Since the last one I promised didn't pan out, I'm going to make an attempt at a new series involving my work.

Dollar Tree Physics by attitudechicka 10-19-03

Everything's $1 How much is this? Haha. Everything's $1 Everything's $1 What the fuck are you talking about?

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Mediocrity at its most average.

Don't like it? Go somewhere else. by attitudechicka 10-19-03

Everything's $1 Do you have any anti-Diarrhea medication for fawns? No, we only carry the medication for does. Everything's $1 Deal's sells it. Everything's $1 Then go to deals.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

Dig.

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Batman created by Bob Kane

Swipe It Between Your Buttcheeks and Hit Enter by attitudechicka 10-19-03

Cash or Check Only Your total is $1.06 Here, I'll just pay with my debit card. Cash Or Check Only Our machines only accept cash or check. Cash or Check Only Well, could you take it just this once?

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Mediocrity at its most average.

Very funny.

I will never get tired of strips about working in retail.

I guess that probably sounds sarcastic, but I mean it. The potential for humor about the retail experience is as boundless as the customers' stupidity.

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

Wooden Handled Kitchen Utensils by attitudechicka 10-20-03

Everything's $1 I noticed you have your wooden handled kitchen utensils in a cart over there. Everything's $1 Are they going to be on special soon? Everything's $1 Yes. we're going to sell them for a buck.

Thanks for all the positive feedback. I'll continue as long as stupid people keep coming in. Yep, you can count on these for the rest of my SC life.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

"The Talk" by attitudechicka 10-20-03

Everything's $1 So you're hiring Gia back, huh? Yes. Everything's $1 Why's that? Excluding management, she's the best worker here. Everything's $1

An actual conversation that took place a week before my rehire.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

Don't push your luck by attitudechicka 10-20-03

Everything's $1 Can I help you find something? Do you sell televisions? Everything's $1 No, ma'am, I'm sorry. What about DVD players? Coffee makers? Bras? Everything's $1 As a matter of fact, there are bras in aisle 5. Are they Victoria's Secret?

4 For A Dollar by attitudechicka 10-20-03

Everything's $1 Those magnets are 4 for a dollar. Everything's $1 I kno-ow... Did you hear me? They're 4 for a DOLLAR. Everything's $1 Just let the scanner do it's thing, would you? Did you make sure they rang up 4 for a dollar? I'm checking the recipt.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

I guess Death needs refrigerator magnets just like anyone else.

Good stuff!

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

I'm loving the series, chicka. Boy do I hate customers. I did the mall coffee shop thing for 4 years, and worked in a clothing store the 4 years prior. I affectionately started referring to the customers as 'The Bastards'. Here's a comic about my last day.

My last day working in the mall by mmyers 10-21-03

What can I get you, 'mam? Oh, I'm very cold. Could I get a hot chocolate, please? The mall is freezing. Can you turn the heat up in the mall? Sorry, I don't control the mall's temperature. Here you go, here's your hot chocolate. Be careful, it's hot. Don't tell me what to do! Everything here is too expensive and...ouch, this hot chocolate is hot! It burned me when I gulped it! I'm going to sue like that McDonald's lady. Are you fucking kidding me? It's a hot chocolate, the first word in hot chocolate being the adjective 'hot', describing how the chocolate is made. It's not a TEPID Chocolate. I'm never coming back to Barnie's again and you can be sure that I won't be caught dead mall walking in this mall ever again.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

I really hope that little old lady didn't have a heart attack on the way out. That would be too ironic.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

You would enjoy Customers Suck.

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Now wait, I'm confused. If everything's a dollar, what's with this 4 magnets for a dollar crap? I didn't study math for a couple decades so I wouldn't know that 4 magnets should be $4. No wonder The Reaper is so disturbed!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

The only exceptions to the "Everything's $1" rule are things that are two, three, four, five, and (in the case of seeds) ten for a dollar. It all adds up to a dollar in the end, but you're not getting ripped off.
Why would you pay $1 for a can of pumpkin mix if you can get it at the store for 69 cents?
Also, during Christmas, we sell box sets of Christmas Chinaware for $15 because there are 15 pieces, or $1 per piece.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

Bathroom Duty by attitudechicka 10-21-03

Everything's $1 You know that woman who comes in here with the three kids? You're going to have to be more specific. Everything's $1 The kids that open every toy in the toy aisle. Yes, what about them? Everything's $1 She just sparked a joint in the bathroom and it's YOUR turn to clean it!

Shift Change by attitudechicka 10-21-03

Everything's $1 I cleaned up the baby aisle for you. Aisle 6 What exactly did you do? Asile 6 I moved some of this stuff over to give you more room. Great, you just saved me a whole 5 minutes of my time. Thanks.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

I used to say that if I was Drew Barrymore in the FireStarter that there would be a lot of flaming people running out of the mall.

My beef with the mall-walkers was that they felt like they were somehow doing the mall a favor by mall walking there. I guess they thought that the mall got an automatic $5 the moment that they walked in. Aggghh. *breaths deeply* This is why I can't work in the mall nor shop in the mall any longer. Bless you, chicka, for you are the sheep at the slaughter.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

Damn you and your infernal logic, kaufman. I was going to make a comic about that exact thing. I may anyway :P

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

Achicka: This is awesome stuff!

Kaufman: It's the voodoo economics they invented in the 80s. It's the new math. Maybe we forgot to carry the "1".

Sedatives kicking in,

KCF

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Your mickey mouse kung fu is no match for my superior fighting style.

Teen angst-y

Scheduling Problems by attitudechicka 10-23-03

Gia, it's John. We were just wondering if you're coming in tonight. Wait, what? I wasn't on the schedule for today. Yes you were. It's okay, though. You can work Thursday, we've already called Kristina. Why would they call Kristina already if you were actually on the schedule for today? Because my life is hell, and they want to make it worse.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

Air Head by attitudechicka 10-24-03

Everything's $1 You blow up balloons here? Everything's $1 Only the ones that we sell. The company that suplies the balloons also supplies the helium tank. So I can bring in my balloons for you to blow up? Everything's $1 No, ma'am. We can only blow up the balloons that we sell. How much will you charge me to blow up my balloons?

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Mediocrity at its most average.

Cookie Boobs by attitudechicka 10-27-03

Everything's $1 Todd, can we go home now? Right after I put up these gingerbread cookies. Everything's $1 Todd, look! Those gingerbread men have boobies! That's a bowtie, Gia. Everything's $1 Looks like boobies to me. Only you would see that, Gia.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

I bet you the gingerbread cookies sold very well that day.

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Poop.

We stock after hours, so I have no idea what happened when they opened this morning.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

I know I would have bought one.

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Poop.