I don’t have a blog, and I don’t want one.  That’s why I’m posting this seemingly irrelevant rant here, on a comic creator web site:  it’s my only account on a web site with forums.

My thesis is simple:  What holiday is this?  It's CHRISTMAS.  It’s not “the holidays.” It’s not anything to do with your particular religion, you egomaniac. It’s Christmas, so get over it.

It’s not Channuka.  Channuka is probably the least important holiday in the Jewish tradition.  No one cared about Channuka until some whiney Jewish kids felt like they were being left out of Christmas, so their parents made up that whole “eight days of presents” thing.  Presents?  PRESENTS HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH CHANNUKA!  Talk about compensating!  Not to mention Channuka decorations, Channuka cards (cards?!?), and – this is the worst of all – Channuka songs.  Channuka song lyrics make Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer seem like Pulitzer Prize winning poetry.

Of course, no talk of compensating would be complete without talking about Kwanzaa.  Kwanzaa admits that it is a completely made-up holiday.  (1966, I believe is the year.  Look it up yourself, if you want; it doesn’t really matter.)  It’s supposed to be a holiday for black Americans to do… something.  I don’t know what.  Be sort of African or something.  But of course most black Americans have no idea where their African roots are, so what the hell?  Anyway, it’s no coincidence that it comes around Christmas time.  Whoever made up this BS holiday was certainly piggybacking on Christmas.

And the subject of piggybacking brings us to winter solstice.  Oh, Mr. Hippy, so the date of Christmas was chosen to coincide with solstice?  So many Christmas traditions are really recycled pagan rituals?  SO THE FUCK WHAT?  They’re not pagan rituals anymore, dickhead; they’ve been absorbed by Christmas.  So stop living in the past.  Cars are based on the tradition of four-wheeled horse carts, but I don’t see you driving around in those, do I?  Why not?  It’s the original!  Isn’t that all that matters!  No one would even know about solstice anymore if it weren’t for Christmas. 

I’m sure I’m missing some holidays that come around this time of year, but who cares.  It’s all the same:  It’s Christmas.

I further reject the idea that Christmas itself is a Christian holiday.  Santa Claus, anyone?  Endless annoying TV commercials, perhaps?  A day off of work and parties, maybe?  What’s Christian about any of that?  Just like solstice is no longer valid because of Christmas, the Christmas’ Christianness is out dated.  No one cares about Halloween’s origins anymore.  It’s just an excuse to dress funny and have parties.  Christmas is moving the same way, except instead of dressing funny we eat fruitcake and talk about reindeer and sing inane songs.

So in short:  shut the fuck up this Christmas and go to a party and give presents and have fun.  If you want to send me anything, I like hats and sex.

Merry Christmas!

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"Old" is the old new.

It's much simpler here. We use the word "jul" which is related to "yule", and it's pretty neutral. 

But merry christmas everyone. 

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troelsea at gmail dot com

It's sad how often political correctness is incorrect.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

I love you Scyess.

I agree except for the fact that Christmas is a totally Christian holiday.  What does the word "Christmas" mean?  If you drain the true meaning out of the occasion, then it's just an empty, irrelevant celebration of nothing in particular.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

bipedLike Thanksgiving?

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

bipednot really. when i became an atheist, nothing changed for me about Christmas. it was and still is a way for you to show people close to you that you care, and vice versa. functionally, it doesn't have much to do with Jesus these days. he's unnecessary. as evidenced by the 8 bazillion "Jesus is the Reason for the Season" signs you see around -- christians getting nervous cause Jesus's job's been outsourced to Santa

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what if nigger meant kite

My family celebrates Christmas in a completely secular way. They put up a tree. They buy presents. They make lots of food. Though my parents go to church regularly, Jesus never comes up in conversation. We open presents, eat, talk about random stuff, and go home. That's it. All of my life I have never associated Christmas with anything religious. Like most holidays today, it has become almost exclusively consumer driven.

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Ed Womack Get Milked

OK, so your thesis is "It's Christmas, dickheads, because all other December holidays suck, assholes, and popular consensus equals correct, jerkfaces", is that the basic jist?

Well, my retort is, you're getting just as bent out of shape as they are, over something that really isn't worth getting all worked up about.

See, if it wasn't for extremists insisting that their own points of view get honored as part of some goofy year-end celebration of whatever BY EVERYONE, there'd be no issue. Why does everyone need the same holiday? Doesn't secular Yuletide radicalism go completely against the grain of what "their" holiday supposedly stands for?

My suggestion? Celebrate "the HOLIDAYS" (so named because there's more than one of them, not because we're censoring the word "christmas") however you wish, and try to remember that "peace on Earth" achieved by forcing everyone to do things the same way you do, is less like an ideal dream, and more like an Orwellian nightmare.

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"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

Happy Dies Natalis Solis Invicti, everyone!

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You can take the heart out of the hooker but you can't take the hooker out of the heart. -- Frankenhooker

biped

Why does it sound like you think an irrelevant celebration of nothing in particular is a bad thing?

ZMannZilla

Why does it sound like you think my getting bent out of shape over something that isn't worth getting worked up about is a bad thing?

ZMannZilla

My point is that there aren't really more than one of them.  There's just Christmas, and all the stuff that was invented or inflated to sooth the egos of people who think they can't participant in Christmas because they're under the impression it has something to do with Christianity.

And what he hell is "secular Yuletide radicalism"?  It sounds like it should be a good name for a band but really isn't.  Maybe it's the process by which elves organize labor unions?

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"Old" is the old new.

Do you like to wear hats while having sex?

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“It is only with the heart that one sees rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” - The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1945)

Scyess

I dunno, personal interpretation? I'm just trying to contribute to the conversation.

Scyess

OK, maybe I would agree with you in regards to Kwanzaa. However, Ramadan, Chanukah (sp?), and Yule are not fabrications of the nonbelievers. They're simply holidays that take place in December. Nothing more and nothing less. Anyone that says otherwise (which, I'm assuming, is the actual target of your rant) is just as guilty of the same sort of radical idealism you're demonstrating by insisting that everyone "just shut up and celebrate Christmas".

Scyess

Hahaha, yeah, it would be a good name for an album at least, maybe not a band. However, in this case, it's the strong belief that everyone should be celebrating the same late-December holiday, regardless of their belief, which is a fine idea until people start insisting that it be THEIR particular holiday, and getting all huffy when others disagree with them about it. I can't stress this enough - we live in a multi-cultural society, which means that, by very nature, people have to account for these differences and act accordingly.

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"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

I've never thought of Christmas as anything but a thinly disguised Solstice celebration -- the kind of thing people were doing long before these Johny-come-lately Christians came along waving their savior on a stick. So I can't get worked up over whether somebody decides to call it Christmas or "The Holidays" or "a monkey's nipple", for that matter. Like Easter, the whole thing is a bizarre conflation of Pagan and Christian concepts from the get-go. There's no purity of purpose in it for anyone to rescue by insisting it be called one thing or another.

In two days, I plan to celebrate the approximate arrival of the Solstice. Not because I feel any spiritual connection to it, but because it's a fine excuse to eat and drink and play with the nieces and nephews. Merry Solstice Time, everyone.

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I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

ZMannZilla

Actually in a lot of eastern european countries and russia , they don't celebrate it till around the 6th of January (prolly something to do with the orthodox christian religion methinks)

But then in Soviet Russia, Christmas celebrates you.

Im with Zaster, Happy Monkey's Nipple everyone!

happy monkey's nipple

TheGovernor

You are my hero.

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"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

lukket

isn't that what Soulja Boy yells, after telling us to "superman that ho"?!

Who knew he was so festive?

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Our liability coverage is zero. Our balls however are enormous.

finn34

So very glad I don't know who Soulja Boy is.

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The following statement its true. The previous statement is false

The_young_scot

So very glad I don't know who Soulja Boy is.

You don't know? You see, according to his song, Soulja Boy is off in that ho. Because of this, he's inviting you to watch him crank that AND to watch him roll. Furthermore, he invites you to watch him crank that Soulja Boy all whilst superman-ing that ho. And then, you must watch him DO! (crank dat Soulja Boy)

It's really quite simple.

holiday=holy day. 'nuff said.

now if you'll excuse me, i have some manger scenes to burn, but i will leave you with The True Origin of Christmas:

 The True And Unadulterated Story Of  Christmas

            Has nothing to do with Jesus........

            On the Eighth Day God Created Adam and Eve. As he contemplated His creations He noticed that He'd given them no means to procreate. Being as how He wanted them to overrun the Earth someday and slowly destroy it, He said to Igor (His assistant) "GIVE THE DUMB ONE A CUNT"
             And so igor did.
             Thusly in His divine Omniscience, He invented fucking.
             This done, god then "FUCKIN-A, THAT'S THE ONE WHO WILL DO THE COOKING WHILE THE ONE WITH THE WANG WILL DO THE HUNTING AND KILLING. I CAN'T WAIT....."
              God was obviously very pleased with His new wonders. He dressed them up in little outfits and built cool little cities for them to live in. And they fucked a lot.
              One day Igor said to his Master "Um, they kind of kill each other quite a bit. Er, is that what You intended? Er....."
              "ARE YOU FUCKIN KIDDING ME? THIS ROCKS! I NEVER SAW THIS COMING! THESE ARE SOME SAVAGE LITTLE FUCKERS! WATCH THIS. I'M GONNA MAKE THIS TRIBE ATTACK THIS TINY, WEAK-ASS ONE OVER HERE!"
                And thisly the Lord amused Himself, Watching His wee pink monkeys slay and sodomize each other by the light of burning cities.
                 One day He spaketh "FIRST ONE TO INVENT GENOCIDE GETS A POSITIVE MUTATION!"
                  And Lo, a tiny mob of little black haired fuckers completely wiped out a tribe of red haired fuckers, and God appeared in the Heavens before them ,wreathed in flames, and Spaketh Thusly, "GOOD JOB, THAT. HERE, HAVE SOME THUMBS!"
                 Which led to the creations of masturbation and firearms.
                 Igor was appalled. "but Master", he saideth, Why are they so violent? Why do they slaughter one another in such horrible numbers?"
                 To whicheth God replied "FUCK IF I KNOW. THEY'RE REALLY PISSED ABOUT SOMETHING, HUH!?"
                 And Igor wept.
                 God noticed his tears and Spoketheth Thasely "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU CRYING ABOUT? THEY FUCK SO MUCH THERE'S A NEVER ENDING SUPPLY!"
                  To what Igor replieth "Can't you give them something? Some kind of hope and peace that maybe only happens once a year or something, so it doesn't spoil them to Your everyday cruelties?"
                  And god said, "ALL RIGHT FUCKBAG, BUT ONLY BECAUSE I LIKE YOU." Then He waved His magic wand and Mutteredeth "FUCK IT. ONCE A YEAR I'M GONNA PRETEND I HAD A SON NAMED.........PERCY. WHICH IS CRAZY BECAUSE I ALWAYS PULL OUT AND BLAST IT ACROSS THEIR FACES, BUT WHATEVER. AND ON THIS HOLIEST OF DAYS WHICH SHALL BE WHATEVER FUCKING DAY I SAY IT IS, MY LITTLE MONKEY BITCHES CAN GATHER AROUND.......I DON'T KNOW........HOW ABOUT A FUCKING TREE? AND GIVE EACH OTHER HAPPY LITTLE PRESENTS AND VENEREAL DISEASES INSTEAD OF KILLING EACH OTHER. THERE, WILL THAT DRY YOUR STINKY LITTLE TEARS, IGOR? FUCKIN USELESS PRICK......."
                 And thisevly was born Christmas.....

Happy fuckin Holy-days

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Kill Whitey.

one word against Festivus and it's jihad time, motherfuckers

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what if nigger meant kite

Yeah, but it's still Christmas.  Talk to the hand.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Well Merry mother effin' Christmas to all my fellow strippers!

and happy holidays!

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what if nigger meant kite