Note: I got most of these from a local newspaper columnist named Corey Farley. Thought they'd make good cartoons.

Republican Training Video Part One - Drugs by KungChiFu 11-26-03

Republican National Committee Training Video: Thank you for your interest in becoming a 21st century Republican! Over the next few minutes, we will explain what is expected of 21st century Republicans. Please pay careful attention. First, being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime. Unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness, and you need our prayers for your recovery.

Republican Training Video Part Two - The UN by KungChiFu 11-26-03

Republican National Committee Training Video continues: To be a 21st century Republican, you need to understand this: The United States should get out of the United Nations. And also that our highest national priority is enforcing United Nations resolutions against Iraq. Yeah.

Republican Training Video Part Three - Regulations by KungChiFu 11-26-03

Republican National Committee Training Video continues: The 21st century Republican must believe this: Government should relax regulaton of Big Business and Big Money. However, government must crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness. It's about protecting our kids.

Republican Training Video Part Four - Standing Tall by KungChiFu 11-26-03

Republican National Committee Training Video continues: Regarding "Standing Tall for America": We hold that "Standing Tall for America" means, among other things, firing all your workers and moving their jobs to India. Or China. Or Mexico. Ole'!

Republican Training Video Part Five - Trust by KungChiFu 11-26-03

Republican National Committee Training Video continues: To be a Republican, you must understand that women can't be trusted with making decisions about their bodies. However, multi-national corporations can be trusted to make decisions that affect all mankind without regulation. It's a child, not a choice. Make babies, not waves.

---
Your mickey mouse kung fu is no match for my superior fighting style.

Republican Training Video Part Six - Love by KungChiFu 11-26-03

Republican National Committee Training Video continues: One thing we Republicans are sure of is this: Jesus loves you. And he shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton. And foreigners.

Republican Training Video Part Seven - Improving Morale by KungChiFu 11-26-03

Republican National Committee Training Video continues: We Republicans have all the answers on military morale. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches. And then slash veterans' benefits, and combat pay. Freedom isn't free, y'all.

Republican Training Video Part Eight - Morality by KungChiFu 11-26-03

Republican National Committee Training Video continues: To be a Republican, you need to be able to understand strict moral standards of conduct. For example, group sex and drug use are degenerate sins. Unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican. Grope me any time, Arnie.

Republican Training Video Part Nine - Simple Answers by KungChiFu 11-26-03

Republican National Committee Training Video continues: We new Republicans understand that there are no hard problems that can't be handled with simple answers. For example, take sex education. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex. Seriously. Did YOU have sex as an adolescent? I mean really!

Republican Training Video Part Ten - World Leadership by KungChiFu 11-26-03

Republican National Committee Training Video continues: 21st century Republicans understand our role in the world. We're leaders and know how to act like leaders. We understand that a good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies. And then ask them for cooperation, money and troops. Pass the Freedom Fries, please.

---
Your mickey mouse kung fu is no match for my superior fighting style.

Republican Training Video Part Eleven - Health Care by KungChiFu 11-26-03

Republican National Committee Training Video continues: There's been a lot of loose talk about health care reform and things of this nature. But we Republicans know this is simply liberal bias. The problems are clearly overstated. HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart. Well, they DO.

Republican Training Video Part Twelve - Policy vs. Socialism by KungChiFu 11-26-03

Republican National Committee Training Video continues: Republicans must be flexible and understand the big picture. For example, providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism. Commie go home!

Republican Training Video Part Thirteen - Education by KungChiFu 11-26-03

Republican National Committee Training Video continues: Education is a very high priority for we Republicans. But it has to be the right education. For example, global warming and a link between tobacco and cancer are junk science. This is why we need creationism taught in public schools. I'm not descended from no monkey.

Republican Training Video Part Fourteen - Ethics by KungChiFu 11-26-03

Republican National Committee Training Video continues: Republicans know about ethics. It's easy to distinguish between right and wrong. A president having an extramaratial affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy. It's just logical, people.

Republican Training Video Part Fifteen - Limited Government by KungChiFu 11-26-03

Republican National Committee Training Video continues: Republicans believe fiercely in the concept of limited government. Therefore, government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution. And banning gay marriages. And censoring the Internet. What's right is right, right?

---
Your mickey mouse kung fu is no match for my superior fighting style.

Republican Training Video Part Sixteen - Privacy by KungChiFu 11-26-03

Republican National Committee Training Video continues: We new Republicans know about the rights of our people, and protecting people's rights. The public has a right to know about Hillary Clinton's cattle trades. It's a matter of vital national interest. George Bush's driving record is none of your damn business.

Republican Training Video Part Seventeen - State's Rights by KungChiFu 11-26-03

Republican National Committee Training Video continues: We new Republicans are huge supporters of state's rights. This means that Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to support. States have every right to agree with the Administration. Go along to get along, we always say.

Republican Training Video Part Eighteen - National Interest by KungChiFu 11-26-03

Republican National Committee Training Video continues: To be a 21st century Republican, you have to have your finger on the pulse of the people, and what they need to know. This means that what Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest. What George W. Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant. The '80s were a different time for all of us.

Republican Training Video Part Ninteen - Communists by KungChiFu 11-26-03

Republican National Committee Training Video continues: As ever, we Republicans hate Communism and oppose it to the death. This means trade with Cuba is wrong because Cuba is a communist country. Trade with China and Vietnam, however, is vital to the spirit of international harmony. They have good, cheap skilled labor, too.

Republican Training Video Part Twenty - Bush in 2004 by KungChiFu 11-26-03

Republican National Committee Training Video concludes: And there you have it, new Republicans. Follow the preceeding simple rules and become a member of the party that rules America, and the world. Isn't it nice to be a winner? Remember, friends don't let friends vote Democrat. Democrats should be reported immediately to the United States Department of Homeland Security. Thank you for your attention. Vote Bush in 2004! It's the first step toward the Thousand Year Reich!

---
Your mickey mouse kung fu is no match for my superior fighting style.

Excellent. You continue to be the best political stripper here.

Terrible...utterly utterly terrible

Awesome. Totally awesome.

---
Think classy, you'll be classy.

haha, i love it...

Meh. I prefer an even-handed approach to the idiots in our country. Both parties are full of morons, so it only seems right to me that they get equal treatment.

Now if we could only get both republicans and democrats away from the political arena. Then maybe we'd get some politicians who actually do things for the country, rather than their own political bent.

---
Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

Can we subcontract running the US to Canadians? You know, outsource?

---
"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

Ditto. The only thing I find more annoying than partisan political humor is the phrase "You go, girl."

---
I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

Ditto. The only thing I find more annoying than partisan political humor is the phrase "You go, girl."

And transvestite hookers with good lawyers, right?

---
"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

Ditto. The only thing I find more annoying than partisan political humor is the phrase "You go, girl."

And transvestite hookers with good lawyers, right?

How was I to know you had prepaid legal?

---
I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

Ditto. The only thing I find more annoying than partisan political humor is the phrase "You go, girl."

And transvestite hookers with good lawyers, right?

How was I to know you had prepaid legal?

I thought everyone knew that.

---
Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.