i thought for this contest i'd combine 2 of my interests. Alcohol and shit that happened in the past.
I'm looking for great moments in history that might've been different if some good old fashioned binge drinking had been involved.
Just think if Hitler or Napoleon had gotten really tanked and decided NOT to attack Russia in the middle of winter. Or Columbus being too hammered to navigate to the new world. Thing would be very different. Maybe.
Judging will be on Aug. 3rd cuz i leave for my own alcohol fueled medieval madness on the 4th.
have fun kids! bonus points for for using the word 'VODKA'

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Kill Whitey.

rebel bourbon by AngryAmerican 7-25-06

Its weak, but i'm sober and in a hurry. You get the idea... But Sir, the rebel army is THAT way! If we don't intercept them, Gettysburg will fall! Listen soldier, I'm the general here *hiccup* and I say when we move and where to. Is zat understood? But Sir.... No buts, soldier! Now have our scouts found where they're makin that *hiccup* tasty bourbon yet? Sigh....Yes sir. Right over that hill. Sound the Charge!

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Kill Whitey.

RCL no. 1212 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 7-25-06

Great Moments In (recent) Booze History: Boy, I think I drank waaaayyy too many vodka martinis yesterday! I can't remember a THING that happened... Did I do anything really STOOPID? Well, Mr. Boloboffin... You selected AngryAmerican as the winner for CC:327! I did? What the FUCK??

A Word in My Defense by boloboffin 7-26-06

Apparently, my decision in the last contest was unpopular. I cannot help where I find the funny. Also I do not drink vodka martinis. Sapphire or nothing for me (hic!).

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You can take the heart out of the hooker but you can't take the hooker out of the heart. -- Frankenhooker

When Booze isn't invovled the Wrong Cad Wins by crabby 7-26-06

AHH a computer! I think I am judge contest. Hmmm....I'm so drunk I pick angryamerican man. I no understand tee funny. POMG! I am not drunk, just dumbo!

BOOZE-TORY: January, 2001 by ArtemisStrong 7-26-06

So, this website, it will be able to tie together all the multi-faceted theories of quantum mechanics, so physicists across the globe can build the formula to unify all science. Brilliant! Really, a simple, groundbreaking way to get the intelligent minds of Earth to actually work to a common goal! Well, I'm on board! Let's get a drink! VODKA! VODKA! Moments turn into minutes, minutes turn into hours, vodka tonics turn into shots, shots turn into many shots at once, and so... -n', see? They, err, y'know, wit the comics, yah? Like, you make it.... with an, it'll be shimple. Like three panels, I kin get some clipart, cowboys n shit, the internet morons will eat it up. I like, yah. Make'm cartoons thing... An, uhm, you could make sets, n', make, uhm comments n' have forums and shit. Less get another, night's still young!

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Ham-fisted ham fisting.

wow. such controversy for something that doesn't even have a prize.
don't blame me, i didn't judge it.

i recommend to anyone unsatisfied with the judging for CC327 to have a drink and shut the fuck up.
i think boloboffin made a brilliant choice under very stressful circumstances.
and, just to reiterate, quit cryin and do something funny.

thank you.

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Kill Whitey.

Great Moments in Booze History

The first guy to wake up to an ugly woman after a night of heavy drinking... SWEET ZOMBIE JESUS ON A POGO STICK!!

by HCRoyall, 7-26-06

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

CC328: Siddhartha Gautama founds Bud-ism. by fpd 7-26-06

So, after spending days and nights drinking under the Bodhi tree with my good friend Mara, I came up with these four noble truths. 1) Life is suffering. 2) The cause of suffering is consciousness.    3) Freedom from consciousness comes from the attainment of oblivion. And 4) the way to oblivion is to follow the 8-fold path of drinking yourself into misunderstanding, thoughtlessness, slurred speech, inaction, shiftlessness, laziness, mindlessness and distraction.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

quote:

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wow. such controversy for something that doesn't even have a prize.
don't blame me, i didn't judge it.

i recommend to anyone unsatisfied with the judging for CC327 to have a drink and shut the fuck up.
i think boloboffin made a brilliant choice under very stressful circumstances.
and, just to reiterate, quit cryin and do something funny.

thank you.

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Actually Humpenstein won CC:317.

im not gay

Booze + Time Travel = I win two in a row by crabby 7-27-06

I just got in on the fax wire that former basketball star, "Sir" Charles Barkley has switched political parties. The former wildman on the court made what many thought might have been a wildman move. Charles went on to join the republican party. Now, after completely being out of the news for years. He has decided to become a democrat and run for govenor in 2010. I need beer and a time machine. I must find out how this story ends.

Booze + Time Travel = I win two in a row by crabby 7-27-06

In the year 2014... Govenor Charles announces he will run for president in 2016! It says here that the "wildly popular Sir Charles" has announced that he will slam dunk the white house. How could these people elect Charles Barkley? He is a complete fat moron. Oh my god! How FAT HAVE YOU PEOPLE GOTTEN!!!! I must continue further to find out what happens.

Booze + Time Travel = I win two in a row by crabby 7-27-06

2067.... It says here that the now "KING UNIVERSE" Sir Charles Barkley plans to invade his next solar system. Apparently he somehow took over the earth and created a suit that gives him immortality and turned the solar system into a giant moving space ship. I mean, that doesn't even make sense.

Booze + Time Travel = I win two in a row by crabby 7-27-06

It says that the now "IMMORTAL Sir Charles Barkley" has eaten his first 7 sons fearing that they would turn out to be children of Shaq, sent by their father to kill him.

Booze + Time Travel = I win two in a row by crabby 7-27-06

I really don't know.

Booze + Time Travel = I win two in a row by crabby 7-27-06

Back in present day.... Hey buddy! MY TIME MACHINE WORKED! I just got back from the future and I know everything that is going to happen with charles Barkley up to the year 2076. Well, he should be dead before then... FUCK YOU MAN HE TAKES OVER THE FUCKING UNIVERSE AND EATS SHAQS BABIES! It wasn't much different though, they still had paper newspapers. I would have that it'd all be on computers and paper would be a thing of the past by then. Never underestimate the power of holding one's writing in your hands my child.

i woulda put some really snappy replies up, but for some reason i couldn't log in for the past 2 days.

but the Bradgod made things better, and now i'm off to go kill kittens.

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Kill Whitey.

CC 328: Time Magazine's Woman of the Millennium by mandingo 7-28-06

my queen, my queen! the peasants grow restless, they have not bread to eat! let them eat... *burp* *clunk* let the peasants eat! queen's orders! what a lady!

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what if nigger meant kite

EMERGING TRIUMPHANT ARE:

RUNNER UP: Crabby for sheer multiple entry diligence
HONORABLE MENTION: Mandingo for his take on that antionette bitch

WINNER: fpd for his damn fine comic about Bud-ism

YAY! much clapping ensues.

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Kill Whitey.

i'd like everyone who didn't at least get an honorable mention to take this time and reflect on why i'm so very much better than them

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what if nigger meant kite