Here are some comics I made that I think are just dandy!  Ha ha, they are really good.*

*DISCLAIMER: Comics not guaranteed to be "dandy" or "good", or to be "funny", or to "make sense."

The Crab Goes West by biped 3-21-06

Howdy, pardner! I'm Calamity Crab! So? You don't have any six guns or a horse or anything! So what's your fucking problem -- ASSHOLE!!! One quick, impersonal blowjob, please.

The Infallible Gaydar Matador by biped 3-22-06

Excuse me, could you tell me -- GAYDAR ALERT!!! GAYDAR ALERT!!! Huh? But I'm not gay... Yes, you are. Mom...I'm gay.

Chad by biped 11-18-05

Hi. My name is Chad. Hi, Chad. Bye, Chad.

The Uday Hussein Story by biped 5-18-06

Hi, I'm Uday Hussein. Huh? But, I...I thought you got killed. No, I survived. Umm...would you like to go out with me? Uhh...heh...no. "And that's how the choo-choo train goes CHOO-CHOO-CHOOOOO!!! At the Happy Time Station!!! Doodle-dee-doo"!!! Ha, ha.

Harken My Lard With Puppies by biped 2-21-06

OHHH, harken my LAAAAARD with PUPPIEEEES -- Shut up, Mister! I forgot to ask her when I could stop shutting up... OHHH, harken my LAAAAARD with PUPPIEEEES!!!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

The k.d. and Ellen Show by biped 11-15-05

Welcome to the show, everybody! I'm k.d. laing! And I'm Ellen Degeneres, with my "special guest" Melissa Etheridge, Jr.! SLURP!!! MUNCH!!! LAP!!! LAP!!! LAP!!! UNNNNGHHH!!! UNNNNGGGH!!!

The Restaurant Scene by biped 7-05-05

How's the Italian food in this place? Good. Try the veal -- it's the best in the city. I'll have it. I'm...gonna talk to Michael in Italian now. Talk to who? Mi -- oh, shit. Backtrack!

Biff's Dream Date by biped 6-24-05

BIFF MCGURK! You've just won a DREAM DATE...with your OWN SHIT! I've...what? COME ON, Biff! Pound out a REALLY GOOD ONE! After all...it's going to be your DREAM DATE! UNNNFFF!!! I don't understand... Well, my own shit...uh, I guess...this is pretty romantic, huh...?

The Living Dog Bowl by biped 9-18-05

THE LIVING DOG BOWL IS COMING!!! NO!!! NO!!! NOT THE LIVING DOG BOWL!!! RUN!!! RUN!!! I'LL DRIVE MY COMPUTER AWAY FROM HERE!!! BEEP-BEEP!!! EVERYBODY OUT OF THE WAY!!! OUTTA THE WAY, YOU FUCKIN' ASSHOLE!!! OH, FATE HELP ME!!! "Fuckin' asshole"? Hey, fuck YOU -- ASSHOLE!!!

Dr. Dog by biped 6-09-08

Well, the patient is ready. This will be an extremely delicate brain operation. We'll all be praying for Dr. Dog to succeed. Yes. Oh, and I meant to ask--why is this complicated brain surgery being performed by a dog? Instead of a human, I mean. Fuck. I don't know. Oh my god.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Because I am under the influence of many drugs working as a team, I enjoyed these comics.

Especially the one with dialogue.

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Kill Whitey.

Thanks, I was hoping that "dialogue" thing would work out.

It's The News by biped 9-20-07

...and they all died horribly. Ted? The Iranian government says "neigh" to an impending horse revolution. Details after the break. I liked your pun using the word "neigh", Ted. It was funn-- It wasn't a pun. Huh? Oh. Well, I... err...I, uh... Sally, you need to "cowboy up." We have a fucking news show to do.

Incomplete Mother-In-Law Blackout Joke by biped 1-12-08

My mother-in-law is staying with us for the entire weekend. What a living hell. Pffft. I just fuck my mother-in-law's brains out. Keeps her happy, shuts her up. Mort...my mother-in-law is 87 years old. WELL, I DIDN'T SAY YOU HAD TO--

It Was the Best of Hamsters, It Was the Worst of Hamsters by biped 12-16-07

...and that's my theory on how to use hamsters as a measurement of time. You'll get the fucking Nobel Prize for this, you vainglorious BASTARD. Oh my, it's hamster-thirty. I missed my anal exam. Meet me at Spago's, baby. Say around...hamster-ish? Good evening, and welcome to the Hamster O'Clock News. We're only split-hamsters away from the President's big announcement.

The Meanest Horse In Town by biped 11-11-07

I just bought a new Perry Como CD! Oh, I just LOVE Perry Como! Perry Como? PFFFFFFFFFT!!! Perry "Homo", more like it! ...a-and then (sniff) he said Perry HOMO! (sob) That horse is a menace to this community! I'm bringing this up at the drive-in town meeting tonight! I vote we run that awful horse out of town! I vote we all SUCK HIS DICK! (hee hee!)

CHO-NOR THE CONQUEROR by biped 11-01-07

I AM CHO-NOR!!! FROM THE PLANET BUTT-HOLE!!! I WILL CONQUER YOUR PUNY-- "BUTTHOLE"? HAW HAW HAW!!! BUTTHOLE!!! SILENCE!!! WHY DO EARTH PEOPLE LAUGH WHEN I TELL THEM I AM FROM THE PLANET BUTT-HOLE-- SMIRK!!! Hey, hold on--I wanna call my friend Fats so you can tell him where you're from-- "I AM CHO-NOR!!! FROM THE PLANET BUTT-HOLE!!!" HA HA HAHA HA!!! "BUTTHOLE"!!! HAHA HA HA HAHAHA HA HA!!!!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

sometimes i wonder if peeps get just how funny biped is. some of these just floor me

other times i wonder if penguins have pouches. they should. have pouches, i mean. it's cold out there

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what if nigger meant kite

It's comments like this, and baloney sandwiches, that keep me going.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

There's nothing I like better than some nonsensically hilarious comics from a certain comic maker who happens to walk on two leg-like appendages.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

It's always a slam dunk for me when you spell out the noises like pooping or lesbianism

Thanks, your kind words have inspired me to have myself surgically transformed into Al Gore.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.