This contest is just what I need now. Expect many entries of many different kinds. I'm having a lot of fun reading everyone else's entries as well.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

*faint*

Kaufman wins.

And I am NOT on your nutsack, Mikey. At least... I'M not....

CC #239 - THE FURTHER ADVENTURES OF HONKY THE GIANT SNOT RAG by biped 4-07-04

possums, get off my nutsack. Dat sounds fly! Now rhyme it, Jack! I want my Asian girls singing songs back. Damn, that's tight! You must be on crack! Jimmy crack corn, and I don't care! Jimmy crack corn, and I don't care! Yeah! Fuck that cocksucking bastard Jimmy right in his super-gay fucking asshole!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

"Only the Good Die Young" Billy Joel

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Mediocrity at its most average.

I couldn't help myself.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

I am NOT a pimp. I'm black as the night, though.

An Ode to Dave Chappelle by possums 4-07-04

...and we're ready to record in three... two... one... go! Unh! Hey! Hey..... Hey man! Turn my muthafuckin' headphones up! I'm serious, man, I can't hear out of my left ear! Turn my muthafuckin' headphones up!

What's Love Got to Do With It? by possums 4-07-04

WHAAAATS LOVE GOT TO DOO WITH IT, GOT TO DOOO WITH IT?!! Well, Ms. Turner, considering that you're in marriage counseling, it has quite a bit to do with it.

CC 239: Who can forget this classic? by kaufman 4-07-04

They're coming to take me away, ha ha, they're coming to take me away, hee hee ha ha ho ho, to the funny farm where life is beautiful all the time ...

...and I'll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats and they're coming to take me away!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 239: Crimes against Music: The Soft Metal Years by jes_lawson 4-07-04

Look, what is this about? We've got a guy in hospital, shot through the heart. Says you're to blame. Jon? Damn, I thought I killed him! Alright, I'll come quietly. I'm not arresting you for that. No? No, you did us a favour there. However, you're an accessory to giving love a bad name.

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

CC 239 : Sir Elton John's "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me" by little_kitty 4-07-04

Studies have found that if you eat spicy food before oral sex, the genitalia will burn like a thousand STD's Damn!! Hey , Want to come over for dinner? Mom's cookin stuff with jalepeno's in it! Sure! How was it, Maura? Great. Just one thing... Don't let your son go down on me.

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Okay, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over - an analyst and a therapist. The world's first analrapist.

CC239: "Girlfriend In A Coma" by the Smiths by UnknownEric 4-07-04

Well, Doc, how is she? She's in a coma. It's serious. I know, I know... Can I get in one last hump? Sure!

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I has a flavor!

CC239: Romeo Void's "Never Say Never" by UnknownEric 4-07-04

I might like you better if we slept together. Maybe. Maybe? That's never! NEVER SAY NEVER!!! Was it something I said?

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I has a flavor!

CC239: ...and you can be my cowgirl... by UnknownEric 4-07-04

My name is Ted. And one day, I'll be dead... yo yo yo...

CC239: I Wanna Be Your Dog (The Stooges) by UnknownEric 4-07-04

Can I be yours? NO! Can I be yours? NO! Can I be yours? NO!

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I has a flavor!

CC239: Blur sez "I'm Just A Killer For Your Love." by UnknownEric 4-07-04

Love me! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

Sorry, I'm inspired... ;)

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I has a flavor!

Okay, this song makes me cry, which is probably why it won't win in funniness here. But my own work bringing this song to life also made me cry, therefore I'd just like everyone to take note of it. Maybe listen to the song on your own.

"100 Years" Five For Fighting

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Mediocrity at its most average.

CC 239 - Joe Dolce by Bazilla 4-07-04

Wassamatta you? Why you look so sad? Oh, I'm just kinda down because my puppy died. And my sister moved out because she couldn't cope with my parent's divorce. It'sa not so bad. AND THEN my best friend commited suicide yesterday, and I need new glasses and my father tried to rape me this morning. And my mother only has 2 weeks to live because her iron lung is irrepairable. AH, SHUDDUPPA YOUR FACE!

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I am not 16 going on not 17, I know that I'm naive.

Bazilla, you rock.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

This one was inspired by "Michael" by Franz Ferdinand.

CC #239 -- "DEAD BABIES" by Alice Cooper (1) by biped 4-07-04

Little Betty ate a pound of aspirin...she got them from the shelf upon the wall... YUM-YUM! Best candy I ever et! Betty's mommy wasn't there to save her...she didn't even hear her baby call... HEY, MOM!!! We got any more of that candy? It sure is -- URK!!! Dead babies can take care of themselves...dead babies can't take things off the shelves... What the -- HEY, I'm DEAD! This SUCKS!

CC #239 -- "DEAD BABIES" by Alice Cooper (2) by biped 4-07-04

Daddy is an agrophile in Texas... What the hell's an "agrophile"? What's it to you? Mommy's on the bar most every night... Another Harvey Wallbanger, Sheila? Nope, fourteen's my limit.....NOT!!! HA-HA!!! BURP!!! Little Betty's sleeping in the graveyard...living there in burgundy and white... Gee thanks, Mom -- this is perfect. Just freaking PERFECT.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

CC 239 : Pink Floyd is Sex Music by niteowl 4-07-04

"If they catch you in the back seat trying pick her locks..." I hate chastity belts. "Now that I've found somewhere safe to bury my bone." "How can you have any pud(ding) if you don't (b)eat your meat?" Yes you were! You were masturbating! Fine, I admit it! I was choking the bishop! I was chafing the carrot! I was...saying hi to my monster!

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

CC 239: La Marseillaise (Une) by umfumdisi 4-07-04

Arise children Allons enfants de la Patrie, Allons enfants de la Patrie, of the Fatherland, Allons enfants de la Patrie, Allons enfants de la Patrie, The day of glory has arrived! Le jour de gloire est arrivé! Le jour de gloire est arrivé!

CC 239: La Marseillaise (Deux) by umfumdisi 4-07-04

Against us tyranny's Contre nous de la tyrannie, Contre nous de la tyrannie, Bloody standard is raised! L'étendard sanglant est levé! Bloody standard is rais!ed L'étendard sanglant est levé!

CC 239: Le Marseillaise (Quatre) by umfumdisi 4-07-04

They are coming into our midst Ils viennent jusque dans nos bras To cut the throats of your sons Egorger nos fils Sacre Merde! ...and consorts! ...et nos compagnes! What's a consort?

And that's just the first verse!

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

CC 239: Life's Been Good So Far by Rabid_Weasle 4-07-04

Wah wah wah wah! Wah wah wah! Wah! Wah wah wah wah wah! Wah wah wah wah! Run for your life!

Holy shit, the number of the comic is 222229, who got to do 222222?

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Poop.

This song is an inspiration to us all. It makes us want to kill.

CC 239: The Yellow What? by codehappykid 4-07-04

We all live in the yellow submarine, the yellow submarine, the yellow submarine... We all live in the yellow submarine, the yellow submarine... Don't think for a minute that I can't send you all to Hell.

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HALPUU!

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I think, therefore I make comments on a forum.

CC 239 : The Fixx - The Strain by niteowl 4-07-04

Back to back, the President cracks. Aw hell, that whole on all fours thing was just a joke, y'know? There's no power left in the old white shack, it's the same. Dagnabbit, ANOTHER BLACKOUT! New Washington, Red button. One push and the whole world is gone... I reckon I'm just glad that Genesis isn't still around to make a sequel to the Land of Confusion video. I wonder how goofy my mask would look.

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

G.B.H.'s "Big Women" In 3 Panels by Ewwwww 4-07-04

And now, its the event you've all been waiting for! Kaufman sings G.B.H.'s "Big Women" while holding a cat! Big Women, I like the size! Big Women, flabby thighs! Big Women, fill my eyes! Big Women, I fantasize! Meanwhile... I want to have his children. *Whore Sounds*

The Murder City Devils, "Cowboy Song" In 3 Panels by Ewwwww 4-07-04

If you dont think that cowboys cry, then you've never heard a cowboy song! What in the hell? How did a rocket get here? Come on, Bush, you know you want me. Fine, but lets make it quick! After butt-sex, I like to bomb 3rd World Countrys. *Sheads a tear* That is the most romantic thing I've ever heard.

The Murder City Devils "Rum To Whisky" In 3 Panels. by Ewwwww 4-07-04

He Switched From Rum To Whisky! I see you've swiched drinks, friend. Was their something wrong with the Rum? Nothing unusual... Then whats with the changes? Well, if you'd stop turing into an asian, I might be able to tell you.

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"No obscene images." I guess I'll just have to settle for saying cocksucker a lot.