So this is turning out to be a turning point in American history. Not only do we have the largest deficit in our nation's history, but we have a woman and a black man running for president, neither of whom really seem to be electable for any reason than they are a woman/black man.

And I for one want them to shut the hell up and be done with it all already.

For this contest I want you to make fun of the American Electoral Process. ("It does that all by itself, hur hur" I hear you say...) In particular, I want to see campaign ads for people who would never get elected under normal circumstances.

Or, if that proves too hard, make campaign ads for yourself like unto another contest not too far back in the past, complete with mudslinging at other users. Limit ten entries per user.

Have at it.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

CC 384: Random Candidate by 100Faces 3-17-08

They say you're running for presidency. Not much of a talker, are ya? Hey, you don't win elections by what you say but by the way you look.

I went with the second option, because I swear to God I will dismember the next person who mentions the unspeakable names of the woman and the black man to me.  I didn't give a rat's ass who won in the first place, and now I just hope that whoever wins ritualistically devours the losers. 

(CC 384) by theburninator 3-17-08

Hi. I'm TheBurninator. Are you tired of dirty hippie jews running the Comic Competitions? I know I am. That's why, this election day, you need to cast your vote for the one man who can make a difference, who can bring a fresh perspective to CC. TheBurninator. Paid for by friends of TheBurninator TheBurninator is the sole candidate who will not rape your mother, rip off your father, and steal your dog. He is the clear choice if you want a regime free of any hooliganism. Biped sucks.

No hard feelings, Biped.

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what happened to my rustic monologue? ...i'm not sleeping with that producer again

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"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

Land of the Greed, Home of the Slave 1

My name is AngryAmerican and I approve this message.

by AngryAmerican, 3-18-08

Land of the Greed, Home of the Slave 2 by AngryAmerican 3-18-08

"Are you tired of America playing world police? Of sending our young soldiers to 3rd world countries who can't seem to govern themselves, only to watch our boys die?" My foreign policy will consist entirely of "Go fuck yourself, we're not helping you anymore.' Because I believe people incapable of governing themselves deserve tyrants. I call it the "Go Fuck Yourself and Live in a Cave Somewhere and Maybe Stop Having Children You can't Afford to Feed Approach".

Land of the Greed, Home of the Slave 3 by AngryAmerican 3-18-08

Tired of the homeless, and crazy people who are nothing but a burden on all of our lives? Vote for me and I'll make them all go away.The best part is you won't even need to ask where they went. How about lawyers? Hate them as much as I do? A vote for me and we're lawyer free! My Re-Education camps will have them back to useful roles in society in no time! Fertilizer is useful! Friends we deserve a nation free of ambiguity, where everyone is on the same page, and in the same color. After a brief period of 'Reorganization' you'll find your country a brighter place. Literally.

Land of the Free, Home of the Slave 4 by AngryAmerican 3-18-08

Yeah, I'm drunk. But I'll always admit I'm drunk. I have nothing to hide. I'll also be getting head from thousands of women, but don't you want a relaxed, thoughtful man whose finger happens to be on the button labeled "NUCLEAR EXTINCTION"? This message has been paid for by Angry Drunken White People I thought so. So vote for me this November. Seriously, my jackbooted thugs will rape your family before burning your house if you don't.

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Kill Whitey.

CC 384: I'm sorry I really am. by El_Phen 3-18-08

Senator Clinton! Senator Clinton! That Obama guy is streaking ahead in the polls, it seems that the black vote in most states is carrying him through! What do we do? Hi there, my good friend Senator Clinton says that for every vote she recieves from the black community she'll donate a Family sized bucket of my delicious fried chicken products. This advertisment was payed for by the Over-played racial stereotype fund of Hilary Clinton. Fried chicken deal only applies to blak voters, wet-backs, Guineas and the rest can go to Hell.

CC 384 - How It All Should Be

Payed for by the "Too Fucking Lazy to Read More Then 3 Words That Aren't the Punchline Party" Vote. Me.

by Shaneo39, 3-18-08

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The Greatest Strip Ever Made

CC 384: The Candidate 2 by 100Faces 3-18-08

How's your candidacy going? Oh great, thank you. I've already won Texas, Maryland, Iowa, California and Oregon. What do you mean, you've won? It's about getting the majority of votes, you know. Are you saying eating up the governors doesn't count?

RCL no. 1813 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 3-18-08

I say we vote for the nigra, son! I prefer you say, "African-American", dad... Oh. Right. Sorry. Anyways... I'd much rather vote for the nig- I mean, African-American, than that whiny, old cunt! "John McCain", dad...

CC 384: The Candidate 3 by 100Faces 3-18-08

I've already won five states and Greenland will be the sixth. But Greenland's not in America. Oh, but the Three Rivers Stadium in Pittsburgh, Pine Street in Seattle, the Walmart Store in Redlands, Tulsa International Airport and Warwick, RI are, right? Yes, they're in America, I guess. See? I told you it's my looks! You mean you've won the pre-elections in all these places?

CC 384: The Candidate 4 by 100Faces 3-18-08

Mr. Who? Mr. Bush, the telegraph's from Mr. Bush, the reigning president. Ah yes, thank you. Now read this! He's congratulating me on winning the Three Rivers Stadium, Pine Street, the Walmart Store in Redlands, Tulsa International Airport and Warwick, RI. But ... He adds he didn't know these were all states, but I could be governor in all five of them if I want. The good thing about your candidacy is that it can't get any worse.

CC 384: The Candidate 5 by 100Faces 3-18-08

Have you ever considered running for vice presidency? No. Is that an offer? You bet it is. My campaign manager said next to your - quote "ugly visage" unquote - I'll look even more handsome on TV. It's all tactics, you know. You have a campaign manager? Negotiating that vice presidency proposal of mine? Hi, Larry.

CC 384: The Candidate 6 by 100Faces 3-18-08

Our team is finally complete, I guess. It's me, my campaign manager and you as candidate for vice-presidency. Mmh. You think we've forgotten anything? What more could we possibly need? Mmh, maybe voters? Oops. I think I've eaten him up. [sigh] Never mind, I'm sure you'll find another one.

CC 384 It Just Keeps Getting Weirder... by QUOX 3-19-08

Campaign Politics.. I bring much lucky to your country. You need crush competition. Me crush. ARRRGH! I know work real hard and make happy. You like, yes. I fight. You need fight kill destroy. Me love you long time? Me call, you no tell wife.

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Obnoxiously Noxious. That's what a QUOX is!

CC 384: The Candidate 7 by 100Faces 3-19-08

Sorry to disturb you, sir, but the poll results are in. Bad news, it's still Obama, Clinton and McCain in front. Those polls are just a complete waste of paper. I guess I'll eat them up. How on earth could eating up the poll results help? Oh, you mean eating up the other candidates, right? Yep, that'll put me straight on top. It's not quite as easy. The poll results see you only in 798th position, only two points ahead of Mrs. Kapersky, my cleaning lady.

CC 384: The Candidate 8 by 100Faces 3-19-08

It's election day and I'm ready. I'm cleverer than Bush and better-looking than Nixon. But this is like saying you're better at cosmology than Andre Agassi and a better tennis player than Stephen Hawking. See? Both of them have made millions. My humble aim is to become president. Humble aim? The president of the United States is the most powerful man in the world. What? Being the president of the Three Rivers Stadium, Pine Street, the Walmart store in Redlands, Tulsa Int. Airport and Warwick, RI makes me the most powerful man in the world? But sir, these are only five states. [sigh]. What am I saying?

CC 384: The Candidate 9 by 100Faces 3-19-08

Now tell me, have I won? Unfortunately no, sir. You must go and congratulate your opponent on his victory. But ... but ... you're a bug! Yes, it's true what you've always said. Looks are everything and above all bugs outnumber you people by the millions. But this is against the constitution! You've already been the president for the past eight years. Damn! I always thought my disguise had been good enough.

CC 384: The Candidate 10 by 100Faces 3-19-08

Bush's candidacy as a bug has been declared invalid due to his being president for 8 years already. Also his whole presidency has ... ... been annulled. As a bug he was never allowed to run. So Al Gore and John Kerry were made presidents retrospectively. So you're the new ... Being president is so great! ... president and Al Gore has to return his Nobel Peace Prize because as the president he could have fought global warming more effectively.

I'm back bitches. Miss me?

You sellout... [CC#384] by Milez72 3-19-08

As you can see, you're trailing in the polls. And badly. I see. How? It was advocating the KKK revival for votes wasn't it? Well. That and others. You'll have to get the votes by buying them back. Thankfully, people have got cheap since Bush. I see. Mint? Got my vote!

Don't Mess With Roos [CC# 384] by Milez72 3-19-08

In these times of war, neglect, economic distubances we have to look at what we hold true to ourselves. What the nuclear family stands by. That's right. Heavly enforced curfews and national security. What way to protect your citizens then by controlling their every motion? Or, you come to Australia. It's really so much more fun.

As a side note, why are there no Australian characters, with a wife-beater singlet, cork hat and and VB in their hand?

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Fear not! For I have nachos!

War is peace. by ryaneno 3-20-08

With all the men dead, we can have a true democracy with justice, truth and peace. And no more invading other countries on false pretenses. Let's invade Italy and steal their shoes!

Judging will commence when the contest is over.

Interim polls have AngryAmerican holding solid on the drunken viking vote as well as the "people who really don't care about starving children in China" vote, while 100faces has cornered the schizoprenia, multiple personality disorder, and cannibalism votes.  Coming in a close third is RCLG, who has nailed, screwed, and anally violated the ABC category.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

CC #384: Based on a true security breach by themushroom 3-21-08

It has been revealed to both of us that our passport records have been viewed by unauthorized parties! It's probably lucky we're so high profile since none of you are ever told who's snooping in your records. To which Condoleeza Rice said: None of us wants to have a cirumstance in which any American's passport file is looked at in an unauthorized way... isn't it ironic... don't you think? This proves a couple points. First, that the piss some call rain falls on the just and the unjust equally... ...Second, that Bush's policies on domestic spying make Nixon's policies seem like a jelly jar against a bedroom wall.

Probably not totally within the guidelines but it had to be said.

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Say something cryptic then leave snickering.

CC 384: Whenever I Tell People ...

Whenever I tell people I'm gonna vote for Hillary, they look at me as if I was saying I like sleeping with dead fish under my pillow. Want one?

by AnIntellectualMind, 3-22-08

MSHDIYAWYLITOD

A real man you can get behind, because he can get behind YOU! I approve this message.

by Jarhead, 3-23-08

 I think Scyess should run this country after creating this character.

Anyways..vote or die.

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http://mauston.deviantart.com/gallery/ Show me sum respect,nigga.

Here's one from February. It hasn't aged well.

Yes we cunt by andydougan 2-06-08

So who are you supporting in these fucking primaries? Well, at first I thought Huckabee, because it'd be fun if the boss of the world believed in angels and goblins. But then I heard he was nice to an immigrant once. So now I want "Mitt" to win. It's about time we had a moron in the White House. I'm supporting Clinton because being president will increase her chances of being assassinated. Typical blue-state elitist.