It was only supposed to be one comic but grew into so much more.

Conversations about heavy metal (1) by mmyers 3-04-05

I'm really into Slayer and Opeth and Cradle of Filth, as far as some of the newer metal bands go. I like, um, Suture. I think those guys kick a lot of ass. Contusion used to be cool but they pretty much suck now. You have no idea what you're talking about, do you? I like songs about puppies.

Conversations about heavy metal (2) by mmyers 3-04-05

Fist Full of Blood is pretty cool, especially their "Taste the pain-bow" album. That rocks. And Torn Ligament is cool. And Wolf Eyes, they're cool. Waitaminute, what was that last band you made up? Um, I think it was "Wolf Eyes". Hey, that's a real band! And they're a metal band, no less! Yeah! I'm old school! I'm old school! Metal! Metal! They're a shitty band, but I don't have the heart to tell him. Look how happy he is.

Conversations about heavy metal (3) by mmyers 3-04-05

Hey DX, since we're both hard rocking metal dudes, we should go see some real metal action! Um, yeah. Who would you like to go see? Hmmmm, let's see...hmm...I guess my favorite metal band is Wolf Eyes, since they rock the hardest. Could we go see them? Unh, no. I don't think they're playing around here. We could go see Cannibal Corpse tonight. Are they like Wolf Eyes, my favorite band in the whole world? *sigh* Um, sure. Let's go grab a bite before the show.

Conversations about heavy metal (4) by mmyers 3-04-05

I'm so super excited about seeing The Cannibal Corpses live. I think they're going to be my favorite new band after I hear them for the first time. Dude, it's "Cannibal Corpse", not The Cannibal Corpses. They're aren't The Beatles or some shit like that. Just Cannibal Corpse. Is there a particular Cannibal Corpse song that I should like when they play it? Man, I don't know. "Raped and Strangled" is a good one, I guess. When they play that song, I'm gonna be all like "Rip your dick and fucking shit down it you fucking ball breaking turkey basting bastard! ROCK! R-O-C-K!" It's going to be a long night.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

Conversations about heavy metal (5) by mmyers 3-04-05

I'm gonna grab a beer from the concession stand before the show starts. You want anything? I'll take a Zima, please...you know, on second thought, a Zima isn't very metal. I'll have a Smirnoff Ice, please and thank you. Hello my heavy metal listening brethren! Tonight's show is going to kick all kinds of ass, isn't it? Pfff, I guess. Bunch of fuckin' posers fucking hanging out trying to act like they're something they aren't. Fucking pussies. They sure are a bunch of pussies, aren't they? My favorite Cannibal Corpses song is "Raped and strangled." When they start to play it, I'm going to be like- Dude, whatever.

Conversations about heavy metal (6) by mmyers 3-04-05

Here you go, man. They didn't have Zima or Smirnoff Ice so I got you a PBR instead. That's cool. As long as it tastes like a Zima I don't care. Boy, there sure are a bunch of pussy ass posers here tonight, huh? Heheh, what? Pussy ass posers. There sure are a bunch of them out tonight, huh? Not like us. Real metal in the house! You've been talking to people, haven't you? Rule #1 for you: don't talk to people. 10-4. I wanted to buy a shirt but I didn't have enough money so I had someone write Cannibal Corpse on the back of my shirt with a Sharpie. You think that will wash out?

Conversations about heavy metal (7) by mmyers 3-04-05

Ok, the show's about to start, so just shut up and listen and don't do anything...goofy. TWO BITS, FOUR BITS, SIX BITS, A DOLLAR! ALL FOR CANNIBAL CORPSES, JUMP UP AND HOLLAR! *RAAAARRRRR**W-WHUR WHAW-WUR**RAHHHH!**ARAWWAR**WOO-WOOO**RAAAHHHH!* Jumpin' jehosaphats! Is that guy okay? I think I might have a lozenge in my pocket.

When Spies Date (2) by pslock 3-10-05

My god...you're...seeing another secret agent aren't you? It's a dangerous game we play, you and I. We may die at ANY moment! I...had a fling with Agent V23. It was an in-the-moment kind of thing. All those evil supermodels destroyed! The excitement! But what about all the super-villains we destroyed together? What about OUR adventures? Or doesn't that count anymore? Look, I can't have this discussion with you wearing this silly disguise...hang on a second...*urrrgh* Wait...that's not it... *hurrrrggghh*

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

Conversations about heavy metal (8) by mmyers 3-07-05

*Loud music* HEY DX, WHAT IS THAT GUY DOING? HEAD BANGING. *Loud music* I'M GOING TO GIVE IT A GO. IT LOOKS FUN. *Loud music* I THINK I MAY HAVE JUST SEPERATED MY BRAIN FROM MY SPINAL CORD. ROCK ON! I'D GIVE THE DEVIL HORNS BUT I CAN'T SEEM TO MOVE MY LEFT ARM.

Conversations about heavy metal (9) by mmyers 3-07-05

Is this song "Raped and Strangled"? No. Several songs later... Is this song "Raped and Strangled"? No. Several songs later... Is this song "Raped and Strangled"? No.

Conversations about heavy metal (10) by mmyers 3-07-05

Is this song "Raped and Strangled"? Yes. RAPED AND STRANGLED! WOOOO! RAPED AND FUCKING STRANGLED! HELL YEAHHHH!!! No, wait....this is a different song. You did that on purpose, didn't you? Yup.

Conversations about Heavy Metal (11) by mmyers 3-09-05

That was the most awesomest show ever. Thanks for taking me, DX. When I get home, I think I'm going to buy all their stuff online and-- Fucking poser fag. I think he might be talking to you, dude. No dude, I'm talking to you.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

Conversations about heavy metal (12) by mmyers 3-09-05

Do I know you? No, but I know you. You're exactly what's wrong with the world. Some asshole who wants to be down but doesn't know anything about paying his dues, man. I thought what was wrong with the world is that multinational corporations are controlling everything in order to inslave the middle class. What? No dude, the problem is guys like you coopting what's cool and making it uncool. I'm cool. I like Wolf Eyes and Cannibal Corpse. Just ask my friend Dragon Zero...DX? Hello??

Conversations about heavy metal (13) by mmyers 3-09-05

Gosh, I hope he comes back. He was my ride and I told him I'd split the gas money with him and-- I'm gonna pound you into mud. I'm sorry, I wasn't listening. Did you say that you listen to Puddle of Mud? Because I think those guys are aweso-- I'm gonna enjoy this. Sorry dude, my friend maybe a dickweed, but I can't let you beat him up. Therefore I challenge you to name the 3 best heavymetal bands ever.

Conversations about heavy metal (14) by mmyers 3-09-05

You start. That's easy, first off would have to be Black Sabbath. They--- Suck? Yes, I agree completely. Nothing more than a hard rock band trying to be a blues band trying to be a heavy metal band. Hmm. I guess number 2 would have to be Met-- If you're about to say Metallica, just kill me now. They haven't had a good album since Ride the Lightning. I wasn't going to say Metallica. I was going to say some other band, but now you've made me forget their name.

Conversations about heavy metal (15) by mmyers 3-09-05

Got anything else? Um, how about-- They suck. What about-- Yes, they suck too. Fine, you win this time, but I'll be back...you know, at some other show or whatever, and those posers better beware. You can't save them all!

Conversations about heavy metal (fin) by mmyers 3-09-05

That was the bravest thing I've ever seen in my life. Thanks. Dude, you're always going to be a poser in metal, so my advice to you is just listen to whatever you want and enjoy it. B-b-but what about being 'old school' and 'true school' and all those other schools that elitists like to call themselves? I want to be in a school. Then be an old school Gloria Estafan fan or Linda Rondstadt or whoever you listen to, but leave metal to the pros. Thanks DX. Thanks for the advice. W-will I ever see you again? Sure you will. The new age section is right by the metal section at Tower. I'm sure we'll see each other there. Peace, I'm out.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.

Rock. And by that I mean "rule".

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

Encore!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

That was inspiring!

Heres my take on that series:

Conversation with a crust punk. by JESUSSANDWICH 3-09-05

Hey man I just heard Nausea they fucking............. Oh my god, you smell so fucking bad! HA!

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possible savior probable SEX MACHINE