Maybe Jacksoff Pollock would be more fitting. by Ultamatom 8-09-06

You see, Ellen, Japanese schoolgirl bukkake is an art form. I am the artist; my turgid member the brush; your features the blessed canvas. With these material tools, together, we can express the truly divine; those ineffable driving forces behind human existence. We answer the questions that science never will. Ahhh, another masterpiece. I throw my paint in measured jets across my canvas. Truly, I am the Jackson Pollock of porn. If your balls were any more uneven, you'd be Picasso.

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Why can't I take both pills?

Have my babies. Then raise them to be fluffers.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

i liked it except for the punchline. maybe 'if your balls hung any more uneven, you'd be the picasso' or something

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what if nigger meant kite

I liked that idea so much I changed the punchline to that. Thanks much!

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Why can't I take both pills?

But it was so warm and it was humming so pretty-like. by Ultamatom 8-17-06

The website says "Mr. Scratchit's interview was cut short due to technical difficulties." They actually cut him off, but he let it slide. Extremist Christians like that give the rest of us a really bad name. So many of them were brought up thinking such stupid things. It's different when you've converted out of active gratitude to God for saving you when you were in a tight spot. You got your nutsack caught in the paper intake for the photocopier. Hey, all I'm saying is it was unusually lucky that the cleaning woman did an extra round that night.

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Why can't I take both pills?

Chomsky with Dick Jokes by Ultamatom 8-18-06

Mr. Steam, what's your real name? You're even Darren Steam on your driver's license. Surely it isn't on your birth certificate? Well no, actually I'm Polish. I changed my name when I moved to America for college. Oh yeah? What's your real name? Sergeinlvinklristzof Najcharakterystyczniejszego. Wow. That's quite a mouthful. Yes. Speaking of which, I think the set is ready for Scene 8.

The first name is made up, but the second is a real Polish word.

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Why can't I take both pills?

In general I like your comics. I liked this one:

although I thought there was too much information -- like I needed to read up on the back story to get some subtle sub-jokes that were in there somewhere. It might it a bit busy. But overall, keep doin' what you're doin'.

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

Thank you. I thought I'd have a go at telling a couple of stories as the strip went on, but I don't want to rely too much on backstory.

There isn't any for that particular strip, by the way. Is it too subtle?

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Why can't I take both pills?

I'm back!

umfumdisi is encouraging by Ultamatom 10-28-06

<BuckBunny> ... and she interrupted my lapine onanism! I tell you, FurryFox, we are being targeted here! <FurryFox> i no its awful lol!!1 =o.O= let a girl comfort u *mrrr* <BuckBunny> You understand me, FurryFox. You're a true friend. You're the only woman who ever understands me! *cries* <FurryFox> yeh lol shhh it's ok do u want 2 yiff ^.^; <BuckBunny> ok im stroikng my rabit cokc If there's more to life than messing with furries' heads, I don't know what it is.

"there is no diaper bigger than the internet" by Ultamatom 10-28-06

You're not your usual spry self, Ellen. Something on your mind? You could say that. My older brother is the saddest case of a human being you ever saw in your life. He's 25 next birthday, and he doesn't have a real friend in the world. Bob's going to fire him today. When he's not working here he's eating burgers at the Eat'n'Get Out on the corner, or jerking his greasy little dick to online furry porn. And he reduces my mother to tears. Maybe your dad should talk to him. My dad got PTSD and a nervous twitch in Vietnam. Last night he was cleaning his guns in the basement, and he asked me if it was legal to abort a kid at 307 months.

I really hate the furry victim complex by Ultamatom 10-28-06

... so that's it, Bruce. You're defiant, generally unpleasant, and you smell bad. We've given you enough chances to shape up. Clear out your locker by noon. You're fursecuting me! You're worse than Hitler! This is just like the Holocaust! You Nazi! ... listen, you conceited, fat, greasy little fuck. I'm Polish, and my father was in Auschwitz through 1944. Give me one good reason I shouldn't kick you in the teeth for that. I've never seen a rabbit run that fast. He's just lucky I didn't bring my .22.

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Why can't I take both pills?

I keep coming back to this. At the moment I'm rather idle, so I'll try to update once a day. Ideas are coming thick and fast.

I debated whether or not to write that by Ultamatom 11-02-06

So, what are you going to do? I can't go back home. My mom has been crying ever since Ellen told her, and my dad's hands keep shaking as he cleans his guns. Can I stay here? Sure. I'll set you up in the basement. You'll only be able to stay until my mom gets back from Kansas on Sunday, though. I'll just go and get you a mattress. Man, why does your mom hate me so much? Because when we were fourteen, she caught you trying to force our pet cats to mate while you masturbated. GOD DAMN IT, just because she didn't catch you in the closet with the video camera, you act like you had nothing to do with it!

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Why can't I take both pills?