I just got back from two weeks touring Czech Republic and Austria on foot and bicycle. The cycling part was the first time I've ever been part of an organized tour anywhere. Now I understand why strangers thrown together from all walks of life behave the way they do on reality television.

How I Spent My Summer Vacation (1) by choadwarrior 7-08-05

You're checked in all the way to Prague... Thanks. Would you like to take part in a survey on how to improve the airport? The airport wouldn't like my only suggestion. What's that? Get rid of all the other travellers.

How I Spent My Summer Vacation (2) by choadwarrior 7-08-05

Flight 6056 to Amsterdam is now ready for pre-boarding...If you're going to cry all the way across the ocean, you may now board... If you smell like Ben-Gay and mildew, you may now board... We are now ready to begin general boarding for rows 30 and higher and for any idiot who can't count...

How I Spent My Summer Vacation (3) by choadwarrior 7-08-05

There's an airline in Europe called Menzies. Wait for it... That name is bloody awful.

How I Spent My Summer Vacation (4) by choadwarrior 7-10-05

It is 4 a.m. and I can´t sleep...maybe some background noise will help... Next up on BBC World, Bob Geldof In Africa. These people grow the coca beans but economic injustice dictates they will never be able to fly to Paris and enjoy a cafe mocha on the Champ du Mars. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

How I Spent My Summer Vacation (5)

I think the rain stopped. Are you ready to get on your bike?

by choadwarrior, 7-10-05

How I Spent My Summer Vacation (6) by choadwarrior 7-11-05

I thought I´d see you at the disco last night. It was quite a rave. I was in a dark corner in a K-hole and grinding my teeth from too many disco biscuits. I should never use rave humour on people who have never been to one.

How I Spent My Summer Vacation (7) by choadwarrior 7-15-05

I'm starving--where are we going to eat? I don't know, where do you all want to go? We should probably go somewhere really quiet so we'll be the loudest people there. Just make a decision--I'll complain either way. We don't all have to go out as one big group. Great idea! Let's a go out as a group!

How I Spent My Summer Vacation (8) by choadwarrior 7-16-05

Hier ist die Weinkarte. I'd like to try an Austrian wine--you don't see those very much in the U.S. Vee got a bad reputation 10 years ago because anti-freeze was discovered in zee wine. I see. What do you recommend? Zee 1995 is a very good bargain.

How I Spent My Summer Vacation (9) by choadwarrior 7-20-05

Can I have some more of that Champagne you ordered? I didn't order Champagne. Well what is it then? It's Sekt--a dry sparkling wine from Germany. While many people call all sparkling wine Champagne, only wines from Champagne, France are technically Champagne. It's still a pretty good Champagne.

How I Spent My Summer Vacation (10) by choadwarrior 7-23-05

One thing I hate is how all the Mexicans in the U.S. refuse to learn our language. How much German have you spoken since we arrived in Austria? That's different--everybody speaks English here.

How I Spent My Summer Vacation (11) by choadwarrior 7-23-05

Many Americans have this idea that all Europeans are rude. I've never experienced it myself. But having travelled Europe with typical Americans, I can only conclude one reason why they would feel as if they were treated poorly... They deserved it.

How I Spent My Summer Vacation (12) by choadwarrior 7-23-05

I heard what you just said about how Americans deserve to be treated rudely. Not all, but yeah...most do. What makes you think you're so special? I try to speak the local language, I don't shout in restaurants, I don't think the service is bad when I have to ask for the check, I don't expect everything to look like America because I'm in Europe OH MY GOD! THERE'S A STARBUCKS!

Most excellent, Sir Choad.

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all the wrong things for all the right reasons

'Wait for it...' got me

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what if nigger meant kite

I wanna party across Europe with YOU, wild man.

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What others say about boorite!

Awesome.

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

They made me laugh, and made me never want to visit Europe.

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Think classy, you'll be classy.

Europe is great except when you're surrounded by obnoxious Americans.

Thirty Helens agree.

I thought the whole point of going to Europe was to be surrounded by obnoxious Americans.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.