Ok so my addled brain has had me absent for a while and I completely neglected to start the new FTC as is required by the ancient scrolls. I throw myself on the mercy of the court :) and plead 'temporary insanity' kinda.

In light of my seniors moment and on the joyous occasion of the 100th [as far as I know] FTC here's what we're going to do...

- Age humor. Older than dirt, there's dust when I try to pee, jesus and I were roomies, the big bang woke me up, kind of ancient. Death humor included. Bonus points for sarcasm, because I feed on it and I hunger.

Gentlemen start your engines:

FTC 100: Template

Happy B-day great grandma. Did you make a wish?

by Hatrix, 11-30-06

---
“Life is intrinsically... boring and dangerous at the same time. At any given moment the floor may open up. Of course it almost never does; that's what makes it so boring.”--Ogdred Weary

Cake? CAKE! by LuckyGuess 11-30-06

Happy B-day grandma. Did you make a wish? I wish I was dead. Well I bought you a cake. I hope there's death in it. You're silly, grandma.

---
the kid's getting old, the kid's getting old

FTC 100: Surf's Up! by biped 11-30-06

Happy B-day great grandma. Did you make a wish? Grandma? Wow! Your great grandma's stiffened corpse makes a BITCHIN' surfboard! Yeah! And the Japanese fan I shoved up her ass makes a swell guidance fin!

FTC 100: Granny's Revenge by biped 11-30-06

Happy B-day great grandma. Did you make a wish? Uh-huh. Did your dick fall off yet? Wha...that was YOU? Why, you fucken BITCH! And that was when I decided to become a woman. Well, too late now... I've already slipped "her" the "roofies."

---
Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

FTC100- grammy's revenge by arbi 11-30-06

Hatrix sez:- Age humor. Older than dirt, there's dust when I try to pee, jesus and I were roomies, the big bang woke me up, kind of ancient. Death humor included. Bonus points for sarcasm Happy B-day great grandma. Did you make a wish? see, grammy, or cookie as she goes by lately, is the person who donated for me, and i'm still greatful for that Yes, Connor, I wished it was -your- birthday. There are only about 5 people who would get this injoke, and they probably don't still read my comic,and grammy wouldn't think it's funny, but hey it works for me.

---
woof

FTC 100 more revenge of the grammy by arbi 11-30-06

Hey Connor Hey Grammy B, Happy 100th B-day! http://www.stripcreator.com/forums/ showthread.php?postnum=238949 some inside joke about a game I've never played or a forum I've never visited. Non donors make me feel left out. What was that? I felt a great distubance in the force. It's ok grammy. Just some inside joke about a forum you've never visited.

---
woof

Make-A-Wish Foundation by crabby 12-01-06

Happy B-day great grandma. Did you make a wish? I wish I could see my high school sweet heart one last time so I could apologize for that whole getting him drafted and sleeping with his dad thing. I'll make some calls. Wilbur, I'm sorry about getting you drafted and sleeping with your dad. To make it up to you I'm going to lay on your grave and pleasure myself with my cane until I climax.

FTC 100: A Century of Strippers by Cre8tive13 12-01-06

Happy B-day great grandma. Did you make a wish? Oh, Billy...You've always been such a good boy. My only wish is that I won't have to rely on you too much, especially now, since grandpa just died....sniff.... Awww, grandma, don't be silly...I'm happy to help in any way I can! Great! I just shit, so my diapers need changing and I'll need some of cream applied to my hemorrhoids ....they itch like a son of a bitch I'd rather be rotting in the grave like grandpa! See ya!

FTC 100: Freeway of Love by umfumdisi 11-30-06

Happy B-day great grandma. Did you make a wish? Sure did. But I doubt you've gotten me Rip Taylor and a coelacanth. For what? A three-way.

---
Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

Kind of a take-off on LuckyGuess' entry...

FTC 100: Grammy Award by Namgubed 12-06-06

Happy B-day great grandma. Did you make a wish? Sure did, sonny boy! I wished for the sweet release of death from this life of arthritic pain and incontinence! Wish I could help you, Grammy, but you know there are laws against -- hey, the ghost of Clark Gable is peeping at you through that bedroom window! What? Where? Well, she did blow out all her candles.

---
"There's no point in beating a dead horse ... except, of course, for the pure joy of it." - A. Whitney Brown

FTC 100: Granny's Other Revenge by biped 12-07-06

Happy B-day great grandma. Did you make a wish? I sure did! See? HOLY SHIT! (drool) Come here, baby... Wha--why, you fucken BITCH!

---
Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

FTC 100. Dogs are Good at Scratching Itches by Xuanwu 12-08-06

Happy B-day great grandma. Did you make a wish? Yes. I wished I hadn't slept with Scruffy when I was a little girl. It made raising a family so difficult. Scruffy? You mean... the family dog? He's my great grandpa?! He's only the family dog on most days, dear. With a full moon, he becomes "Scruffy, Werewolf with a 20 Inch Maiden Slayer." I hope that feature is inheritable.

 

FTC 100. Birthday Telefrag by Xuanwu 12-08-06

Happy B-day great grandma. Did you make a wish? Yes. Yes, I did.

 

FTC 100. Never Ending Birthday by Xuanwu 12-08-06

Happy B-day great grandma. Did you make a wish? I wished this day would never end. That's a weird one. *ZAP!* Happy B-day great grandma. Did you make a wish?

Well it's been a while so I think it's time to announce the winner.

I have to admit that this has been a LOT harder to do than I thought it would be. There are some really good entries here.

Ok first of all LuckyGuess gets the 'LOL' award for making laugh out loud and scare the pets.

LuckyGuess also gets the 'Best Line' award for "I hope there's death in it." Excellent.

Crabby gets the 'Best title' award for "It's a milestone BITCHES!" My thoughts exactly. Well put.

Arbi gets the 'WTF?' award. I think it's self explanatory.

Umfumdisi gets the 'Best Obscure Reference' award for using 'coelacanth' Bonus points for the extreme age joke.

Namgubed, Biped and Xuanwu all get points for the twilightzone-ish take on the dangers of wish fullfilment.

And finally ladies and gentlemen our big winner is:

LuckyGuess

Cake? CAKE! by LuckyGuess 11-30-06

Happy B-day grandma. Did you make a wish? I wish I was dead. Well I bought you a cake. I hope there's death in it. You're silly, grandma.

Second is: Umfumdisi

and Third is: Crabby

There you have it!! Congratulations to all the fabulous contestants!

---
“Life is intrinsically... boring and dangerous at the same time. At any given moment the floor may open up. Of course it almost never does; that's what makes it so boring.”--Ogdred Weary

I am flattered and delighted. Hopefully I won't make eight contests this time and get it right on the first attempt.

---
the kid's getting old, the kid's getting old