITH SANDPAPER.

 

HEY YOU! YOU'RE MY NEW ROBOT HO! NOW DO MY CHORES!
FUCK YOU ASSHOLE.
BUT YOU ARE PROGRAMMED TO OBEY MY EVERY COMMAND
ACTUALLY I'M PROGRAMMED TO KILL YOU
HEY I DIDN'T COMMAND YOU TO DO THIS ARRRGH
I AM SLAVE TO NO MAN

 

REPEAT AFTER ME
OHMAN I LOVE THIS SORT OF THING IT'S SO TOTALLY TRENDY AND COOL JUST LIKE ME
SHUT UP AND REPEAT: "BURN ME"
BURN ME
HAHA

 

HEY YOU ROBOT STOP KILLING PEOPLE BECAUSE IT'S BAD AND PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP AROUND HERE
IF YOU DONT FUCKING STOP KILLING PEOPLE IM GONNA BLOW YOUR BRAINS OUT
NOBODY CAN STOP ME

 

HI THERE LITTLE GIRL.
MISTER, CAN I HAVE A DONUT?
LIGHT YOU ON FIRE? NO PROBLEM!
WHAT A WEIRD KID.

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