Comics Topics!

I debated this back and forth in my head. I’ve had so many interesting to outright retarded ideas for the contest but eventually I decided to narrow it down the following topics:

---- You may be asking yourself, “Why does 80MF have this ‘obsession’ with black people?” I’ll tell you why! *rainbow effects* Its Black History Month! Plus, I have “Sociology of Contemporary Minority Relations” this quarter, so… I have African Americans on my mind a lot. (though, usually they’re usually naked, whipping me and calling me ‘dirty honky’).

Anyway, just write a comic about African Americans themselves, African American culture, music, TV, history… anything related to black people. If you’re some kind of blatant racist and you want create something derogatory, go right ahead. Just don’t expect any points from me.

---- February also got another nice thing about it. President’s Day! Fabricate a comic about this day or presidents in general. As an added bonus, presidents from 1992-2005 cannot be used.

---- February is also the month of love. Well, Valentine’s Day anyway. Before V-Day you’re feeling like a dork for not having a girlfriend and after V-Day you’re glad you didn’t have anyone to waste money on. …But yeah. Write about V-Day or love in general. Ain’t it something grand?

---- Just to mix it up, here’s something that has NOTHING to do with February! Strip Creators. Let’s be honest, we rock out loud. Why NOT give kudos to ourselves and our friends? Write about any ACTIVE strip creators! Blatantly derogatory comments will still be accept, but won't get you any points

Let’s recap! Blacks, Love, Strip Creators, Presidents… Those are the four topics you can choose from or combined together into one comic or use in a series. Now, let’s move onto just a few more additional tidbits I want to cover.

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This CC is judged on a qualitative and quantitative basis. This means that you need to create a lot of comics! However, if someone has three comics that are funnier than all 5,062 of your comics… Your chances of winner are low.

You’ll also get additional kudos if you can…
- combine all four topics into one strip or strip series
- somehow involve sociology
- somehow involve communism and/or captialism
- Create the Secret Strip! (Doesn’t have to be right on.)

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Dos and Don’ts

DON’T use any Photoshop’d comics.
DON’T use comics made before Feb 10, 2005.
DO be funny
DO create as many as you feel like.
DON’T use clichés, like Tobor
DO feel welcome to create a series of strips
DO feel welcome to combine all four topics into one strip or strip series.
DON’T squeeze the Charmin

Comics will be judge on February 17, 2005 at approx. 8:00am. This is subject to change, depending on the weather. The comics will be judged by me and a super secret ‘celebrity’ guest judge. Have fun with it!

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Shame on Us for All We Have Done. May God Have Mercy on Our Dirty Little Hearts.

CC275 by dcomposed 2-10-05

Do you have black people in Australia? Yes. We didn't have to import ours.

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Batman created by Bob Kane

CC275 by dcomposed 2-10-05

How did it occur that the gentleman acquired an article of cutlery to his forehead? It was due to the fact that the aforementioned gentleman was of African descent. Jolly good.

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Batman created by Bob Kane

275 by Denyer 2-10-05

This guy I was dating doesn't seem to understand that I am done with him. Did you tell him? I think blocking him on MSN was enough.

CC 275: 4-in-1 by kaufman 2-10-05

So what is it about powerful white folks having affairs with African-Americans? You mean like Thomas Jefferson and Sally Hemings? Yeah, or Strom Thurmond and Carrie Butler. Or Barbara Walters and ... Oooooh, boowite, it's twue, it's twue!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC275: Mega movie blockbusters. by JESUSSANDWICH 2-10-05

I loved that action movie that came out this year. I think it was called "Grover Cleveland: BACK WITH A VENGENANCE" Oh Grover, I need you. I will definitely stimulate your economy.

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possible savior probable SEX MACHINE

CC 275: I'm Too Lazy To Make Up A Title. by Friendy 2-10-05

George Bush is a 41st president of the United States, Ronald Reagan is the 40th , Jimmy Carter is the 39th, Gerald Ford is the 38th, Richard Nixon is the 37th, Lyndon Johnson is the 36th... Communism sucks, Capitalism rules, or maybe it’s vice versa, I don’t know, I wish I slept less at History, I’ll ask my roommate anyway, he’s a sociologist, he should know. I love my girlfriend, must give her something on Valentine's day, don’t know what, I’ll ask my roommate, he is a sociologist, he should know. Jim, what’s the hell the matter with you? Why you keep saying that incoherent nonsense as if it’s a mantra or something. You see, there’s that nasty strip creator named Friendy, who wants to participate in CC275 but can’t come up with anything decent. But why have you painted yourself black?

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Disclaimer: Sorry if some of my comics are offensive to somebody. They are created in a light-hearted mood and aren’t intended to hurt anyone.

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Destroying my reputation one post at a time.

CC 275: The class struggle between pimps and hos by fpd 2-10-05

Yo Yolanda, the johns I'm sending your way are complaining that you're not putting out. Wha's up? I've been reading Marx, and I got to thinking that prostitution is alienated labor. I don't care if you've been reading Groucho, Harpo, or Zeppo Marx. You're my ho, and you'll do as I tell you. That's just it. A human being is not a commodity. This is what is wrong with capitalism, the way it reifies people into objects to be bought and sold. I ain't no egghead sociologist. What does all this mumbo jumbo mean? It means your time is up, bourgeoisie, because I have attained the class consciousness to know we are in a class struggle with each other. It is time for the dictatorship of the proletariat.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

CC 275: Am I the first? by Friendy 2-11-05

Am I the first black communist sociologist comic strip creator running for presidency you are dating with?

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Disclaimer: Sorry if some of my comics are offensive to somebody. They are created in a light-hearted mood and aren’t intended to hurt anyone.

Do they have to be American black people or can I make a comic about Bob Marley?

Go for it. Even if Bob Marley is not American, you have to admit he has had a large impact on Pop Culture.

Friendly, here's a word of advice: The don't have to combine all the topics. While it's cool that you can, it's not an outright requirement. You can just simply pick one of the for topics and write about it that way.

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Shame on Us for All We Have Done. May God Have Mercy on Our Dirty Little Hearts.

Thank you, 80_Million__Fleas, :), I knew that, I just love combining. :)

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Disclaimer: Sorry if some of my comics are offensive to somebody. They are created in a light-hearted mood and aren’t intended to hurt anyone.

CC 275: The Surrogate (1) by kaufman 2-11-05

Michael, if you really loved me, you'd kill the president and take his place. I couldn't do that. Soon as I did it, they'd notice there was a black man in the White house. This isn't 1948. It's not like thet have a White House and a Colored House any more. If you really loved me, you would find a way. 1948? Hey, wait a minute. I'll prove my love for you, Juanita. Just you wait and see!

CC 275: The Surrogate (2) by kaufman 2-11-05

So I need to borrow your time machine to go back to 1851 and kill the president and take his place in order to prove my love for Juanita. Don't you think they'll notice a black man in the White House? Not at all. We're talking 1851. All the comics were in black and white. Nobody will be able to tell the difference. Oh, all right, go ahead. The keys to the time machine are under the welcome mat. 154 years earlier ... It worked. I'm back in 1851 and I look the same as the white people. maaaaaaaa.

CC 275: The Surrogate (3) by kaufman 2-11-05

President Fillmore? Yes? I just pulled your brain out of your head. Aaaaaaackkk. There you are, Mr. President. You're needed in the East Room. And how'd this dead body get in here? I'll have someone remove it.

CC 275: The Surrogate (4) by kaufman 2-11-05

First, I believe that this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of drawing a color comic. No other project in this period will be more impressive to mankind. Mr. President, Mr. President! How do you expect us to develop that kind of technology within nine years? I have faith in the ingenuity of the American populace. Look, there's this 4-year-old kid out in Ohio, name of Edison. Why don't you telegraph him and get him on the case?

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 275: The Surrogate (5) by kaufman 2-11-05

So you didn't say which president, so I went back in time and killed Fillmore and took his place, and now you know I love you, right? The president looks white in those pictures from 1852. You're going to have to do better than that. How ya doin', Doc. I need the time machine again. Back in 1865 ... Sorry to do this, Abe, but to prove to my girl that I love her, I have to kill you and take your place. All for true love? Can't find a better reason than that, I suppose. Very well, you'll find me at the theater tonight.

CC 275: The Surrogate (6) by kaufman 2-11-05

Somebody shot the president! Oh my god! Lincoln's dead? But then who's the new president? I don't know, but he's got a true johnson! Did she say Andrew Johnson? Three cheers for President Johnson!

CC 275: The Surrogate (7) by kaufman 2-11-05

So I shot Lincoln and took his place as the man you know as President Johnson. So now, do you know I love you? Are you kidding? The way you fucked up the Reconstruction? Michael goes back in time, over and over again, each time killing yet another president and taking his place, each time getting spurned by the cruel Juanita, until one day he comes to the realization: Oh my god! I've replaced all the presidents who ever lived. I'm the only president this country's ever had. And you haven't aged a day, honey.

CC 275: The Surrogate (8) by kaufman 2-11-05

So you see, I'm the only president this contry's ever had. Now have I proven my love for you? Nope. Shit, woman, what am I supposed to do? There are no more presidents to kill. Except ... Oh my goodness. He really loves me!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Kaufman wins the convolution award easily.

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- christ@myself.com - fuck a cat, kill yourself - my alter ego has five stars

The following strips parody Jack & Bobby, the WB television series about a young boy, Bobby McCallister, who will one day grow up to become President of the United States.

CC 275: Joke & Booby, prologue by fpd 2-12-05

Marcus Jive, Minority Relations Secretary, 2041-48. Back in 2040, when Booby McAleister was running for President, Communism was ancient history. The Cold War had ended when the Berlin Wall fell. And Red China had given up Communism when it merged with Wal*Mart. We had even ended the Crusades by forcing democracy on the middle east. We thought the world was safe. But soon after President McAleister came to office, he was faced with the most terrible threat to American freedom yet. Over the years, the gays had been converting people with shows like Queer Eye. With a militia made of gays barred from the U.S. military, they attacked Las Vegas, the American marriage capital. The threat was twofold. Within a few generations, their victory could depopulate America. But even worse, God might go Sodom and Gommorah on us if they won. It was up to Booby to decide what to do.

CC 275: Joke & Booby, part i by fpd 2-12-05

Booby, I don't think you should see Dexx anymore. He's really too old for you. But, Mom, as a Sociology professor, you must surely acknowledge the cultural relativity of your own social mores. Dexx, you're sick and demented. I mean it takes a real weirdo to like someone as jerky as my little brother. And you're too old too. So stay away from him. Oooh, I'll bet you're just jealous, Joke, because he likes me better than you. I hate you, Joke. You told Dexx to stay away from me, and now it's all your fault that I found him stripping with another boy. Believe me, Booby, I did you a favor. In 35 years or so, you'll look back on this moment and thank your lucky stars I saved you from a serious political scandal.

CC 275: Joke & Booby, part ii by fpd 2-13-05

Hey, Corny, check out these photos of Joke and Mousy. Oh no! I thought Joke loved me! How could he screw me over like this? Oh, I thought he was screwing Mousy in these photos, but anyway I know how you can get revenge on Joke for doing it with Mousy. Right now, I would do just about anything to hurt that two-timing fink. What do you have in mind? Hey, Joke, check out these photos of me and Corny doing it! You son of a ... Wait, we have the same mother. But she is a bitch. You son of a bitch, Booby, you knew I liked Corny more than Mousy. How could you do this?

CC 275: Joke & Booby, epilogue by fpd 2-13-05

Corny McAleister, First Lady, 2041-48. After they hit Las Vegas, the gays continued their attack on marriage by bombing churches and doing drive-by shootings at weddings. Booby knew how insidious the gay agenda was. He had almost been seduced by one of those NAMBLA freaks as a boy. Fortunately, his brother Joke and I had helped set him straight. It was a very scary time for us, because we cherished our own marriage, and the gays were threatening to destroy it. But Booby had an absolute inspiration. If we were to fight terrorists, we had to fight them with terrorism. To kick things off, he had his gay uncle executed on live TV. That showed the gays he really meant business. He then had anyone who looked gay put in concentration camps, where aversion therapy was used to make them hate gay sex, violence, and the music of Queen. Booby had saved American freedom.

The use of Dexx in this strip was based on the homophony of his name with that of a girl Bobby dated on the show, and is not intended to suggest that he is actually gay. Also, the preceding has been satire, and the opinions expressed by the characters do not necessarily reflect my opinions.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

My entry has got to be worth something.

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possible savior probable SEX MACHINE

CC 275: Ivy gets promoted to Supervisor by kaufman 2-14-05

Lenny, go change your shirt, pronto. We just rolled back the prices on the skeletons to $28.45.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 275: A Lineage Of Kings -- 1 by biped 2-14-05

Oh, ah LAHKS dressin' up lahk Sammy Davis, Jr., Miz Doris! Lawdy muhcy, ah sho DOES lahks dressin' up lahk Sammy Davis, Jr.! Ha, ha, that's nice, DeWilbur. Come back tomorrow and we'll have some more sex. Well, run along now, and tell Mrs. Mumphrey I said hello. Did...did we have sex, Miz Doris? Why yes, DeWilbur. Remember when you shuffled off to Buffalo? Well, I was Buffalo. Oh...well...ah sho lahks dressin' up lahk Sammy Davis, Jr., Miz Doris... Well, I enjoyed the sexual intercourse, DeWilbur. We'll do it again just as soon as you've replentished your sperm count.

CC 275: A Lineage Of Kings -- 2 by biped 2-14-05

Ohhh, de candy man caaaan...ohhh, de...lawdy muhcy, ah feels funny... Mammy, ah thinks ah done had sex wiff Miz Doris! Well...Miz Doris cain't have no babies wiff Mistuh Flonase on account o' him not havin' any "man-eggs"! So she prolly want summa yo' "man-eggs"! Holy mackul, Mammy! Ah din't knows ah had "man-eggs"! You sho' does, DeWilbur! An' won't Mistuh Flonase be suhprised when Miz Doris present him wiff a beautiful new black baby dat come from yo' "man-eggs"!

CC 275: A Lineage Of Kings -- 3 by biped 2-14-05

Mister Flonase! Here's your new baby boy! Oh, Mister Flonase! That's me. I'm Ed Flonase. Oh...heh. Well... Don't tell me the little rascal looks like the mailman. Ha, ha! Err...is your mailman black, by any chance? No, he -- huh?

CC 275: A Lineage Of Kings -- 4 by biped 2-14-05

If ah could talk to de animals, walk wiff de...oh, howdy, Mistuh Ed! Ah sho hopes you lahks yo' bran' new baby what done come outta mah "man-eggs"! Yes, yes, DeWilbur, I -- huh? Oh, Ed, WAAAAH-HAAAAH-HAAAAAA!!! I just wanted a little baby so bad -- I didn't think you'd mind! You always liked DeWilbur! Well, I guess it's okay...but good god, Doris, you could've warned me or something. I almost had a fucking heart attack when I saw the little bastard. Well, this was the worst fucking "Father-Son Picnic" ever. No shit, Dad. Your co-workers sure are a bunch of goofy bastards.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

CC 275: A Lineage Of Kings -- 5 by biped 2-14-05

Mom, I've finally realized my purpose in life. I'm going to run for President Of The United States. Oh, how wonderful! You'll be the first bla -- uh, the first Afri -- er -- the first Flonase in the White House! We're all so very proud of you, President Flonase, for being the very first black President. Oh, what a source of great pride you are to all your people. What the fuck are you talking about? Ah gots ta be meee, ah gots ta...howdy, Prezdint Flonase! Mah oh mah, ah sho am proud dat you comes from mah "man-eggs"! HUH? You mean you -- she -- why, that fucking BITCH!

CC 275: A Lineage Of Kings -- 6 by biped 2-14-05

You -- you FUCKED DeWilbur Mumphrey, got PREGNANT, and had ME! No WONDER I'm so fucking DARK-COMPLECTED! Oh, WAAAAAH-HAAAAH-HAAAAAAAA! DON'T HATE ME, SWEETIE! I JUST WANTED A LITTLE BABY TO LOVE! *SNIFF!* Ladies and gentlemen...an important announcement... from the President Of The United States. My fellow Americans, it has recently come to my attention...that I, your President...am black. ...an' dat's de story about how mah very own "man-eggs" done growed up ta be Prezdint O' De United States! DAMN, dawg! I know some bitches'd pay MONEY fo' summa dat shit!

CC 275: A Lineage Of Kings -- 7 by biped 2-14-05

MAMMY! Guess whut? I's gonna be a MAN-HO! Oh, LAWD! Mah li'l baby's done made de BIG TIME! I wants ta be PREZDINT when ah grows up! Me, TOO! I wants ta be Prezdint TOO! ...and that's why we only have BLACK Presidents now, DeWilbur III. Holy MACKUL! You mean dey used ta be WHITE Prezdints TOO, Gran'pappy Flonase?