http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/nealch

(I know it's a tad verbose, but I was going more for amusing/profound over the quick punchy laugh.)

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"And when two rivers flow together they can never be distinct again." -Sonic Syndicate

It was alright I guess.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

It shows promise on your part. Here's some things you can do to improve your technique:

1)Hold off on the captions. Give the reader credit to follow what's going on. Captions detract from the quality and/or funniness in comics in most cases.

2)You don't have to follow-up your punchline with filler. It's not necessary or prudent to have every dialogue space filled if you don't need it.

3)Try experimenting with the divider backgrounds, they'll help you to avoid situations where you have to run over on two dialogue boxes for one character.

Other than that, I'd say you should do just fine here.

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If you do just one thing in life, then you need to get out more and expand your horizons. Honestly, that one thing can't possibly take-up all your time.

it had too high of a words to laugh ratio for me. try goin for the quick punchy laugh and see how you do

and since your a PhD student in educational pschology, could you take a look at this rash for me?

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what if nigger meant kite

I agree with the previous poster who pointed out things and stuff.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Thanks for the wonderful suggestions, everyone. I'll definitely keep them in mind. Quick, punchy laughs/comedy isn't my strong suit, but since a big part of growth is strengthening one's weaknesses, I'll give it a shot.

I know very well that I tend to be verbose and I need to work on that. After all, written versus oral conversation often tend to pace differently.

Till next time...

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"And when two rivers flow together they can never be distinct again." -Sonic Syndicate

quote:

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and since your a PhD student in educational pschology, could you take a look at this rash for me?

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Oh yeah, I did edit out two of the captions and chopped the first one. I think that was a case of me playing with/trying out too many features.

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"And when two rivers flow together they can never be distinct again." -Sonic Syndicate

That's a classic case of Syphilherpes Immunodeficiency Complex Virus B if I've ever seen it.

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what if nigger meant kite

That's a classic case of Syphilherpes Immunodeficiency Complex Virus B if I've ever seen it.

That's just an allergic reaction to all the clown makeup. You need to lay off the XXX-rated clown show for a few days.

And the comics definitely improved some now that the captions are gone.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Well, I tried my hand with another D&R Guy Talk. This time I went for less verbosity and more snarkiness. Hopefully it addresses some of my beginner's mistakes from the first one.

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"And when two rivers flow together they can never be distinct again." -Sonic Syndicate

Sorry to double-post, but any feedback on my later entries would be welcomed. Hopefully I've addressed some of the n00b mistakes I made in my first works.

Thanks for reading and all the great feedback/suggestions.

http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/nealch/

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"And when two rivers flow together they can never be distinct again." -Sonic Syndicate

Getting better. I'd like to suggest using some Kaddar teens and continuing the D&R in high school deal. That had promise.

I concur.

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obscenity filter is off

of the last 4, one ok and three good.

gnu kid by arbi 9-14-05

http://www.stripcreator.com/ forums/showthread.php?postnum=184120 (I know it's a tad verbose, but I was going more for amusing/profound over the quick punchy laugh.) it had too high of a words to laugh ratio for me. try goin for the quick punchy laugh and see how you do  ow

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woof

Squidrabies- I like your idea of using the Kaddar teens. I may switch out the younger Dean & Ross to appropriate Kaddar kids.

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"And when two rivers flow together they can never be distinct again." -Sonic Syndicate

man, you got much much better. i think the less wordy thing really works for you. looking forward to more

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what if nigger meant kite

Thanks Mandingo. Normally I am a pretty verbose person as evidenced in my weblog, but doing stuff with stripcreator allows me to practice my brevity.

Oh, and Squidrabies- I DID take your advice and reworked my D&R's with Kaddar kids and my adult D&R with some other people. Definitely works better. Thanks for the suggestion.

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"And when two rivers flow together they can never be distinct again." -Sonic Syndicate

I tried my hand at a D & R comic. Hope you don't mind.

D & R In The Fourth Dimension (thanks to nealch) by biped 9-15-05

I just murdered my grandparents -- I'M DRIVING THIS COMPUTER DOWN THE SIDEWALK! BEEP-BEEP! NO! NO! PLEASE DON'T RUN OVER ME, ROSS! DIE LIKE A HAMSTER, DEAN! VENGEANCE FOR NAH-NAH AND PAW-PAW! You BASTARD, you almost KILLED me! And I WOULD have, too, if my computer hadn't crashed!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Well, you do capture the spirit of the characters. Dean is more the whiny ranter and Ross is certainly the snarky a-hole who always gets the last word.

I have a new D&R forthcoming...I just need to work the punchline.

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"And when two rivers flow together they can never be distinct again." -Sonic Syndicate

It's getting better all the time.

Wait, that's a song.

I still think the series is good though.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

I put a new D&R, though this one is without the D. A new D&R with a wacky conversation with both D & R is forthcoming... I just need to work on the punchline.

Ross is so much fun to write because he's so very unlike me.

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"And when two rivers flow together they can never be distinct again." -Sonic Syndicate

New D&R up. I'm not as happy as I should be at how it turned out, but I still like the premise.

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"And when two rivers flow together they can never be distinct again." -Sonic Syndicate

I think i know a bit more about psychawlogee than you

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I dumb :D

So what is this psychlawlogee of which you speak? Something legal? Something laughable (psychLOLogy)?

Darn it, where's Ross when I need him for a snarky comeback? :P

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"And when two rivers flow together they can never be distinct again." -Sonic Syndicate