Now for something completely different...

This contest is to see who can come up with the least funny one-panel comic strip. I'm talking completely devoid of humor here. Bonus points if your comic is so unfunny that I actually learn something new from it. Here's a modest example:

OPC47 Isn't Funny

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi walk into a bar. They all order the lunch special. I bet it was delicious.

by ZMannZilla, 4-26-08

Judging will commence in a week or so, depending on the turnout.

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"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

I submit the ouevre of "Family Circus" ftw.

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You can take the heart out of the hooker but you can't take the hooker out of the heart. -- Frankenhooker

OPC47: Not Funny

How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, of course.

by kane2742, 4-26-08

OPC47: Not Funny 2

My uncle has angina. I'm sorry to hear that. It's a serious medical condition, from what I understand.

by kane2742, 4-26-08

OPC47: Not Funny 3

My Anthropology class just got done studying Homo Erectus. Oh, so you're done with Australopith- ecus africanus?

by kane2742, 4-26-08

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"Laughter is the language of the soul." - Pablo Neruda, as quoted by Lisa Simpson

boloboffin

That gives me an idea:

OPC47: Most Garfield Strips

I sure do like lasagna and naps. Mondays, not so much. I'm a socially inept loser whose only friends are my obese cat and retarded dog, and even they don't like me that much.

by kane2742, 4-26-08

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"Laughter is the language of the soul." - Pablo Neruda, as quoted by Lisa Simpson

boloboffin

Also gives me an idea:

OPC #47: Mediocre since 1938 (insp. by Bolo & Kane)

Mary Worth You have issues, I hear. Would you like some of my sage advice? Do I get any choice?

by themushroom, 4-26-08

 

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Say something cryptic then leave snickering.

OPC #47: A laugh riot

Da Nang, Vietnam - 1968 You firebombed my village. You eviscerated my puppy in front of me. You and a dozen friends raped my mommy. And now it's your turn. Bend over.

by themushroom, 4-26-08

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Say something cryptic then leave snickering.

The Farthest Side

How does it feel being black in bed? It's Great Tom. My dick is really big

by RedfeatheR, 1-03-06

The Farthest Side

Now isn't this nice?

by RedfeatheR, 1-03-06

The Farthest Side

That's that... I'm a widower

by RedfeatheR, 1-03-06

The Farthest Side

BLAH! OH!! You scared me

by RedfeatheR, 1-06-06

The Farthest Side

By jove Pumpkin, what have we gotten ourselves into THIS time?

by RedfeatheR, 1-06-06

OPC47: A Sad Truth(Not Funny)

You have AIDS too, huh? Yeah, we'll both probably be dead in 10 years.

by Shaneo39, 4-28-08

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The Greatest Strip Ever Made

Judgements will be made in 24 hours.

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"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

OPC47: Not Funny by Rapidwings 5-05-08

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Yeah. What she said.

Not Funny 2?

MARMADUKE!!!!

by finn34, 5-05-08

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Our liability coverage is zero. Our balls however are enormous.

The time of judgement has come...

As was previously noted, the goal was to be the least funny, so I cannopt in good faith award the win to anyone who made me laugh. Which is too bad really, because most of you made me laugh with the irony of your non-humor. Except Rapidwings, who loses automatically for going 2 panels over the limit.

There is one comic here, however, that failed to elicit even the slightest of chuckles from me. That comic is...

The Farthest Side

Now isn't this nice?

by RedfeatheR, 1-03-06

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Congratulations, RedfeatheR! OPC 48 is all yours!

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"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

Sorry.  I forgot to cut the last two panels off.

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Yeah. What she said.

I don't know how I should feel

RedfeatheR

Lucky, I suppose, considering I laughed at all the other ones you put up. Especially the last one. I think that guy deserves a series.

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"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

ReadfeatheR, if you're still around, how about another OPC?  If not, I'll start this bad boy up again.

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"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

I'm game if someone starts it again.

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...and if you liked that one, here's a link to my other stupid shit.

I say, enter this one and I'll retract my vote for RedfeatheR.  This contest is now active until Wednesday, May 19th 2010!

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"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

That's a shame, because I though RedfeatheR's was really good. I wish he'd taken the baton.

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I am a delicate fucking flower. https://beacons.ai/jesskent

The one-panel anti-joke

Doctor, it hurts when I do this. You may wish to supplement your pain medication with a topical cream that contains extract of capsaicin.This has helped my other arthritis patients.

by ladyjdotnet, 5-15-10

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I am a delicate fucking flower. https://beacons.ai/jesskent

OPC47

I know that sex is a natural antihistamine and can help combat asthma and hay fever, but I can not make love to you anymore. I have stopped loving you. Please leave me alone. Goodbye.

by brycekain, 5-16-10

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...and if you liked that one, here's a link to my other stupid shit.

OPC: 47 Bombs Away

Fuck Why did you just drop the "F" bomb?

by Lord_Vodek, 5-16-10

OPC: 47 Clue

Any idea who could have done this? Not a clue

by Lord_Vodek, 5-16-10

[Click to view comic: 'OPC: 47 Miscalculations']

[Click to view comic: 'OPC: 47 Introductions']

[ Posted comic does not exist ]

[ Posted comic does not exist ]

Sorry about all the entries. Couldn't think of a bad comic...

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Resident Masochist & Adrenaline Junkie -I'm probably not god but you should worship me just in case-

OPC 47

by four_legged_tripod, 5-17-10

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

OPC47

Did you know leprosy is not caused directly by Mycobacterium leprae but by a rare allergy to the presence of the bacterium? And that less thn 1% of the world's population has this allergy? Well, that knowledge, cmbined with the effectiveness of drug treatments to halt the progression of the disease, should make it easier to overcome the social stigma I've been facing.

by HCRoyall, 5-17-10

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

I was going to award a tie to Ladyjdotnet and HCRoyall, but I have no idea how a tie would work in this situation, so Ladyjdotnet takes the W because her comic was first.  Take it away!

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"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."