Ever see pointless warning's on objects that look like they were wrote by idiot's for idiot's?

They was an article in the paper about them and i found amusing so i thought i'd post them here! :D

*Disclaimer: Below content is taken from The Irish Daily Mirror, I do not take any credit*

[u]Cautionary Tales[/u]

Do not eat toner-On a laser printer catridge

Caution: Knives are sharp-On a knife sharpener

Shin guards cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover-on shin pads for cyclists

Caution: hot beverages are hot-on a takeaway coffee cup

Do not use for drying pets-On a microwave oven

Caution:Remove infant before storing chair-on a pushchair

Do not open here-on the bottom of a cola bottle

This broom does not actually fly-on a Harry Potter wizard's broom

Do not take if allergic to aspirin-on a box of Aspirin

Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat-on a muffin packet

The appliance is switched on setting the on/off switch to the "on" position-on a kettle

Instructions: Put on food-on a ketchup bottle

Open bottle before drinking-on a bottle of rum

[u] Out and About[/u]

Don't take a chance on ruining your vacation-come to us and be sure-travel office in Nova Scotia

Entrance only. Do not enter.-car park sign

Beware of people-sign in Hong Kong

Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be persecuted.-at railway station in the USA

Take care: New non-slip surface-Sign on newly-renovated ramp entrance, USA

[u]Pointless Warnings[/u]

For use by trained personnel only-on a can of air freshener

Keep away from children-on a bottle of baby lotion

Do not wash-on a pair of socks bought in Egypt

Some assembly required-on a 500-piece jigsaw pussle box

May irritate eyes-on a can of pepper spray used for self defence

Warning: May contain small parts-on a frisbee

In order to get out of car, open door, get out, lock doors, and then close doors-car handbook

Warning: This product may contain residue of nuts-on a packet of cashew nut pieces

Replacing battery: Replace the battery with a new one-directions for mosquito repellant

Not suitable for children ages 36 months or less-on a birthday card for a one-year-old

Warning: do not blow dry in sleep-on a hairdryer

[u]You did WHAT with it?[/u]

Do not use orally-on a toilet cleaning brush

Do not spray in your face-on a spray paint can

Not dishwasher safe.-on a TV remote

Not to be used for drying hair-on a blowtorch

NO small children-on washing machine in a launderette

Do not use as an ice-cream topping-on a bottle of hair dye

Do not attempt to swallow-on a mattress

Not to be used as a hedgetrimmer-on a push-along lawnmower

Do not put in mouth-on a box of fireworks

Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants-on the packaging for a wristwatch

Do not allow children to play in the dishwasher-on a dishwasher

[u]Preposterous Proclamations[/u]

Why not rent out a movie for a dull evening?-sign in a video shop

STOP! This is the last rung-sign on a ladder

Please call us! We will provide you with any emergency-advertisment for a babysitting service in Japan

Do not use the diving board when the swimming pool is empty-sign in pool in Sri Lanka

DANGER! if you fall in the pond you will be boiled-at a hot spring in Japan

For restrooms, go back towards your behind-sign at Japanese airport

If you cannot find what you are looking for on our menu, please ask our waitress what you would like-sign at an Ebglish hotel

"Eat you fingers off"-"Finger lickin' good", when first translated into chinese

LADIES! Have a fit upstairs-sign in a tailors shop in Hong Kong

LADIES are requested not to have children at the bar-sign in a cocktail lounge, Norway.

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Poo perhaps?

maybe kids were jumping off buildings thinking they could fly with it...?

FLUFFY NO! :/

quote:

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maybe kids were jumping off buildings thinking they could fly with it...?

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I had a Superman costume when I was six and it had a disclaimer printed on the cape. Something like "this costume won't make you fly. Only Superman can fly." Of course, that was written way before Richard Simmons got famous.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

How would you fit the huge damn thing in your mouth in the first place?!

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I will rate you hard, and unendingly.

the handle...?

I know where I can fit the handle.

But the warning is for the mouth.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

quote:

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Do not attempt to swallow-on a mattress

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I liked this one!

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Poo perhaps?

not inside your anus i hope

Goodness no!

Boinky! Get that toilet brush handle out of your nose!!!

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I will rate you hard, and unendingly.

posting in this thread causes cancer

So does licking a forest sprite's colon, but no one seems to care.

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I will rate you hard, and unendingly.

Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants-on the packaging for a wristwatch

Okay, I would pay to see that one.

Is that a new FDA thing? I've been licking the colons of all sorts of environmental sprites for years and the worst thing I ever caught was a bad case of bark-rot.

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The giant three-phallused phallus of Uzbekistan will one day squirt the cosmic jizz of revenge all over Canada.

Is that a new FDA thing? I've been licking the colons of all sorts of environmental sprites for years and the worst thing I ever caught was a bad case of bark-rot.

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Damn lab rat tests. Those tests say that everything produces cancer, cept cheese, which only causes constipation.

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I will rate you hard, and unendingly.

Constipation causes cancer, though.

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Blue is the color of victory.

On an X-Ray Machine: Warning - May cause health problems.

No, not really, but one can dream.

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

hey james... :o

i saw this on a meal at a truck stop, wherein the box contained a chemical packet that, when crushed, turned the box into a psudeo oven, cooking the meal:

do not eat oven.