(ha ha ha ch ch ch... ha ha ha ch ch ch...)

Have you broken any of the rules of horror films lately? Said, "I'll be right back?" Lost one's Virginia tee? Tripped while running through a forest on a dark stormy night being closely followed by a man in a Gump Worsley-replica goalie mask holding a hammer and sickle and screaming about lions in his underpants? What!?! It could happen!

Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to come up with the:

World's Worst Thing To Say To A Serial Killer.

Much like my contest-running predecessors, I prefer awful one-liners. Judging will be next Monday... Monday the 26th!!! Hey, it's twice thirteen... must be twice as scary... right?

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I has a flavor!

WW 13 -- Various Final Moments of Heather's Life by biped 4-20-04

What's with the mask? You're way too big, fat, and stupid-looking to be a real hockey player. Tommy? Is that you? Where's my Diet Fanta? Whoever that is, come on in! The door's open and I'm all by myself!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

WW 13 -- Please Don't Tease The Serial Killers by biped 4-20-04

Get out of the house, Michael. My boyfriend's coming over for some sex, and we both hate you. You know, Leatherface, I love barbecue so much, sometimes I wish that I WAS barbecue. Friday the 13th! What a great day for a sexually-active, mongoloid-hating camp counsellor to be alive! Yippee!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

World's Worst Thing To Say To A Serial Killer by boinky33 4-20-04

1 Chopping Block sucks! 2 Cut it out! Okay. 3 Kill me.

WW13: Serialz by maddog00 4-20-04

1 So, I'm number 7. Not bad. 2 You keep this up, you'll break a record! 3 So, is the rape before or after you're done?

WW13: Cereal Killer by maddog00 4-20-04

4 So, what's the knife for? 5 You have the most wonderful beady eyes I've ever seen. 6 Hey, you're famous. Can I get your autograph?

These will be my last words by EvilZak 4-20-04

Someone kick Jason, he's a wallhacker and a camper!

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AFROMANS MOVE

WW 13: Serial Killer Stuff by AtheistDiary 4-20-04

#1 HA! HA! Axes are SO not metrosexual! #2 Sorry to wake you so early. I'm from the Church of Religious Consciousness. Would you care to make a donation? #3 WELL FUCK ME FREDDY!

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"AthiestDiary, you rock." - MikeyG (I'm LOVED! HOORAH!)

Worlds Worst 13: An Endless Array of Hannibal References by possums 4-20-04

What was that? Did you say something about fava beans? Why yes, I am a size 14, why do you ask? Nice hockey mask, bozo!

WW#13: Thievery, Mockage and the such by Halcyon 4-20-04

Ah fuck!-! My cunting ankle!

worlds worst thing to say to a serial killer by xxausrottenxx 4-20-04

sucks for you, i dont even eat cereal

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xx( o Y o. )xx

WW #13: Meet my friend Raymond...He likes knives... by NooniePuuBunny 4-20-04

1. Sooo...your cousin was Ted Bundy? 2. Soo...Is that a knife in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? 3. So...You say girls with shoulder-length brown hair are your type, eh? How about a nice long walk in a secluded area, big boy?

WW #13: Meet my friend Raymond...He likes knives (2) by NooniePuuBunny 4-20-04

4. Hmmm...deranged psychopath just escaped from Greenvalley Assylum... considered to be dangerous... say... Isn't Greenvalley 2 miles from here? 5. What do you mean "Don't open that door!" ?! Whats the worst that could happen?  :)  6. Guess what?! Bullets outweigh knives, pal!

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I will rate you hard, and unendingly.

Worst Things to Say to a Serial Killer Dude by shark_energy 4-21-04

1. I'm all out of Father Beans but will Baby Sweetcorn suffice? 2. My Arthur used to say, "Don't let the Gas Man into the house unless he has Identification". But what did he know, right? 3. Candyman, Candyman, Candyman....haha! See silly? I told you it was baloney.

WW13: Last words from the soon to be departed... by alienpantsyndrome 4-21-04

1 What did you say was for dinner again, Mr. Dahmer? 2 I ever tell you about that guy we ran over last summer? Man, we TOTALLY got away with that shit! 3 WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?!?! Man, I LOVE that fucking song!

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Smile and the world smiles with you, cry and I'll just laugh at you.

Worst Things To Say to a Serial Killer by MikeyG 4-20-04

1 Yup, I called you a pussy. Whuchoo gonna do about it? 2 I bet you can't kill me! 3 I think I'll just skinny dip all by myself in the cold, dark woods in the middle of the night.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

WW 13 by kaufman 4-21-04

Good news, Mr. Kasczynski, the Postal Service has approved a rate cut when you bulk-mail packages. Hey Charlie, I just picked up the new Beatles album. Wanna come over, get stoned, and give it a listen? Hello, sir. Do you have a moment to talk about Jesus?

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

WW XIII: The Strippening by jes_lawson 4-21-04

The original Hey, you know that Kool-Aid you were keeping in the garage? I had a glass of it but it tasted terrible so I threw it all out. Hope you don't mind... The sequel Rehabilitated? Aw, pity! I bet you could hide a body in the dumpster behind this bar REAL easy! Part III 6? Ha ha! I stiffed 7 hookers last summer alone! Bet ya can't top THAT!

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

WW Thing To Say To A Serial Killer. by KamikazeBob 4-22-04

I finally had sex with my girlfriend! Didn't I see you in a cheap horror movie? Do you have some spare change?

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Win video games along with systems and accessories just by signing up! http://readysetgamer.com/register.asp?6144=92071

WW thing to say to a serial killer-2 by xxausrottenxx 4-22-04

1 come back when the misfits write a song about you 2 serial killers are so 1990, go download some illegal mp3s, ya shmuck 3 well...this is embarassing

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xx( o Y o. )xx

Fuck WW13 by nonphixional 4-23-04

Am I on Scare Tactics?

WW #13- Political Killers by InnerSinner 4-23-04

Ms. Bobbit, I am so not afraid of you. You deserved it Martha. That outfit doesn't prove that you served!

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You're the right kind of sinner, to release my inner fantasy.

As Living Colour warned us 14 years ago, "Time's Up."

Three cheers, everybody. Great submissions this time. But the entry that made me laugh the most was our beloved punmeister kaufman. Next one is all yours, my friend.

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I has a flavor!

I should have won!

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

okay, there seriously needs to be a hiatus on Kaufman winning things. He's really won way too many things recently. I have immense respect for the guy, but I really think it's getting to be a bit much.

I'll make you a deal, possums. If you don't win WW 14, neither will I.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

HA HA HA HA HA! Actually, possums, i think it's about goddamn time kaufman won some shit. These are the first contests he's won in at least six months, so let him get his. Seriously.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.