The esteemed founder of the annual Jet Comic Competition has recently brought it to my attention that, as winner of the previous JCC, I have yet to host the next installment, since I foolishly assumed that as an "annual" contest it was meant to be held only once a year. But having since been advised that the word "annual" appears in the title simply to make it sound fancier, I now humbly offer to you -- my fellow stripcreators -- the magic, mystery, and childlike wonderment that is The Third Annual Jet Comic Competition.

As always, the rules are simple, yet essential:

1. Submit any comic you want. There are no rules at all.

I hope you all find the prospect of this new installment of the JCC as utterly goosebump-inducing as I do. And now -- let the magic begin.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Submit any comic you want, eh? I submit these:

Cowboy physics by max 1-06-01

One day at the ranch... So I says, "Well, them rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons by themselves!" Ha, ha! What the fuck are you talking about?

CC 57: You've got cancer! by wirthling 8-27-01

Welcome! ??? You've got mail! What the hell?! I don't remember signing up for AOL! You don't have AOL. You have a malignant brain tumor that is causing you to hallucinate that your PC is talking to you. Whew! That would have sucked if I had AOL!

The wheels on the bus go round and round... by ObiJo 2-08-01

You sure are looking yummy lately. So are you. Hey, look. I think we're both thinking the same thing, but we're each too afraid to say it. So let's count to three and both say it at the same time, okay? 1...2...3... Let's make love. Let's dress up as sheep, roll around in bacon grease, and cattle prod each other while yelling, "Bad little sheepy." Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Now it all makes sense! by fuzzyman 10-18-01

You know, when you used that anti-gravity generator to walk across the water, that was great! Uh... thanks, but... And when you used the portable replicator to produce those loaves and fishes... that was brilliant! Yes, I know, but... Congratulations, Commander Riker! You've restored the timeline! Dammit, Geordi, get me down from here!

I risked insanity for this by Braze 5-02-01

Oh Spawn of Cthulhu! I have summoned you from your sleep within the ocean depths, such that you may serve my purposes! I have but one insanity-birthing request.... can you RAISE THE CITY OF UR?  NO  Oh. Well then... great Spawn of Cthulhu... can you... GRANT ME IMMORTALITY?? ALSO NO ...........so what the fuck can you do, anyways? I MAKE A DELECTABLE MINESTRONE SOUP

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AFROMANS MOVE

FINNIGAN by possums 6-25-04

HELLO FINNIGAN HELLO GONDOLA DO YOU LIKE CHESS FUCK YOU MAN

Oh man. I'm the best. Why did I only do three of these?

Best Cut of Beef This Side of Town by NooniePuuBunny 5-02-04

This is possibly the best beef stew I've ever had! I'm glad you liked it so much, Sir! Do you know what cut the chef used? At Alfanso's, you can be sure that it is the best quality available. Meanwhile.... So, do you remember where you were exactly when you accidentally chopped up your penis?

A Crossection of Menstrual Irritability by NooniePuuBunny 5-30-04

The reason that women are so evil during their period is a combination of several factors... Cramps from muscle spasms around the uterus increases the sensitivity of a woman to emotional stresses... ...AND the fact that you can't exactly mastrubate when your crotch is gushing out a gooey blood mixture.

OMG!!! I MAED DIS COMIX ALL BYE MYSELF FOR BCC 1!!!!11 by NooniePuuBunny 5-24-04

I'''M GNNA HIT J00 WIT MY B8IG STICK!!!11 NUH UH! i AM GONNA SHOVE THIS AIRPLANE UP J00R SMELLY CHICKEN A$$! YAH! SHOVE THE AIRPLANE UP HIS ASS!!!!11 TURN IT SIDEWAYS, UNKLE TOOTHGNIP!112!! OMG! J00 SHOVED THE PLANE UP MY A$$!!!11 NOW WERE ARE WE GOING 2 STAND NOW?! FUCK!

OMG!!! Bad K0mik maed 4 nuhmber 399!!! by NooniePuuBunny 5-26-04

Hello! I am HITLER'S ASS! ...and I am a sorrowful stick man thing with a box for a body! People feed HITLER stuff to eat, and I SHIT OUT everything! I feel like shit! Of course you do! You came out of ME! GOD! PUT AN END TO MY LIFE NOW!!!

Based on a true story, except the parts I made up. by NooniePuuBunny 6-15-04

That onion looks like its stoned! I was going for a bored garlic, but that'll do. It looks like a stoned onion. Well, if you smelled like onion all the time, how do you think you would you look? Probably stoned.

I also enter this:

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I will rate you hard, and unendingly.

This contest is going very well so far! I think I'll enter it, too!

Sailing, Sailing by biped 7-04-04

Sailing! Sailing! Over the bounding main! ARR!!! Stop singing that song! Sailing! Sailing! Over the bounding main! I said stop singing that blasted song, ye scurvy landlubber! Sailing! Sailing! Over the bounding main! Sailing! Sailing! Over the bounding main! Sailing! Sailing! Over the bounding main! SHUT UP!!!!!!!!! SHUT UP!!!!!!!!! SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!

Roll Call by biped 7-04-04

Lizardsuit! Wigudonkey! Lizardsuit! Granny! Lizardsuit! STOP DOING THAT!

My Tribute to "Farm Film Celebrity Blow Up." by biped 6-30-04

Welcome to Farm Film Celebrity Blow Up! I'm Big Jim McBob... ...and I'm Billy Sol Hurok! And today's special celebrity guest is -- actor Billy Zane! Hi, guys! It's really great to be here on your -- YEEE-HAAA!!! He blowed up GOOD!!! Blowed up REAL good!!!

FTC 39: Template by biped 7-03-04

HA HA! Lookit the horse face on that ugly fucking old skanky fag-hag! *GASP* NOBODY talks to Zelda, Queen of the Gypsies like that! NOBODY! Boy, are you in for it! She'll probably put a curse on you or something! Ahh, BALONEY! What could possibly happen?

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Submitting things is fun! And fun is good!

Kack! #8 by Kr0n1c 6-28-04

Due to heavy campaining this time of the month Bush was not able to receive Dick at this weeks convention. Huh? Tho disapointed Dick was pleased to be received openly by Colon in Bushes place. Bush, Dick, Colin...*horny*... I dont know if this is The Republican National Convention or a porno buuuut... either way im wacking off. One minute later... Rice came to the rescue of Colin and Dick when The Bush Administrations handling of Iraq came under fire by the Democrats. Rice, Dick, Colin...*hungry*...I dont know if this is CNN or The Food Network buuuut... either way im wacking off.

Kack! #9 by Kr0n1c 6-28-04

Welcome to Slarby's. What can I do you for. Yes hello my infedil friend. I would like for me please 1 pork Slarby-Q with extra pork and American cheez. Also an order of freedom fries. Ok so... Wait a minute! Your that Bin Laden guy! Im not serving you shit. Besides your muslim your not supose to eat pork. Im not supose to fuck goats either but do you see that stoping me? HA HA! Holy flying shit! Thats funny! Well from one goat fucker to another I salute you! Let me go get your food... he he he...goats. Ha! My superior turban protected brain has out smarted you my stupid Crusader friend. I dont fuck goats I fuck Camels! Score one for the jihad!

Kack #12 Selective Memory by Kr0n1c 6-29-04

Hey man remember that time back in 68 when we dropped all that fucking acid man? *Hendrix Blaring In The Background* oH MY gOD IM TRIPPING. oH MY gOD iM TRIPPING. Oh My goD iM TRippiNG. I can hear my heart man. I CAN HEAR MY FUCKING HEART!!! I can feel the colors. Um... yeaaaah... good times... except for the fact that Im only 18 and I've never met you before. But other than that good times. Yeah man good times man. Good FUCKING times.

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Get Your War On

Attention Deficit Dave (2) by smamurai 6-04-04

So Dave what did you think of Miss Summers talk today? I found it very telling. You did? Very telling. In what way was it telling Dave? Yes, it was very telling indeed.

Weyhey!

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GOVT. Warning: Do not smoke around children they will badger you for fags.

What the F????? by NooniePuuBunny 7-14-04

OMG!!!111 J00 R SMELY LIEK PHISH!!!!111 OH YEA?!!!111 WHELL J00 SMEL LIEK TEH SHT TAHT KOMZ OUTTA TEH A$$ OF TEH PIG!! WIAT! WE SHOODENT BEE PHITING!!! I LUV J000! OMG!!!!11 TOOTHGNIP! TAEK MEH NOW!!! 5 minutes later... Is it just me, or does that sound like a goat and a chicken having butt sex?

I declare myself winner. Give me my prize.

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I will rate you hard, and unendingly.

Dustin Diamond by qwertyuio 4-03-04

Dustin Diamond performs his standup routine. Hi I'm Dustin Diamond, and yes I played Screech. Because of typecasting and my jackass parents screwing me over, I'm forced to do this shit for money. I wish I was dead.

Dustin Diamond again by qwertyuio 4-03-04

Dustin continues his hilarious routine. As I've said before, I'll do anything for money. I'll do any tv show, movie, wrestling card, birthday party, whatever. Hell for $50, you can fuck me right up the ass.

Dustin Diamond once more by qwertyuio 4-03-04

Dustin reunites with the guy who played Belding. Dennis Haskins?! Hello Dustin. I've been watching your show, and I've decided to take you up on your anal sex offer. Wow I'm stunned. I've wanted to make sweet love to you ever since the ms. Bliss days. You know I was just joking, right? And I'd also like to shit on your chest.

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I think it's time I had a talk with my kids. I'll just tell 'em what my daddy told me: YOU AIN'T NEVER GONNA AMOUNT TO NOTHIN'

So do I win yet?

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I think it's time I had a talk with my kids. I'll just tell 'em what my daddy told me: YOU AIN'T NEVER GONNA AMOUNT TO NOTHIN'

Oh, right -- I forgot that I was supposed to judge this thing eventually. I'll do it tomorrow or the next day.

Get those last-minute entries in, everybody!

Also, the current BTC needs your support. Enter today!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

JCC 3- R L Frankenstein!! by xxausrottenxx 7-18-04

i think goosebumps was scary.

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xx( o Y o. )xx

And now, suddenly, it's time to announce the winner.

EvilZak had the interesting idea of submitting comics by other people, which was a good idea. Unfortunately, I didn't think any of them were funny except for the "The wheels on the bus go round and round..." one, which was kind of funny. No, I never really thought "Cowboy Physics" was all that funny. But for submitting other people's comics instead of his own, one of which I thought was kind of funny, Evil Zak receives the "Java Disabled (By Voodoo)" award and fourth place.

NooniePuuBunny entered some amusing comics. I especially enjoyed the "Hitler's Ass" reference; however, she lost points by submitting the menstrual comic that makes me sick. So she gets third place, thus receiving the "Monstrous Man-Dog Hybrids" award.

For some reason, I liked the series of comics that Kr0n1c submitted, and that was enough to garner him second place and the coveted "Queen of the Amazon Kitty Cat Women" award.

Honorable mention, and the chance to spend a sexy, romantic evening all alone with me, goes to me for the comics that I submitted, which I loved because I love all of my comics. I would've given myself first place, but I don't want to be known as the first host of this competition to actually give himself first place even though he so richly deserves it more than anyone else.

And the winner of the Third Annual Jet Comic Competition, who will receive the official "'Big Daddy' Ed Roth Memorial Rat Fink" award":

and the honor of hosting the Fourth Annual Jet Comic Competition at some unspecified time in the future...for the amusing "Dustin Diamond" series...is qwertyuio.

Everyone else did a great job, thanks for entering, blah blah blah. And that's all I have to say about that.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Bout fucking time!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111111

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I think it's time I had a talk with my kids. I'll just tell 'em what my daddy told me: YOU AIN'T NEVER GONNA AMOUNT TO NOTHIN'

Would it be against the laws of nature if I made out with the Amazon Kitty Queen? Just asking. Im not realy gonna you know. I mean maybe if I was drunk and she asked nice I would. Not cause Im a perv but cause saying no might damage foreign relations with her country and mine.

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Get Your War On

Yes, of course. In the Jet Comic Competition, you are allowed to make out with the awards.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Yes! Score!

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Get Your War On