I was recently looking at an article in a parenting magazine on the ten worst things to say to your kids. I think it included things like "don't cry" and "you'll be sorry when Daddy comes home." So here's what the theme will be for this contest.

World's Worst Things to Say to Your Kids.

I'll judge the contest the next time there is a full moon.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

WW30: Daddy's a stripper by quodlibet 11-18-04

Mom, what's Daddy doing? Uh...your Daddy's...um...stripping at the computer right now. Mom, what does a stripper do? He, um...he makes comics! Yeah, he makes comics. What kind of comics, Mom? Can I see them? Are they funny? Uh...no, dear, they're um...comics for adult people. You wouldn't, er, understand them.

WW30: It's so hard to let go by quodlibet 11-18-04

Well, son, I know you're dependent upon us for food, shelter, and work, but we have to turn you out of our house. But Dad! I thought you loved me in spite of my physical disabilities and un-Amish geekhood. You're a useless cripple, son. You can't raise a barn, much less an erection. You're useless. You're damned to hell. Have you no godly piety? No charity in your heart? We're living in the 16th century, not the 21st. We still burn witches and expose our newborns on the hills to die. Get real. As a matter of fact, get out of here. *sniff*

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If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.

WW 30: Where do babies come from? by fzh 11-18-04

I fucked your mom! No shit, Sherlock, you're my dad. Shut your god-damned trap you little cunt.

World's Worst (30) Things to Say to Your Kids by dcomposed 11-18-04

Hi son.

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Batman created by Bob Kane

This is gonna win "worst comic award"

WW 30: I Think My Dad's Gone Crazy by BigFrank105 11-18-04

Dad, how was I born? You weren't born, you were the biproduct of a radioactive experiment gone awry. Your mother and I found your deformed body one day behind a dumpster and raised you as our own. You're a fucking asshole.  :(

WW 30: Big Evil Dad by BigFrank105 11-18-04

Daddy, am I a pretty girl? No.

WW30: And on the 27364657th day, God was bored by quodlibet 11-18-04

You wanted me to do something, Dad? Yeah, son. Go down to Earth and pop yourself out of a nice virgin. Do a couple of parlour tricks, you know, cure the lepers, do that trick with the loaves and fishes, harp on peace and so on and piss off the Romans a little bit. Confuse them with mumbo-jumbo and get yourself nailed to a cross, where you can die a horrible death of dehydration and exposure. Any particular reason for all this work, Dad? Does it matter? I'm your Dad, I made you out of nothing. I'll do whatever I want with you.

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If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.

258020[/comic]]

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The only way to discover the limits of possible is to go beyond them into the impossible. Arthur C. Clarke

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Dinosaurs had eggs bro, the chicken came way later.

Oh, if in the extremely unlikely event that I win this contest, please let second place make the next one since I'm hardly around anymore.

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Dinosaurs had eggs bro, the chicken came way later.

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Dinosaurs had eggs bro, the chicken came way later.

fzh is gonna win this... i still can't stop laughing - that comic is hilarious

The moon is waxing. It will be full in a few days. Get your entries in before you grow hair and fangs and terrorize your neighborhood. Thanks to the comics being turned off, I haven't read any of them yet. I will read them all for the first time when I judge this contest.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

WW 30 - World's Worst Things to Say to Your Kids by niteowl 11-26-04

Why didn't you just stab that kid in the heart when he stole your lunch money? Forget the pockets. You gotta pull that string of handkerchiefs out your ass to really get a laugh at a kids' birthday party. But Dad...it chafes! For our next vacation, we're going camping out in the middle of nowhere. No TV, radio, internet, or heat for a full 2 weeks.

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

Hope I'm not too late.

WW #30: (A true story of) worst things to say to your kids. by SpideyChris 11-26-04

Where did you get this book!? What were you doing in the bathroom!? It's a good thing I came in to clean! I... Uh... Ummmmm... Uhhhhh... I'll tell you right now. Sex is NOT FUN! Sex is PAINFUL! Sex HURTS! .....

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Use your weapons, they are designed to inflict damage!

I'll be judging the contest tonight, either between 7:00 and 8:00 or after 9:00, EST. Get in your last minute entries before then.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

last situation in that one is so true it hurts. its also a very funny comic overall.

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Okay, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over - an analyst and a therapist. The world's first analrapist.

The second place winner is niteowl, and the first place winner is SpideyChris. The winning strip didn't just have a parent say something; it set up a situation that made it funnier than it would have been without it. So it's now up to SpideyChris to run World's Worst #31.

In making his prediction about the winner, BigFrank105 neglected two important facts. One is that his laughter was might not correlate with my own. The other is that not all entries were in yet. Also, he was wrong in his prediction that his comic would win the "worst comic award." It was more amusing than some. I will award the "worst comic award" to dcomposed for his lame "Hi son" strip. I can't imagine what would make that one funny unless one had a very bad relationship with one's parents or children. Well, maybe it would bad news if the head of S.P.E.C.T.R.E. turned out to be someone's father. And if the father is just supposed to be kaufman, I don't know enough about him to consider the revelation that he is someone's father especially bad news. Even so, a gag like that would need more context than just using the kaufman image.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

I thought fzh's strip was good too. This is actually one of the more amusing competitions I've seen of late.

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"If you can't keep it in your pants, keep it in your family"

Well, I'm glad BigFrank105 and thochao liked my comic. I wasn't actually expecting to win, so I'm happy I got the recognition I did.

I won something? I won? Really? Me? Bwahahaha! I am totally giving my reflection a current thumbs up and a "You the man now, dawg!"

Hrm. Lemme check the other threads to figure out what the hell to do for this dubious honour and stuff.

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Use your weapons, they are designed to inflict damage!

yes.

and i thought ww comics were meant to only be one panel.

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Batman created by Bob Kane