Extreme makeover by NeoVid 10-24-05

Hi, Gabe. I'm not Gabe. I'm DragonXero. This is my new look. Hello, Gabe. I'm not Gabe! Do I look like a gorilla felcher?! Hey, Gabe. Goddammit!!

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

God: Year One, or Tard Boy and Finkleman: The Beginning by HCRoyall 9-21-05

This Finkleman guy. I need you to... Beat down Finkleman. Got it. No, I need you to make sure... Make sure he'll never walk again; yeah, I understood the first time. Mission from God. That's not what I'm telling you to... Oh, I get it now. "You had nothing to do with it." Got it.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

What am I missing? by CheerUpEmoKid 11-25-05

Lets see... Luggage, money, passport... What the Hell am I missing? OH SHIT!! Grandma!!

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Around the Dial (radio keeps getting worse and worse) by kaufman 12-01-05

That was Does this Algae Make Me Look Fat? here on WALE, all whale songs, all the time. Next up, an oldie but goodie, Never Mind Willy, How 'bout Freeing Lester? You're listening to KDIK, Total Nixon Rado. Now, here's a request going out to Sherry in Louisville, it's his 1972 budget presentation to Congress ... I love that one, Thelma O'Leary upon learning that her dog Fluffy was run over by the neighbor's lawn mower. We'll be back to jerk some more tears after these messages on All-Bawl Radio.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Jim and Bill: What if? by HCRoyall 12-02-05

Have you ever wondered what life would be like if certain things about the world were different? You mean like "what would the world be like without Statutory Rape laws and a minimum drinking age?" I was thinking more along the lines of a "what if we had wings?" type of deal. Oh. Then no. Not at all.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

HCRoyall meets bltsandwich by Smarmulus 11-15-05

Royal, I just don't like sex. IT HURTS. OK Becky. If it were anyone else I would think they were developmentally disabled, but I think I understand. our hero travels far and through much danger... Tobor, have you been fucking Becky again? *sigh* TOBOR CAN NOT HOLD HIS LIQUOR.

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"Eat a fucking cock." - attitudechicka

On a Roll by smamurai 12-04-05

It's bad news isn't it Doc? To put things into perspective. You had as much chance of catching AIDS from that toilet-seat as you do of winning the lottery. You think I was worrying over nothing? No, I think you should buy a lottery ticket because YOU'RE ON FIRE!

Finding a Positive by smamurai 12-04-05

Doc, my hives are getting worse. Yup. There's good news, bad news and pretty shitty news. The pretty shitty news is, I may have to get glasses Sucks for you. What's the bad news? You have H.I.V How can there be an upside? It turns out you never had hives.

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

Woman < Computer ?? by thochaos 10-03-03

I'm leaving you. You never pay me any attention, you never ask me how my day is. You never even talk to me! I think you love that computer more than you love me! No, that's not true at all! I really love you! Really? Sometimes I find that so hard to believe. Let's talk about this. You're far more important to me than this computer! There is nothing in this world that means mo- OH FOR CHRIST'S SAKE! FUCKING CAMPER!! *Ahem* Now as I was saying... ... Hello?

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Pointless..like life. by BunnyDog3 4-05-01

Yo soy un pengueno del diablo!!! Eat ass pancakes, bitch. It's been a while since I've taken Spanish.

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Ham-fisted ham fisting.

In My Dreams (and a tip-o-the-hat to Laugh In) by Spankling 12-02-05

[sigh] Yes, Mr Spankling. What seems to be the trouble now? Well Nurse Goodbody, I have this... swelling. Just like yesterday? Yes'm. It keeps coming back... And you seem so gifted... Okay. Get behind the screen. I got 1/2 an hour free. SCORE!

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

Why I hate the Army by HCRoyall 12-07-05

I had a genuine Jimmy Buffett moment this morning. On the way back from the latrines this morning I blew out my flipflop, stepped on a pop top, cut my heel and had to limp on back home. Then I realized there was neither booze nor a blender waiting for me and I let out a lengthy string of curses.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

A Guide to Prime Ministers Questions by Elvis_Steel 12-07-05

Liberal Democrat Questions Would the Right Honourable Gentleman please ignore and deflect my straight forward questions about the flawed and illeagal nature of government policies? Sure will Conservative Questions Would the Right Honourable Gentlemen engage in unfriendly and unhelpful banter with me whilst members of the house earn their fat pay checks by whooping at our every nuance? can do Labour Questions Would the Right Honourable Gentlemen allow me to blurt out some pre fed Government propaganda before getting on his knees and sucking my cock? Consider it done

Metallica meets the Devil by metallica005 12-09-05

Hey, you haven't been doing you're job What? Look at how many emo's are out there Whats wrong with emos? pansy You'll here about this in my blog

Dear Nail in the Head Guy. by Ekirh 11-16-05

Dear, nail in the head guy . . you ever thought life would improve if you stopped doing that. . . Yes, I have thought about it. Sadly I think I've done enough damage that I can't rationalize a good reason to stop.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

you'd better watch out
you'd better not cry
cause Dr Kaufman knows if you've been naughty or nice:

Surprise!

Check it out! This Kitchen-Aid apparently can also be used to mix food!

by kaufman, 12-12-05

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"Eat a fucking cock." - attitudechicka

Playing Bridge With Old People by HotRodDeathToll 12-16-05

One ♠ Two ♥ Three ♣ BINGO!

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The dictator of love and his weapon of mass destruction

Damn LOL. Every other East in the room bid 3NT and went down 2. Grrrrrr!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

I agree

The Merry Easter Hannuka Bunny #6 by HotRodDeathToll 12-16-05

HAPPY HANNUKA HOMOSAPIENS! Whats with the robot? New Programming. What do you mean? He's the first jewish robot.

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The dictator of love and his weapon of mass destruction

Apocalypso. by JMan 12-16-05

Jesus I knew this was going to happen. My child it was meant to be. But I just dont like this whole apocolypse thing can't you end the world a little differently. hmmmmmmm, Well lets see. Heaven? NO COULD 9 SILLY!!!

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The dictator of love and his weapon of mass destruction

Open Letter by niteowl 12-17-05

I'd like to take some time to speak directly to both Democrats and Republicans. To the Democrats: Shut the fuck up, please. Don't you think you've taken this political correctness a little too far? Not using "Christmas" in any type of holiday greeting, song, etcetera, for fear of offending someone is pathetic. No wonder you look like namby-pamby pussies. And to the Republicans: You can shut the fuck up too, in particular, about your stupid War On Christmas. Only idiots like you need to tag something like that with the word "war", and act like the end of the world is at hand because some clerk wished you a "Happy Holiday". Just shut up, you cunts. Yeah, I fucking love this time of the year.

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

Sally's Request by biped 12-18-05

Greetings, all you kids in television land! I'm Milburn J. Peenis of the Peenis T.V. Dinner Corporation. "Forget Swanson's! Forget Banquet! Tell your mommy you want to eat a big, delicious 'PEENIS' for dinner tonight!" Okay! Where's Sally? Military school.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Inspired by JasonP, Attributed to The League Against Tedium by lima 12-16-05

GET BEHIND ME SATAN! GET IN FRONT OF ME GOD! lets have a threesome

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"Eat a fucking cock." - attitudechicka

Butch and Disposal Issues by HCRoyall 12-02-05

So I was thinking the other day, "There's got to be a better way to get rid of my victims than burying them in the landfill." And then I got inspired. I think I'll pass on the chili, thanks.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Scaterogical by smamurai 12-20-05

Your son passed a dirty note to a girl in class today. Did it contain the 'C' word? It simply said, 'You make me feel funny in my tummy'. What's so dirty about a message from the heart? I am afraid this message came from the ass. It was written with a piece of feces. I think I may be to blame. I left a piece of feces on the breakfast bar this morning. He must have stolen it.

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

These are some older comics of mine that I think deserve a little attention.

Tax Evasion by HCRoyall 5-11-05

You got another letter from the IRS... Oh, God no... It says that in order to validate some of your deductions you have to prove you're really mentally handicapped. Easy enough to do. I'm pretty sure it's less painful to be audited... Quit talking and help me drive this home.

Damnation by HCRoyall 5-13-05

This is Hell. Your eternal damnation. But I was a good person! I went to church every sunday! I followed Jesus's word and loved my neighbor! Yeah, well, you lied on your taxes. Only once! And I asked for forgiveness! You asked, yes, but God said 'No'. Fuck.

Pets by HCRoyall 5-13-05

And you can just stay outside! Master will forgive me soon enough. No worries. 4 days later... Then again, maybe it was a bad idea to eat his girlfriend's cat while he was pet-sitting...

Selfishness by HCRoyall 5-27-05

Three weeks and no signs of a rescue party... You think I could have one of those granola bars, maybe? You know, just to stave off starvation another day? No.