Yeah. I decided there oughta be a randomizer thread, open to the gentle public and the negroes.

Malcontent by possums 3-27-05

Hmmm.... I seem to be standing next to a large pile of shit... Who you callin' large?

Fuzzy by possums 3-27-05

...so the guy says, "BLOW IT OUT YOUR ASS, YOU LOUSY COP!" Then this happened.

Shruggers by possums 3-27-05

I DUNNO, BUCKEYE! YOU CALL IT A TOSTITO, I SAY IT'S A BURRITO! WELL GOSH'N GOLLY-GEE, BATSWASTIKA, I'M JUST NOT TOO SURE ABOUT THE ONIONS THERE!! GEE, MARTY, IT MIGHT BE A TOOLBOX, BUT I JUST DON'T KNOW!!! SOMEBODY'S GONNA DIE ONE OF THESE DAYS, IT MIGHT AS WELL BE THE TOASTEROVEN! And this meaningless shit went on for som'n like five days or so. MAYBE! I JUST DON'T KNOW! SOUNDS OKAY, BUT I'M NOT SURE....

Sorry the last one isn't funny.

Killing Me Softly With His Personal Economic Recovery Plan.. by possums 3-29-05

Your money... or your life. You done said the magic words! What the- A long time ago, when the question was asked: "What is the backing behind money?", the answer was always the same: GOLD. Many people today would still give that answer. *whimper* The problem is that it's not true. In the U.S., it has not been true since President Roosevelt made it illegal for Americans to own Gold in 1933. Before 1933...

SALT LICK by possums 3-28-05

'Scuse me, mamn, would you like to buy some crack? Twelve bucks an ounce! That is just shameful. Preying on a black church community just to sell higher! I am going to report you to the reverend! You shoulda bought. I know, it was a good price, but I just didn't trust that sodium-ass smell.

Chess With God by possums 3-28-05

Your move, little buddy. Rook to knight, taken. Say, have you ever considered the fact that I equal infinity, and infinity equals nothing? Uh... Checkmate.

Why Cancer Blows by possums 3-28-05

No, Marty! Don't do it! You have so much to live for! Such as? I'll give you hard anal! I'm dying of colon cancer, you idiot!

6 Pornstars Lying On A Beach by niteowl 3-26-05

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

Hooray for random layout feature! by Rabid_Weasle 3-28-05

DIE! DIE DIE DIE! I'm over here. Bollocks!

Fun With Random Comic Layout - I by Rabid_Weasle 3-30-05

Listen, I'm sorry. Oh, really? And is that going to dry my hair I specifically requested didn't get wet?

Fun With Random Comic Layout - II by Rabid_Weasle 3-30-05

Dum dee dum, da doot doo. Dooo doot doo doo da. Hey! What are you doing to my flower garden? Bollocks!

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Poop.

Random Comicsâ„¢ Presents: Filing Clerk, VIP In OUTER SPACE! by ivytheplant 3-30-05

o/^ "At first I was afraid/I was petrified/Kept thinking I could never live/without you by my side/But then I spent so many nights/thinking how you did me wrong/And I grew strong..." o/^ o/^ "...I should have changed that stupid lock/I should have made you leave your key..." o/^ o/^ "I will survive/Oh as long as I know how to love/I know I will stay alive/I've got all my life to live/I've got all my love to give/and I'll survive/I will survive!" o/^

Random Comicsâ„¢ Presents: The Bathroom Murders by ivytheplant 3-30-05

I wish he'd hurry up. I can't go when people watch.

Random Comicsâ„¢ Presents: The More You Knowâ„¢ by ivytheplant 3-30-05

What'cha got there, Billy? Muffins, sir. I'm going to take them to the homeless people under the bridge. Why Billy, don't you know that giving away free food is Anti-American? Gosh, sir, I sure didn't. If those lazy bums want food, then they should get a job. You earned that food and it's yours to chow down until you become fat, diabetic, and die of heart failure. Gee, golly, Mr. Cartoon Character sir, thank you for stopping me from making a big mistake!

Random Comicsâ„¢ Presents: The Worst Zombie Movie Ever by ivytheplant 3-30-05

Random Comcisâ„¢ Presents: Christmas, A Tale Of Terror by ivytheplant 3-30-05

Oh Santa! The other reindeer and I are going out for a bite to eat. Wanna join us? *satanic chanting* What are those strange noises coming from Santa's workshop? TBC... *satanic chanting* Could it be? Could those stories of Santa really being an anagram of Satan be true?

I hit the random button, came up with this, and all the day before the pope croaked.

False News Reports by NooniePuuBunny 4-01-05

We have a report on the condition of the Pope: I'm not dead! He has lost all brain and bodily activity and is clinically considered dead. I feel happy! It was all we could do to save him... I feel like dancing!

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I will rate you hard, and unendingly.

Yeah, it's predictable and not really funny, but I did the best with what I was given.

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Destroying my reputation one post at a time.

I can still let the randomizer have ideas for me...

Randomness 3 by NeoVid 4-05-05

So, you got any idea where we are? Nope. Any idea how to get back? Nope. Man, this is some good booze. Yep.

Randomness 4 by NeoVid 4-05-05

It worked! They fell for it! I didn't think they'd really do it! I can't believe that they're hauling him away over that fake anonymous tip we gave. And he's fighting back enough that they think he did it! So, what do you think your dad's going to do to you once he makes bail? I haven't thought that far ahead.

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

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Destroying my reputation one post at a time.

A couple more randoms:

Chop it off with a hand-saw by kaufman 4-06-05

Got to be careful here. This forest sure has some low-hanging limbs.

All That Summer We Enjoyed It by kaufman 4-06-05

The bus is ten minutes late. Can't you conjure one up? In theory I could, but creating matter out of nothingness causes an explosive imbalance with violent effects that I would just as soon avoid. We don't... need another tsunami. I could also transmute, but then the question is what? It takes quite a bit of mass to create a bus, you know. That's why Cinderella's such... You do realize that while you were telling me all that, the bus came by.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

quote:

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I hit the random button, came up with this, and all the day before the pope croaked.

False News Reports by NooniePuuBunny 4-01-05

We have a report on the condition of the Pope: I'm not dead! He has lost all brain and bodily activity and is clinically considered dead. I feel happy! It was all we could do to save him... I feel like dancing!

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Current Events II by DragonXero 3-29-05

We are gathered here to mourn the passing of John Christian.. I'm not dead! Who the doctors feel had very little chance of feeling pain when he was killed by them. No, really, I'm feeling better now! You can dig me back up! I want to SIIING! *whack* AUGH! *whack* Guh! *whack* Dying... Thanks much. See you next thusday then? Right.

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

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Destroying my reputation one post at a time.

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Destroying my reputation one post at a time.

Just noticed the first two I made aren't in this thread...

Randomness by NeoVid 3-25-05

Well? All right, I'll tell Santa to bring you a real submarine if you just let me go!

Randomness 2 by NeoVid 3-29-05

Hello? Is this Billy? Santa? Bingo. And I'm calling to tell you why you're never getting another present, punk. Last year, when you left me the cookies along with that glass of white liquid that turned out not to be milk, I decided this Christmas thing wasn't worth the aggravation. Well, I got a laugh out of it, and that's what matters.

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

Hey, all you random strippers... Are any of you interested in this?

http://www.stripcreator.com/forums/showthread.php?postnum=172326

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Destroying my reputation one post at a time.

The first four random layouts I got:

Paint has feelings too by boorite 4-12-05

What the hell is this thing doing in a museum? I could draw better than this! And we never took Dad to see modern art again. How much did they pay for this crap?

When you're down by boorite 4-12-05

Tough day at work? Actually, I have a confession to make. I got fired a month ago. I have a confession, too. I'm sleeping with your brother. What?? For how long? I meant tonight.

Dr. do very little by boorite 4-13-05

Arf! Arf! The circus! Can I join up? Yip! Arf! Why, yes! I'm a sword swallower. Rrrrrrruf. Sure, I suppose I could swallow that too, if it'd get me out of this dump.

Home but not alone by boorite 4-13-05

Is Macaulay Culkin here? Thanks... oh, hey, kid. Looks like you're all grown up now. Happy birthday, Tobor. You can open your eyes now. TOBOR WILL UNWRAP PRESENT.