I'd like to apologise in advance for my rule.

[u]Round 3 - Three Reasons[/u]

I'll be keeping score for this round here. Oh, and try and make the subsequent installments of this story actually funny to make up for this one.

Comic Cup 8 Round 3 Intro - Djinn and tonic by andydougan 3-07-02

Sob. I wish someone liked me. I'm so miserable, I'll retreat to this cave and get half-cut on this bottle of London Dry stolen from my mum. Hey, what's going on? Live you? Or are you aught that man may question? I'm a genie. For releasing me from the magic bottle, you may have three wishes! Presently... Uh, I actually meant *a lot* better looking. One down, two to go!

[u]Round 3, Match 1[/u]

1966: the height of the Cold War. Both sides race to be the first to put a man on the Moon. Dr Ken Kaufman, the eminent US physicist, is assigned the task of faking video foota...er, I mean, perfecting the required technology. But he's reckoned without the cold single-mindedness of the Soviet scientist Virtovic, so zealously devoted to his work that the Party has hewn away his body lest it be a distraction.

Follow up "Djinn and tonic".

The rules:[list]
[*]kramer_vs_kramer: The strip must be about the exciting world of finance. I'm busy poring through lots of dull information about mortgages and I don't see why anyone else should have any fun.
[*]TheBlairZip: Play "Questions", as seen in "Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead" or "Whose Line Is It Anyway?". Characters are only allowed to speak in questions.
[/list]

You suck, kramer.

Ask Genie Mae by wirthling 3-07-02

Can I use a wish to get an answer to a question, oh wise genie? Do you doubt my powers? What's your question? If I roll-over my post-margin adjusted depreciation allowance from my revised capital valuation index into compensated credit, can I claim the amortized negative annuity on my taxes? You don't know, do you?! Don't you want money or power or a pony or some shit like that?

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

When Edward Feetforears Hutton talks, do you listen? by kaufman 3-07-02

Would it be profitable and ethical for me not to use my other two wishes, instead selling your lamp on the open market, and rolling over the profits into a set of high-yield speculative investments? Are we talking derivatives, commodities, ponzi schemes, or overseas mutual funds now? Do you have any recommendations? What sectors of the market do you think will rebound fastest? What did you have in mind? And don't you think I should get a piece of the action for my lamp? What will be my cut of all this? Have you heard of an investment called Enron? Have you heard how cheap shares are these days? How would you like to have the Vice President's ear on energy issues? Don't you think it would be better if I gave him one of mine?

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Tough choice... both are excellent, especially considering the difficulty of those rules, but wirthling has an edge, I think.

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Wirthling Both good entries, Wirthling just topped it.

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I am not 16 going on not 17, I know that I'm naive.

Wirthling

Both are good strips. But I'll have to give it to Wirthling

Now where's my pony?

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"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."

wirthling

wirthling

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

Both ARE excellent. wirthling's is a tad more subtle, however. Plus, like O.J. and the Exxon Valdez, there's only so much humor one can stand about Enron.

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I am a delicate fucking flower. https://beacons.ai/jesskent

Well, now that my fate appears sealed, enjoy the outtakes if you care to. I made a couple other strips on the theme before deciding which to enter. 60527 and 60542 if you care to peek. No feedback necessary.

Oh, and wirthling, I suck more. So there!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Is it my soul that calls me...and tells me to vote for wirthling?

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If it wasn't for bad luck I wouldn't have no luck at all. D'OH!

wirthling

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Who knows what fear lurks in the hearts of men? MIKE BOBSICO KNOWS! And if you give him a decent tip when he delivers your mail , he might tell you.

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Dad was flammable

Wirthling

KAUFMAN DID AN ENTIRE STRIP WITHOUT A PUN , AND APPARENTLY HAS LOST BECAUSE OF IT. PERHAPS THIS MEANS BITTER EXPERIENCE WILL TEACH HIM THAT HE ONLY WINS WHEN HE CREATES TRULY HORRIFIC PUNS IN HIS COMICS.

Thank fuck , i found my caps lock key again.

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"Life Sucks, Then you Die. The bit inbetween isnt very funny either"

Bastard! Now look what you did.

Buy Request by kaufman 3-08-02

Yuan to give me three wishes? Don't you rially have a yen to pesome attention to your own needs? Haven't you considered that as pfennig as it sounds, I'm the genie, and euronly the wisher? Wouldn't it make more cents, be more soutable, for me to grant it to you? Must I pound it into your head that you shouldn't be shekeled to this lifestyle? Why are you shilling for the wish-gods? Why won't you mark my words that francly I don't care? Can't I find this a krugerand lifestyle? Living in these ruble-filled quarters? Why not wish yourself diamonds and sapphires and rupees? Doesn't that sound a zloty more liracal? Don't you see that if the florin my cave were piled with jewels, I'd have to be much dollar to see over it, and it would be a lot harder to drachmaself across it?

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

What, you couldn't find a way to work Botswanian Pula into that strip?!

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

I vote for wirthling.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

Winner of Round 3, Match 1: wirthling

[u]Round 3, Match 2[/u]

It's the semi-final of the antiquated dinosaur whose latest incarnation is Miss Stripcreator 2002. And here come this evening's eye candy now! First up, the scintillant Miss Canada, Daniella Bigeville. I can almost smell the teenage semen exploding onto TV screens all over the world. She's followed by Miss United States, Phyllis Mann, or Fizzy to her friends. Hopefully the judges will be able to see past her body hair problem. Who will be facing off against Miss Thailand, Wi Ling, in the final?

Follow up "Ask Genie Mae".

The rules:[list]
[*]crabby: make a strip in the style of a softcore porno. That means NO BUTT SEX, NO EXTREME NUDITY, NO EXCESSIVE CURSING, and NO JIZZ SHOTS! I do encourage LOTS of LIGHT CUDDLING, KISSING, and FOREPLAY.
[*]ladyjdotnet: The following 6 words must all be used in the comic: turtle, insurance, caramel, hosiery, linen, celebration.
[/list]

One wish left (or two, depending on how you interpret the last strip)! What more could one want than good looks and financial savvy? Our heroine's going to have to come up with something!

Ah, word rules, always a kick in the teeth.

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Dad was flammable

CC8.3.2: Be Careful What You Wish For by fuzzyman 3-09-02

Okay, then. For my last two wishes, I want you to make a very special man fall in love with me... and I want to have the biggest wedding celebration ever! A very special man? A man who will let me take caramel showers every day! A man with fine taste in linen hosiery! A man who will let me ride his pet sea turtle! Oh! Now I understand! I'll have to change your looks a bit to make this happen, though... Later, at the Neverland Ranch... Ready to get married, Billy Gene? Let's moonwalk down the aisle! But before we do... give Michael a cuddle, won't you? That genie better have malpractice insurance!

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

I Dream Of Genie by BigEvilDan 3-09-02

You can't give me any advice on my taxes? What kind of genie are you? Well, you can deduct the insurance on your pet turtle as a business expense. That should save some cash. This calls for a celebration. For my final wish, I want you to come home with me, remove my fine hosiery and smother me in caramel. Granted. Let's go mess up your bed linens. Two weeks earlier... ...and for my third wish, I just want someone who rubs my lamp to, you know, think about my needs. Barbara Eden will grant you this wish as well.

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

I vote for fuzzyman.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.