Maybe someone can help me out. Some guy handed me a business card the other day, and this was on the back of it. I've been trying to figure out what is going on with Jesus' chest here. Is he sustaining laser fire from some unseen enemy? Or is all the goodness and mercy leaking out of him and ionizing the surrounding air into some kind of glowing plasma? Is there some sort of beam weapon mounted in Jesus' torso? Because that would be awesome if that's the case. But it's kind of hard to tell from this angle.

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I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

IMMA CHARGIN' MA SAVIOUR!!!

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The following statement its true. The previous statement is false

Jesus just has alot of lights around him. He's a raver.

Wonder Christ powers....ACTIVATE!

Sometimes, heartburn feels like being stabbed in the chest by Darth Vader and Obi-Wan Kenobi.

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"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

CROSS YOUR BEAMS, GENTLEMEN!

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I has a flavor!

1) It seems there will finally be a Care Bears movie.

2) It will apparently star humans.

You drink the blue milk spraying from my nipple and the story ends. You wake in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You drink the red milk spraying from my nipple and you stay in my bedroom and I show you how deep your prostate goes. Remember -- all I am offering is the truth, nothing more.

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You can take the heart out of the hooker but you can't take the hooker out of the heart. -- Frankenhooker

"Are you saying I can dodge crosses?"

"No Jesus, what I'm saying is that when you're ready, you won't have to."

"Woah"

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The following statement its true. The previous statement is false

Did this guy happen to have some kind of lump on or around his neck area?

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the kid's getting old, the kid's getting old

Yes, he did, in fact. But I just kind of assumed that was his head.

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I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

JESUS PEW PEW PEW!!!

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I has a flavor!

ITS NOT NICE TO MAKE FUN OF JESUS! HE'S OUR SAVIOR!

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WRESTLING IS NOT FAKE!

Technically, we're not making fun of Jesus, per se. We're making fun of that silly picture of him.

The real Jesus has better things to do than be novelty disco lights.

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You can take the heart out of the hooker but you can't take the hooker out of the heart. -- Frankenhooker

the red and blue lights are because he's a fire and ice elemental. the yellow haze around his head is because he's casting smite-a-bitch

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what if nigger meant kite

lobsterturtle

All other Living Bodhisatva are fair game though. C'mon, I want to hear some good Buddha jokes! Here's one:

Buddha to a hot dog vendor: "Make me one with everything."

Eh? Eh? Anyone?

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"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

Ha, ha! It's funny because he's implying an attatchment to physical pleasures!

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the kid's getting old, the kid's getting old

OK, I've got one. Two monks are standing in front of a flagpole. One says to the other, "that flag sure is flapping hard in this wind". The other monk says, "The flag is not moving; the wind is." The Buddha happens to overhear this conversation and interjects, "the flag is not moving and the wind is not moving -- your minds are moving."

What--? that one kills 'em down at the Zendo.

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I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

Confucious say, 'Man's first day in nudist colony always hardest'.

NO REALLY MAKING FUN OF JESUS WILL SEND YOU STRAIGHT TO HELL!!

YOU DONT WANT TO GO TO HELL DO YOU??

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WRESTLING IS NOT FAKE!

Not if it's always bolded like that. Merciful heavens.

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the kid's getting old, the kid's getting old

lobsterturtle

Well, since I've always wanted to meet Hunter S. Thompson, it doesn't look I have much choice, now, does it?

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"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

Hunter S. Thompson came to my fifth birthday party.