M by I 5-27-04

Well, this is another victory to Bush? What is? He said anyone who thinks that gay people deserve the same rights as straight people aren't American. Oh. Is that why all the gay Americans are being killed by rednecks? Yup. Gay is the new black.

Lucky? by lukket 8-19-03

Have you heard that Steve nearly died in that car accident. Yeah. But I think he was lucky. Lucky? He's paralyzed from the neck and down. I don't think that's lucky. Well, his insurance paid off so well that he doesn't have to move a finger ever again. He CAN'T move a finger. Yeah. Could you get a more bulletproof excuse?

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troelsea at gmail dot com

Rite of passage by andydougan 12-29-01

By the seventh sepulchre of obsidian... ...by the eldritch wastes of Tartarus... ...by the lachrymose shrieks of the never-born... ...by the chthonic depths of the lightless river, and the time-forgotten sentinels who speak not... ...and then it's third on your left. You can't miss it. Thanks.

Wait, I meant Rite of Passage = brilliance.

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

I have no idea what my funniest is. So you'll just have to settle for this.

Christmas Eve, 2016 by kaufman 11-05-01

Chaos at the North Pole tonight when one of Santa's reindeer snapped and went on a shooting spree. Donner, Comet and 16 Elves are dead. Vixen and Prancer were seriously wounded. Santa is making his run with a skeleton crew of Cupid, Blitzen, Rudolph and Dasher. The crazed reindeer is believed to be heavily armed, and flying in the direction of former child star Billy Mumy's house. DANCER! DANCER, WILL ROBINSON!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Don't Ask Others To Define You by umfumdisi 10-21-03

Son, do you think I'm a whore? I'd say you're more of a Slut, but you should ask one of my dads. Honey, am I a whore? No, Dear, you're more Skank than anything, but maybe you should ask your boss. Big Daddy, am I a whore? I'd call you a Ho, but I ain't seen no money in two weeks.

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

Alex Trebek and his wife by EvilZak 11-15-03

Just once, hon? No, Alex. I'm going to sleep. And if I catch you trying to have sex with me while I sleep, I will chop off your manhood with a rusty stiletto. Now let me get some damn sleep! Let's make this a true Daily Double!

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AFROMANS MOVE

How Can I Shake It When I'm Not Sure What IT Is? by UnknownEric 1-23-03

I saw this great band last night. They REALLY knew how to rock! Cool. Unfortunately, the band I saw had NO IDEA how to rock. Really? Yeah, they just stood there staring at their instruments in bewilderment. Bummer. Yeah. I guess when they say "there's only one way to rock," they're right.

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I has a flavor!

FTC34: Earn your wings by maddog00 5-10-04

Mom, did you and Dad go out for a long time before you got married and had me? Yes, we did. What was your first date with him like? It was...well, let's just say it was interesting... *Start Flashback* You could've at least told me you were on the rag. Jesus.

I narrowed it down to 2, and I cant decide between them.

Baby Love! by Kevin_Keegans_Perm 2-05-02

When i was younger , i had a child and they tried to take it away from me. But i showed them. I smothered it with love. And a pillow.

Toy Story 3 by Kevin_Keegans_Perm 1-01-02

Lifes been Kinda shit since he hit Puberty , hasnt it Woody. *sob*

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"Life Sucks, Then you Die. The bit inbetween isnt very funny either"

There have been comics that I thought were fucking brilliant soon after I made them, but I honestly can't figure out which ones they were. As I look through my archives, I realize I have generated mostly crap. So instead of going for a comic that is universaly funny, I'm going to submit my personal favorite.

You wonder WHY Mikey's braindead? by fzh 7-15-03

MIKEY! We got a letter from the school about something! Probably something you did wrong, You're on restirction for another decade! Now go to your jail cell young man! This says that the parking spaces in the school parking lot were widened. Oh Well, as long as I'm here I can do something involving my imagination.... Three Weeks later.... Durrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Halloween in April by Zaster 4-04-04

Is it true that Jesus has risen from the dead? That's the rumour going around. Is it true that he's coming back for us? And that by his blood, his followers attain immortality? That's what they say! How are we gonna stop him? See if you can find some garlic. I'll sharpen a stake!

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I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

Punch Sucker Proxy. by smamurai 12-30-03

So Andy, have you got any resolutions for next year? I'm going cold-turkey on the wife-beating. So all those times that Flo fell down the stairs or walked into a door..... Yep, that was me. I could never bring myself to lay a hand on my own wife. How about I do it for ya? You can do mine, that way we both win.

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

After long deliberation, I have chosen this one.

zen 3 by codehappykid 11-21-03

shit

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HALPUU!

jesus talk by xxausrottenxx 3-13-04

howd they get you crucified like that well thats an interesting question well see that YMCA song got stuck in my head but i forgot the rest of the hand motions, and by that time, i was fucked

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xx( o Y o. )xx

NO I DONT. by JESUSSANDWICH 5-26-04

I THINK CANCER IS FUNNY.

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possible savior probable SEX MACHINE

A Shocking Revelation by niteowl 1-22-04

So have you ever tried it? I've always wanted to, but I'm scared. Yeah once, but it was just so strange... What happened? I stuck my finger up in there, but it felt so...weird. Sure it gave me tingles throughout my body at first, but I didn't feel good afterwards. I felt so... Dumb? Yeah. I should've listened to my mom. She always told me never to stick my finger in a light socket.

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

Google Ad Segregation by ivytheplant 1-31-04

I need to see the dentist. Didn't you see the sign? This is CrackaSmileDental! Professional Whitening Syringes $17 Custom Teeth Whitening Trays $55! Sorry, man. My mistake. Yeah. I need to see the dentist. Right this way!

Romeo and Juliet (Rough Draft) by crabby 5-20-03

No way! No daughter of mine is going to be running around with a Montague! That's final! But Daddy I love him! Well in that case it's ok with me.

Picking among a group of personal favourites was quite tough, but here it goes:

Runners-Up:

Codehappykid for Zen 3
Denyer for I Wish I Could Talk To My Dad Like This
Zaster for Halloween in April

Finalists:

Third Place Funny because it's so damn true:

Rules of Shopping at Wal-Mart (3) by MikeyG 4-14-04

Rule #7: If you want a job at Wal-Mart, don't be gay. Although your repeated requests to take me to dinner have made me uncomfortable in the past, sir, I've decided to take you up on the offer. Aha! You're fired. Rule #8: No matter when you shop there, they never have any more of YOUR brand of deodorant. Excuse me, do you have anymore Right Guard Sportâ„¢? We're out, sir. All we have left is Jimmy Joe Bob's Famous Armpit Detergent. Rule #9: Even though they are displayed prominently, asking a Wal-Mart employee in the midwest where the condoms are will garner disdain. Excuse me, where are your condoms? The devices of Satan are in aisle four, sir.

Second Place Incredibly clever:

Rite of passage by andydougan 12-29-01

By the seventh sepulchre of obsidian... ...by the eldritch wastes of Tartarus... ...by the lachrymose shrieks of the never-born... ...by the chthonic depths of the lightless river, and the time-forgotten sentinels who speak not... ...and then it's third on your left. You can't miss it. Thanks.

Winner I'm a sucker for filth:

Win/Win by dcomposed 1-14-04

Hey, let's fuck! Not tonight, I have a headache. Oh. What if I just put an aspirin on my dick and you take it off with your mouth?

Congratulations, Dcom, take it away.

Aww shucks.

Sweet. Thanks choad.

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Batman created by Bob Kane