Your task, should you choose to accept it, is the following:

[list]
[*]Make a comic in the style of another comic stripper here. Most strippers probably don't have an identifiable style, but I can think of several that do, or at least several who have a particular brand of schtick. Try to emulate that schtick. If you're stumped, I'll also except entries done in the style of popular comics (read: syndicated newspaper funnies - if it's not a comic with which I am familiar, I probably won't get it).

[*]Just to provide some thematic guidance, include something about the US military (from any era) somewhere in your comic.

[*]Judging will be done some time Monday night. I will also pick a winner then.[/list]

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

I'll kick off the proceedings with this old'n of mine.

Animal Crackers by andydougan 6-28-01

Let's have a bowl of spaghetti. No, because we're birds, let's have a bowl of WORMS instead! AAAAAAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAA!!!!!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!! Oh d...HA HA HA!!! Oh...oh...hee hee...oh dearie me...hee hee hee... Isn't this a bit well-drawn for an Animal Crackers strip?

Not an entry, because I don't mention the US military. Plus it's a bit bad.

Oops. Looks like mine is excepted, then. Never mind.

Ooh, can I post the obvious one?

Battlefield Physics by kaufman 10-19-01

One day in the trench... ...So I said, "Well, those stealth bombers won't generate megatons by themselves." Ha ha! Soldier, what the fuck are you talking about?

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Oops. Looks like mine is excepted, then. Never mind.

Andydougan has been disqualified! Bastard!

(No, not really. But he's still a bastard.)

That'll teach me to type while my wife is trying to discuss important matters with me. I'm not sure what she said but it was enough to distract me. I shall endeavor to ignore her more completely next time.

Ow!

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

Comic Contest 74 - I had to use both sides by evil_d 10-19-01

Damn it, private! You know the South surrendered to us yesterday. What the hell were you doing sneaking around in their camp? Sorry, sir. I was just spray painting something. Spray painting? What did you write? "Wirthling sucks". I see. Excellent work, soldier. It wasn't easy fitting all those letters on such a small guard dog.

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

I wanted to add a couple things I neglected in the original rules post:

- multiple entries are permitted
- photoshopped entries are permitted

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

gah, it burns.

C.C. LXXIV: fuck-style by habnem 10-19-01

im realy a virgin but my comix ar the gratest plase hav sex with me im a virgin and im reely horny i dont want t ohav sex with yuo im a virgin to hav sex with me bich oar ill make you sory dont tell me wat to do ill call my bruthr in teh armie and hell kcik yuore ass if yuo want to havve sex wit hme, find mee on icq illl lik yuor pussy YUO ASKD FOR IT FUCKIN BICH ILL KILL YOU!!! DONT HURT ME MEEN MAN (even thouh i reeely liek it)

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- christ@myself.com - fuck a cat, kill yourself - my alter ego has five stars

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Mediocrity at its most average.

Dig it. This should be fun.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

CC: 74 Garfield Goes to War! by tiger8191 10-19-01

I know I have that grenade somewhere in my pocket Garfield! Shut up John and give me some freakin lasagna! Er...it's in here somwhere! Screw this shit! Odie take care of John for me! Uh oh! Arf

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"I know how toast works."

Not a complete entry... I screwed rule 2.

The Gabes Take Stock by Spankling 10-19-01

Hammered wirthling's mom? #### Greased the ass for wirthling? Check. #### Check. So what else is there to do? We could start using the forumuser gabe to be us. You guys need anyone to run a marathon or fist a donkey or something? I think not.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

Why Max Cannon Has A Restraining Order Out On Me by israphael 10-19-01

It's funny, a lot of women to come into my bedroom, but rarely do I get any to sleep with me. Not after they find out I have a really large penis. I keep it mounted in a frame hanging over my bed.

Get it? Max Cannon of Red Meat fame! The military uses cannons! Got it? (Aw crap, who am I kidding.)

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"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."

I apologize in advance for any nasty side effects from reading this comic.

CC 74: THIRSTY BEATNIK uses HIS ARMY by BigEvilDan 10-19-01

THIRSTY BEATNIK, the US army has CALLED for our support in Afghanistan!!! THOSE TERRORISTS ARE STEALING FLUIDS FROM THE PEOPLE!!! THE PEOPLE ARE THIRSTY LIKE TRUE BEATNIKS!!! WE MUST HELP THEM DR PEDANTIC!! HOW CAN WE HELP THEM, THIRSTY BEATNIK?! YOU HAVE GREAT CAPS SKILLS, YOUNG ONE. TOGETHER WE WILL STOP THE TERRORISTS!!! EXCELLENT!!! THE TALIBAN WILL NEVER SEE US COMING WITH OUR BEATNIK CAMOFLAUGE!!! DO WE REALLY NEED TO KEEP UP THE CAPS THING? THE TERRORISTS WILL HEAR US....

I'll try and do something good later.

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

Another non-entry (freaking rule #2)

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

cc74: jw by ObiJo 10-19-01

You know, there's only one thing I like better than anal probing. Advanced anal probing? Oral probing. Sounds boring. I still enter through the anus. I just got goosebumps!

I forgot the military theme too. I'll probably end up doing 4 comics in this contest, so no worries.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

quote:

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gah, it burns.

C.C. LXXIV: fuck-style by habnem 10-19-01

im realy a virgin but my comix ar the gratest plase hav sex with me im a virgin and im reely horny i dont want t ohav sex with yuo im a virgin to hav sex with me bich oar ill make you sory dont tell me wat to do ill call my bruthr in teh armie and hell kcik yuore ass if yuo want to havve sex wit hme, find mee on icq illl lik yuor pussy YUO ASKD FOR IT FUCKIN BICH ILL KILL YOU!!! DONT HURT ME MEEN MAN (even thouh i reeely liek it)

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I ph33r evil_d's entry.

CC74 - THE TRAP: STARRING SPIGOT AND PANTS by andydougan 10-19-01

T PANTS IF YOU'RE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT SUCK MY DICK (RAISING HAND) NOW YOU HAVE TO SUCK MY DICK UNTIL IT SPURTS JIZM I'VE BEEN LURED INTO A TRAP

I too ignored the military rule. But this wouldn't have won anyway, so no matter.

I hope no one got to this before me.

UNCLE CRABBY WANTS YOU! by Spankling 10-19-01

WELCOME TO MILENNIUM FIGHT AND FIGHT US ARMY, MAGOT!!! Thanks. So, where do I sign up to suck dick? HERE AT MILENIUM FIGHT AND FIGHT US ARMY WE DON'T SUCK DICK!!! Really? Not at all? Or do you just mean you're bad at it? I THINK SOMEONE'S LOOKING FOR KP DUTY! KP? As in Krack Pounder? Yeah, I can do that too.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

Battlefield Physics (A tribute to ElTigreMask2K) by BigEvilDan 10-19-01

One day in the trench... ...So I said, "Well, those stealth bombers won't generate megatons by themselves." Ha ha! Soldier, what the fuck are you talking about?

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

Excuse the incorrect contest number. I'm insane.

cc72: The Adventures of Holobabe, by bunnespank_d by ObiJo 10-19-01

We are gathered here, in the sight of God, to join this man, Strom Thurmond, and this woman... ....WHO BLEW THE WHOLE DAMN SUPREME COURT IN CHAMBERS LAST SATURDAY!....

I'm getting closer to the military theme. But I make no promises.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

CC 74: One More Freaking Crisis Averted! by BigEvilDan 10-19-01

Five minutes before the U.S. military didn't accidentally unleash a radioactive monster on Chicago. Perfect. These chemicals are all I need to finish Project Allizdog, my radioactive monster. Radioactive monster? You should build a robot instead. A robot? Why are you always pushing this robot idea? You're just a janitor. A robot would be cheaper, more efficient, and less likely to destroy Chicago with it's radioactive fire breath. Hmm...sounds interesting. Now, what did I come in here for, anyway? You could paint it red and give it an unending desire for manrape, too.

This is based on ZachsMind's comics, for those who don't recognize it.

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

Someone stop me before I strip again!

Diesel Redux by BigEvilDan 10-19-01

Hello there. Hi. What's your name? U.S. Military, Model C1A-NG0. Beer makes time die! And I make Commies die!

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

CC 74 - The Amazed Porno Gabe by gabe_billings 10-19-01

I'm against our war with the Taliban. Really? I'd have thought you'd be all for it. I would, except for one thing. What's that? WE WON'T HAVE ANY CRUISE MISSILES LEFT TO TAKE OUT THE FUCKING PROJECTS!

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Confusion 27 by ObiJo 10-19-01

... ... ... No time to talk! I'm off to join the Marines and kick a little terrorist butt! Semper Fi and goodbye! ... ... ... ... ... ... Donkeys need not apply.

Finally, fully rules-compliant.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.