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possums
FERN DESTROYER

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VATICAN CITY (CNN) -- Pope John Paul II continued to struggle Saturday morning through what Vatican officials conceded were likely the closing hours of his long, illustrious life.

Catholics around the world somberly waited and prayed. In St. Peter's Square at the Vatican, thousands held vigil and said their goodbyes to the man who has dominated the life of the church for a quarter-century.

However, as the hours wore on without any additional word about the pope's condition, the crowds began to thin.

High above, the lights burned in the papal apartments, where the 84-year-old pontiff has lived since his election in 1978.

During a rosary service in the square Friday night, Monsignor Angelo Comastri, the vicar of Vatican City, said that soon "Christ will open the doors to the pope."

At St. John Lateran Church in Rome, during a Mass for the pope's health, Cardinal Camillo Ruini, the vicar of Rome, said John Paul had "abandoned himself to the hands of Christ, with whom he has always lived, worked, suffered and had joy."

"We are taken over by an immense gratitude toward the man, and toward God," Ruini said. "And now, as we pray for him, we hold on the will of God."

In Krakow, Poland, where John Paul served as archbishop before becoming pope, thousands of people gathered at the archbishop's residence, many carrying candles and crying. The crowd prayed and sang for their fellow Pole.

Alicja Kapusciarz, a Polish-American woman in Washington, said relatives she has talked with in her homeland are "devastated" by news that the pope is near death.

"To Polish people, he is an icon," she said. "He is the best thing since sliced bread. He's amazing."

In Los Angeles, California, about 3,000 parishioners prayed for the pope during regular noon services at Our Lady of the Angels Cathedral, some of them weeping at bulletins about his health.

"Through prayers, we will help escort him into the Lord's hands," said Cardinal Roger Mahony, the leader of the Los Angeles archdiocese, the nation's largest.

Friday evening, Vatican spokesman Joaquin Navarro-Valls said the pope's breathing had become shallow, his blood pressure had furthered weakened and his kidney function was deteriorating.

But he said the pope remained conscious and was "joining the continual prayers of those assisting him."

The pope's condition began deteriorating rapidly Thursday, after a urinary tract infection caused a high fever, leading to septic shock and collapse of his cardiocirculatory system.

He was administered the sacrament of anointing the sick, formerly known as last rites or extreme unction, Thursday night.

Despite his precarious health, Navarro-Valls said, the pope wished to remain in his residence at the Vatican, rather than returning to Gemelli hospital in Rome, where he has been hospitalized twice since February.

"What I'm hearing from Rome, if my information is correct, is that the Holy Father is sinking," said Cardinal Theodore McCarrick, archbishop of Washington and a leading American prelate.

"We'll pray that the Lord -- who must love this man very much, because this man loves him very much -- that the Lord will take him peacefully to himself, if that's his will right now," McCarrick said.

The pope had a number of visitors Friday, including the Vatican secretary of state, Cardinal Angelo Sodano, and other leading cardinals.

The pope suffers from a number of chronic illnesses, including crippling hip and knee ailments and Parkinson's disease, a progressive neurological disorder that can make breathing and swallowing difficult.

On February 24, doctors performed a tracheotomy to help him breathe, as he struggled to recover from a bout of flu that hospitalized him.

A feeding tube was put down his nose into his stomach Wednesday to provide additional nutrition.

The feeding tube was inserted shortly after the pope's regular weekly audience, where he appeared at the window of his study overlooking St. Peter's Square for about four minutes.

Unable to speak, he used hand gestures to bless thousands of people who gathered for a glimpse of him.

On Easter Sunday, the pope also tried to speak to the crowds but could not get out the words. Ill health forced him to miss several events during Holy Week preceding Easter.

Friday, the Vatican press office issued a list of 17 new papal appointments, including bishops and archbishops, and announced that John Paul had accepted the resignations of six archbishops.

The appointments and resignations were believed to have been previously approved by the pope.

Although their revelation could have been an attempt by the Vatican to show that the business of the church continues despite the pope's health, such an announcement of his appointments would likely have to be issued before his death.

CNN's Alessio Vinci, Chris Burns, Jim Bittermann, Miguel Marquez, Walter Rodgers, Christiane Amanpour and John Allen contributed to this report.
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Almost there! Almost there...

I'm just waiting to see the smoke come out of the Holy See. That shit is fuckin' cool.

4-01-05 6:31pm (new)
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JrnymnNate
I fling the shoddy polo stick

Member Rated:

is this a pope death pool?

i say about 7:31 am tommorow morning

4-01-05 6:47pm (new)
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andydougan
Film critic subordinaire

Member Rated:

Here's hoping NastyPope will be the new guy.

4-01-05 6:51pm (new)
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niteowl
Level 1 Forum Troll

Member Rated:

First Schiavo, now the Pope. It's been a good couple of weeks for all the deathwatchers in the world.

---
Think classy, you'll be classy.

4-01-05 6:55pm (new)
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Inflatable_Man
Heart stopper. Hip hopper. Pill popper.

Member Rated:

*goes into bunnerabb-esque self righteous fit of anger (tm)*

DAMN YOU, STOOPID KIDS, SAYING VATICAN CITY IS THE WORST CITY IN THE UNION!! THE POPE WAS THE BEST MEMBER OF PANTERRA!!! ARRGH... IF I EVER SEE YOU I"M GONNA KILL YOU!!!

---
Destroying my reputation one post at a time.

4-01-05 7:12pm (new)
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attitudechicka
is never bored.

Member Rated:

I'm not Catholic. I'm not really all that religious. But I'm pretty offended that you take this so lightly. This thread is in bad taste.

---
Mediocrity at its most average.

4-01-05 7:14pm (new)
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Inflatable_Man
Heart stopper. Hip hopper. Pill popper.

Member Rated:

nate is taking bets on the pope's death. He's supposed to be super-religious. Wtf is up with that? I'm gonna tell God.

---
Destroying my reputation one post at a time.

4-01-05 7:23pm (new)
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possums
FERN DESTROYER

Member Rated:

I've said it before, I'll probably say it a million times more, and I'm going to say it right now:

ATTITUDECHICKA, FUCK YOU.

Seriously. Fuck you. This is a humor site, and you can't even take a joke about whose comics I liked, let alone a little pope joke. Yeah, this was totally offensive. This whole site is offensive. I don't see how you can have Rabid_Weasle and Athiest_Diary on your favorites list and be offended by a fake pope death countdown.

Stupid cunt.

4-01-05 7:25pm (new)
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niteowl
Level 1 Forum Troll

Member Rated:

I tried telling God, but he's too busy listening to GW ramble on.

Exploiting death to pimp a comic will probably get me a first class ticket to hell, but oh well. It's not like I wasn't headed there already since I'm a filthy Democrat.

Home Depot, here we come by niteowl
4-01-05
First, we had the death of a martyr named Terri Schiavo...
...Now the Pope's on his last legs. I think the apocalypse is on its way.
So what are we gonna do when the end comes? Find underground shelter?
Nah. I figured I'd dig out all that plastic and duct tape we bought a couple years back. We'll be fine with just that.
Um, the duct tape's gone. Richard Gere "borrowed" it last night.

---
Think classy, you'll be classy.

4-01-05 7:32pm (new)
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fuck_attitudechicka
Stripcreator Newbie

Member Rated:

quote:

ATTITUDECHICKA, FUCK YOU.

My sentiments exactly.

4-01-05 7:42pm (new)
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fuzzyman
Alpha Geek

Member Rated:

Time for us to put aside our animosity and chill out with a refreshing Popesicle break.

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

4-01-05 7:47pm (new)
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niteowl
Level 1 Forum Troll

Member Rated:

Mmm mmm mmm, the pope really is tasty. Who knew?

---
Think classy, you'll be classy.

4-01-05 7:50pm (new)
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fuzzyman
Alpha Geek

Member Rated:

The joke that comes to mind is, "Some Vatican Altar Boys, probably."

But that would be in really poor taste, and I would never make that joke.

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

4-01-05 7:57pm (new)
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niteowl
Level 1 Forum Troll

Member Rated:

Good thing you didn't make that joke, Fuzzy. That would be really rude.

---
Think classy, you'll be classy.

4-01-05 8:06pm (new)
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Spankling
Looking for love in ALL the wrong places, baby!

Member Rated:

Maybe they should hook him up to a billion life support systems like he wanted to put that veggie through. Let's keep him kicking for another 30 years.

---
"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

4-01-05 8:57pm (new)
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umfumdisi
Forum comment:

Member Rated:

Johnnie Cochran: "Ladies and gentlemen of the supposed jury, Chef's attorney would certainly want you to believe that his client wrote 'Stinky Britches' ten years ago. And they make a good case. Hell, I almost felt pity myself!

But ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider: Ladies and gentlemen this [pointing to a picture of Chewbacca] is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk, but Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor.

Now, think about that. That does not make sense! Why would a Wookiee--an eight foot tall Wookiee--want to live on Endor with a bunch of two foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense!

But more important, you have to ask yourself, what does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense!

Look at me, I'm a lawyer defending a major record company, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca. Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense. None of this makes sense!

And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberating and conjugating the Emancipation Proclamation... does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense.

If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests."

Mitch Hedberg: "I bought a donut and the guy gave me a receipt for the donut. I don't need a receipt for the donut. I give you the money; you give me the donut--end of transaction. We do not need to bring ink and paper into this. I can not imagine the scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a donut. Some skeptical friend? Don't even act like I didn't get that donut. I got the documentation right here."

Pope John Paul II: "Today, for the first time in history, a Bishop of Rome sets foot on English soil. This fair land, once a distant outpost of the pagan world, has become, through the preaching of the Gospel, a beloved and gifted portion of Christ's vineyard."

Three great comedians dead in one week? That's not even right.

---
Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

4-01-05 9:23pm (new)
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Inflatable_Man
Heart stopper. Hip hopper. Pill popper.

Member Rated:

Four. Terri Schiavo was the Andy Kaufman of her time. Completely sublime in the way she lured dozens of idiots to put red tape on their mouths and make fools of themselves. Look at the tapes again. She's smiling. Devilish woman.

---
Destroying my reputation one post at a time.

4-01-05 9:52pm (new)
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TheGovernor
Talentless Hack

Member Rated:

What happens next...

Pope Idol by TheGovernor
3-22-05
"Blessed art tho, for thine is the power and glory of the holy trinity..."
Well done, but lets see what the judges thought of it...
... Mr Simon Cowell whats your opinion on his performance?
Absolutely rubbish, call that a Catholic prayer? Ive seen atheists show more faith.

4-02-05 1:32am (new)
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TheNewSoup
Pink Donkey Wrangler

Member Rated:

quote:
Johnnie Cochran: "Ladies and gentlemen of the supposed jury, Chef's attorney would certainly want you to believe that his client wrote 'Stinky Britches' ten years ago. And they make a good case. Hell, I almost felt pity myself!

But ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider: Ladies and gentlemen this [pointing to a picture of Chewbacca] is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk, but Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor.

Now, think about that. That does not make sense! Why would a Wookiee--an eight foot tall Wookiee--want to live on Endor with a bunch of two foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense!

But more important, you have to ask yourself, what does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense!

Look at me, I'm a lawyer defending a major record company, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca. Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense. None of this makes sense!

And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberating and conjugating the Emancipation Proclamation... does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense.

If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests."


That episode of South Park is what clinched it: Johnny Cochran is the greatest man to ever live.

---
Legalize Love!

4-02-05 1:55am (new)
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possums
FERN DESTROYER

Member Rated:

Well, that's that.

4-02-05 12:23pm (new)
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flipynif1
Aparently a Creep

Member Rated:

The pope himself was an active man in his earlier years...his health seemed to degrade fairly fast...conspiracy? Hmmmm...

---
I dumb :D

4-02-05 12:33pm (new)
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possums
FERN DESTROYER

Member Rated:

You are really unfunny.

4-02-05 12:52pm (new)
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flipynif1
Aparently a Creep

Member Rated:

Unfunny, i wasn't trying to be funny. I watched an A&E biography which made me think about that. Use your head.

---
I dumb :D

4-02-05 12:58pm (new)
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andydougan
Film critic subordinaire

Member Rated:

So when do the Cardinals go into their wee room and ask Satan who he wants the new guy to be?

4-02-05 1:09pm (new)
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possums
FERN DESTROYER

Member Rated:

Ah, pardon me then, I will rephrase my statement.

You are really gullible.

4-02-05 1:33pm (new)
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